27.05.17

“Be the change you wish to see in the world”.


This picture was actually taken last week while I was studying for that horrific Edexcel Biology iGCSE, but I loved the way it turned out so I thought I’d post it anyway.

I’m right in the middle of exams but luckily I have all of next week off because our exams fell over the half term! So far I’ve done all of my Paper 1 sciences, Paper 1 Maths, Spanish, French, Geography and Literature. They haven’t gone as well as I was hoping, but I’m trying to stay positive☺️.

Can’t wait for those summer days ☀️🍦 

The truth is that I’m afraid to dive into someone new. How can I not be? I’m still emptying my lungs from the last time I fell into someone’s waters and explored the depths of them. It’ll be years before I’m done wringing the wetness out of my hair, before I stop smelling the salt of their oceans on my skin. Learning someone new is frightening now. It’s not the adventure it was before. I’m no longer bitter for my heartbreak. My reluctance isn’t a decision I made with a sour mouth. I’m just exhausted by the idea of feeling for someone new. Of treading water with small talk and stories about our childhoods. When I think of him, I am afraid of sinking so deeply into someone again that I am lost to them. In that, I realize I am most afraid that I won’t sink at all. That I’ll always be treading water with anyone that isn’t him. That anyone after him will only know how to meet me at the surface.
—  pardis alia.

okay look bc I’m already seeing some of it. even if the sequel trilogy turns out not so great, can we not repeat the mistakes we/older fans did with the prequels? don’t act pretentious to kids/preteens that love the sequels bc that’s what they grew up with. don’t act like anyone who loves the sequels are fake fans. don’t harass the actors. even if the rest of it turns out not so great, just let people enjoy it. criticize it if you want but please don’t become that 40 year old dude who lectures 13 year olds about why the prequels sucked and they don’t know anything about sw

I don’t know how to be good enough for you. And I’m sick of trying.
—  🖤

I’m sitting on the floor and crying my eyes off. I feel so alone, does anyone even realise my struggle is real? that i’m in so much mental pain, standing on the edge of the cliff. Thinking about jumping, ending it all.
Not a medication or therapy can make me better. I hug my mom and say nothing, I can’t hurt her again, I just want to be with her a little longer.
I’m so scared, so physically and mentally exhausted. I sit under the shower because my legs are too weak for standing.
I’m so full of bad thoughts, full of anxiety and pain. I let part of it out with the blood, but it’s not helping. I’m trapped and so lost.

And again this writing will just fade away, get lost between other messages. And it will mean nothing