I’m so here for “vain” girls. Girls who dab at their waterline because crying could mess up their make up. Girls who spend a lot of time looking in the mirror. Girls who worry about breaking their nails. Girls who worry if they don’t have exfoliating wash or lotion for a day. Girls who contour and girls who do face masks and girls who worry about missing a spot shaving and girls who get their eyebrows done. You’re capable of caring a lot about your appearance and other things, and caring a lot about your appearance does not make you bad, or shallow, or less deserving of respect.
ok this my list of hoe tips and life tips in general
- can’t get ur pussy smooth?? always prickly?? shave diagonally and horizontally instead of up and down, and always use a new blade
- can’t get ur pussy soft?? shave with hair conditioner and massage it in for like 30 seconds before. after u shave, massage with baby oil, and lotion after a shower
- EXFOLIATE. exfoliating is the key to life. mix used coffee grounds with a moisturizing oil (olive or coconut is best). rub that shit all over your legs before you shave until ur hands start to feel funny
- dry feet?? bih me too. rub a fuck ton of regular lotion (or foot cream if u fancy, even Vaseline works) all over your feet and put double socks (or fuzzy socks) on before bed. yass
- this one is the most basic but pls drink water. it’ll clear ur skin, flush out your kidneys to prevent bladder infections, and ur pussy gonna be wet asf
- salt, fat, caffeine, dairy, etc. r gonna make u taste all funky down there. fruits, veggies, and anything w high water content is gonna make u taste fresh/sweet
- smoking and drinking also gonna make u taste funky. and smoking is especially bad for u, so put out the cig babe
- using soap on ur pussy gonna fuck up ur pH bad. the vagina is a self cleaning device, and all u need is a really soft washcloth (or even a cotton shirt) and some water, let ur body do ur thing
- if ur used to wearing tampons and that’s what u find comfortable, use a menstrual cup! very sanitary and will save u a TON of money in the long run
- want a natural lip plumper?? mix a lil bit of cinnamon and honey, and gently rub it into your lips w a soft toothbrush n leave it on for a min. slather on some chapstick n ur plump n soft
- BUY A VIBRATOR. please do it. it will save ur fucking life
- cotton panties or no panties sis. ur kitty needs to breathe and cotton/no panties will prevent bacterial and fungal infection
- got hair on ur face? got rough skin? GURL SHAVE IT! wash your face as normal and pat dry, gently run a clean razor over any areas (cheeks, chin, neck). tone and moisturize like a motherfucker. smooth!
- pubic hair is healthy and good and keeps ur vag clean! don’t shave it unless YOU want to, don’t leave that decision up to ur nasty man
- allow urself junk in moderation. it’ll make making healthy choices easier if u allow urself a little treat every once in a while
- a simple equation for a good meal: vegetable + grain/carb, protein
- do ur fucking homework and do it on time
- rubbing a little bit of petroleum jelly on ur pressure points before spraying perfume will make it last longer
- hair holds onto scents v easily. wanna smell like a goddess????,,, spritz that hair
- kat von d everlasting liquid lipstick is blowjob proof. get messy n be on point!
- urban decay all nighter setting spray is gonna save ur life. it’ll keep ur shit in place when u getting dicked, if u cryin, chokin on dick, w/e u like to do
- if ur having trouble getting wet even after sufficient foreplay, a little bit of water based lube does WONDERS. also won’t deteriorate condoms (oil) or get gritty (silicone)
- need to stretch out ur shoes?? fill two ziploc bags with water and put them in ur shoes. put shoes in the freezer until water freezes solid, and dethaw with a hairdryer. especially effective on leather!
- having problems deepthroating? make sure ur throat is in line with ur mouth, if it’s not the dick won’t go down
- can’t deepthroat at all? cover ur teeth with ur top lip and press ur tongue to the roof of ur mouth while he thrusts. 10/10!
- communication w ur partner during sex will make it a trillion million times more satisfying
- frizzy hair? put conditioner on the tips of your hair (nape of the neck and down) and shampoo right on ur scalp. volumizes without frizzing!
- this one kinda weird but don’t hold ur pee unless u wanna mean bladder infection/UTI
- pee after u masturbate please. u never know what can shimmy up ur urethra, even when ur playin w the little man in the sailboat
- keep a pair of spare glasses with u for when ur contacts dry out. lifesaver
- always keep extra undies, an extra shirt, makeup remover, moisturizer, and comfy shoes in ur car/bag if u can fit all of it
- apply dry shampoo the night before ur gonna need it. it’ll soak up the oil before it sits on ur hair. reapply in the morning n style accordingly
- apple cider vinegar mixed with water works as a good toner if u ain’t got no moneyyyy
- castor oil on ur brows and lashes every night will make them thicker and longer. even just one day will help (bc they will be shiny and moisturized)
- shower everyday
- wash your face + brush your teeth twice a day
- find a face wash + a face moisturizer that suits your skin
- floss in the morning + at night
- put lotion on daily
- spritz your favorite perfume
- shave regularly (if you so choose) w/ a nice razor
- use a body scrub once a week
- scrub/exfoliate your feet + moisturize them
- keep your nails trimmed
- keep your eyebrows under control
- keep your hair clean
- keep your hands + lips moisturized
- wear your retainers if you’ve been slacking
- drink lots of water
- eat better
- get 8 hours of sleep
- exercise regularly
- buy cute clothes that look flattering
- wear make-up if you like it
- look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that you’re beautiful until you believe it
Alright y'all, with school season comin back, here are some prime hoe tips to get y'all ready to slay.
1. Develop a skincare regimen at least once daily: wash, exfoliate*, mask*, toner, essential oils, moisturize.
*once weekly, to avoid overshocking your skin.
2. Tea tree oil is bomb for acne and acne scars. Apply that shit.
3. Coconut oil and castor oil for brow/lash growth every night.
4. Go through your closet, and toss clothes you don’t wear. Invest in more neutral colors and fits to configure a wider variety of cute ass outfits.
5. Don’t be afraid to thrift shop; places like TJ Maxx and The Goodwill have bomb ass brands for cheap.
6. Get your books/supplies ready a week before. Prepare yourself.
7. Have all of your test dates/assignment due dates in your phone before classes start. Make sure to request off days of work the nights before major assignments and exams if you can help it.
8. Things to keep in a bag in your locker: pads/tampons, an extra pair of panties, a spare change of clothes & shoes(in case of a wardrobe malfunction), hairbrush and hairtie, nail file & clippers, makeup remover wipes, concealer, masacara, gum, water bottle, extra pens, some spare cash, phone charger, and earbuds.
9. Keep a water bottle in ya bag at all times. A hoes gotta be hydrated.
10. Keep up with ya studies (see my School and Studying Tips post for more details on how to boost that GPA)
11. A week before school starts, develop getting sleep schedule for school by going to bed half an hour earlier every night. This’ll make waking up earlier less of a hell, trust me.
12. Have a go-to makeup look for school that takes 30 mins or less as a default, if you beat your face in the morning.
13. Replace coffee with tea for a more healthy caffeine fix before class.
14. Prepare yourself a decent breakfast before you go to bed, so you can easily grab and go in the morning. Breakfast kickstarts your metabolism and decreases cravings throughout the day, and generally boosts your mood and brain power.
15. If you wear a uniform, make sure that shit is comfortable and actually fits you. Make sure nothing hangs off of you, cuts off circulation, itches, irritates, etc.
16. Need a break from studying? Work out. Burn some calories, clear your mind, and stimulate your brain with some exercise. Swear to god this keeps my grades up and my body lookin fly.
17. Invest in a hair mask (any pharmacy or makeup outlet will have them), or make one yourself. They make your hair super soft and shiny for flipping it when you walk past that group of girls who hate you lol
Thats all I can think of for now hoes, get good grades, I believe in all of y'all✨
wash your pillowcases regularly to prevent break outs.
do NOT use coconut oil as a moisturiser; it’s comedogenic, which means it clogs pores.
always apply sunscreen to your face (even if you’re brown) as it lessens the chance of sunspots and deepening already existing pigmentation.
lush ultrabalm is a really good multi-use product! you can use it to heal tattoos, as a lipbalm or to ease dry elbows. i like to apply it to my eyebrows for a naturally done-ish eyebrow look when i’m not wearing makeup.
always double cleanse at night; one time to remove any excess makeup and residue and another time to deep cleanse.
the makeup eraser is a great makeup remover, also eco-friendly. just use water! (although you still need to cleanse afterwards and not ideal for travelling).
DON’T put your face directly towards the shower head when showering, esp if you have sensitive skin. It can irritate capillaries.
if you’re looking for a good skincare tool, use a konjac sponge! keep in mind they need to be replaced regularly.
wash your makeup brushes regularly! i recommend at least spraying them with brush cleaner after every use. especially with your foundation brushes, as foundation gets caked in and is much harder to get out when you’re washing it!
use oils. even if you’re oily. but figure out you skin type first!
- Clean your backpack and organize your books, notebooks, laptop and study materials you will be needing for the week
- Clean your pencil pouch in case you have random things that have ended up there
- Meal prep- if this is something you don’t do at all, maybe see how it works for you for a week. If you are not a meal prepper, try setting aside the food you’ll have for breakfast the next day
- Clean your bedroom and study space- this will help clear your mind. Having a clutter-free space will relax you aswell
- Update your bujo/agenda with the upcoming events of the week- also, remember to re-write any tasks that you haven’t done from the previous week
- Make a to-do-list for Monday- categorize according to priorities. Also, try starting your list with a task you know you will easily accomplish, such as “eat breakfast”, so that you are motivated to keep on crossing tasks
- Work out- maybe go for a walk to breath some fresh air and fuel your brain with oxygen, or do whatever helps you move a little bit more than what you usually do during the weekdays
- Have a set beauty routine- paint your nails if that’s what you like, apply a hair or face mask, exfoliate your skin, have a bubble bath, or do whatever you know that will relax you and set you in a good mood
- Review your goals, short, medium, and long term- if you have not written any, this is a good time. It’s always a good thing to check your accomplishments and remind yourself of your future plans. This will help motivate you and will give you an extra boost of energy for the start of the week to keep yourself focused on working on your dreams
- Check the weather for the next day and prepare the clothes, makeup, perfume, etc, that you’ll be wearing for the week- having some extra time in the morning is always nice, as you don’t end up wasting 30 minutes of your time deciding what to wear (as it has happened to me plenty of times)
- Have a tray dedicated to store all the necessary things you can’t forget before leaving your house- gather all of them, such as your keys, your wallet, a water bottle or anything you know you will be needing and place them on the tray
- Water your plants- if you don’t have a set schedule for watering your plats, Sundays are the perfect days for that
- Empty your binders, notebooks or bag from lose pieces of paper and place them where they should be- this way you’ll make sure you’re not misplacing any important information that you might need in the future
- Check your fridge and pantry, make a grocery list and go shopping- by doing this, you’ll be certain that you won’t be running out of the foods you mostly eat in the middle of the week. If your grocery shop is located at a walking distance, you can take advantage of this and use that opportunity to breath fresh air
- Finally, have some time for yourself!- watch a movie, catch up on your favourite show, watch some youtube videos, read a book, write on your journal, play your favourite instrument, have some tea, or do whatever makes you happy. Taking care of yourself will never not be a productive thing to do.
• if you have sensitive skin, avoid foaming cleansers that act as astringets!! lemon and witch hazel cleansers are going to tear your shit up and leave your skin thinner and fucked. go with aloe and natural ingredients for better results, no problemo bih 👊
• that drink 8 cups or 64oz don’t work for me. makes a bitch too damn full!! work your way from soda and sugary drinks like juice and take it step by step. but let’s be honest, everyone drinks it, so don’t beat yourself up about it, drink what you want. if you aim to decrease the amount of soda/juice, always go back to the basics: a big ol’ cup of water. consume the amount of water that goes hand in hand with your weight, not just out of the blue 5-6 cups. a good alternative is putting fruit in your water if you don’t like the taste. or, you can always flavor it! 🌟
• don’t go too all out on those lip scrubs! if you do it too often, such as four times a week, your lips are going to get drier, crustier, and feel stripped and thin. we’ve all been there! exfoliate 1-2x a week to avoid this. however, chapstick does the job too 💋
• mix avocado oil, jojoba oil, sweet almond oil, and aloe vera gel and dilute the oils with water and pour it into a spray bottle. this is crucial as a detangler and a boost to the hair. makes it all soft and shit 👏 unfortunately, it’s a bit pricey, so you can always look for sales or discounts online!
• rose hip oil softens lips 💞
• lips are what everybody looks at. do you want them looking chapped asf?! invest in a lip mask. slather on organic manuka honey that is unrefined for 10 minutes, and then wash off with warm water or a washcloth👍
• dandelion root tea is a good substitute for coffee, but coffee’s good too, so just indulge in both!☕
• most of us stay up long into the mornings, which probably makes us wake up with dark circles and eye bags. don’t fret! to nix puffiness, dampen a washcloth with ice cold water and leave it on your eyes and under them for 3-5 minutes. if this is in morning, it can also help you wake up! if you’re looking to treat yourself, invest in some eye patches! 👼
• rose water is a GREAT toner! once you dab it on your face with a cotton ball, you immediately feel refreshed and ready to start your day 💪 teddie organics has a mist on sale for $10.88! it’s on amazon.
• applying sunscreen is essential to protect your skin from those nasty uv rays. but some forget their hair! if you get a sunburn on your scalp, it will hurt like HELL 🔥use spray sunscreen specialized for hair and slightly mist your hairline to avoid it. use a heat protectant like argan oil if you a broke hoe like me 💯 stack up!
on another note, don’t trust hair products with supposed uv filters. those only protect your hair color, not your actual hair!
• washing your hair, it’s better to wash it first with hot/warm water and then do the second wash with cold water to close up and seal moisture into the hair follicles! 4c hair especially needs this 👱
• hair products with OIL, PLASTICIZERS, and SILICONES will definitely clog your pores if they get on your skin and will leave your ass at square 1!! avoid that.
• yogurt and miso soup are probiotics that help fasten metabolism and hold moisture in your skin! 😇 that’s why yogurt face masks are bomb and every person should try them :)
• if you live in new york, atlanta, etc., you are bound to pollution. that’s why it’s always good to wash your face before bed to get rid of pollutant particles that will clog pores. afterwards, apply an antioxidant serum and a good moisturizer! lean towards products with white tea, green tea, and vitamin c to make the ultimate pore-cleansing mask! it’ll leave your skin feeling clean and make it glow 🌟🌟
• deep condition your hair 1-2 times a week or every two weeks!! it’s intense and has your hair feeling silky smooth. avocado, mayo, honey, sweet almond oil, and coconut oil mixture is my go-to, and my curls have blossomed! if you buy a deep conditioner from the store, make sure it’s water based and is sulfate free and paraben free (shea moisture and as i am are superb for beard cleansers as well!)👸💋
• go barefaced. prove to misogynistic assholes that makeup does not define a person’s beauty or attractiveness nor their personality. embrace your flaws and remain imperfect to society, because you are the one who knows that you are perfect 💋👏👏
• be yourself, work hard, and recognize your fucking worth 💕💕💕
• btw, honey ain’t shit if it’s not organic and raw. coconut oil ain’t shit for the hair or skin if it’s not unrefined, organic, and virgin (extra virgin is even better)! essential oil like tea tree oil that helps as acne treatments are skin-thinners if you don’t dilute them with water or a different substance. rose water ain’t shit if it’s not organic and 100% pure 😑😢
invest in your skincare/lifestyle! go online and dig for the right prices and take them before they’re all gone!
I’m not even going to address anon directly, because seriously, fuck that guy.
For the rest of you who may be wondering how I POSSIBLY manage living as a fat person, let me explain how I do it:
I do it by making time for fun things as often as possible. Like riding carousels while morbidly obese. I have the gall to do this in front of children.
I do it by making sure my skin is always moisturized and cleansed. I know it’s shocking, but my glowing, fat face feels great after a seaweed-based exfoliant mask.
I do it by finding time for my interests and hobbies. I’m an amateur mycologist. You may think it’s frightening for a fat forager to find fungi, but I think it’s fantastic.
I do it by surrounding myself with wholesome, non-judgmental people. A fat person with friends and family?!? It’s more likely than you think.
I do it by wearing bright colors and taking any opportunity for a photo shoot. Surprisingly, my fatness hasn’t broken a camera yet.
I do it by singing loudly and flamboyantly. Much as you’ve been told fat people spend 99% of our time gasping for air, I actually have pretty solid breath control.
I do it by pursuing my education. Don’t worry, they let me skip the part of the bar exam that asks for your BMI.
I do it by having an adorable, supportive partner. We even make out with the lights ON most of the time!
I do it by creating safe spaces in my home. I love decorating for holidays and dinner parties. The tinsel really compliments my back rolls!
I do it by adopting fluffy animal friends. Mr. Fluff here may always have a look of existential dread on his face, but he’s not once had a problem with my weight.
I do it by spending time in nature. Trees and green spaces are very healing! Yes, even for a fatty like me.
I do it by making this face at people who tell me that since I’m fat I can’t have all the things I already have. I have the audacity to believe that I will one day accomplish all the important goals I have set out for myself!
I’m a fat person and I have value. I’m a fat person and I can realize my dreams. I’m a fat person and I have a happy, fulfilling life.
That’s not going to change no matter how many anons send me hateful messages.
To all my fat family out there, you deserve a support network of caring people who don’t care about your weight. You deserve to achieve your goals. You deserve respect. You deserve happiness.
For those that have asked about my self-care regimen, here are my favorite products and their uses! I’ll definitely update this as I get more escorting experience and my product selection grows.
I have sensitive, weird skin. I’m allergic to almost all BBW products. Here are the things I love!
Aloe Vera Baby Oil - Shaving the cooch
Tend Skin - Prevents razor burn after shaving the cooch
Neutrogena Body Clear Scrub - Exfoliates and gets rid of random bumps
Aveeno Therapeutic Shave Gel - For a soft, super close shave on your legs
Lollia Perfumed Shower Gel - All of their scents smell amazing and they leave behind a muted scent. Plus, it’s very thick so a little bit goes a long way. Seriously, a quarter sized dollop is enough to get foamy suds over your entire body!
Lollia Hand Creme - Will give you the smoothest, softest hands ever. Especially important for touching wieners.
Intimore Intimate Wash - My favorite wash for cleaning the vag. ALL of their varieties are safe for sensitive skin and they have great uses. The Therapeutic wash is great if you’ve been fucked raw. Very soothing!
Lush Sugar Scrub - Great for exfoliating, it leaves your skin very bright and radiant and it is supposed to reduce the appearance of cellulite!
Nip + Fab Glycolic Fix Extreme Pads - I use these to get rid of weird bumps or razor burn on my legs after shaving. Will literally clear up those weird clear bumps that aren’t quite whiteheads or pimples.
Kiehl’s Soy Milk & Honey Whipped Body Butter - Will leave your entire body smoother than a baby’s butt and the scent is very light. Super hydrating. I use this every night after a hot bath. I also use this to moisturize my cooch. YES, YOU CAN AND SHOULD MOISTURIZE YOUR COOCH. It’s okay! Try it!
Sally Hansen Airbrush Legs - It’s like foundation for your legs! It comes in either a squeeze bottle or mist. I use the squeeze bottle more because the mist WILL STAIN your bathroom tile or toilet, if you prop your leg on it to spray.
St. Tropez Express Bronzing Mousse with Mitt - I used this for the first time last night because my spray tan was wearing off. It gives a really natural tan and you only have to leave it on 1-3 hours, depending on how dark you want to go, before rinsing! I left mine on for a little less than two hours and I have a nice, NATURAL looking tan glow!
I’m a light ashy blonde with frizzy, unmanageable hair. Here are my top picks for products.
Batiste Dry Shampoo - Absolute BEST dry shampoo and it’s super affordable. Very fine powder. It comes in a bunch of varities, I like the sleek and shine the most.
AG Hair Cosmetics Sterling Silver Shampoo - Great purple shampoo for blondes.
Davines Alchemic Conditioner - They have different formulas for different hair colors. I use the purple conditioner for blondes and it’s a great purple mask that tones and deep conditions.
Kerastase Shampoo & Conditioner - Comes in a ton of varities. I use the ones for damaged hair and frizzy hair. BEST shampoo and conditioners I have ever used. It doesn’t take much product and every product does what it says it will.
Kerastase Fluidissime Blow Dry Spray - For frizzy or curly hair. It gives heat protection, shine and smoothness. I use this when I want my hair to be super straight or I want to style it after blow drying.
Kerastase L’ncroyable Blow Dry - Most amazing blow dry lotion ever. Seriously. Now my most used product.
Davines Melu Serum - For disguising split ends. Also adds shine.
Davines Minu Mask - Illuminating hair mask used to add back shine and dimension
Carol’s Daughter Monoi Mask - Great for softness and hydration. Smells amazing. Probably my favorite mask.
Kerastase Masqueintense - Second favorite hair mask. It’s ultra smoothing and revitalizes your hair.
Kerastase Elixir Ultime - Great hair oil! Lighter than Morrocanoil with the same benefits, though the smell isn’t as nice.
Shu Uemura Straight Forward - Great blowdry spray oil. It really does cut down the amount of time it takes to blow out your hair. I use this with the Kerastase Incredible Blowdy.
I have sensitive, combination skin. I used to get random hormonal acne.
Glamglow ThirstyMud - Great for hydration and smells amazing. You can use it as rinse off or a sleeping mask.
Glamglow Flashmud - Brightening, revitalizing mask. I use this on my butt to help get rid of a few blemish scars. No, I am not joking. Yes, it is actually working.
Glamglow Thirstycleanse - Amazing mud cleanser for whenever my skin is feeling a little dry or needs some nourishment.
Glamglow Supercleanse - My favorite cleanser ever. It’s a mud-oil dual pump and it takes off every BIT of make up and keeps your skin super clear! Plus, it’s not drying!
Peter Thomas Roth BHA 2% Acne Wash - For if I feel a breakout coming on. One bottle will likely last you over a year.
Peter Thomas Roth Blemish Buffing Beads - Great for body acne.
Glamglow Fizzy Lip - Great exfoliating lip scrub, plus you get twice as much product as most other lip scrubs.
Glamglow Wet Lip - Intense softening lip treatment. You should definitely be using both of these to get seductive, soft, kissable lips!
Sunday Riley Luna Sleeping Oil - I use this at night before bed. It’s anti-aging, moisturizing, clarifying, fights wrinkles and reduces pore size.
Sunday Riley Good Genes Serum - I use this in the morning and it makes my skin look superb. Best skin product I’ve ever had. It brightens, exfoliates, gives radiance and evens out hyperpigmentation.
Clarins HydraQuench Intensive Serum Bi-Phase - I use this serum as my moisturizer and it keeps my skin super nourished! It doesn’t clog up your pores and hydrates your dry areas. Definitely the best moisturizer I’ve ever used.
I been recently using coffee grounds as a facial/body scrub and I love it. I brew my own coffee everyday and use the grounds for my beauty needs. I love how it makes my face feel and look, plus i’m saving money on buying a facial scrub. This is a natural and easy scrub that I recommend you trying.
Makes skin smooth
Exfoliates dry skin
Contains a lot of antioxidants
Improves puffy eyes
Improves blood circulation
¼ cup of coffee
½ cup of Preferred oil
Optional: 2 tbsp of salt or sugar
Mix these ingredients together and rub the mixture in a circular motion. I recommend changing the proportions of these ingredients depending on your skin type and if you will be using this as a facial or body scrub.