excuse-you-sir

  • Customer at Walmart: Excuse me, sir. Do you know where the cereal is?
  • Employee: it's 8 isles down from us but you probably can't see it because the render distance in this store is set on low.
Getting Away With Kidnapping

Context: So after a lengthy discussion, our DM ruled that if a target is charmed, and the charmed effect is ended via the charmed target being attacked, that as long as an Enchantment Wizard was the one who charmed the target, the Enchantment Wizard can include the target forgetting who just attacked them when they use Alter Memories.

Bard: *fails Persuasion check*

Paladin: *fails Intimidate check*

NPC: No! I’m not guiding you all anywhere, and that’s final!

Party (OOC): Well shit. What do we do now?

Wizard (OOC): Guys, I have a plan. Just follow my lead. I cast Charm Person

NPC: Proceeds to guide party where they need to go while charmed.

Party: Proceeds to kill bandits they were after.

Wizard (OOC): Alright guys. Here’s part two of my plan. I whap the NPC with my quarterstaff.

DM: You have successfully whapped the NPC. Your Charm Person ends

Wizard (OOC): So how long has he been with us?

DM: Including when you first found him in town, up till now… 3 hours.

Wizard (OOC): Awesome! I use Alter Memories to make him forget the past 3 hours, including me just whapping him in the head.

DM: And he fails his save. Alright, you all now have a very confused NPC in front of you who doesn’t know who you are, where he is, or why his head hurts. What do you do?

Wizard: Excuse me sir. Are you alright?

Bard: (28 Deception) It seems these men kidnapped you. Looks like you took a pretty good blow to the head. Do you remember anything?

NPC: By the gods! Oh no! These men where my business partners! How did this happen? Why would they do this to me? Thank you so much for saving me!

        ~original lifeline~

“Maybe Void is your wolf, and the thing that
pulls you back… that’s your anchor. It’s not
exactly the same, but it’s not as different as
you’re making it sound, either. It is you, a part
of you, like the wolf’s a part of me. And I’ll help
you focus it, help you control it and harness it. 

“But if you’re looking for someone to judge
or punish you for it… I’m not going to.”

          @master-nikoli || @haletheking

His Precious Little Flower

My precious little flower

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

Plot: Bucky is dating a girl who owns a flower shop but he hasn’t told any of his friends including Steve about her because he’s protective of her and doesn’t want them to scare her off because she’s shy. the team end up stalking him to see where he goes and they see him kissing her inside her shop.

A/n surprise I’m actually posting this a day before I was going to ! I hope you guys like it. My next fic is going to be a winter13 smut so look out for that

Originally posted by mylastlove-mylastsong

Bucky Barnes was in love, its as simple as that. The only problem was that he hasn’t told his friends about you. It wasn’t that he was ashamed of you, it’s just that he knows how his friends were and he didn’t want to scare you off. You were totally ok with the fact that Bucky hasn’t introduced you to his friends. From what you’ve seen on the news they were very confident and that intimidated the hell out of you.

Keep reading

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OKAY BUT CAN WE JUST TALK ABOUT HOW TONY WALKED OUT OF HIS IRON MAN SUIT IN ALL BLACK AND LOOKING HOT AF LIKE EXCUSE YOU SIR

Originally posted by procrastinationoutlet