excuse me you're a hell of a guy

  • "You had someone who loved you unconditionally."
  • "I'm sorry I gave up on us when you never did."
  • "Can I kiss you before I kill you?"
  • "Every time I try to move on, you're right there."
  • "I'm not a stop along the way, I'm a destination."
  • "Happiness does not seem to be on the menu."
  • "You're not hot enough to be a high school cheerleader."
  • "Excuse me if I don't fall for that, or you, ever again."
  • "I'd ask how you are, but I really don't care."
  • "You're completely unaware of your affect on me."
  • "Who the hell is he not to want you?"
  • "When are you gonna ask me on a real date?"
  • "I'm gonna need another drink to forget I just heard that."
  • "You'd really go out with some guy you don't know?"
  • "I look forward to never seeing you again."
  • "You have no idea who you're dealing with."
  • "I'm glad that she's so fun and I'm sorry that I'm not."
  • "A little bit of danger is what makes life worth living."
  • "How would I ever believe anything you say again?"
  • "Isn't there someone else you can torture?"
  • "Do yourself a favor and stop talking right now."
  • "Take a Xanax or a tequila shot or something."
  • "Maybe I am a total bitch, did you ever think about that?"
  • "Let me say, for the record, I like you. You and only you."
  • "There's a reason I always come back to you."
  • "I'm happy for you. I'm gonna go vomit now."
The Librarians sentence meme
  • "I was supposed to die."
  • "I don't believe in fate."
  • "She will die for you. No matter how much you don't want her to. Never forget that."
  • "I want that now!"
  • "I choose to save the world."
  • "If I met myself, would I explode?"
  • "I need a pen."
  • "Nope! No, no, no, no, no, no!"
  • "Mosquito tone. It's a high pitched sound that only young people can hear. No offense."
  • "You stayed to run the family company. That's a good reason."
  • "It's an excuse."
  • "Okay, I see enough psychedelic visions on my own. So, no thank you."
  • "UFOs do not exist."
  • "Says the guy with the teleporting door."
  • "You're planning on selling out the human race, aren't you?"
  • "This is exactly the point in the movie where the guy in the audience says, 'get the hell out!'"
  • "You're very weird librarians."
  • "It's a very weird library."
  • "This is me ignoring you. Get used to it."
  • "Who are you people?"
  • "Librarians. We're the Librarians."
  • "Do not fear the villain. Fear the hero."
  • "And trust me, if you don't learn how to win the war instead of just fighting the battles, none of us will survive."
  • "Magic's real?"
  • "Magic's real."
  • "Someone turned a magic spell into an app."
  • "Reality. It's the shared narrative we agree to believe."
  • "That is more than I ever wanted to see of any elected official."
  • "Okay. So we have to get a sample and a picture... and not die."
  • "Do not antagonize the local law enforcement."
  • "But it's so much fun!"
  • "Little criticism. Since I've been back, the librarians seem kind of evil."
  • "It's smarter to be lucky than lucky to be smart."
  • "Do you have any idea what's down there?"
  • "Nope. That's the best part."
  • "I love this job."
  • "A giant winged fire-breathing dragon is coming here?!"
  • "Somebody jacked Santa's ride."
  • "Architecture is just art we live in. Why doesn't anybody get that?"
  • "Mrs. Clause is real?!"
  • "Oh, shiny balls, yes!"
  • "Christmas is cancelled."
  • "Well maybe the term you're looking for, is 'partners.'"
  • "So, annoying or cryptic. Those are your two speeds, huh?"
  • "Good luck finding 14 virgins these days."
  • "We found something weird too."
  • "I found a room full of really old art."
  • "We found a room full of human skulls!"
  • "What do you mean, human skulls?"
  • "How many ways can I mean human skulls?!"
  • "Okay, new rule. How about we not refer to the tumor that will one day kill me as a 'brain-grape.'"
  • "I'm here to do science and math; and sometimes, hallucinate."
  • "I'm offering you a life of mystery, of misery, of loneliness, and adventure. More than that, I'm offering you the opportunity to make a difference and to save the world every week. Twice before Friday. Are you in?"
  • "Oh, impossible - pipsyposh, pipsyposh! People keep saying that as though we don't eat the impossible for breakfast every day."
  • "I was really expecting a better secret door."
  • "I'm gonna be dead tomorrow."
  • "So, how would they want you to spend your last day?"
  • "They'd want me to save the world one last time."
  • "Your brain is a weapon, and a tool, and a library all wrapped in one."
  • "Vampires are real. But Dracula is not. Because I killed him."
  • "There ain't nothin' amateur about my bar fighting, sweetheart."
  • "When I do math, I smell things. Mostly breakfast."
  • "You call Excalibur, 'Cal'?"
  • "We're friends. Best friends. Besties, really."
  • "How did you know all that?"
  • "I'm the Librarian."

Hey guys if a Christian ever uses the bible or Christianity as an excuse for hatred, you come tell me okay? Because I don’t care what my church says, what others think, God does not hate based on race, sexual orientation, or anything else. You show me one damn passage of that and I’ll shove 20 something quotes about God loving all his children, Jesus preaching love over hate. It’s an outdated way of thinking and I don’t fucking stand for it, even if I do share the same religion with someone who says those twisted things. 

"american beauty" sentence starters
  • "I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me... but it's hard to stay mad, when there's so much beauty in the world."
  • "Well, you have absolutely no interest in saving yourself."
  • "Lose my job? I didn't lose it. It's not like, 'Whoops! Where'd my job go?' I QUIT."
  • "I figured you guys might be able to give me some pointers. I need to shape up. Fast."
  • "You're right. I suck dick for money."
  • "Well, what do you say I throw in a little sexual harassment charge, to boot?"
  • "Management wants you gone by the end of the day."
  • "Your father seems to think this kind of behavior is something to be proud of."
  • "It's like God's looking right at you, just for a second, and if you're careful... you can look right back."
  • "When I was your age, I flipped burgers all summer just to be able to buy an eight-track."
  • "All I did was party and get laid. I had my whole life ahead of me."
  • "I rule!"
  • "She's not your friend. She's just someone you use to feel better about yourself."
  • "It's never too late to get it back."
  • "I have lost something. I'm not exactly sure what it is but I know I didn't always feel this... sedated."
  • "You think you're the only one who's sexually frustrated here?"
  • "Both my wife/husband and daughter/son think I'm this gigantic loser and they're right."
  • "I'm looking for the least possible amount of responsibility."
  • "You should see me fuck. I'm the best piece of ass in three States."
  • "Can you prove that you didn't offer to save my job if I let you blow me?"
  • "Are you just looking to lose weight, or do you want increased strength and flexibility as well?"
  • "I don't think we can be friends anymore."
  • "Just don't fuck my dad, all right? Please?"
  • "You're way too uptight about sex."
  • "I want to look good naked!"
  • "Someone really should just put him out of his misery."
  • "I'm not paying you to do... whatever it is you're doing out here."
  • "You don't really think [name] and I were..."
  • "Want me to kill him for you?"
  • "I need a father who's a role model, not some horny geek-boy who's gonna spray his shorts whenever I bring a girlfriend home from school."
  • "I quit. So you don't have to pay me. Now leave me alone."
  • "Remember those posters that said, 'Today is the first day of the rest of your life'? Well, that's true of every day but one - the day you die."
  • "She hates me. She hates you, too."
  • "There's plenty of joy in my life."
  • "Go fuck yourself, psycho!"
  • "My parents are coming tonight. They're trying to, you know, take an active interest in me."
  • "Gross. I hate it when my mom does that."
  • "Fuck me, Your Majesty!"
  • "I was hoping you'd give me a bath. I'm very, very dirty."
  • "You ungrateful little brat! Just look at everything you have."
  • "I'm so sorry for the way things look around here."
  • "I think using psychotropic drugs is a very positive example to set for our daughter."
  • "Who are you looking for?"
  • "This isn't life, it's just stuff. And it's become more important to you than living."
  • "There's nothing worse than being ordinary."
  • "Everything that's meant to happen does."
  • "You're one to talk, you bloodless, money-grubbing freak."
  • "Welcome to America's weirdest home videos."
  • "Oh well, all right, let's all sell our souls and work for Satan because it's more convenient that way."
  • "I'm sensing a real distance growing between you and [name]."
  • "My job consists of basically masking my contempt for the assholes in charge, and, at least once a day, retiring to the men's room so I can jerk off while I fantasize about a life that doesn't so closely resemble Hell."
  • "Don't you mess with me, mister, or I'll divorce you so fast it'll make your head spin!"
  • "Your mom's the one who's embarrassing. What a phony. But, your dad's actually kind of cute."
  • "If he just worked out a little, he'd be hot."
  • "You don't get to tell me what to do ever again."
  • "I'm serious. He just pulled down his pants and yanked it out."
  • "Never underestimate the power of denial."
  • "Are you trying to look unattractive today?"
  • "How dare you speak to me that way in front of her."
  • "Jesus, what is it with you?"
  • "I am sick and tired of being treated like I don't exist."
  • "Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world, I feel like I can't take it, and my heart is just going to cave in."
  • "See the way the handle on her pruning shears matches her gardening clogs? That's not an accident."
  • "Don't interrupt me, honey!"
  • "[Name]'s a pretty typical teenager. Angry, insecure, confused. I wish I could tell her that's all going to pass, but I don't want to lie to her."
  • "I had always heard your entire life flashes in front of your eyes the second before you die."
  • "You better watch yourself, [name], or you're going to turn into a real bitch, just like your mother!"
  • "I marvel that you can be so contemptuous of me, on the same day that you lose your job."
  • "You're boring. And you're totally ordinary. And you know it."
  • "You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure. But don't worry... you will someday."
  • "Uh, whose car is that out front?"
  • "Your mother seems to prefer that I go through life like a fucking prisoner while she keeps my dick in a mason jar under the sink."
  • "In order to be successful, one must project an image of success at all times."
  • "She's... she's really happy. She thinks she's in love."
  • "I think you just became my personal hero!"
  • "Man, you are one twisted fuck."
  • "The only way I could save myself now is if I start firebombing."
  • "You know, this really doesn't concern you."
  • "I mean, how's her life? Is she happy? Is she miserable?"
  • "I'd really like to know, and she'd die before she'd ever tell me about it."
  • "Your wife is with another man and you don't care?"
  • "It's a great thing when you realize you still have the ability to surprise yourself."
  • "In less than a year, I'll be dead."
  • "[Name], today I quit my job. And then I told my boss to go fuck himself, and then I blackmailed him for almost sixty thousand dollars. Pass the asparagus."
  • "I wish I could tell her that's all going to pass, but I don't want to lie to her."
  • "We've met before, but something tells me you're going to remember me this time."
  • "I can't believe you don't know how beautiful you are."
  • "Well, at least I'm not ugly."
  • "This will be the high point of my day; it's all downhill from here."
  • "[Name], are you masturbating?!"
  • "If people I don't even know look at me and want to fuck me, it means I really have a shot at being a model."
  • "In a way, I'm dead already."
  • "You are so busted."
  • "I feel like I've been in a coma for the past twenty years. And I'm just now waking up."
  • "Well, congratulations. You've succeeded admirably."
  • "The car I've always wanted and now I have it."
  • "God, it's been a long time since anybody asked me that..."
  • "Makes you wonder what else you can do that you've forgotten about."
  • "I'm just an ordinary guy with nothing to lose."
  • "Our marriage is just for show. A commercial for how normal we are when we're anything but."
  • "It would be nice if I was anywhere near as important to him as she is."
  • "Gotta spend money to make money."
  • "I refuse to be a victim!"
  • "I was filming this dead bird."
  • "Do you party?"
  • "Oh, what? You're mother of the year? You treat her/him like an employee."
  • "Could he be any more pathetic?"
  • "I think it's sweet."
  • "You need structure... you need discipline."
  • "He's just so confident, it can't be real."
  • "So, you're fucking psycho-boy on a regular basis now? Tell me, has he got a big dick?"
  • "He didn't even look at me once!"
  • "I don't think you'd fit in here."
  • "It seems unfair to presume I won't be able to learn."
  • "Excuse me for speaking so bluntly, sir."
  • "Oh, I'm in trouble."
  • "I didn't mean to scare you. I just think you're interesting."
  • "This country is going straight to hell!"
  • "[Name], when did you become so joyless?"
  • "I'm not obsessing. I'm just curious."
  • "What is this? The fucking Gay Pride parade?"
  • "Sorry about my dad."
  • "To you, he's just another guy who wants to jump your bones."
  • "This is my first time."

          haunted houses were not misa’s thing. halloween, maybe. just not the haunted houses and all the pranksters. the only reason she had been roped into even coming ten feet within the obnoxiously loud attraction was because of her coworkers. she still opted to sit it out, rather than go inside. stress was not good for the skin, or the mental state. both were important to misa.

         and so she sat on a bench outside. every scream, or obnoxious noise caused the small blonde to flinch. irritation grew more and more with each ear piercing squeal of some gaggle of teen girls, or the annoying antics and juvenile behavior of boys who had years before they would become men.

        in the midst of the dark night and a few strobe lights and people dressed up in their costumes, not many people stood out. there was one person who seemed to be on their own, and not in line. she could only wonder if he happened to be in the same situation as herself – caught up in being an unfortunate tag along ?? or did they already go through the haunted house ?? rather than pondering the thoughts on a stranger, her gaze returns back to her cell phone. after all, it was quite rude to stare, even if it meant nothing.

                                                                                      // @fortunefucked, sc.

vendadc  asked:

"Say~ say~ won't you give your dear husband a farewell kiss? I might get killed today by the mafia huhu"

                   first five in my ask box receive kisses !!

             head bobs gently from side to side, in thought over his words. if he was smart, he wouldn’t allow himself to be killed by the mafia. otherwise, misa would become pissed. he was annoying, and she may as well consider him a gremlin. however, he was her responsibility. he was her husband. possibly due to odd circumstances, yet it was still legal.

            just like her own pet kitten, kobe, she didn’t have a choice. divorce was no option, as she refused to blow yen on it. not without good reason. he may have been a little peculiar and taxing, but he wasn’t technically harming her. she could have it much worse. responsibility was thrust upon her without realization.

            “ hm. “ the words fall stale from bored lungs. hands are clasped together in front of her blouse. an amused tug pulls at the corners of cheeks. “ you won’t be killed. if you do, i won’t be a very happy wife. it would be very un-husbandly of you to make me u p s e t. “ the words bring a slight flinch to her face. husband. wife. how disgusting. how gross. yet, what was even more gross was what happened next.

              hands reached out, just reaching enough to rest upon the sides of his face. her touch is delicate, careful. as if she was holding the most fragile piece of glass or art in her possession. barely even passing the five-foot mark, she has to force herself upon the very tips of her toes. misa tugs at him to bring him closer. just enough that her own lips can touch his. nothing more than a simple brush, but lingering enough to leave some sort of impression. it was chaste. it was simple, and soft.

                and just like that, it was over. she opens her eyes, staring back into his for the next few moments before she finally releases him, “ hm. if you want something better, you have to come back alive. you must earn it. you don’t make requests of me. “ hands reach out to gently push him away, “ now back off. you’re like an annoying gremlin. “ how typical of her to suddenly become so cold.

                               KISS ONE OF FIVE !!

                “ i don’t think that you’re doing that correctly – “ not that she cares, but it’s starting to irritate her. just a tad, though, “ here. let me fix it. “ there’s an air of annoyance in her small voice as she holds out a hand.

                                                                                       // @leontiius, sc.

leontiius  asked:

“Why should I be a nice person?”

                “ it was s a r c a s m. “ lips like misa’s could never speak of kindness, or allow warmth to push past them. not without some sort of benefit coming from such an action. being kind, nice,  to other people only prompted their own greedy actions to show. she wouldn’t allow herself to be taken advantage of. not after her heartless, ungrateful ex had sunk his claws into her in high school. she learned the very darkness, and just how careless, others could be when it came to the heart of others. “ i mean, if you want to be, that’s all you. knock yourself out. however, it’s not like i truly care. “

      “ this doesn’t happen to be yours, does it ?? “ she’s holding a small object in her hands.

                                                                                              // @shimaniya

My Dearest Commander, 

I was deeply distressed when I first read your letter and I believe I’ve come up with the perfect solution: my room has no holes in the ceiling and therefor no cold draft to keep you up at night. It also has a rather large bed that could easily fit another person (provided he doesn’t wear his armor all the time).
A ‘stunningly beautiful woman’ is, I’m afraid, nowhere to be found in my chambers, but if I am sufficient enough for the role, you’ll find me waiting there before the day is out. However, I feel I must warn you that my bed can be very warm. I would advise you to leave the majority of your layers behind. A simple undershirt and breeches will work. Something easily removed is best. 
I’ll be with you soon. 

All my love, 

anonymous asked:

"you absolutely disgusting excuse for a human being." annddddd it's okay to call people this, just not their wrong gender, guyS!!! in no circumstances!!! UGHHHH!!! EDUCATE YOSELVESSS!!! DUHHHH!!!

someone told me i should kill myself that’s literally perfectly valid grounds for being called a disgusting excuse for a human being

you’ve sent like eleven messages whining and crying about being told not to purposefully misgender a person and tbh you’re kind of acting like a huge baby about all this like seriously. it’s wrong and gross to purposefully misgender someone, get over yourself.