excuse me while i use this photo for every social media account now

Am I missing something? I was under the impression that, now more than ever, feminists were loud and present and defensive. I thought I was seeing a wave of even braver men and women on social media, calling out bullshit and striking down misogyny. I thought the last nine months built an online army of journalists and Twitter users and anyone else who’s fed up with sexism and its disturbing presence in the administration, fighting every day against the trails of normalized misogyny Trump leaves behind and defending the women who speak out about it.

But there’s a ringing silence now. And it’s looming around Taylor Swift’s groping trial. A woman who is constantly attacked for being silent is now getting the worst of it.

Colorado DJ David Mueller is suing Swift for $3 million in damages after she alleged that he lifted her skirt and grabbed her during a meet-and-greet photo op. Mueller was fired soon after, and sued Swift, her mother, and her radio promotions director for defamation.

As much as grabbing women in sexual violation has been dismissed and normalized by our country’s leaders and its people, it’s an issue of sexual assault that made Andrea Swift want to “vomit and cry at the same time” seeing the look on her daughter’s face post-backstage incident.

Firsthand, I’ve seen girls run out of clubs in a heartbreaking tearful mixture of shock, fury and disturbance after a man grabbed them sexually without any form of consent. I’ve seen girls weakly laugh it off because they think that’s what they’re supposed to do. And I’ve seen guys stammer excuse after excuse after excuse, because they’re taught to search for anything to blame but themselves.

I’ve also seen girls, on and offline, race to the defense of those who were violated. I’ve seen them deliver completely scathing responses to regular people and political leaders alike who try to dismiss a woman’s story of sexual assault in any way or call it anything less than it is.

These people I’ve seen are incredibly vocal. They like to hold others accountable, and they spend a really admirable amount of energy spouting their support to women, famous and not, who choose to speak out about their sexual assault experience.

Let’s just take Ke$ha’s trial, shall we? Tons of celebrities, journalists and everyone in between shouted their encouragement, their disgust at her alleged abuser. Adele used her acceptance speech at the 2016 Brit Awards to publicly express her support of Ke$ha. Lady Gaga, Ariana Grande, Snoop Dogg, Kelly Clarkson, Lorde and a clump of other pop stars (apologies to Snoop Dogg and his admirers for grouping him into a ‘pop stars’ category) used Twitter to do the same.

And then, two days after a New York judge denied Ke$ha a court injunction, Taylor Swift donated $250,000 towards any of Ke$ha’s financial needs. Kind, right? Nope, no one seemed to think so. Internet users everywhere shamed Swift for her donation, including the “I-always-know-the-best-thing-to-say-on-the-Internet” Demi Lovato.

Lovato tweeted “Take something to Capitol Hill or actually speak out about something and then I’ll be impressed.” This attitude was reiterated widely across Twitter, because it’s Twitter. And also because Taylor Swift, no matter what on the Lord’s green Earth she does, cannot win. But that’s another story that would take pages and pages to tell, so I’ll refrain myself.

Swift was ripped apart for “silence” after her donation. She was also ripped apart for her “silence” during the Women’s March. She Tweeted about it, celebrating the day and expressing her pride in everyone who marched. But of course that wasn’t enough, because it never is. She was annihilated for not going to her local march. (Even though she’s one of most photographed and stalked celebrities in the industry and could probably not go to a march without people harassing her and/or accusing her of going for attention and a photo op, but whatever it’s fine.)

Before my fury completely takes over my fingers and I start to type a fuming address to everyone who continually hates this girl because it’s what they’ve been in the habit of doing since 2012, let me take it back to the trial.

I’ve never heard silence quite this loud. (I hate myself, that is a Taylor Swift lyric, whatever.) It’s obvious, and not just to me.

…Everyone is a feminist until it comes to Taylor Swift. This has been proven to me enough times to make me scream internally while staring at Tumblr.com. Demi, is your Internet down? Or are you in a plane on the way to Capitol Hill to discuss sexual assault and actually impress someone?

Where is everyone? Where are the mighty feminists I so admire, I so try to be? Suddenly they aren’t as loud.

But Taylor Swift, no matter what card you think she plays, is a forcibly strong human being. To be hunted down every day physically and on the Internet, to be mocked at absolutely every turn, you can’t be a weak person. You just can’t.

Swift only countersued for $1. Before you open your mouth or press that little blue button in the corner to compose a Tweet, close it and take your hands off the keyboard. She’s not doing this for the money. Her mother wanted to keep it private until DJ Mueller sued. She’s doing this to show every other girl who watches her with adoring eyes and the ones who pretend they don’t that you can report your sexual assault. You can hold the person accountable. She’s showing men who mock her for her dating life but objectify her at the same time that they will not be tolerated. And it’s being met with silence. But we’ve known since the early days of 2010 that silence doesn’t follow Taylor Alison Swift for long, and it won’t now.

—  Huffington Post article discussing the feminists’ silence on the Taylor Swift sexual assault trial (x)
i don’t know what to call this, so let’s go with, “i’ve officially had enough and here is why.”

before i begin, i should preface this by saying that this is in no way about any particular individual, and it was not written with the intent of speaking on behalf of the kaylor fandom. everything that follows comes from my reflections over the past few months, and more specifically, the past few weeks where i cut down my tumblr time to almost nothing at all. so, with that said, here i go.

Keep reading

Trolling in fandoms

I have found a parallel universe in Outlander meets Twilight and I can say one thing, bitterness and jealousy will forever play hand in hand. I am not as deep rooted a shipper as some of the lovely ladies I’ve met and conversed with in the Outlander fandom, I stumbled across quite late, merely through fascination about the show as I had read the first few books many years ago and was delighted, but hestitant they were going to adapt it for television…but I have to admit I love it now and the hardie support it has generated from all over the world - kudos to you all, slainte if I wasn’t working lol.

BUT what has and what will remain the same and this is why it’s a parallel universe for me, are the trolls; the narcissistic and sadistic nature of women, who will try and cyberbully, lie and belittle those, who not only find the show a source of joy, but also see something in the leads that’s way more than attraction. The difference for me is in Twilight the leads were very young when they took on such an enormous franchise (21 and 17) the demographic was aimed at a younger audience, but that didn’t stop much older joining in due to the book readers of the community (twilight moms)

The most rabid, let’s just say haters of even a suggestion that Robert Pattinson would even look twice at Kristen Stewart ranged from very young teens (crushing on Rob) to more mature mothers (obsessing over Rob) the similarities in this fandom are quiet startling…it’s almost as if the obsessed have moved across and attached themselves onto another hot ‘British’ actor and are now trolling him they way they trolled Rob. OR maybe they are trolling both (a certain 'I have a Tony source who tells me everything’ springs to mind)

While there are fans out there, unfortunately there will always be those who are not. I don’t know if it happens in other fandoms, I’ve been in a few in my time and certainly I believed the most rabid were from the twilight community, but I’m having second doubts, because this one us getting just as silly. I often questioned when I had a blog, 'why do you care if they are dating or not. What impact does it have in your life?’ Because basically it shouldn’t. Regardless of whether the two actors, who are playing a couple or not, it shouldn’t hamper your enjoyment of the show. There have been a few shows I have watched in the past, where the on screen couple are not an off screen couple (i had a major shipping crush for Harm and Mac in JAG) but that didn’t put me of enjoying the show and neither should it if they are. Because it’s not OUR lives it’s theirs and if they choose to be together in real life, what does it matter? The only people it seems to matter to are those fixated, fascinated, obsessed or have a crush on the male lead and it’s always, because the demographic of these shows are women.

Sam Heughan is a very attractive man, but his alluring presence stems from his closeness he has for his co star. He’s a Scottish nugget, I’ve seen interviews of him in the past when he was younger (local interviews as I lived there) and he’s always come across as a charismatic person, very genuine. But age has made him more responsive and add to that his genuine sense of peace when he’s being interviewed around his co star were he lights up. When you have studied Body Language you can straight away tick off the foretelling nuances a person gives towards another person. The first place I always look are the eyes, the hands and then the postering. Micro expressions cannot be guarded or forced, they are the little truths your body gives when you let your guard down (whistles and bells I like,to call them) I saw it in twilight and I see it here in Outlander. You may disagree and that’s your prerogative, but don’t confuse your refusal of seeing what’s there with an alternative belief. And if you are one of those, who would rather believe in someone’s narrative based on 'sourced’ theories, then truly you are blind and have yet to see the light. No friend, work colleague or friend of a friend will give out information that can be used against their 'famous’ friend unless it’s,for more of an insidious gain. Since 2007, the dawn of Social Media has allowed celebrities the knowledge that nothing is safe and everyone assumes your life is played out through the media. Those, who do not wish their private lives to be displayed on the front cover of every trashy supermarket magazine or website, keep it private and their friends won’t say a thing either (nice try purvliar, but you are either being fooled *highly likely it’s not hard given your reputation* or you enjoy the attention too much with your lies *most likely as you are known for your fan fiction*) so anyone who says they have a source, I suggest you take their information with a huge cup of salt…a source is used in the media, when they have mined fan accounts or got an online tip on their site from either a disgruntled fan or an obsessed wannabe. None of it is true, but if they can get you to click on their site, then it means cash in their pockets for a fabricated story.

Oh and BTW, those celebrities who refuse to play the media’s little game and prefer to throw shade at what the media does to sell your photograph to the highest bidder V’s…those who want that 'kill shot’ that will prove their ship exists…be mindful, because one photo is never enough. One gushing story is never enough and photos aka cockroaches never let up hounding the 'couple’ for a photo to go with their narrative. Sam and Cait are safe for now, they have side stepped and confused their way around the media nicely. If they do indeed come out by their own means or others, the tiny happy place you now have will change and the rabid need to dismiss them will get worse as more will try and excuse the relationship as PR and still try and link them with other people, disrespecting the relationship they have. Been there, done that and I’m still watching the vitriol. Forewarned is forearmed.

I did not think that I would need to write an essay of some kind, but apparently I do because the way this horrible situation has been spun is needlessly ridiculous. More than that, it’s disgusting. For clarification purposes, though no one has come to me for an explanation - for which I am glad, there is no reason to actually hate Camila for this situation. Yes, we have established that it was mostly her fans who decided to showcase their racist and bigoted mannerisms on social media. Yes, we have established that there are fake fans within this fandom and to be quite honest, some of the same people who have been tweeting #WeLoveYouNormani and making this ranting posts are the same folks who were living off the racist shit she endured. You know who you are and you know that you live off of creating drama. You want the girls to be broken apart. You want there to be drama and it is pathetic as fuck. We also know that Camila could have been more direct. I’ve had the night to think about it and I’m sick now, but I am even more sure that this is all we’re going to get from this girl and we need to stop making this about her. 

Could she have been more direct? Could she have truly called out her followers and those she followed? Could she have truly made an impact on the perception, which is quite frankly both disgustingly negative and positive, people have of her by standing more firmly in her solidarity with Mani as opposed to vague, feel good posts? Yes. And if you walk away feeling slighted by her or as disappointed as I do, you are obligated to feel that way. Let not one person tell you otherwise. You are allowed to look at a person differently for the actions they have taken, for the decisions they have made. HOWEVER, that is not an excuse to turn your own form of bigotry and cyber-bullying against Camila Cabello. You all JUST expressed your rage that Normani has been enduring it for four years, so why turn it on another? Granted, her form has been far more brutalizing with racial overtones - because there damn sure is nothing underlying about it - and has been so much harsher. No one can convince me with their wanna be oppressed bullshit that Camila has gotten worse than Mani. You will never get worse than seeing your own face edited onto a lynched body, so take your shit out of here. But this is not the time to bully Camila. It’s not the time to perpetuate the same hatred towards her character that got us in this situation in the first place.

So, no, her name is not Canola or any other term you cleverly think is going to make you come across as even more of a fervent Normani stan. Normani does not stand for that. She has not spent these last four years begging y’all to love one another and furthering her belief in the success and uplifting of other women just so you can insult her bandmate. She just has not and she has been a firm believer in feminism for a long time, womanism if we’re being more correct. Camila isn’t trash and she shouldn’t leave the group that Normani has worked her ass off to bring recognition to. Camila is a member and it stops being Fifth Harmony when any of them leave. I see some of you OT4 fuckers coming and further exemplifying the issue within this fandom - which is disharmony and the very thing Normani posted about before her leave of Twitter. You guys are exacerbating the problem and trying to say the group needs to break up. But this is about your own selfish desires and not what is good for the group, or Normani. If she was ready to leave, if this situation was really as impactful towards that kind of decision, MAMA DREA WOULD HAVE GOTTEN HER BABY OUTTA HERE QUICK FAST AND IN A HURRY. Normani herself would have left, so just stop. 

Stop making this about Camila. Some of you posting all of these insults demanding that she receive just a taste of the shit Mani had to endure already hated her. You ain’t slick right now. You hated her already and you’re jumping on this situation as a way to vocalize your hatred even more because now, there is a supposed reason to hate her. News flash: I may not be Camila’s biggest fucking fan right now, but she is NOT THE ONE WHO POSTED PICS OF NORMANI AND COMPARED HER TO SHIT. She did not ask her fans to do that crap or any of the other fans because it probably wasn’t just Camilizers, or whatever the fuck they call themselves. She did not sit here and take her time editing photos or make Normani’s time on social media so difficult that she just could not endure it any longer. We have tweets from the past to use as evidence and all that jazz, some which might have been fornicated and some that might not have, but that does not mean we point all the fucking fingers to her. But more importantly, THIS AIN’T NOTHING TO DO WITH HER.

This is about racism. This is about years and years of black celebrities probably keeping their mouths closed about the underlying racial tension that plagues them every time they step foot on a red, pink or fucking purple carpet. This is about years of Hollywood misrepresenting black people and then being surprised when people have critiques on how much more diverse their films/television can be. This is about years of little girls and boys not seeing someone of their own ethnic background on a screen and wondering why the one who looks like them is not called beautiful and worthy of affection from the white male lead or even those standing beside them. This is about a twenty year old - a  girl who is only two years younger than me, which makes it all the more heartbreaking and devastating - finally living out her dream and being confronted by bigotry at every turn. NORMANI. THIS IS ABOUT NORMANI. This is about her and all that she has endured. A young black girl who hated her lips and her nose and her skin because they made her stand out in her white schools. Who learned to love and admire these traits. Who fucking loves herself so damn much that she didn’t give a fuck about people calling her vain because of it. Who dealt with critique after critique every time she breathed wrong. This is about Normani and the fact that she can’t even benefit with having social media - a cultural norm for people our age - simply because if she stays on it for too long, if she just so happens to look up her name, she’ll read that people hated her. That she’s not as beautiful. That she’s the weakest vocalist or is doing too much with her dancing. That she’s this, and that, and the third. That she’s not enough.

So, hating Camila. Making this situation about her and not plainly about Normani is disgusting. It’s truly disgusting. More than that, it does not help. Let me rephrase: in order to fully vilify those responsible for subjecting Normani to continued racism and judgement, primarily based in the color of her skin and simply her identifying as African-American, we have to turn our attentions away from the easy target of her bandmate and towards those who have perpetuated hatred. We need to be attacking their Twitters. We need to make sure Twitter handlers are deleting accounts. We need to make sure that we are more vocal about our disdain for anyone being hated for the color of their skin. We need to get behind #BlackLivesMatter because while hashtag and group were formed in response to the brutalization of black bodies in the hands of police, it also needs to be about those who are being brutalized in some of the most cowardly ways like behind a computer screen. You want Normani to feel loved and cherished and like she is appreciated? Saying that she needs to leave a group she has already stated she isn’t done with and with whom she is working her ass off to continuously provide new and great music for your sake won’t help. Getting on her mother’s twitter and instagram and saying how gorgeous this girl is does. Letting Mama Drea let her daughter see Normani Kordei appreciation posts and defenses for her helps. Flooding the other girls’ pages occasionally, since we already endure it with pictures of Camren or posts asking Normani to tell Lauren this, with pro-Normani posts is going to get back to her. Go to concerts and venues that they are at with Normani shirts. I’ve seen so many fans with Camren shirts and signs, and even those for Camila and Lauren individually. I would like to see some for Dinah and Ally, but the focus is Normani. So, have some of her. Make more gif hunts for her because hers are scarce, especially recent ones. Make more Twitter hashtags and get them trending. What helps even more is if you start silencing those that make this situation less about her, and more about a child who doesn’t play as significant of a role as y’all make her out to. Again, this is not about Camila. This is about Mani.

So, start fucking acting like it.