excuse me while i go sob into a pillow

2

“Please be a good person. Be a good person, Chuuya. That would be much more beautiful. It would fit you more than the side of the evil, I’m sure of that.”

Based of the fic The City Where the Wind Blows by @raven-rein
I’ve never cried from a fic before. But this one… I found myself sobbing uncontrollably into my pillow after reading it. PLEASE GO READ IT. This fic is so incredibly well written and definitely deserves more views.

Now please excuse me while I go cry some more.

‘Succumbed’

My heart breaks but I felt so strongly compelled to draw this ending…

(The ‘If you made Cullen take Lyrium’ Ending, quoted directly from the ending slides):

“Cullen seemed to tire of his duties after the Inquisition transitioned to a peacekeeping role. Within a few months, he announced his retirement. There was no sign of him until a year later, when Scout Harding heard rumors of a Fereldan man begging for lyrium in the streets of Val Chevin. According to Harding, the man she found was in the final stages of lyrium madness. He barely remembered himself, let alone her. It is unclear whether Harding gave the man a few coins, or a gentle knife to end his misery. What is clear is that Commander Cullen was gone.”

Excuse me while I go sob into a pillow because this makes my heart hurt.

Victoria 105

This post contains spoilers.

This episode felt like a watershed moment for me. It was saying goodbye to the impossible and trying to be optimistic about the future.

  • Victoria and Albert are happy and in love. *sigh* I acknowledge that I suffer from major bias here, but I still don’t feel the heat. At all.
  • Hmm…Ernest seems to be making eyes at the Duchess of Sutherland. This can only end badly. But what the hell? I seem to love climbing on board sinking ships.
  • Victoria doesn’t know how to tell Lord M that she’s engaged. It’s awkward, it’s tense, more so because he’s none the wiser. I literally clutched my chest when she finally plucked up the courage and told him. And he could not look her in the eyes. *heart breaks for the first time* 
  • Albert heads back home and everyone’s talking about money and titles. I get it. He’s poor as a church mouse and he wants some independence. I don’t begrudge him that.
  • Ernest, darling Ernest. He thinks his brother needs some experience ahead of his wedding night so takes Albert to “a house of ill-repute.” Let’s just say Victoria has nothing to worry about. The only thing Albert was interested in was taking notes. Haha.
  • Were you throwing some shade Albert’s way, Lord M? LOL
    Victoria: Do you think Albert has a mistress?
    Lord M: No, ma’am….at least not yet.
    It’s okay. We know you’re secretly in pain, Lord M. Quite frankly, so am I.
  • Penge has a romantic backstory? I wouldn’t have guessed.
  • Thanks for being a whole lot less creepy this week, Mr Francatelli. I think I’m back to low key shipping you with Miss Skerrett. But oh, there’s some drama with her, isn’t there? I need more information!
  • Albert returns and Lord M stands to the side and watches their reunion. *heart breaks again* But not long after Albert’s return, he and Victoria argue about his position at court and his finances.
  • However, with the wedding day rapidly approaching, Victoria and Albert make up once she confesses her fears about his taking a mistress. He admits to wanting only her and she promises to love, honour and obey him. They embrace and kiss. At the window Lord M watches on as Lehzen approaches. “We have been replaced, Lord Melbourne,” she says. He smiles sadly. “As it should be.” *note that at this point I’m in cardiac arrest. I have so many feelings.*
  • Is it just me or does everything still feel really rushed? Three episodes of world building where the pace is relatively slow. One could even argue that very little actually happens. Then suddenly within the span of two episodes a) Albert arrives b) they’re engaged c) they’re married. Jenna Coleman mentioned that they filmed a birthing scene so we know there’s going to be a baby or nine at the rate things are going before series end. I honestly feel like the pacing is way off. IMHO, Albert should have been introduced sooner if they planned to have a wedding by episode 5. #justsaying
  • Finally, the moment arrives and I am not prepared. Lord M and Victoria say their goodbyes. I won’t lie. I sobbed like a baby. I didn’t know what to expect, but I do love how Jenna and Rufus played it. It was heartfelt and sincere. Then this happened:
    Victoria: Do you remember telling me that someday I would give my heart without reservation?
    Lord M: Yes, I remember.
    Victoria: You were almost right. 
    Lord M: Almost, ma’am?
    Victoria: I shall never forget. *camera pans to Lord M’s face and I die.* 
  • Eyes sparkling, he asks for permission to kiss her and tenderly presses his lips to her cheek. I’m amazed I managed to see this through the waterfall of tears pouring out of my eyes. Victoria leaves and Lord M turns back to watch her. It was heart-wrenching and I was reminded of Daisy Goodwins words: Lord M was Victoria’s first love and she was his last. It was a fitting farewell, I think. Painful and bittersweet. But beautiful. 
  • The episode ends with the consummation of the marriage. I heard it described as “steamy” and so I had built up some expectations in my mind. Or maybe it’s the Julia Quinn binge I’ve been on. Either way, it seemed very tame.

I assume Lord M has now retired to Brocket Hall and will spend the rest of his days staring at his rooks. I do hope he finds happiness there because I hate to think of him alone and lonely. He deserves so much more. (Yes, I know historically he dies alone after a stroke, but I choose not to believe that, okay?) I will miss him and I think Rufus Sewell’s departure will leave it’s mark. But the show must go on and there are three more episodes before the series ends. (BTW - I was under the impression Lord M would be around until episode six. But this felt like his exit, so I don’t think we’ll see him back.) 

Side note: Rufus Sewell was PHENOMENAL in this show. He’s such an underrated actor and I hope more people sit up and take note of his extraordinary talent. 

That’s about all I can muster for now, so excuse me while I curl into a ball and sob into my pillow.

Okay, but, like no wonder J2 have been exhausted the last couple weeks.

They’ve been putting even more of their heart and soul into f*cking amazing episodes like this one.

I don’t even know what to expect in the last 6 episodes.

Now excuse me while I go sob overwhelmingly into my pillow.