excuse me while i cry and eat my ice cream

Dan’s Liveshow: 8/8/17

I’m writing this live, so everything I say is going to be my legitimate reaction. There’s incredible hype around this show, so I think it’s only fitting that I tell you my opinion live in a summary for anyone who missed it. Well, here goes. This is gonna be a long one, so it’s under the cut. 

A warning from future me! This liveshow turns me mildly homicidal, and I’ll probably piss you off so don’t read it if you think you’re gonna want to send me hate afterwards. Enjoyl 

Keep reading

Like She’s Mine (part four) - Stiles Stilinski

wow i got such immediate feedback when i posted part three guys, I thought my phone would literally blow up ur all amazing xx

part one
part two
part three

warnings: swearing, pregnancy, sadness, lots of time jumping i hope it’s not too confusing


PART FOUR (august)

“SHIT!” I screamed, whipping the apron over my head, and quickly untying it from behind my back.  Allison came running into the store from the back room.

“What? What? What’s going on?” She asked.

“Can you drive me to the airport?” I asked, hanging up the apron and checking my hair in my phone’s camera.

“Sure when-”

“Now” I said.  Allison’s eyes widened.

“N-now-?”

“Stiles is flying out today” I begged.  “Please, please, if Lou catches us, I swear Alli, I will cover for you, I will tell her it’s all my fault, please let me say goodbye” Allison sighed, bouncing on her foot for a moment.  The undoing the knot of her apron.

Fine.  But you owe me coffee for a week”

“Deal!”

The car ride to the airport was ten minutes.  It was 4:15 now, and Stiles left at 4:30.  My legs were shaking, no, my whole body was shaking.

“Alli, when I next see him, I will have had a baby” Allison parked the car, and looked down at her phone.

“y/n we’ve got six minutes!” She yelled.  We ran out of the car and sprinted through the airport.  “What gate!?” Allison yelled.

“15b!” I said back.  

“y/n we’re not going to make it on time!”

“Yes we will!” I was panting.  Just as we passed 15a, I could see him.  The tall boy with messy soft brown hair.  He was turning, looking everywhere.  A blue paper in his hand, and bags by his feet.  “Stiles!” I yelped, and he spun to look at me.

“y/n!” He called back.  I ran faster until I jumped and was in is arms.  My legs were around his waist and he held me tightly against him.  “I thought you weren’t coming” He cried into my hair.  I shook my head, pulling back and looking at him.  I stood flat on my feet, my arms still wound around his neck.

“Of course I came of course” I cupped his face between my hands for a moment, before letting them fall to his shoulders.  “I couldn’t let you leave me for a year without saying goodbye Stiles”

“If you tell me right now, I’ll stay I swear I’ll figure something else-”

“No, no Stiles I’ve told you all summer this is what you were meant for” You said, rubbing his shoulders slightly.  “And you’re gonna come back next summer, and you’re gonna have the first step of becoming a detective done” I wiped my eyes and stared at him.  “Stiles, I know I’ve told you a thousand times but I’m so incredibly proud of you, this is what you’ve always wanted, and you’ve actually achieved it.  You’ve done amazing, really” He hugged me again tight, and I silently cried, not wanting him to know how much it really hurt.

“Promise me you’ll keep in touch” I nodded.

“Of course”

“And when I come back we’ll pick right back up”

“Stiles it’s not a long distance relationship” I said, laughing through a breath.

“But it is, I just don’t want anything to change” I closed my eyes tight, buying my face further against him.

“Then it won’t” I hummed.

“Take care of Scott for me, Allison can’t handle him on her own” I chuckled slightly, and pulled away, seeing Stiles laugh quietly too.  The brunette a few feet behind me smiled bashfully, and walked up to us.

“Now boarding flight six to DC!”

“That’s you” I said softly, gesturing to the gate.

“Yeah that’s me” He responded.  I hugged him once more, and he squeezed me so tight I almost feared for the baby.  I could tell Allison practically read my mind.

“Alright alright me too” She said quickly, and Stiles released me to give her a hurried side hug.

“Miss you Stilinski”

“You too Argent” He looked at me again, and I gave a small wave.

“I’ll see you later Stiles” I said softly.  He waved back, putting on his backpack, picking up his duffel, and extending the handle of his suitcase.

“You better keep in touch with me y/n”

“Promise” I said, crossing an x over my heart.  I watched as he turned and walked up to the gate, handing the man at the desk his blue ticket.  The man stamped it, handed it back to him, and Stiles made his way onto the plane.  Tears welled in my eyes again.

“Oh, honey” Allison came forward, wrapping her arms around me, and hugging me gently.  “You’ve got me and Scott” She whispered as I cried onto her shoulder.  “We’ll take good care of you” She murmured.  “Whatever you need, we’re here for you, always” I nodded, holding my arms tight around her.  “I told you once how much I loved you and I’m going to give you the support you need, and I still will, I always will”

“Thank you, Allison”


FOUR MONTHS LATER (december)

Apparently, you become a whale six months into a pregnancy.  Yes, of course I knew I’d inflate like a blimp, but god, this was ridiculous.  I gave all my converse and any boots I had to tie to Allison and Lydia.  I couldn’t bend over to tie laces anymore.  My life was quite restricted these days.  Sleeping on my back every night.  No more long showers, my feet would hurt.  I gave up on fashion, because god knows nothing cute fit, and maternity clothes were too expensive to deal with.  I lived in sweats.  I barely went out, too nervous someone would recognize me.  After I found out that I was having a girl, I told Lou about the pregnancy. I was now on maternity leave.

Did I mention I got that apartment? It’s nice, because it’s basically a tiny house.  One floor, and a few rooms.  Two bedrooms, two baths, a nice kitchen connected to the dining room, and a pretty spacious living room.  It wasn’t overly expensive, but it put a slight dent in my bank account.  But once I get the ball rolling, get my job back, and stop having to take thirty pills a day, then I’ll be back on my feet.  Hopefully I can see them at the end of all of this.

Allison and I have been looking through many files of parents who want to adopt.  Here and there I’ll see a nice looking family, but it just never seemed good enough.  I wanted the best for my little girl. and as bitter as it sounds, a family could have five stars, but the mother’s smile could be just slightly downturned, and I’d throw the file away.  Allison would give me a look, but she never mentioned the way I judged the new parents of my child.

I mean, their child, that I was just carrying.

“Honey I’m home!” Allison called with a giggle as she entered the apartment.  She didn’t really live here, but when she wasn’t staying at home or with Scott, you’d find her here.  I smiled and waved from where I lay on my back on the couch.  She set her purse down at the kitchen table and kicked her shoes off by the door.  “How was the day?” The brunette asked.  I barely saw her walking into the kitchen.

“You look nice” I said as I caught a glimpse of her navy blue skirt and red short sleeved knit sweater.  A short sleeved sweater.  Only Alli could make it look normal.

“Yeah I’m going out with Scott tonight, just went on a tiny shopping spree” She said, coming into the living room with a glass of water in one hand and a chocolate chip cookie in the other.  “I’m eating your cookies by the way” She announced, mouth already full.  I shrugged, rubbing my hands over my belly.

“They only sounded good for an hour.  I ate one and was satisfied” I asid.  Allison grinned.

“Good, cause there’s like ten left and they’re really good” i smiled and waved my hand dismissively.

‘Thanks, they’re all yours” I said, and she jumped slightly.  I shook my head as the water came out of her glass and droplets fell onto the carpet.

“Sorry-”

“It’s just water” I said, waving my hand again.

“So how’s baby Allison?” She asked, walking closer and inspecting my stomach.

“We’re not naming her that- we’re not naming her at all” I half scolded, dragging my hands down my face.  Allison frowned.

“Why not? What have we got to lose?”

“Because when you name something, you get attached.  Personally, I can’t afford to get attached to her, so we’re not naming her” Allison sighed.

“Fine” She said, taking another bite from her cookie.  “But I’m still calling her Allison” I rolled my eyes.

“Can you do me a favor and hand me my phone?” I asked, reaching my hand out towards the coffee table where it sat, just out of reach.  Allison nodded, giving it to me.  Five missed texts.  Two from Lydia, one from Stiles.

“I’m gonna go do my hair” Allison announced, heading to the bathroom as I went through my messages.

Lydia: heya girly! How’s the little girly
Lydia: (also don’t tell Alli but her name would have been Lydia, not Allison)

I rolled my eyes.  Don’t they get I can’t keep her? She can’t be named.  I clocked on Stiles’ chat.

Stiles: morning sunshine
Stiles: you’re probably sleeping.  You have been a lot lately I hope you’re not up all night on your internet college
Stiles: I miss you I wish you were here.  Wanna ft later?

I texted back. Saying I was busy with work today, and that I wouldn’t be able to catch a long enough break.  He responded immediately.

Stiles: that means we’re texting all night then, I hope you’ve got K cups left cause you’ll need the caffeine.

I told him that it sounded good, and I’d mark it down in my schedule.  Then again saying that he should get back to class because I knew he was sneaking his phone.

After that I just scrolled through my social media.  Not a lot was there, seeing that I’d just done this a few hours ago, but hey, it was a way to pass the time.  I’d already finished my online classes for the day, and grew bored.  Not a lot for a pregnant girl to do.  Just lay down, watch tv, marvel at how large I’ve gotten, shower shortly, cry while eating ice cream, and pass out randomly.

At least I wasn’t puking anymore.

Eventually I’d gotten myself off the couch, and walked back to my room.  I sunk into the bed, and stuck my feet out in the air.  I laughed to myself at the fact I could only see the blue toes.  Allison painted them last week much to my protests.  She didn’t think that me saying ‘I can’t see them what’s the point?’ was a liable excuse not to do it.  But I chuckled as I continued rocking, sticking my feet out over and over and laughing bitterly.

I did this until I felt a slight pushing sensation in my stomach.  My eyes widened, and a small smile pulled on my lips.  I held my hands over my stomach, feeling another push.

It was a kick.

“You like that Madi?” I asked softly, lifting my shirt just enough to show the skin of my stomach.  I rose my feet again and quickly dropped them, earning another kick.  Tears welled in my eyes.  My little girl was kicking.  My little Madison…

“Hey y/n did you move the hair dry-” Allison walked in, hands holding a towel as she quickly rubbed her hair with it.  I froze, staring at her practically petrified.  She gave me a knowing smile, and crossed her arms.  She looked at me like she just found out my biggest secret.

“I thought we weren’t getting attached?” I whimpered, hanging my head down in my hands.

Shit.


TWO MONTHS LATER (february)

“ALLISON DRIVE FASTER!” I screamed from the backseat of her car.

Okay, rewind to a few hours ago.

Allison was eating lunch with Scott, he’d swung by my apartment to pick her up, and I promptly stayed back in my room so he wouldn’t see my baby bump.  Which was actually more like fucking jupiter now.  But I still hollered a goodbye and told them to have a nice time.  I’d laid in the living room, reading a magazine on Brad and Angelina’s divorce, when suddenly-

“Did I just piss myself?” I muttered in embarrassment.  Two seconds later I could’ve sworn someone grabbed my intestines and ripped them out.  Oh no.

I’d hastily but shakily dialed Allison’s number, and told her to get me now.

“Now- now you’re having the baby?” She stuttered.  I could hear Scott yelling in the background but I was freaking out too much to care.

“Yes now and I NEED you to come drive me to the hospital!” I was crying now as the pain of the contractions just worsened.  There was a few muffled whispered that I barely caught wind off, but again I was too hurt to care if Scott knew.

“y/n, y/n we’re getting in the car right now it’s all going to be okay we’re on our way” Allison said calmly.  I could hear the smile in her voice.

“O-okay”

“You want me to stay in the phone with you?” I nodded, before realizing she couldn’t see me.

“Ye-yeah yes please yes”

She continued to coo to me, telling me it would be okay, and how there was just a few more moments before she would be here.  I never really responded, I was crying to hard and groaning to much.  I could tell it made her since but she kept her soft tone and sweet words.

I was halfway for passing out when she burst into the apartment, and the world was in slow motion around me.  Allison was grinning, as was Scott but he had eyes that held more questions than I had answers for.  

“Stay awake, stay awake it’s okay” Allison’s arms wound around me, leading me out of the room and out of the apartment.

“Hurts-” I whined.

“Shh… shh it’s okay” I don’t really remember getting into the car.

The next thing I was conscious of was a man in a white coat setting me down into a wheelchair.  He asked me a question I didn’t quite hear, and I looked to Allison.

“Do you want me to stay with you?” She said to me.  “He’s asking if you want me there” I nodded.

“Please” I whispered.  Allison smiled and nodded back, quietly giving me an ‘of course’ and walking with me as I was wheeled into a room.

Screaming, a lot of screaming I almost thought I was going to die.  It legitimately felt like every bone in my body was breaking.

“y/n, y/n we just need you to take deep breaths, and push”

I didn’t even remember getting onto the cot, or holding onto Allison’s hand but I realized when she yelped.  I squeezed too hard.

“S-sorry” I panted.

“It’s okay, you’re okay, you’re doing great” She assured, squeezing my hand as well.

I think in the three hours it took, I scarred Allison in ways that were irreversible.  The doctors and horde of nurses took my baby to the nursery while I rested.  Allison was sat in one of those uncomfortable hospital chairs next to me, still holding my hand on the mattress.

“Does it feel better now?” She asked softly, holding a cool wet rag against my head.  

“Hell yes.  Don’t ever have kids, adopt mine” I chuckled, then felt a pang of regret in my chest.

“What?” Allison asked, brows furrowing in worry.  I raised a brow in silent question.  “You just looked like you were thinking, the hurting kind of thinking” Her fingers stroked gently over the back of my hand.

“Does… does it make me a bad person? Giving away a child?” Allison pondered for a moment, then shook her head.

“No.  If you truly believe you can’t give her the life we know she deserves, then no, it makes you a responsible person” I bit my lip, and her brows furrowed again.  “y/n look-”

“Miss l/n” We looked up to the door, seeing a nurse from earlier in blue scrubs, and holding a pink bundle of blankets.  “I have your baby here, would you like to hold her?” Yes.  But I didn’t answer right away, just continued to think about whether or not I was doing the right thing.  I looked over to Allison, who gave me a sweet smile, as though saying I could choose what I wanted to do.  The woman stood patiently, beginning to softly rock my little girl.

“Yes please” I answered her so quietly I was sure she didn’t hear me, but sure enough she smiled widely and came over to me, carefully placing her in my arms.  Tears grew in my eyes as I looked down at her.  She was beautiful.

She had Theo’s light eyes, but hers a much brighter blue.  Her nose was a tiny button, and her skin was fair.  I could tell her hair would grow to be like mine.

“Wow” Allison whispered next to me, and Madi- the baby’s- eyes went to her.  Instantly she giggled a small hiccup of a laugh, and held her arm out towards my face.  I admit, I cried when I reached my finger to her and she clasped her small hand around it.

“Allison she’s… she’s beautiful” I cried in a whimper.  “Is Scott still here?” I asked, rocking my girl back and forth slightly.

“Yeah, he’s waiting in the hall” She told me.

“You can let him in” I said with a small smile.

“You sure?” I nodded, and Allison stood swiftly and left the room nearly silently.

“Hi Madi” I said softly, smiling down at the girl about to fall asleep in my hold.  “You’re a beautiful little girl” I told her.  “I wish I could have more time with you, I know you’re going to be such a great kiddo” More tears fell down my face, and her smile fell.  She gave my finger a squeeze that was feather light, but noticeable.  “I hope one day-one day-” I choked.  “You’ll let me s-see you” The door opened again, and Allison was smiling, talking with her hands.

“Oh Scott she’s just ador- y/n?” Allison saw me crying and hurried over.  “Hey, hey honey what’s wrong?” She asked.  But I shook my head, unsure of the words to say.  “Hey…. shh it’s okay” She cooed softly, petting my hair, then petting my child’s bald head.  I could see Scott growing closer.  He smiled gently at me, and it was like we were at a silent understanding.  “y/n? What’s going on?” I sniffled, stroking the backs of my fingers against Madi’s face.

“I can’t give her away Alli” I said, tears still rushing down my face.  “I can’t give my little girl away”


drumroll please! aaaaaannndddd BOOM.  CONFLICT!

tagged: @morganschiebel @bunnyboo10154 and @imissyoualittlemoreeveryday

also @celestial-writing bc shes my boo AND the baby is named after her cute ass *muah* :)