excuse me but i was bored

A personal account of a long overdue ADHD diagnosis

I was diagnosed with ADHD around a year ago on the cusp of turning 22 and it happened, in its own way, accidentally. But my journey to an actual diagnosis, that “Aha!” moment if you will, goes a little like this: 

In high school, I was always the “Gifted Child” who quarter assed or otherwise straight up didn’t do my homework but could somehow (spoiler alert: hyperfocus combined with cramming is how) get in the high 90’s on my tests and exams so I’d sufficiently pass my class. It frustrated my parents and my teachers to no end, and it was the cause of a lot of conflict between me and them. I would lie often, hide things like my report cards and homework results, and make up elaborate excuses to cover my ass. If I was being honest, I would have said “I didn’t do this because it was so mind-numbingly boring and I really, REALLY didn’t feel like it” but what kind of crappy excuse would that have been? I could never quite explain why I felt like this, why I would be doing a boring project and constantly just want to beat my head against a wall because even that would have been more interesting. I was ashamed of it, and felt like I was just stupid and needed to get it together. The problem was that I could never figure out how.

Impulsivity was another thing I struggled with in a big way. Being a girl who hit 6 feet tall when I was 13 meant I could get away with a lot of things I really shouldn’t have, just because I looked older. Having always felt like a bit of a weirdo in highschool. Aside from a handful of good friends my age, I tended to hang out with the 20 somethings I worked with a lot more. I got into a fair share of trouble that way, the details of which could better be chronicled in a book of short stories so I’ll spare you all the length of that. 

A good number of the friends I did have in high school were diagnosed with ADD/ADHD and I dont think its a coincidence. Looking back now I’d refer to the birds of a feather concept and I’ve thought a lot about why it never came up as a potential root cause. I think probably a combination of being a girl and not necessarily struggling with my school material led to that oversight, because ADHD diagnosis in school systems can lean towards being based on acedemic performance alone, though obviously there would be some more nuance there than I’m letting on. 

My diploma exam scores in grade 12 were worth 50% of my mark and they enabled me to get into University and a BFA Film Studies program. As a lover of movies, a degree in watching movies has been amazing, but my old habits from high school didn’t seem to just die off. University was turning out to be challenging. I was doing a lot all at once, joined boards of directors and got involved in activism and while all that was certainly a challenge I was willing to take on I nonetheless experienced a TON of stress. This became a hugely problematic factor for a chronic migraine condition i’ve lived with since I was 2 as stress became more and more of a trigger for my extremely debilitating and photo/sound sensitive migraines. I’ve tried many medications for it, none of which seemed to be worth the horrible side effects. I was able to find a good method of pain management through medical cannabis and CBD in this time though even with that, the cycle became quite vicious in that I would be stressed about schoolwork, the stress would trigger a migraine rendering me unable to do the schoolwork, which would in turn cause more stress about the schoolwork and so on and so forth.

This, clearly, was not super fun and I reached a point in year 4 of my studies where I finally cracked and decided to try and nip it in the bud. I got a referral to a psychiatrist at my schools clinic for anxiety and got put on the waiting list for a few weeks. The night before my first appointment with the psychiatrist I, naturally, was in a 2am youtube rabbit hole and unable to sleep. I was watching videos about bullet journals, having seen one of my friends’ that looked really cool, when I found a video called ‘why a bullet journal is the best planner for the ADHD brain’. As I watched it, it just seemed to hit WAY too close to home I had this long sort of epiphany like “oh my god… these are all the reasons this might work for me.”

I realized something pretty big right then: I didn’t actually know anything about ADHD beyond “cant pay attention”, which felt a bit ridiculous with me coming from a family chalk full of medical doctors and mental illnesses in fairly equal measure. I always grew up with an understanding of approaching mental health from a medical, scientific perspective, so I pulled an all nighter doing research and while I would never self diagnose personally, I realized that ADHD could potentially explain everything. 

When I went to my doctors appointment, I arrived with about 5 pages of notes from my research and completely sleep deprived when I explained that “yes, I booked in for Anxiety but I stayed up all night doing research and I really think ADHD makes more sense for all the reasons I’ve listed in my notes with the proper citations but you’re the one with the medical degree so I’ll defer to you.” She agreed to do an assessment interview with me then and there, and the funniest part of all of it was that 5 minutes in, she gave up making notes on my answers and just started checking off boxes.

I’ve been on medication for almost a year now. While I know that pills dont teach skills and I still have a lot to work on I cant believe what a difference its made for my overall health. Above all though, its just such a relief to finally be able to explain all the things I could have never explained before without being embarrassed. The awareness and understanding of being actually ADHD has been, more than anything, the reason I have been able to “get it together” and find ways to work with my penchant for fleeting distraction rather than against it and for that, I will forever be grateful. 

quietblogoflurk  asked:

Hi! 4 and 18 for the meme, please?

4) favorite character you’ve written

For fanfic: still Fenris. Writing that level of black humour + angsty self-absorption + anger + pining + ACTION SEQUENCES was such a good time. I am vaguely hoping that the next Dragon Age game will give me an excuse to do another plotty story in that universe so I can write him again.

18)  were there any works you read that affected you so much that it influenced your writing style? what were they?

Diana Wynne motherfuckin’ Jones, the complete works of. 

I read an essay of Jones’s once in which she remarked that when she started writing children’s books, she carefully tailored them so they would be suitable for being read out loud - thinking of her own family, and how bored she got reading to her kids when the books were badly written. When she switched to adult fantasy she started out by not doing that, and was super excited for - as she thought - the freedom to write in a more complex and sophisticated way. But what she discovered was that her writing became laboured and awkward without the rhythm and energy of a spoken voice to sustain it. 

I think about that every day.

iliad characters as rupaul's drag race quotes
  • agamemnon: i am trying to bring attention to one of my favourite causes which is me
  • achilles: the hardest part of this challenge was not telling everyone else that i was going to win
  • odysseus: the dog is looking at me like “get me the fuck out of here”, i’m looking at the dog like “get ME the fuck out of here”
  • helen: i don’t have a sugar daddy. i’ve never had a sugar daddy. if i wanted a sugar daddy, yes, i probably could go out and get one because i am what? SICKENING
  • patroclus: i feel sexy in anything, even a body bag
  • paris: my mom sent me to military school in the hopes that she'd get a little soldier. needless to say, she got a drag queen.
  • hector: just fyi for all you girls up there, i don't want to hear any goddamn excuses. be prepared! make it work! make it work! fucking make it happen! i don't want to hear any GODDAMN EXCUSES any more!
  • andromache: "i'll win for you." ohhh, that's sweet. he's not going to win.
  • nestor: i'm just under three hundred years old, i know some things
  • (not-technically-iliad bonus round) eris: i just honestly thought y'all were all boring and i was trying to turn the party
things i wish i’d known in my first year of university

I’m reaching the end of my time at university and it’s got me all sentimental. and regretful. There are a number of things that I had learned during my time at university that I wish I’d known during first year. 

  • Read everything. The only valid excuse for not reading everything on the reading list is that you didn’t have time, not that you found it boring, or that it wasn’t useful. Because there’s nothing scarier than trying to write an essay on something you studied a month ago, and you have no notes on the topic. 
  • Revise constantly. I wish I’d revisited everything I did a week after I did it, just as a recap. I tended to focus on what I was doing in the moment because it felt the most important thing at the time. Well, during exams, everything is equal. And it’s so frustrating not quite being able to remember something. So, revise. Even just for ten minutes.
  • Don’t spend all of your money on impulse. I’ve bought so much rubbish that I really don’t need. And if I’d saved that money, I could have gone on holiday. Save every last penny you can. 
  • Eat well. I just said that you should save all the money you can, but I think that food is one exception to that rule. Try and save money where you can, obviously, but don’t go for days and days without fresh vegetables because you’re saving money for a holiday. Your mind, as well as your body, needs food.
  • Go and talk to professors in their student hours. I used to find this so awkward. To be honest, I still do. But if you’re going sending them an email and asking for clarification on a topic, consider maybe popping into their office when it’s open to students. And tell them if you’re struggling! If you don’t let them know, then they can’t help you.
  • Take hot drinks with you, to your lectures or to the library. Don’t spend all your money in the library cafe. Bring a flask of tea, and loads of study snacks in a packed lunch box. Trust me on this.
  • Make time to meet up with friends you haven’t seen in ages. Don’t wait for them to ask you. I make sure to socialise with my friends at least twice a week. And by socialise, I don’t mean getting blind drunk and going clubbing. Sit down and have lunch together. Chat. Get to know each other properly. Friendships formed over alcohol never last as long as friendships formed through actual conversation.
  • Do stuff that the university puts on for students. Join societies. Get involved. One of the best nights I ever had at university was a masquerade ball that my college put on. And for some reason, I’ve never done anything like that since then? And I don’t understand why! University is for making memories, and I don’t really have many!
  • Travel around your university town. If you’re university is on a campus, don’t let your life revolve around that one place. If you’ve travelled away from home to go to university, then make it worth your while! See the sights, be a tourist, get on a bus and go to a random town and buy ice cream. 
  • Experiment. This is the time. Dye your hair blue, join a weird and random society and take up a hobby you’d never dreamed of.  If you want to try drugs, make sure it’s a safe environment and do your research before hand. If you don’t want to do that kind of thing, then don’t judge other people for doing so.
  • Give yourself a day off per week. When you’re at university and you’ve got loads of work, it’s tempting to just work constantly - or at least, to work every day, if not all the time. But it’s so much better for your mental state to take a day off to just relax. 
  • Keep up with your chores. When you’re stressed about an assignment, you don’t want to be also stressed about that pile of washing up accumulating by the sink. Keep your room tidy too - clear space, clear mind.
  • Be kind to everyone. You’re going to meet a lot of people at university, some you’re going to hit it off with immediately. But there will be some who really rub you up the wrong way. Don’t worry about it, it’s completely fine to not like someone. But don’t be mean to them. This isn’t high school, you’re all here to learn and there’s just no need to make them feel bad about themselves. It’s just petty and childish.
  • Think about the future. I know that you’re completely wrapped up in your university life right now, but you’re going to have to venture out into the real world at some point. Do things that might help your future career: volunteer, get a job, join a sports club, make connections. University isn’t, sadly, forever.

There you have it! The advice that I would have given myself in the first year of university. Whether you’re just about to start university, or whether you’re just about to leave, I hope this is useful to you.

Kissing, Interrupted.

Originally posted by perfectfeelings

Peter Parker x Reader

Request: Yes

Summary: Peter and the reader are getting pretty steamy and someone decides it’s the perfect time to interrupt. Talk about cockblock, amiright?

Warnings: language, kissing, fluff, Star Wars, makeout sesh (holla). (Let me know if I missed any).

Word Count: 1,479

A/N: For the amazing @literallyrozie812, thanks for the request! I hope this fic gives you guys all the Peter feels. Also, I apologize if it sucks ass lol. I’m not experienced in this part of writing, so bear with me as I slowly dig my way into it! Let’s hope I did at least a 4/10. Thanks for all the never ending support, guys! As always, feedback and constructive criticism is appreciated.


Being raised as a Stark definitely has its perks, but let’s not forget about the downsides.

For instance, not being able to try out the Iron Man suit because of one accidental mistake of you blowing one up. 

Hey, it happens… right?

Or not being able to join the team on missions because it’s “too intense” or “not safe.”

Like, hello? I’m an Avenger? I deserve to participate, Dad.

And don’t even get started on boys.

Oh, lord. If he knew about Peter and you, well, let’s just say Tony’s suit isn’t the only thing that would be blown up.

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good afternoon everyone, this is your daily reminder that you should do your research before adopting any kind of pet INCLUDING fish, small animals, and birds, and that if you feel you cannot afford or accomodate a proper enclosure for the pet, you should not get said pet

The Spider Tattoo (Peter Parker x Reader) Soulmate AU

Peter Parker x Fem!Reader

*Please don’t plagiarize my work, thank you :3*

Summary: You hate the idea of soulmate tattoo’s, probably because there’s a giant fricking spider on your hip that moves, as most soulmate tattoos do. But see, most soulmate tattoos aren’t huge fucking spiders, so you have the right to be freaked out.

Warnings: Lots of swearing. More than usual. Oops. Requested by @crowleys-poppet-queen-of-asgard

Word Count: 1,072


Soulmates were stupid. Worst idea ever. Who the hell even thought of them? From what you learned in health class, every person has a tattoo appear on their skin when they find what they love best, and that tattoo is on that exact place on their soulmate’s body, meaning somewhere in the world there was a person with an tiny typewriter right behind their ear.

“So why the fuck do I have a giant ass spider on my hip?” You scream at no one in particular, eyeing the ugly thing through your mirror. You pull your sweatshirt down again, covering the spider. The only good part about it was that it resembled Spiderman’s symbol, one of your favorite heroes. On the con side though, whenever a soulmate was feeling strong emotions, their tattoo would move. So once or twice a day, the giant ass spider would move. You cringe at the thought.

You grab your backpack and angrily shove your books into your backpack, muttering rapidly in a mocking voice. “Soulmates are a beautiful thing, they said.”

The backpack was slung over your shoulder as you stomped out the door. “You’ll love getting your tattoo, they said.

“Well they can go fuck themselves!” You scream into the empty house, slamming the door behind you.

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It would be great if people in this fandom actually loved Allura and showered her with the love she deserves instead of coming up with excuses like “it’s heteronormative/racist”, what have you, for why she can’t be paired with any of the guys (somehow Shiro, and only Shiro, was immune to all of the arguments? Still don’t know why but okay).

Show Allura some loving. If Lance’s flirting with her is annoying, make up headcanons about how he realizes that and stops, and they bond, develop and eventually form a relationship together. Band AUs. Friends to lovers AU. Idk, think outside of the box! Bonus if Allura get Lance a sparkly thing rather than the other way around.

You think Keith and Allura’s development is bland? That’s fine! Let’s fix that with them bonding over going through a rescue mission and exploding shit because they’re awesome. Bonus if they hi5 while covered in wounds and blood and nearly collapse afterwards because they really overdid themselves.

Space mom trope for Allura is dead and buried in the ground, but consider: actual space mom Hunk taking care of Allura after she recklessly threw herself in to save Pidge from fire and she pouts through the lecture while he takes care of her burns. Bonus: OT3 with Shay because space rock girlfriend should be loved just as much.

Allura and her partner don’t have to be straight in any of those. Consider: Allura is a multi faceted character, wonderfully written to break many female character stereotypes and a beautiful black girl on top of that. Whoever you pair her off with, it’s not heteronormative. And if that argument didn’t convince you, consider: polyships where Allura is part of it so it’s definitely not straight.

Don’t give me “Allura/*insert character* is boring because they barely interacted” as an excuse as to why you don’t want to develop headcanons for them to fix that because if this fandom can come up with creative headcanons as to altean Lance, Lotor, who hasn’t even showed up, Nyma/Allura, who barely interacted (Rolo/Keith who BARELY interacted), then yes, you can absolutely come up with beautiful headcanons, fic and art as to why Allura/*insert character* can and should happen.

Let go of that internalized misogyny and give this girl the love and support she needs and deserves. #GiveAlluraSomeLovin

physics doesn’t have to suck: how to enjoy and do well in your required physics classes

As someone who doesn’t intend to take a physics class ever again, I was relieved when I walked out of my second semester physics final. That said, physics doesn’t have to suck or drag your average down. 

(1) How to enjoy physics: Adjust your attitude. Physics is so cool if you actually think about it. Your attitude will dictate your experience. (2) But physics is so hard: Change the way you study and don’t give up. I did better in university physics than in high school. The content was way more difficult but it was my studying methods that made the difference.

This post is split into 3 parts: Introductory physics (very basic physics, that unit of physics you had to do in a lower level science class), high school physics (physics from an algebra-based perspective), and university physics (calculus-based physics and labs). (Obviously these overlap a lot but I needed to organize this somehow)

INFO IS UNDER THE CUT B/C THIS POST IS RIDICULOUSLY LONG

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Justice League, Meet The Avengers

Batsy has created a chatroom.

Batsy has added Alfredo Pasta.

Batsy: Alfred.

Alfredo Pasta: Yes, Master Bruce?

Batsy: Was it Barry or Oliver this time?

Alfredo Pasta: It was the young speedster, Master Bruce.

Batsy has added Bear.

Batsy: Stop. Changing. Our. Names.

Bear: Alfredo Pasta, you snitched on me?

Alfredo Pasta: No regrets, son.

Alfredo Pasta: Was there something you needed, Master Bruce?

Batsy: I want to know the current status of the rest of the league.

Alfredo Pasta: Inviting them over for dinner? I shall prepare the table.

Batsy: No - a meeting that involves food, Alfred!

Bear: Ooooh are we having Lobster Thermidor? Arthur won’t like that.

Bear: I’ll be back in a… Flash. Gotta take care of my good pal Captain Cold.

Bear has left the chat.

Alfredo Pasta: It seems all members of the JLA are currently preoccupied.

Batsy: Even Clark? What could Arthur be doing? And Diana?

Alfredo Pasta: Saving the world, of course.

Alfredo Pasta: Except for Arthur. He’s at an aquarium.

Batsy: Are there any criminals out?

Alfredo Pasta: I’m afraid not, Master Bruce. Master Dick has done an exceptional job of keeping them at bay.

Batsy:

Batsy: What’s the Joker up to?

Alfredo Pasta: He’s in hiding after your last debacle with him.

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Storage Room (M)

Originally posted by seagulljjk

╳ Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

╳ Genre: (one shot) smut 

╳ Summary: You didn’t know that accidentally being locked in a storage room with Jungkook could turn out to be so fun.


All you wanted to do was go to the mall by yourself and have a relaxing day but no, of course that can’t happen. You were just walking by a store, glancing at a display window, admiring a cute outfit until you heard screams. You quickly whipped your head around to see a swarm of girls coming at you. You had no time to think before you got pushed into the store, the employees freaking out trying to shut the door, and a guy in all black pacing back and forth.

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Five Months

Description: You run into your ex-boyfriend while at a party with your current one and during the encounter are reminded of all the ways he still controls you.  You aren’t entirely surprised to find yourself on your knees in the bathroom with him in front of you minutes later.

Pairing: Namjoon x Reader

Genre: Smut

Word Count: 12097

Warning: Dom!Namjoon, spanking, breath play, daddy kink, demeaning names, punishment, cheating, bathroom sex

A/N: @avveh prepare to die.  I think I listened to The Weeknd the entire time I wrote this haha.  Some of the songs were played over 100 times just during the time I wrote this, particularly “Shameless”, “Earned It”, and “Often”.  

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Prompt List of Sarcasm
  1. “Well, what can I say? I’m a badass.” 
  2. “Define normal.” 
  3. “Do I get bonus points if I act like I care?” 
  4. “Just remember if we get caught, you’re deaf and I don’t speak English.” 
  5. “Don’t look for any redeeming qualities. I don’t have any.” 
  6. “It’s amazing how fast the world can go from bad to total shit storm.” 
  7. “I love you. You enormously stubborn pain in the ass.” 
  8. “And you wonder why you’re still single.” 
  9. “Remind me to kill you. Please.” 
  10. “I’m listening to you. I’m just not paying attention.” 
  11. “That’s a little melodramatic, don’t you think?” 
  12. “Were you dropped on your head?” 
  13. “She’s crazy. And just when you think you’ve reached the bottom of her craziness, there’s a crazy underground garage.” 
  14. “She may seem like lollipops and rainbows but I bet behind close doors she’s latex and whips.” 
  15. “If my day gets any worse, I’m asking hell if they’re having an exchange program.” 
  16. “Sorry. I don’t speak skank.” 
  17. “If I survive, can I go home?” 
  18. “My middle finger salutes you.” 
  19. “This is a whole new level of moronic, even for you.” 
  20. “I don’t think I could ever stab someone. I mean, let’s be honest. I can barely get the straw in the Capri Sun.” 
  21. “I don’t have enough middle fingers to let you know how I feel.” 
  22. “Insanity run in my family. It practically gallops.” 
  23. “Oh darling. Go buy a brain.” 
  24. “Somebody’s cranky.” “Somebody needs to shut up.” 
  25. “Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn.” 
  26. “All due respect, but that’s a bunch of crap.” 
  27. “I am one of the few people in the world who can murder you and leave no forensic evidence behind.” 
  28. “Excuse me. I have to go make a scene.” 
  29. “What did I tell you about calling her/him the devil?” “That it’s offensive to the devil?” 
  30. “I heard that!” “You were supposed to!” 
  31. “I need therapy after this.” 
  32. “You didn’t get in trouble for lying. You got in trouble for lying badly.” 
  33. “I’m not weird. I am limited edition.” 
  34. “I turned out liking you a lot more that I originally planned.” 
  35. “I think you’re weird.” “I think you’re boring.” 
  36. “If history repeats itself, I am so getting a dinosaur.” 
  37. “You seem somewhat familiar. Have I threatened you before?” 
  38. “I’m afraid I’ve been thinking…” “A dangerous pastime.” 
  39. “I’d explain it to you, but you’re brain would explode.” 
  40. “Wow, there’s a big surprise. I think I’m going to have a heart attack and die from surprise.” 
  41. “I’m gonna hit you so hard, it’ll make you ancestors dizzy.” 
  42. “Even when we were kids, I always kicked your ass!” 
  43. “Sarcasm is the body’s natural reaction to stupidity.” 
  44. “You’re good. A monster pain in the ass… but you’re good.” 
  45. “Well, excuse me, psychic wonder!” 
  46. “The female of the species is more deadly than the male.” 
  47. “Don’t look in her eyes, she might steal your soul.” 
  48. “She’s hot, but she’s evil.” 
  49. “Do I regret it? Yes. Would I do it again? Probably.” 
  50. “I already know that I’m going to hell. At this point it’s really go big or go home.” 
  51. “Go on, knock his teeth down his throat.” 
  52. “You’re going to burn in a very special level of hell. A level they reserve for child molesters, animal abusers and people who talk at the theater.” 
  53. “What’s the point in screaming? No one’s listening anyway.” 
  54. “I’m not a damsel in distress. I’m a damsel doing damage.” 
  55. “So stick that in your juice box and suck it.” 
  56. “Never take life seriously. No one ever comes out alive anyway.” 
  57. “This place hold a lot of memories for me. Some bad, some… No. No, no, all bad.” 
  58. “A little gasoline… blowtorch… no problem.” 
  59. “Good, bad, I’m the one with the gun.” 
  60. “I know you can’t kill anybody, ‘cause I can’t kill anybody.” 
  61. “You’re insane, but you might also be brilliant.” 
  62. “What you call insanity, I call inspiration.” 
  63. “Sometimes I question my sanity. Occasionally it replies.” 
  64. “Why should we date?” “Because we are attracted to each other.” “I am attracted to pie, but I do not feel the need to date pie.” 
  65. “Why does everyone assume the worst of me.” “It saves time.” 
  66. “I like you. You’re different.” 
  67. “You successfully cured him/her of anything interesting about his/her personality.” 
  68. “Neither one us is drunk enough for this conversation.” 
  69. “You’re questioning my methods.” “I’m not questioning it, I’m saying it’s stupid.” 
  70. “Wow, somebody needs a Happy Meal.” 
  71. “I didn’t do it!” “Then why are you laughing?” “Because whoever did it is a freaking genius.” 
  72. “Idiots. I’m surrounded by idiots.” 
  73. “You couldn’t handle me even if I came with instructions.” 
  74. “I care so little, I almost passed out.” 
  75. “Well behaved woman rarely make history.” 
  76. “You’re so weird.” “You have no idea.” 
  77. “The universe may not always play fair, but at least it’s got a hell of a sense of humor.” 
  78. “You haven’t even seen my bad side yet.” 
  79. “Obviously you have mistaken me for somebody who gives a shit.” 
  80. “How’s life treating you?” “Like I ran over it’s dog.” 
  81. “Rule number one: don’t bother sucking up. I already hate you, that’s not going to change.” 
  82. “Oh God, we’re not gonna have to hug or anything, are we.” 
  83. “I’m so glad you could come.” “Cut the crap. Give me a drink.” 
  84. “You make no sense to me.” “Welcome to my life.” 
  85. “Have fun being deal.” “I will.” 
  86. “Damn, you’re strong for a little thing.” 
  87. “It’s called thinking. Go with it.” 
  88. “I made a new friend today.” “Real or imaginary?” “Imaginary.” 
  89. “Where have you been all my life?” “Hiding from you.” 
  90. “I’m getting real bored and impatient. I don’t do bored and impatient.” 
  91. “The girl is strange no question.” 
  92. “Do us a favor… I know it’s difficult for you… but please, stay here, and try no to do anything… stupid.” 
  93. “I know most people don’t like me; I don’t care, I don’t like most people.” 
  94. “You are a very strange person.” “Well, thanks for noticing.” 
  95. “I can tell that you think what you’re saying is funny, but… no.”
  96. “I didn’t steal it. I permanently borrowed it.” 
  97. “I’m not shy. I’m just examining my prey.” 
  98. “If you pull out my earphones, I will pull out your lungs.”
  99. “I don’t dislike you, I nothing you.” 
  100. “Are you crying? No, I’m impersonating a fountain.” 
  101. “Ah, he’s playing hard-to-get. That’s cute.” 
  102. “You’re kinda anti-social, you know that?” 
  103. “I feel like a freakin’ soccer mom.” 
  104. “My advice is much more subtle. Stop being an ass.” 
  105. “I’m just gonna pack up and go straight to hell now.” 
  106. “My ex? Yeah, I’d still hit that. Except this time it would be with a car or baseball bat.” 
  107. “She’s complicated like the DaVinci code, you know but harder to crack.” 
  108. “And just like everything else we do around here, it’s about to get weirder.” 
  109. “Such big evil in such a little thing.” 
  110. “Why do I still like you, knowing you’re a total asshole?” 
  111. “What does not kill you will likely try again.” 
  112. “Oh honey, I would but… I don’t want to.” 
  113. “And hello to you too… little homewrecker.” 
  114. “I’m gonna make you wish you were dead.” 
  115. “I don’t need anger management. I need people to stop pissing me off.” 
  116. “What doesn’t kill me might make me kill you.”
  117. “In another life, I think I was in a mental institution.” 
  118. “I’m not crazy. I’m just interesting.” 
  119. “Don’t make me pop your ten grand sand bags honey.” 
  120. “This is fun.” “Seriously, we’re trying to hide a body.” 

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My Puppy | 1

Originally posted by rapnamu

CHAPTER ONE

Chapters: [1][2]

Pairing: Taehyung X Reader-First Person View

Genre & Warnings: SMUT, fluff, pet play. 

Word Count: 4,406

NOTE: Pure Filth. Turn back now if you don’t want to see. Turning Tae Tae into my Fuck Puppy (Thanks, Anon). Soft femdom. Let me tell you, it was an EXPERIENCE writing this, and I am still not perfectly pleased with it. Mostly because I’m never happy with my own smut writing. I had to do so much research, so google probably thinks I’m freaky naughty af. Which I suppose I am considering I wrote this lol. So, for those that are hardcore into this and think I didn’t portray it well enough, I’m sorry, I tried. And I learned quite a bit about myself, like the fact that if I ever get my hands on someone like Tae, I am so going to try this. Now enjoy, and excuse me as I go drench myself in holy water to cleanse myself of sin. 


“You know, I hate the winter. It reminds me of your cold heart.”

My now ex-boyfriend mutters this line, looking into the snowy sky. He sighs loudly and saunters off, without looking back. What a fucking drama queen. I can’t help but snort as I watch him disappear into the light snowfall, and wonder what movie he got that line from.

Cold heart.

I don’t have a cold heart. He was just a damn bore. He never wanted to do anything but watch movies and freaked out if I suggested anything besides missionary. I’ve been thinking about breaking up with him for weeks now but was putting it off because I knew he’d cry. This saved me all the hassle.

Note to self: Don’t date actors.

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How To Survive A Boring Lecture

1. Scare yourself straight. “If I don’t pay attention to this lesson and remember every single sentence the teacher says I’ll never get into college. If I don’t get into college, I’m never going to earn my degree. I’ll end up 35 years old, still living with my parents and no hopes of getting my own house and family. No one will respect or dare depend on me for advice or anything. Say those words to yourself, share yourself that way and you will pay attention.

2. Even A students get bored at times by lectures.  What is the difference between the A student and the C student?  Their approach to the lecture.  Don’t let “boring” become an excuse for not showing up to class.  Dive right in, sit near the front, buy a coffee, and simply face the fact that you will be less than entertained for a couple of hours.  Get in the mental game and you will survive.

3. Note Focus Since the teacher is boring, you need to find something you can make interesting. While I usually don’t recommend note taking unless the student really enjoys the process, this is a time when note taking can be a huge advantage.

When you take notes, you give your brain an explicit purpose in listening to the teacher speak. If you’re not writing something down on your sheet of paper then you instantly know you’re probably not paying enough attention. While you shouldn’t try to get down every word the teacher says, if keeping up with the teacher is an absolute breeze then continue trying to write down more. This process forces you to focus on the teacher despite the lecture being boring. It gives you a clear and measurable objective when it comes to focus. If at the end of the class, you have no notes written down then you definitely failed. If you have pages of notes written down then, whether you enjoyed it or not, you at least focused a little through the lecture.

4. The Subject – Not The Speaker  Make sure you’re focusing on the subject of the boring lecture instead of the speaker. Focusing on a person that talks too slow or speaks in a monotone voice can be downright painful. If you want to put up with it then it’s usually best to focus as much of your energy on the subject as you can. Don’t try to hear the teacher’s enthusiasm. Don’t listen to emotional content. Listen as if the teacher is just a computer reading off something. Listen mechanically instead of emotionally.

This is a process of distancing yourself from your own emotions. Do everything you can to keep all your emotional energy on your own representation of the information you’re being told. By focusing on that you can limit your distraction and boredom during the worst of it.

5.  Absolutely read the material before class.  If you are unfamiliar with the course material then it will only magnify the boredom.  Not reading would be like signing up for a book club, going to the gathering but never bothering to open the book. How boring!  Be sure to prepare and stay in the loop.  When you are reading the material create possible questions to ask in class (if the professor takes questions).  Participating in class speeds up time for you.  And, you never know, your question could prompt others to speak up and the class could take an intriguing turn.  Dare I suggest, you might enjoy the class then.

6.  Do not take out your phone to answer, chat or read emails.  Again, this will make the boredom worse.  You are essentially running away from the problem by turning to the cell phone rather than confronting the issue head on.  This is a C student response.  Moreover, it is a bad habit.  After college, you might find yourself in other boring situations like work meetings.  It is not a good (or beneficial) idea to tune out and gravitate to your phone while others are talking.  Indeed, there will be times when your good friends bore you!  Would you take out your phone while they talk?  Of course not.  For class time, strengthen your concentration abilities and keep the phone in your bag.

7.   Through The Motions If you’re absolutely desperate to focus then eventually, it’s best to focus on going through the motions. If you learn to go through the motions of focusing then you’ll eventually start actually focusing on the subject. It’s virtually automatic. If you can’t force yourself to focus mentally than just forcing yourself to go through the motions will be able to get you most of the way there. When you go through the motions you’re giving your brain the signals that you’re trying to focus on the subject. Most of the time, your brain follows the motions you put your physical body through

Many years ago, I used to be a feminist. At first it was merely a “yeah, girl power! Feminism!” kind of thing. And then I moved back home from an abusive relationship, and started hanging out with one of my best friends more often. He was one of the few guys that was a genuine friend and didn’t want to try to get into my pants. Or so I thought. After several months, having found some peace and routine with him, he brought up the prospect of being anything more. Thing is, I felt nothing for him in that aspect. I mentioned this, told him that it wouldn’t feel right forcing myself to be in a relationship with him when I didn’t actually see him in a romantic way and that it would only be cruel to him. He was disheartened, but he didn’t bring it up again for a while.

He was a pharmacy student who was on the cusp of graduation. He studied well and had high grades, and part of our hangout routine was him using his homework and notes to “teach” me (I didn’t really pay attention, but it helped him to better understand his material). One weekend - Halloween, actually, as I will always remember it - he was picking me up from my place so we could spend a few days lounging and playing video games. His car broke down and we spent hours waiting for the tow truck. The next night, we were playing video games per usual. He asked about whether or not I wanted to go somewhere and do something different. I told him that, understanding his financial situation, it would be best if we just continued with our normal routine. At the time, I didn’t think much of it. I figured “Hey, he must just be bored and stressed.” He seemed flustered and excused himself to get us some drinks from downstairs.

He came back with some drinks. I remember that mine tasted odd. I chalked it up to flat soda and allergies to the cats. Soon after, I got extremely tired. I thought it was because I hadn’t slept a few days and it was catching up to me, and I was with someone that I trusted.

I woke up feeling weird. My clothes were gone, I was in his bed, and he was on top of me. His tongue was down my throat. Every ounce of trust I had went down the drain. I was enraged. He was the ONLY male I had trusted. He was my best friend. I hardly trusted my own father to not hurt me at this point in my life because of how rocky our relationship had been. The man I had just left was sexually, physically, and emotionally abusive. This man, the man I so foolishly had considered my best friend, had broken every ounce of trust. I don’t even know the full extent to what he had done to me. But I demanded a ride home.

I never went to the police because I didn’t think they would believe me and at the time I still cared for him as a friend. I didn’t understand at the time everything that had happened. It didn’t completely sink in for years that he had drugged me. It didn’t sink in that he was the one who took off my clothes, that he had touched me in places he knew I would never allow. And I didn’t want to ruin his life over it. But it hit deep enough that I began to hate all men. Every one of them.

A couple of months later, after barring him completely from my life, I was hanging out with my female best friend. She took me out with two of her male friends, who I didn’t like or trust. And a guy that I’d liked from high school met us at the place we were hanging out. He pulled me off to a secluded area and started kissing me. At first I didn’t mind. He was cute, and seeing him kind of rekindled the old flame. But then he wouldn’t stop. And I started pushing him away from me, but he would pull me closer. I’d tell him to stop, and he would tell me that I didn’t really want that. I started struggling and yelling.

My best friend with her friends came across us. I came to find out that she didn’t know he had taken me away and had been looking for us. He friends separated us. I was crushed, because once again a man had broken my trust. My friend, instead of consoling me, lashed out at him. Accused him of “using me to get to her because he knew she liked him.” She didn’t try to make sure I was okay. But her friends did. Her two male friends, who I hadn’t liked simply on the basis that they were male, told me that if they had known the extent to which things had happened they would have beaten his ass instead of telling him to leave. One, who had just gotten out of jail, said that if I knew where the guy lived he would be more than willing to go back to protect me from the guy. These two men were more understanding than she had been.

They took me home. I was too shaken up to be fun. My dad saw how I was, and asked me what happened. The guy worked with my father. I told my dad what he did. He asked me what I wanted to do. My only words were “I want him to go away.” My dad said he could make that happen. And he did. The guy moved to California within the month.

I began having doubts about whether or not all men deserved to be hated simply because of their penis.

Months later, I began going to school the place my dad worked at. I realized that a lot of the ladies there liked my father. He wouldn’t ever do anything to return this “friendliness” from the women. My father prided himself on being professional. He was a completely different person than he was at home. One of the women who consistently tried to advance on my father began to feel spurned. So she and some of the other girls conspired together. They made false accusations about my father. Saying he would touch them and speak inappropriately to them. The school wouldn’t even listen to my father. They wouldn’t even allow him to defend himself. “The accusation alone is proof enough” were their official words. They made him resign.

My father began working as the general manager of a chain of luxury refinery. The girls that he hired took a liking to him, and when he turned down their advancements, they did the same. They accused him of sexually harassing them. When he didn’t. Once again, he was forced to resign. “This has happened twice. If it happens again, we will be forced to revoke your license.” Once again, they didn’t even allow him to defend himself. They wouldn’t see the video footage of him telling them to stop. They wouldn’t see the texts of him telling them to calm down. Because he was male.

And I realized that I, as a woman, held more power than any man ever could. I realized that all it took was mere words to destroy a man’s life. That wasn’t weakness. It wasn’t oppression, not on a woman’s part. I realized that there were shitty men and shitty women. But there was no shortage of good men either. And there was no shortage of good women.

My resentment for men faded, and it faded fast. My resentment for feminism grew for forcing me to be so scared of men, because despite my terrible experiences there were men who were willing to go to prison to defend a woman that they hadn’t known for more than five hours.


My entire point is that you are allowed to be hurt by your past experiences. You are allowed to feel, to grow past it. But don’t harbor the hatred. Don’t turn it against the people who didn’t actually do anything to you. If a man abuses you in any way, shape, or form, it’s on him. It isn’t on the shoulders of every other man in existence.

Misandry isn’t the answer. Don’t let your fear turn into hatred, please. Learn to grow past it. Because no matter how scared you are, there are people strong enough to protect you, who are willing to do so in the blink of an eye. People who don’t even know you who still love you enough to treat you like family. And it’s not their fault that there are fucked up people. People, not just men. People.

#SherlockLives: The Resurrection

The day is April 23rd, 2017.  It’s an ordinary Sunday afternoon in London.

The crowd bustles, trains whirr, birds chirp.

Life in the city is business as usual.

Three teenage girls take photographs outside 187 North Gower Street, soaking in the ambiance of the Sherlock set.  They step into Speedy’s for a cup of coffee.

The women lament over the loss of their favorite show. On March 8th, the BBC announced Sherlock would not be returning for a fifth series, and cowriters Steven Moffat and Mark Gatiss were quick to assure their fans that it was time to lay the beloved program to rest.

But what the women saw next changed their lives forever.

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