excuse me but i need this on my blog

so like… can we please stop acting like mentally ill people are always the abusive one in the relationship, or thst mentally ill people are inherently abusive, or that their illness is negatively affecting/hurting the abled person theyre with more than them.

like when did good ideas like “mental illness isnt an excuse to be abusive” quickly become “mentally ill people are all abusive,” and “i couldnt be with a mentally ill person, theyd abuse me”

when did “abuse is never okay” become “ableism is okay”

Being unmotivated is not an excuse.

During these past couple of months, I had this urge of working extremely hard to actually get better at school–my academics. I studied everyday and I worked hard and put every ounce of effort into all of my work. I never let anything slide. When exams came around, I got nervous, I was unmotivated, I was not ready to acknowledge the fact that I was about to sit these exams. 

When I did, every word I wrote on those pages were not good enough, slowly I felt like everything I worked for in the past couple of month were slipping through my fingertips. I was saddened. Exam after exam I felt myself slowly drifting away, loosing myself to  pieces of paper I prepared my self so hard for. I had nights were I was so sad, and just slept unsoundly. I was sad. Extremely sad. And I knew that when I got my grades back, I wasn’t going to get the grades I wanted–and I didn’t. I got average grades and there I felt myself feel extremely angry and just unmotivated to do anything after pursuing these exams. 

My teachers have hope that I will get better grades and that I could easily bump myself up to higher points. They had faith in me, when I didn’t. How was I supposed to continue studying if I was feeling unmotivated? If I didn’t believe in myself completely? 

These past couple of months hit me like a ton of bricks. People were getting better grades than me, and to be honest it did bother me. Why? Because I want to feel that satisfaction, that relief to receiving those amazing grades. I want to feel acknowledged, I want to feel like I accomplished something. I want to feel like I am ready to take on the world and its challenges without the feeling that I was not able to accomplish any of the challenges. 

I pitied myself. I felt sorry for myself. 

Then came a day, were I woke up and finally realized that feeling sorry for myself, feeling pity for myself, feeling unmotivated, feeling like I am not smart enough, feeling like I am not worth it is not an excuse for me anymore. Those feelings are never going to get me to that top university. The universities are looking for people who can take initiatives, people who are capable of taking control of their own life, people who don’t give up that easily, and finally people who don’t get unmotivated so easily and keep trying their best even when they are at their worst. 

That is the kind of personality I need, that is the kind of personality which I will have. I will not stop till I get the grades that I want, I will work my hardest and smartest from now on, I will learn how to prioritize my social life from my school life. I need to learn how to balance. And most importantly I need to learn how to not give up so easily and feel unmotivated so easily. Being unmotivated is not an excuse for me anymore, and nor should it be for you. Being unmotivated wont allow you to get those grades, those accomplishments. 

Stop. Sexualizing. Underaged. Idols.

Still seeing blogs write smut about underaged idols. And some of them have the nerve to defend themselves… im sick 😷 this honestly needs to stop. Having a perfect stranger writing smut about you is uncomfortable regardless of age. But UNDERAGE!?! I’m almost 18, but when I see a link that leads to smut about a idol that is close to my age or younger absolutely makes me want to throw up. No excuses whatever can justify underaged idol smut. NOTHING.

thedepressedpickle  asked:

Hey can you recommend me like 10 or so books? I really need to read more. Love the blog and stuff.

YES telling people to read amazing books is like my favourite thing to do so thank you for giving me an excuse to do that, precious little muffin

*Cherub by Robert Muchamore - this is about kids who work for MI5 and is my absolute go to book series when I want to get out of a reading slump! Also there’s 17 books so… plenty of reading material. ALSO if you like books set in ww2 the prequel series is called Henderson’s Boys and they are also very good (you don’t need to read Cherub to understand it and vice versa)
*Lockwood and co. by Jonathan Stroud - ghost hunting and also lots of tea and cake. This series is also my current obsession and I won’t rest until everyone has read it
*Alex Rider by Anthony Horowitz - teenaged spies again but with more gadgets and truly awful puns
*Chaos Walking by Patrick Ness - it’s set on a different planet where you can see people’s thoughts and it’s just. So. Good.
*Percy Jackson by Rick Riordan - demigods go around fighting monsters and it’s super funny
*The School for Good and Evil by Soman Chainani - another take on fairytales, the title makes it sound a bit ehhhh but they’re sooooo good! (btw @happyhippogames made me read these and she demands credit for that)
*The Lunar Chronicles by Marissa Meyer - fairytales again, but in SPACE!!!! Also a bit on Earth but… there are robots so it’s cool
*A Series of Unfortunate Events by Lemony Snicket - so gloriously miserable
*Keys to the Kingdom by Garth Nix - it’s a house! With another world in it! It is weird but good and I can’t explain book plots to save my life
*Eragon by Christopher Paolini - dude it’s dragons. It’s gonna be great
*Timeriders by Alex Scarrow - a bunch of people have to stop people messing with time and there are so many plot twists it’s insane help me
*Young Bond by Charlie Higson - this is exactly what you think it is.

Happy reading!!!!! xx

anonymous asked:


I COMPLETELY AGREE WITH YOU, LOVE. THIS BLOG IS TURNING INTO AN ANGST SITE, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD. Excuse me, but I haven’t written this much angst in awhile. Bear with me for a bit.

Also I’m going to be doing more drabbles because there’s only so much I can do with headcanons. Apologies for the slight change, love.


The minute he heard your scream echo in the closed alleyway, he immediately assassinated the two Templars standing vigil for any intruders and ran towards the sound of your panic filled voice.

You were only a civilian, an ordinary woman that Altaïr had only seen around Masyaf a few times. But it was enough for him to come to your rescue.

There you were, pinned against a wall with most of your weapons discarded on the ground with a Templar knight baring a yellow toothed grin at you.

“Look at you, squirming underneath me. Maybe I should bring you back to Robert so he can decide what will become of you. Rumor has it, that one of those Assassins has a vested interest in you.” The knight sneers and Altaïr quickly dashes behind your attacker and extends his Hidden Blade into his neck. He crumples to the ground, muffled gurgling noises erupting from his throat as his movements slowly stilled to a stop.

The tears you were desperately attempting to hold back flows freely as Altaïr embraces you tightly and you hold on to him, afraid that he would disappear if you let go.

“It’s alright. You’re safe now.”

(An AU of the headcanons I did for Ezio’s S/O being hanged because I won’t forgive myself unless I made a more happier version of that situation.)


No. This is not happening.’ Ezio thought to himself as he watched two guards lead you out to the wooden platform with a hastily made gallows and a noose at the ready, waiting to strangle an unfortunate soul to death.

You caught a glimpse of a white hood making its way towards the stage and you try your best to not exhale in relief.

Ezio’s here. As he always has been.’

You close your eyes in anticipation as the grip on your wrists slack and a knife is pressed into your hands. When you open your eyes again, you see Ezio standing in front of you, motioning for you to follow. You gladly do so, stabbing at any guards that try to hinder you from reaching your goal as the audience screams and runs haphazardly to safety.

The moment you approach a narrow passage between two tall buildings, strong arms wrap themselves around you and soft lips meet your own. You eagerly lean into the kiss as you bite on Ezio’s bottom lip.

“Do not try to force me to leave you behind again. I won’t be able to live with myself if I see you about to be hanged again.” He mumbles as he breaks the kiss.

“I promise, mi amour.” You reply as you kiss him desperately once more.



Your voice resonated clearly as you tried your best to fight off the redcoats that had begun to surround you. No matter how many you killed, there was always another to take their fallen comrade’s place.

This is how I die.’ You say to yourself until you see a arrow finding its way onto the neck of one of the advancing soldiers. Several more arrows find their path towards your attackers as you look up. There he was, standing with his bow and one more arrow notched, ready to injure its target.

You manage to take advantage of the chaos that had turned its favor towards you and you eliminate the last of the redcoats as Connor leaps off the roof and onto safe ground.

The only thing you thought of doing as Connor approached you was hugging him as tightly as you could manage.

“I’m here, Y/N. I’m right here.”


You thought you had the upper hand, but as it turns out, you were wrong. Now you were thrown onto the wooden floor with your weapon too far from your reach and your assailant advancing towards you at an agonizing pace.

“You’re late to a meeting with Governor Torres, little miss.” Your assailant snarls as they snatch you by the collar of your shirt. You wriggle in their grasp as you feel the tip of their sword beginning to pierce your skin until blood stains your shirt and you fall to the ground once more. However, this time you’re saved by a pair of strong arms while you stare at a pair of blue eyes.

“Relax, lass, it’s only me.” Edward grins at you as he steadies you before handing your sword back to you.

You smile as you sheath the blade back before saying, “Thank you.”


Not again. You won’t become like Élise.’ Arno’s thoughts scream as he races towards you through narrow passageways and various shortcuts around the catacombs. ‘The Templars won’t take you away from this world, not today.’

You try your best not to display any facial expression as you wait for the leather whip in your torturer’s hand to slash your body in its brutal manner when you hear the angered shouts of guards.

“ASSASSIN! GET THE PRISONER!” The head guard orders as he storms into the room, hastily removing you from the chair you were bound to. You feel coarse dark fabric being forced onto your head when you suddenly couldn’t feel anything at all. Everything had gone silent around you until you managed to hear faint footsteps circle around you before your eyes were exposed to light again.

“Arno?” You inquire softly as the binds slip off your wrists. A blue coat enters your line of sight before you feel the pressure against your ankles grow slack and you slowly stand up.

“Y/N.” Arno smiles gratefully and pulls you close to his chest.

Je t’aime, Arno.” You whisper into his ear.

Je t’aime aussi, mon amour.” He replies and the two of you stand there, time slipping away as the sun begins shining into the room.


“Let her go!” Jacob shouts as a brutish hulking Blighter continues to slice your arms. “She has nothing to do with this!”

“Sorry, love, but do tell us how we can get you to talk without harming your precious lady?” Another Blighter sneers as you scream in pain, a cut that was too deep and too much for you to bear.

“Like this.” Jacob snaps as he headbutts the taunting Blighter and steals his knife, effectively severing the multiple knots securing him to his chair. The brute that had been maiming you extensively stomps towards Jacob and lunges at him before Jacob swiftly sidesteps and buries the dagger deep in the Blighter’s back as he rushes towards you. He removes another blade from a nearby table and takes away the gag that had been forcefully stuffed in your mouth while he cuts the ropes from your arms and feet.

“You’re safe now, Y/N. You’re going to be okay.” Jacob insists as he begins to treat your wounds as best he can.

“Please don’t leave me, Jacob. Please.” You manage to sob as Jacob finishes wiping blood from your leg.

“Of course, love. I promise.”

Please excuse my bitterness as I try to navigate through your complex signals, Its hard not knowing what you want from me. It’s only a defense mechanism to your hot and cold moments- I’m tired of burning myself everytime you seem to be warm but are spewing fire. I need to learn not to get too close to the sun…

My mind keeps hoping you’ve somehow changed but Its rejection I get met with instead.


May 30 2017


get to know me ★ [1/15] films
↳ The Lord of the Rings

“Do you remember the Shire, Mr. Frodo? It’ll be spring soon. And the orchards will be in blossom. And the birds will be nesting in the hazel thicket. And they’ll be sowing the summer barley in the lower fields. And eating the first of the strawberries with cream. Do you remember the taste of strawberries?“

Don’t Do This

Listen, I need to talk to some of you.

I resent my words being used as ammunition to send another human being hateful or shaming anonymous messages.

I get it, you know. People do stupid things sometimes, or they do perfectly ordinary things that just happened to turn out badly. Sometimes things are just bad luck. Preventable events are very frustrating to see, and it’s hard to resist temptation to claim ‘I told you so’.

But pouncing upon anyone over how they care for their animals to shame or guilt them is not helpful or constructive. It’s bullying.

If you’re sending someone snide remarks on anon, you’re not educating or being helpful. You’re being a coward and a bully. You’re doing it to make yourself feel smart of powerful, because you want an excuse to feel justified being angry at another human being, and this does less than nothing for the animal in question. They haven’t even been correct 100% of the time.

No wonder so many of my asks are Anonymous.

It makes me very angry that people are harassing others over things that have already happened and so cannot be changed, especially when they may not have all the relevant details.

It makes me especially angry to know that my words have been used to justify this behavior.

This behavior has made me contemplate not answering asks at all so that these bullies don’t have ‘ammunition’ to throw at people who have just been asking for advice.

It is not appropriate behavior within a community to harass people about things that should have been done, or could have been done. If somebody needs a stomping on I am perfectly capable of stomping upon them myself. I neither need, nor want, anonymous crusaders to use anything I write as an excuse to hound somebody.

#37 He Scares You During a Fight (Harry)

Warning: angry Harry, rudeness, Niall telling him to sod off, a little bit of physical violence. 

A/N: I do not think that Harry would ever, ever act like this. This is a work of fiction. That being said, if you are in a situation where you are being treated badly, or you have been in a situation like that, it is not your fault. It was never your fault, and it never will be. If you need help, there’s no shame in getting it or asking for it. If you ever need to talk, you can always message or send me an ask, here or at my main blog.  (poemwriter98) Take care of yourselves. 

Harry pushed open the door to your room, and stepped inside.

“Are you ready?” Harry inquired, shoving his hands into his suit pockets.

“Almost,” You replied. “I just need to finish my hair, and find my shoes.”

“Why do you always take so damn long? Better yet, why the hell can’t you start getting ready earlier?” Harry snapped.

“Excuse me?” You said, putting your hairbrush down.

“You heard me. You’re too slow. You don’t get ready early enough, and then we’re always late to where we have to go,” Harry snapped.

“Well, why don’t you just go without me? Then you can go and not worry about being late,” You angrily said, slamming your brush down on the dresser.

“Just hurry up!” Harry shouted.

“No! I’m not going. I don’t want to go anywhere with someone who treats me like you are,” You snapped, standing. You started to walk over to the closet, when you felt Harry’s hand wrap around your wrist, holding it tightly. “Let me go.”

“Are you going to get your shoes on if I do?” Harry angrily asked.

“No. I’m not going, Harry,” You fumed.

“You are going. I have been waiting forever for this event, and they’re expecting me to come with you,” Harry snapped, enraged.

“I’m not going! I don’t care if they’re expecting me,” You cried, trying to pry his fingers off your wrist. “Let me go. You’re hurting me.”

Harry stepped back, his hand falling from your wrist. You wrapped your fingers around it, holding your wrist to your chest.

“Love-” Harry stammered.

“Just go,” You whispered, your eyes bright. “Please, just leave.”

Harry walked out of the room, glancing behind him one last time. After Harry left, you quickly changed out of your clothes, and got into bed. You held tightly to one of your pillows, burying your face in it. You couldn’t believe what Harry had done; he had hurt you, and frightened you. You sobbed until your eyes were dry, and you fell into a restless sleep.


“Harry, I think you should stop,” Niall said, placing a hand on Harry’s shoulder.

“I fucked up, Niall,” Harry slurred. “I scared (Y/N). I got angry at her, when she didn’t deserve it. I don’t think she wants to see me ever again.”

“I’m sure that’s not true, Harry,” Niall quietly said.

“You didn’t see the look on her face,” Harry said, his voice hollow.

“Listen, mate, how about we get you home? You can tell me about it on the way,” Niall said.

Niall helped Harry into the passenger’s seat of the car, and he began the drive home.

“I was upset that she wasn’t finished getting ready,” Harry murmured, staring at his lap. “I told her that she was always slow to get ready, and that we were always late because of it. She got mad at me, and said she wasn’t coming. When she went to walk away, I grabbed her wrist. She said I was hurting her. God, Niall, I hurt her.”

“Did you let go?” Niall inquired, his hands clenched on the steering wheel.

“I did. I wanted to stay, to apologize, but she told me to leave. I thought….I thought listening to her and leaving might be best,” Harry whispered.

“It probably was. A bit of space, for both of you,” Niall replied, pulling into Harry’s driveway. “Harry, I know you didn’t mean to hurt her. You were angry, and you reacted badly. I know that you know that what you did isn’t acceptable. You know I love (Y/N) like a sister. If I find out that you’ve done something like this again, you’re going to have me to answer to. Okay?”

“Okay, Niall,” Harry quietly said, opening the door of the car. He stepped out, slowly walking towards the front door, his shoulders bowed. When he got inside, he collapsed on the couch and lay there, staring up at the ceiling. He had no idea how to fix what he had done, no idea if you would even forgive him.


“Harry, wake up,” You said, your hand on his shoulder.

“(Y/N)?” Harry tiredly said, his eyes slowly opening.

“Morning, Harry,” You said, before walking away from him and into the kitchen.

“Wait, love,” Harry said, standing and following you.

“What is it?” You muttered, plugging in the coffee machine.

“Will you please look at me?” Harry quietly said. You turned, leaning back against the counter.

“What do you want?” You inquired.

“I’m so, so sorry about last night, (Y/N). The way I behaved was absolutely inexcusable.” Harry

whispered, sounding drained.

“It was,” You replied. “Do you think that will ever happen again?”

“No. No, it will never happen again,” Harry quietly said.

“Good,” You replied.

“So….You’re not leaving me?” Harry murmured.

“No, I’m not,” You said, smiling at him. “But I will, if you ever pull something like that again. And Niall said to remind you that he will kick your arse if he hears about anything like this happening again.”

“I vaguely remember him saying that,” Harry muttered.

“He just wanted to make sure,” You said.

“I love you, (Y/N),” Harry said, holding his arms out. You stepped closer to him, leaning your head against his chest. Harry held you close, pressing his lips to the top of your head.

-Written by Angel xx

Hey folks.  I need a favor.

I’m asking you all for some kind of accountability.  I have been spiraling for a good solid two weeks now and I have probably wrecked a couple of friendships over it.  I learned all about some trigger points I have and how they affect me.  This was a really bad one.  It’s had me yelling at people I love, being unreasonable, being combative and reactionary, crying, isolating, and basically being a complete fucking nightmare.  I’m only just now coming out of it, and I’m still feeling a bit hypersensitive.

I’ve considered meds (but found the risks more than I’m comfortable with given my current situation) and I go to therapy, and right now I’m on a waiting list for a cognitive behavioral therapy program (that honestly seems like the best tool I’m going to find).  That being said, in the short term my coping skills suck.  The only thing that I know for a fact works for me with any regularity is exercise and getting outdoors.  Of course I have an excuse for that too and I haven’t been working out because I have some negative body issues, I don’t deal well with street harassment (especially the “are you trans?” and “you look like a man” type that I’ve encountered on my runs in the past) so I’ve been avoiding it.

Basically, I need to start exercising again because it’s the only surefire tool I have in the short term.  I don’t want to turn this into a fitness blog, and I don’t want to upset anyone with posts about body composition (or recomposition), weight, or running/exercise posts, but I do want to start keeping a sort of daily fitness/wellness check-in.  I’d like to know what people’s thoughts are on a post a day about my personal exercise goals being part of the normal feed here.  You can respond to the post or in an ask.

Thanks in advance.  I know a lot of folks have expressed interest in trying to help me in various ways, and this kind of accountability is a real concrete thing that you all can help me with, but only if you’re ok with it.

This post is long overdue but I wanted to apologise for how ridiculously inactive I’ve been on here. It’s been really shitty of me to just stop posting like that and I’m sorry if anyone has been disappointed by the recent lack of activity on this blog

As a way of explanation, I’ve been in the States working for Disney since just before the end of the reread so I’ve had a lot going on and this blog has suffered from both a lack of free time and an overwhelming amount of activities to do whenever I do have time off. However I’ve been here for six weeks now and am well past the settling in period, so though this is an explanation it is by no means an excuse so again I apologise for just ditching this blog like that

The other side of the coin is that I just needed a break from tumblr for a while. I’ve been on this site since I was sixteen and I recently realised that it was becoming quite a toxic place for me. I was spending all my time scrolling through my dash rather than focusing on the real world and in all honesty it wasn’t very good for my mental health. So I’ve essentially deleted my main blog. I mean, it’s still there, but I’ve unfollowed everyone and I feel like I’m going to let that blog die

However I don’t want to do that here. This blog reminds me of tumblr when I first started. It’s interactive, it’s fun, we have a great community here and I love running a blog that people seem to enjoy. So this blog isn’t gone forever, I just needed to take some time away from tumblr for a bit. Anyone who’s been here for more than a couple of years will probably understand

So the plan going forward is to try and be more active again. I won’t be jumping straight back into posts everyday on all four blogs. That’s just not going to happen with my current schedule. However I’m going to try turning on the original content tap again and we’ll see what comes out and how frequently I post

In summary: I’m sorry I’ve been such a shitty admin, I’m going to try and get back into the swing of things but you’ll have to be patient with me

Thanks guys


diditwhisper replied to your post

“Antis: “Sakura won’t ever be a part of the Uchiha clan!1!!!11!”…”

sarada canoically wants her mom to bring home a dad. sakura canonically only had a date with sasuke for 2 ½ minutes which she suspects sasuke himself forgot about. sasuke canonically doesn’t keep in contact with sakura. fuck outta here

  • Sarada canonically wants her dad to come home, as she had always done, or was her comment too complex for you to comprehend?
  • It was apparently only their first date, and Sakura didn’t even consider it as such, those were Ino’s words, not hers. And just because she thought Sasuke may have forgotten about it doesn’t mean that he did.
  • Sasuke canonically doesn’t contact Sakura directly, but he relays messages to her through Naruto, so it’s not like they completely lacked any communication, or did you already happen to forget what happened only 2 episodes ago?

Now if you’re done making a complete fool of yourself, you left that reply in my post explaining how Sakura is canonically a part of the clan, whether people want to admit it or not. So tell me, regardless of how utterly ignorant your comments were, how did any of the nonsense you claimed in any way refute the fact that Sakura is canonically a part of the clan? Please explain, because none of the rubbish you said has any relevance to my post whatsoever.

So I look forward to seeing whatever ridiculous excuse you choose to come up with. In the mean time, I suggest you follow your own advice and “fuck outta here”, I don’t need this gibberish contaminating my blog.

Thank you guys for going on this journey with me, the triplets and all the other characters I met in these almost two years.

I really enjoyed drawing those dorks and interact with other people, I even got the chance to meet new people that later became my friends in real life.

But here is the thing…

What was once supposed to be a just-for-fun blog where I could draw stupid mini comics and lovely happy dorks became a toxic place.
It’s like I really want to keep going on but there is this giant blockade that drains all my joy from drawing BroAU content.
No matter what I draw, there is always that bothering feeling of “Oh, who do you gonna trigger this time?”, “Who is going to feel disappointed/sad/betrayed now?”

I don’t care what a random anon says
but people I know better, maybe even called friends…
their words indeed affect me. In a positive or negative way.

People are always saying “You can do whatever you want, it’s YOUR blog and YOUR characters.”
For me at the moment, it doesn’t feel like it.
I mean how often can you bear it when sb says “I don’t like your decision you did with your story”, “your character were much better when xxx”, “I don’t like this and that”, “You can do whatever you want of course! but let me tell you for the 10th time that I personally don’t like it”.

When you are a friend, are you really trying to make the other one feel guilty? Regretting drawing stuff they just enjoyed?
Hell, I’m not into certain stuff my friends do or like drawing either.
But then I support them anyway or shut the fuck up and let them have their fun.

Well, at this point you maybe got me sad and disappointed with all that stuff and I would maybe have went on a break to calm down etc

…But when all those comments and attitudes hurt the persons I care most about, push them to anxiety and drag them down…

then there is the fucking line for me.

To make it clear:

I won’t tolerate destructive comments and attitudes anymore and I will start blocking people if it won’t stop.

I tried to do compromises to make both parties happy…
but when this is what I get….

Now excuse me while I am trying not to click on that fucking “delete ask-the-vinsmokes” button because I am so sick of justifying the stuff I do with my story and my characters.

Really need time to find my joy for this blog again and the reason why I want extra stress in exchange for doing free art , jesus christ….

kcg4  asked:

Hi Charity as you are an ENFP I wanted to ask you how to do you see Si and Te in you? How was it clear for you that you were Ne dom and Fi aux and not the contrary? You said in the past that you cinsidered yourself socially introvert or shy, which I think is my case and I'm not sure about INFP or ENFP for me. Thanks a lot

My main way of recognizing my status as an extrovert, beyond my need for external stimulation all the time (NOTHING HAS HAPPENED IN TEN MINUTES, MY LIFE SUCKS) is that I am not a Fi-dom. So excuse me, while I once again travel into the land of indecisive Ne to illustrate my point; then I will return to your initial question.

If you compare the INFPs on this blog to the ENFPs, you will notice that the INFP’s Fi is often very prominent and “runs the show.” This is also true with real life INFPs, who as judging dominants, have and express very strong opinions. Since they are in contact with their inner self most of the time, they often know what they like and dislike, what they want to do or refuse to do, and how they FEEL about most things. There is rarely indecision on that point, especially when it comes to the strength of their inner moral focus.

While I have extremely strong opinions in a few areas, in the broader scope of reality, I am far more indecisive and disconnected from my feelings, to the point where half the time, I rationalize them out with Te, or question my “right” to feel this way at all, rather than just use them. Something I admire about INFPs is they tend to be more decisive than I am, especially in their likes and dislikes. As a Ne-dom, my likes and dislikes can change from day to day.

An INFP I know had a fight with her friends once and door-slammed all of them. She knew how she felt, that they were dissing her opinions and not respecting her true self, and after she had enough, she was done. And she did not waffle on that decision. She just quit. She made up with them much later on, but only after her temper cooled, and she had space and time to mature in her own way (and they matured also). She knew what she wanted: them gone. For now.

I complained the other day to my mother about Elizabeth of York in Philippa Gregory’s novel / miniseries, The White Princess. She is so indecisive. She changes her mind from one chapter to the next about who she is, what she wants, and answers “I don’t know” to half the questions posed to her. Some days she likes her husband, some days she doesn’t; she intends to give up on him, then turns around and falls for him again. It’s seriously annoying.

Once I got done with my rant, my mother smiled and said, “So she’s basically you, in literary form.”

Gee, thanks mom.

My mouth hung open for a couple of seconds, while my Fi had a little tantrum, and then my Te immediately snapped in and I went: “I guess. But I’d make a BAD heroine. Heroines need to be decisive! Books need plots! Heroines need to know what they want, or at least figure it out, and get there, not be lost in indecision! The plot must move forward!”

Unlike me. =P

Ne-dom makes me changeable. And it annoys me. One day, I might want this. The next day, I might not. One day, I might decide that this friend sucks. The next day, I might think I was wrong and they’re awesome. They did not change. My Ne flipped the situation around for a different perspective. It runs right over my Fi and what it wants, all the time. This means that I either do not KNOW what I want or cannot ADMIT to myself what I want, nor give myself permission to want it. It annoys me, it annoys my parents, it annoys my friends, and it annoys my cat. But that’s how it is.

I WISH I had some Fi to haul Ne’s ass into a chair and decide: NOPE. But no, instead Ne hauls me around with Fi going “Um… I don’t know how I feel yet?”

But anyway, rant aside: back to your question.

How do I see Si and Te in me?

I see Te a lot when I ‘temporarily loop’ in order to avoid dealing with my feelings. I do not LIKE my feelings. I consider them a major pain in the butt. When my grandpa died, I was a wreck before it happened. I didn’t even know him that well, but it took him a long time to die. His organs slowly shut down. I was so immersed in the pain of what was happening to my loved ones, that I cried way more than any of them. But after his death, my Te immediately kicked in. Mom wanted to clear out his house. Like, immediately. That’s how she copes.

So we did. I put aside my emotions, went into that house, and went through all my grandparents’ stuff. We filled a dumpster. I organized everything we decided to keep in piles for the family to choose from after the funeral. A lot of my decisions were people-motivated – my cousins loved playing these games with Grandma. Shall we keep them? I’ll make sure they have all the pieces and put them in nice piles. I did the funeral video. Everyone needs a Ne-dom for that. It wasn’t just about Grandpa, it was about his life. His dreams. His parents. The culture he grew up in. I managed the voice-over, without falling to pieces.

And then, I moved on.

My Si is very poor. I may be adverse to CHANGE when people announce it (and I have to deal with it a lot, my parents literally cannot live six months without changing their house around, the yard, etc) but I am not stuck in the past. Half the time it never comes to my mind. The past flows beyond me. A day can seem a week ago, and three years ago can seem like yesterday. I gaped when a friend showed me a picture recently with 2014 stamped on the bottom. That was that long ago!? My grasp on time sucks. My awareness of time sucks. My own carelessness with time… sucks. A Si-friend recently said, “You should take more pictures with your cat. You will want them when she’s eventually gone.”

I stared at her. “I will?”

See, I don’t think like that. When people, places, things, are gone, I miss them. I love them. I still think about them sometimes, but they are gone. I do not pour over pictures. I do not sit and endlessly talk about the past. I do not want to think about the past. I moved on.

Sometimes, people tell me I should slow down, or take more time with that, since they do not want me to “look back one day, and regret this moment.”

Thing is, that probably won’t happen. I rarely go back.

Unless I hurt someone badly, and never received their forgiveness, or am beating myself up about something I should have done to stop something bad from happening, I don’t look back and regret. You cannot drive a car staring into your rear view mirror. In that way, I am careless. But I don’t know how to NOT be careless. Things matter right now, and then they’re gone. I loved that show, but it’s canceled. There’s new stuff to watch. I take in so much of it (as a Ne-dom), only a few things stick longer than six months.

And sometimes, I desperately want them to stick. I sit with someone or something loving it, immersed in its beauty, and think, “How can I hold onto it? I already feel it slipping away! WHY CAN’T I APPRECIATE THIS MORE?”

Inferior Si.

This is going to sound weird, because it is weird. But, under stress… I start obsessively tinkering with sensory elements. I’ve been editing and rewriting a book for what seems like forever (forever to me is four months, but I don’t want to talk about how this is the eighth draft of the fourth version of this book in two years) which is very tedious, Si-driven work. My Te is happy to help out with deadlines, and charts, and word counts, and I have a nice little sheet of paper with things marked on it, where I enter my progress each day to keep myself motivated. But I swear on my soul, yesterday when I opened the file, my Si went nuts and said: I don’t like this font. It curls funny. Change it.

So I did.

And then I sat there for at least ten minutes, changing the font, again and again, then the sizing several times. I printed out a page to see how it will look in book form, then promptly forgot which configuration I used (poor Si!) and had to print several more sheets in different sizes. I never did figure out which was the font and what size I used for that first sheet. (Shame, I like it the best.) Then I resized the file across my screen, to try and get the font to ‘curl’ how I like it, so I could read it. I cannot read it, unless it’s the right size. And font. And I must edit so there are no paragraphs that end with one word on the next line.

(Are you laughing yet? Is that not pathetic? Welcome to my life.)

Screw inferior Si. It’s bullshit.

I never know how to say this without hurting feelings but… Fi-doms are sensitive and since INFPs have higher Si, they do not forgive you fast.

Think about two terrific insults against NFPs (from future husbands) in literature and compare them to how you process things.

Gilbert Blythe pulls Anne Shirley’s braid and calls her carrots. The little INFP smashes her slate against his head and screams at him in class. She then tells Diana “the iron has entered my soul: I shall never forgive him,” and proceeds to ignore him, compete with him, and refuse to speak to him. For years. Gibert has to grovel to get on her good side, many times. She is super sensitive and her emotions flare up immediately. “You hurt me EXCRUCIATINGLY,” she says. She means it. He DID.

Mr. Darcy insults Lizzie’s appearance (she is not handsome enough to tempt me into a dance – ie, she’s not that pretty) in Pride & Prejudice. ENFP Lizzie gapes at him, then promptly turns it into a joke. She never brings it up again. She’s mad, but more mad about what he does to Jane than his insult. She finally confronts him when he proposes, but not about that. No, it was not the insult that hit her; it was the impression she formed of his character, based on it. And when he writes her a letter that basically calls out her family for being loud, obnoxious, inappropriate trash, she is pissed but has enough high Te to realize: he has every right to feel that way about us, based on what he saw. Once she realizes WHY he thinks how he does, her anger cools. And her mind changes about him. The anger dissipates.

Did he hurt her? Sure. Deeply? Not so much.

Someone walked up to my INFP the other day and insulted her appearance. It hurt. A lot. She will probably never speak to him again.

A person insulted me to my face at dinner a few years ago. He basically implied the people I work with and the caliber of their work is poor, and I should do a better job selecting the material we work on together. (IE: Wow, you suck.) I bitch-slapped him good with a Te-snarl comeback and … promptly moved on. I was mildly annoyed by it, and it certainly colored our interactions from that point on, but I wasn’t hurt by it so much as annoyed. We stayed “friends.”

I can count the number of times people have actually hurt my feelings on one hand. My Te is strong.

How do I know this?

I’m one of the first people to come up with a rational, non-emotional “fix it” to problems. I often discount my own feelings or put them aside entirely, to get a job done. I remember one time, a friend PM’d me after I wrote a movie review and said, “But did you LIKE it?? You wrote an excellent review, but it was so non-emotional I don’t even know what YOU thought of it.” I criticized the poor elements and talked about the good ones, but there was none of “me” there.

I admit, I was a little more emotionally reactive as a child / young teeanger, but Fi still wasn’t running the show. Most Fi-dom children are very sensitive. When asked what I was like, various family members (without consulting one another) have laughed and said, “Your focus was on being a comedian. You wanted to make people laugh. But you were not especially emotional.”

I’m not. It’s true. Sometimes to my own determent.

- ENFP Mod

PS: If you get to the end of this certain you are an NFP, but you don’t know what you do in a situation in order to compare it to Lizzie or Anne’s emotional reactions, congrats: that’s shitastic inferior Si. You are an indecisive Ne-dom.