exciting use of capitals

anonymous asked:

could you please do the signs texting!

Aries are usually excited texters, like they use a lot of exclamation points and capital letters. they text back fairly quickly

Taurus are slow when it comes to writing out a text because they take their time thinking out what they want to say. but they are either really good at replying or really bad at it

Geminis are really good at replying lmao, they reply really quickly. they aren’t afraid to double or even triple text. they have a lot to say!

Cancers are the type to send you a really long, cute message telling you that they love you. they text with emotion and usually text you when they need you

Leos are also excited texters, and like Aries, use a lot of exclamation points and capital letters. they may either text back quickly or text back sparingly

Virgos like to think about what they have to say before they text back, so it might take a while. they’re the type that will text you to reaffirm plans or make plans over text

Libras are the type to flirt through text, and their humor/wit conveys through text very well. they are the type that are fun to text or have good times through texting

Scorpio can convey emotion better through text, so sometimes texting about something is easier for them. they may be slow to text back though, unless it’s important

Sagittarius are chill texters, they like to ask about your day and tell you about theirs. they like to have conversations through text

Capricorns may prefer face to face to texting, or to not prefer conversations through text. their sarcasm also shows well through text

Aquarius is good at replying to texts quickly, but they may forget to reply or think they did but didn’t hit send/saw it but forgot to text back. they like to talk about your day or something they learned that day, or they send you something they thought you’d like or find funny

Pisces also like to send you things they thought you would like, and talk to you about their day or whatever is on their mind. also the type to text you when they need you

mercury sign is probably most accurate here!

anonymous asked:

My language (I'm German) got a new letter today! We used to have 'ß' which is a lower case letter and in words like 'groß' (-big) it's no problem to only have it as a lower case letter. It only EXISTED as a lower case letter but today the government or whoever it was invented the capital letter. We can finally shout 'GROß' without using the lower case letter. Well, almost. It isn't on the phone yet but on laptops. This is probably really boring for you but many Germans are really excited. E.g. I

NO THIS KIND OF THING ALWAYS EXCITES ME! It’s not boring at all! Obviously I can’t be as excited as someone who grew up without the use of that capital letter, but I can celebrate with you just how amazing it is to have something new like that implemented in your language! Your country is going to find so many uses for that now, and just, that sounds like the coolest development ever! Language always excites me so this is just AMAZING!!!!

Car Porn

So, I write car ads for a living. Basically, I get assigned a make and model, head to the manufacturer’s website, look up the selling points, and then write the 5-paragraph essay you learn in high school about how this car will change your life forever if only you’d buy it.

It’s about as exciting as it sounds–less, because I can’t even use ‘BECAUSE CAPITALISM REQUIRES YOU TOO!’ or 'BECAUSE YOU NEED A NEW PHALLIC SYMBOL’ the way I want to. But, hey, I need to get paid, a'ight?

Around Valentine’s Day, I was writing an article for BIG NAME CAR COMPANY and the language the site used to sell the car was completely over the top. I mean, your average car company takes the adage 'sex sells’ and runs it into the ground–so much so that I’ve started a bingo board with words like 'bold’, 'dominant’, 'aggressive’, 'sleek curves’, and the like and have yet to NOT get a bingo from it. (My reward is a much-needed drink). That’s normal car companies. BIG NAME COMPANY turns that nonsense up to 11. Finally, my patience just snapped and I was all, 'You know what? They think sex sells? I'MMA GIVE THEM ALL THE SEX THEY CAN HANDLE.

And this article was born.

Everyone’s mind turns to love with Valentine’s Day, and COMPANY is no exception. There’s a specific kind of love between a driver and his CAR; from the minute you lay eyes on the 2015 CAR, a love story starts to unfold. Attraction, excitement, maybe even a little mood music through the CAR’s NAME BRAND High-End Surround System, it all plays out like something you’d see on the big screen.

First, there’s the attraction that develops the moment you lay eyes on the CAR. The smooth lines and sleek curves of the exterior. The bright, clear halogen headlights that automatically turn on once the ambient light has dropped beneath a certain level. The fully electric roof that slides down at the touch of a button. Every aspect of the CAR’s sophisticated exterior is meant to entice.

Then, you slip inside, immediately cradled by the soft leather seats. The proportions are generously endowed, making sure both driver and passenger have plenty of legroom to spread out. The CAR straddles the line between sporty and refined, with a cockpit that’s angled forward for speed and focus and fine silver accents to catch the eye. Just putting your hands on the wheel is exhilarating.

Finally, you turn your key and feel the power that the CAR is sporting beneath the hood. With a speedometer that clocks out at 164 mph and the ability to go from 0 to 60 in 5.5 seconds, the CAR doesn’t believe in taking things slow. Fast, powerful, and incredibly precise, there’s no stopping you once you get that engine going.

Happy endings aren’t just for movies. Help yourself to one made of the finest German engineering. Take the the CAR out for a testdrive and discover that love at first sight really does exist.

And then I sent it in, certain I was going to get a revision notice LIKE WHOA. “THEY WILL NEVER LET ME GET AWAY WITH THIS, BUT FUCK IT!” If the website was going to use the word 'cockpit’ to refer to the goddamn front seat, I was going to make fun of it.

And, sure enough, next day I got a rewrite request. I sighed and opened it, trying to figure out what I could salvage, and then I read the email. The entirely of the rewrite was, “This will come out after V-Day, could you remove all references to the holiday from the article?”

I probably spent about 10 minutes staring at the email, waiting for the rest of it to pop up and be all, “ALSO FIX EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS!” But it never arrived, so I eventually took out the first line, sent it back with, “I just deleted the holiday, okay….?” and got back, “Great! Thanks!”

And then I died laughing, knowing they were going to send my porn to thousands of customers around the USA.

And that, ladies, gentlemen, and folks who do not fit on the gender binary, is how I got paid $75 to write pornography under the guise of selling cars.

SO I WAS JUST MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS CRYING BECAUSE JEREMY RENNER HAS THE HAWKEYE LOOK AGAIN

(IT’S BACK)

AND THEN I REALISED: OH MY GOD

SOON WE’LL GET PICTURES OF JEREMY RENNER FILMING AVENGERS 2

AND THEN WE’LL GET THE LEAKED PROMO PICS OF HAWKEYE

AND THE ACTUAL PROMO PICS OF HAWKEYE

THEN WE’LL ACTUALLY SEE HAWKEYE IN THE MOVIE

AND THEN YOU GET ALL THE FUCKING AMAZING GIFS AND EDITS

GONE WILL BE THE DAYS THAT WE HAD TO USE GIFS OF JEREMY RENNER FROM MISSION IMPOSSIBLE OR BOURNE LEGACY BECAUSE THERE WASN’T ENOUGH FOOTAGE OF HAWKEYE IN THE AVENGERS 

OH GOD I CAN’T DEAL WITH THIS THIS IS TOO MUCH I’M SO EXCITED I’M GOING TO CRY