except meth

Reflections of the soul

a mirror sits by the foot of my bed

so that every day when I look up

the first thing I see is my confused-looking, sleep-deprived face

and in this way, I have memorised

the skin that curves ever so smoothly across my skull

and for the most part, the mirror has reflected the same image back to me

the same, except for the eyes

your eyes, as romantics and dreamers alike love to say,

are the windows to the soul, reflections of our inner selves

in that case, the human soul changes greatly from day to day to week to month to year to life

like an immortal and ever-changing flower

growing, blooming, blossoming, withering, full of color, then dying, dead, and gone

as the ever-popular film grows across the windows like curtains, blocking out the light

and you feel like you’re dying inside

but curtains are made of cloth, not concrete or glass

easily opened but like most windows,

difficult to reach

So I was in my room the whole day. Seriously. I didn’t even step outside. I just went to the kitchen for meals, and then I walked back into my room to eat in there because of my energy level. Haha. I watched shows and browsed the internet on things I related to, and well, that was about it! This is what I do on my down days. And ive graduated, too, so it’s pathetic.

Why do I do the things I do? Because I feel alone. I’ve felt alone since I was fourteen. I’ve self harmed, tried every drug except meth, starved myself down to 80 pounds, and wasted most of my life in my room because of my social anxiety. I’ve overdosed and slept for two days in a hospital, and I don’t remember anything because of ect. If you don’t know what that is, it’s electroshocktherapy. It doesn’t feel that bad when you do those things. Should it? I’m not sure. Afterwards, just numb. Less euphoria. Maybe it’s because I’m antisocial, and I don’t want to be, but I can’t talk to some people because I don’t know what to talk to them about. I’m a boy, and my psychiatrist asked me why I think I’m transgender, because I don’t like sports. I’m bi, but I call myself gay because I have a preference for boys, and I am a boy. My names Eric, and I won’t tell you why I feel the way I do, but I do want to save up so I can pay for top surgery, and start t and get a transgender counselor. I chose Eric because my birth name or dead name started with an e and had the same initials. Honestly, I’m not doing too well. Yes, I visited my boyfriend in New York last week but other than that I am alone most of the time, and I’ve tried to be better at that but I don’t get invited to a lot of places, even though a lot of people mostly seem shocked by that.

But I do not want to go back to the mental hospital! But I do want to slit my wrists because it made me feel good, as sick as it is to say that.

….Yeah. I’m not doing too well. I miss my anorexia, even though I am eating now. But most of the time I am just writing in my room. I want to be a writer, but I hate feeling numb, and I want to runaway and my parents are sweet and not bad people but I want to go somewhere else.

I just needed to get that out. Please like this if you read all the way through.


One of the most hauntingly beautiful, but devastating songs, incorporating elements of Romani song Ederlezi and said to be inspired by a WWII prisoner being led to his death on St George Day in Jasenovac.

Djurdjevdan (St George Day)

English Translation

Spring is landing on my shoulder
Lily of the valley is sprouting
Lily of the valley is sprouting
For everyone, except for me

The roads are gone, but I’ve stayed
There is no Morning Star
There is no Morning Star
My fellow-traveler

Hey, to whom does my darling now
Smells of the lily of the valley
Smells of the lily of the valley
To me never again

Here comes the dawn,
here comes the dawn
So I can pray to God
Here comes the dawn,
here comes the dawn
Hey it’s St George’s day
And I am not with the one I love

Let her name be mentioned
On every other day
On every other day
Except on St George’s day

The State Of San Andreas 1/??

Title: The State of San Andreas
Chapter Pairing: Michael x (his) Reader 
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 2,293
Summary: Los Santos is a playground for gangs, full of illicit activities, people ready to stab you in the face for personal gain, and idealistic people who pretend these things aren’t going on in their own backyards. The Fake AH Crew is the new gang on the block, but they’ve quickly risen to power so that the whole state of San Andreas is afraid they’ll be next. Six members, each with their own skills and abilities wreck havoc whenever there’s something in it for them, and nothing seems to be able to stop two people from the wrong side of town, a madman, a rogue officer of the LSPD, a car buff and a video game enthusiast. They are not to be fucked with, but that doesn’t stop people from trying.  
A/N: And we’re back! We’re trying to get a couple sections done before we post regularly, but this is for being so great about waiting! Also if you haven’t read the prologue yet, highly recommend you do because it explains a lot! 

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anonymous asked:

I feel like prom culture is stupid

I agree but I advocate people experiencing things for themselves and drawing their own conclusions. 

PS this was me at prom (a month before I left school and four days after shooting Prada) with mslaurenmaxwell four years ago. Yes it was dumb and I hated pretty much everything but finding a dress and the dinner we had beforehand. 

hiddenpiecesofmybrokenheart  asked:

Unpopular opinion: I feel like they were building up to something big for Isabelle and just didn't do anything in the last book. She deserved a better arc

strongly agree | agree | neutral | disagree | strongly disagree

She deserved a better arc during the entire series. She’s really only there to be the opposite of Clary (Isabelle is the hot, popular girl, and Clary is the girl next door) for the first 3 books. Then in books 4-6, she’s only there to be Simon’s girlfriend. But other than that, her character isn’t actually there to do anything except hit stuff. The books tried to give her the plot line about Robert having an affair, but not only did that plot not lead anywhere important, it still made Isabelle’s character be all about someone else. I hope that with 6-7 seasons of the show, she’ll be given more to do and we can actually see her character be fleshed out and relevant. 

It Wasn’t So Much “Ride or Die” As It Was “Let Me Call Out Sick A Couple Days” OR The Walking Dead Called, They Thought Cam Was One Of Their Zombies That Had Gotten Loose

My sad thoughts on the lame finale.  At first I had mocked Cameron’s caption on this photo, now I wonder that he managed that much enthusiasm for the episode.

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One day our class was asked what we think is the strongest or hardest drug and everyone said crystal meth except one girl, she said: ‘the strongest drug for a person is always another one’ and everyone laughed because no one understood but now I do and I want you to know that I’m sorry for laughing, you were absolutely right.