ex girlfriend

I think one of the saddest things is when two people really get to know each other: their secrets, their fears, their favorite things, what they love, what they hate, literally everything, and they go back to being strangers. It’s like you have to walk past them and pretend like you never knew them, never even talked to them before, when really, you know everything about them.

You are so lucky if you have someone with a broken heart, untouched for years, loving you.

Keep them safe.

—  excerpt from a book I will never write #81
i loved you
through the lies
through the broken promises
through the fights
through MY mental illness
through YOUR mental illness
through fucking everything
i still do
but you
you couldnt love me enough to stay
—  this isnt pretty
In Love

Waking up to the sound of you showering
& you playing our favorite songs
My heart would get so warm
It was so cold those foggy mornings
I would curl into a ball & pretend to be asleep
just to feel you wake me up & you
would be the first thing I would want to see
I would hear you tell me “I know you’re up dork”
I look back & smile
I’m sorry I never told you that & I’m also sorry you’ll never know
I still replay those foggy mornings
I know those mornings might not even cross
your mind anymore, but they cross mine
Those are the moments where I felt fine
& not feel like my whole world crumbles
everyday because you’re not here

I’d like to think that we could have made it through. We would have been right together. We would have gotten through what they believed we couldn’t. Except, I fell in love with you at the wrong time. I fell in love with you when pieces of your heart still belonged to her.
—  you’re still in love with her and i’m standing here alone still in love with you
4

You always made me feel like i was trying too hard. But i felt like i needed to try more. Be better. I would constantly crave your attention and in return i got nothing .
I felt like i was annoying you all the time. That you really didnt want me. That i was just too much and you couldnt handle me. And everytime i came to you about this you would say that i was overreacting. I felt like a burden on you everytime i felt like i had a problem or i had negative feelings. That i was overreacting and doing nothing putting a damper on our relationship. When in retrospect i was always adressing issues that were there. You just never wanted to deal with them.

twenty days ago you held my hand and now you wont even look in my direction, dear, so id appreciate an explanation.

was i too much, too little, too in between? was it me or was it you? did you stop loving me months or days ago? did you tell your friends about me, or did you keep quiet? did you ever even love me?

you left me with heartbreak and questions and i just need to fucking know why