ex boyfriend advice

i miss how we used to talk. i miss our calls. i miss our night conversations where we just talked about random stuff. i miss the days where we just sat there and looked at each other because that’s all that mattered. i miss how we used to spill tea. i miss how you would tell me to wake you up an hour later but that was just an excuse so we could talk. i miss the times where i could make you smile and forget about everything else. i miss the nights where we laughed what was left of our heart and soul out. i miss going to sleep knowing you were still mine the next day. i miss seeing your face right before i say goodnight. i miss your goodnight texts. i miss your smiley faces. i miss everything about you. i miss you.
—  one of those nights

When she asks about me, tell her.
If you tell her that I was just some girl
you dated for nearly 3 years, you can
bet that she will only give you a hard
time.

The pictures and posts tagged between
our two profiles will tell her it was more
than just that. If she’s smart, she’ll look
at the notification that’ll pop up midnight
every night, telling you what you were
doing that day, one…two…three years
ago, you’re in my ones too.

If you tell her that I was just an old
friend, she’ll know you’re lying. See, if
she’s smart like me, she’ll soon realise
that you’re easy to read when you’re
lying and that your voice goes off in a
mind of its own.

She’ll remember how one night you were
at the bowling alley, she said “lets try
that chinese buffet place, I heard it’s
great.” But with a heavy heart, you’ll
make up some story about how you seen
a rat there, once, because you wouldn’t
dream of going to our place with
someone else. But sweetie, it pains me
to say that I know that one day, we
both will. One day, I’ll want the soup
there that I always had four bowls of
before an actual main course, and you’ll
want to have the ribs you loved there.

She’ll remember that day when she
picked you up from university to bring
you back home, how you skipped a song
that was on the radio. Of course, it’ll be
the song we always danced to. And I
know you’ll make an excuse why you can’t listen to it whenever it comes on
when you’re together.

If she holds up her phone with a picture
of you and I from way back, lie a little
but not a lot, she’s not looking for truthful
answers. She’s looking for reassurance
from you.

Don’t tell her how we decided we were
going to have three children, and talked
about how we’d explain our story to
them. Or the plans we had because you’re
going to have bigger and better plans
with her.

Keep the top drawer of your black case
shut until you’ve gotten rid of the cards, my 52 reasons why, post it notes from
me and the pictures. She doesn’t need
to know why you visit your old tagged
page and why you reread our old
conversations on nights she isn’t
around.

Change the subject when
you’re all gathered around the family
dinner table and your Mum asks you
if you’ve ever heard what I’ve been up
to lately, don’t let her hear your Mum
call me the daughter she never had.
It’ll kill her with the thought of never
standing a chance against me.

Kiss her forehead and tell her you
love her on nights that she’s had too
much to drink and she’s rambling on
about the girl you loved before her.

I hope that she forgets that you still
say my name in your sleep, and that
she ignores how you twitch when
someone mentions my favourite author, or mentions that movie and book I
always used to cry at.

And when she does find out who I am,
I hope she’ll take it in the best way and
silently thank me, because without me,
you wouldn’t know how to love her,
kiss her, take her bra off and make
love to her.

—  this is the last lesson that I’ll teach you.

11 Things I Have to Remind Myself Everyday
1. Don’t put on the sweatshirt he gave you that’s sitting in the top of your closet. It doesn’t actually smell like him.
2. Don’t listen to the playlist you named after him when you broke up. He isn’t worth ruining your favorite songs.
3. Don’t check his Instagram to see if he’s untagged himself in the photos you posted while you were together. He probably hasn’t, and he probably doesn’t even realize they’re still there.
4. Also, he probably hasn’t unfollowed you.
5. As much as you want to text him, call him, or drive to his house and tell him what you’re thinking, don’t. Nothing good will come out of it.
6. Stop trying to grab his attention when he’s around. He sees you. He knows you’re there. If he wants to acknowledge your presence, he will.
7. Crying doesn’t solve anything, but it’s still okay to do.
8. It’s okay to still be hung up on him, even after such a long time. You can’t turn feelings on and off.
9. Talk to other boys. You can’t wait around for him, and you can’t close yourself off to someone who could be three hundred times better for you.
10. Don’t let him dictate your life. Don’t stop doing things you want to do and going places you want to go just because he’ll be there. Don’t give him that power.
11. It’s okay that you loved him, it’s not okay to think that you’ll never love or be loved again. One day, you’ll wonder how you ever could’ve been so upset over him, because you’ll have someone so much better.

My stupid effective advice for anyone going through a breakup

Remember when they said that one terrible unforgivable thing? Screenshot that. Set that text as their contact I.D. in your phone. When they call it’s a reminder so you don’t answer, so you don’t go back. Just leave it be. You don’t deserve that.

13 Reminders after the First Break-up
  1. Do not dismiss your pain. Feel it, allow your body and mind to feel every inch of it in order for it to pass through you. Think of it like a hot bath; when you first step in, the burning water stings and you don’t think you can stand it for very long. But as you let your body sink and absorb the heat in every inch, slowly it starts to stop stinging. Let your heart go through this healing process. Being sad for a while is healthy, and in no way does this sadness define you or label you as pathetic. In the long run, it will make you much stronger. 
  2. Breathe. You will find yourself thinking about him (all of the time; this is normal). If you struggle with anxiety, do the best you can to keep a slow and steady deep repetition of breaths. This will ensure a healthy amount of oxygen to your brain to increase your reassurance that you are in fact not crazy, no matter what he might have told you or his friends. You did love him, you did feel those feelings, but he just couldn’t accept and reciprocate them.
  3. This feels like the hardest thing in the entire world that you’ve had to deal with, doesn’t it? That’s because so far it is. At this point in your life, he is the only love you’ve experienced. He is the only person you’ve touched, and shared all of those incredible first times with. The reason this feels so hard is because you have no other guy to compare him to, so you are mentally inclined to believe that everything about him was perfect, or at least close to it. Remind yourself that there are a million more experiences out there, and you will experience them, and you will compare them to him, because he was the first.
  4. It’s never going to completely make sense to you. You’ll look back and reread conversations that you had saved and be dumbfounded because how could anyone who said these things at that time, say what he said when and after you broke up? He seemed so genuine, could he really have been lying? Yes and no. He may have felt those feelings at the time, but boys change their minds at the drop of a hat. He may also have been lying and saying what he said in order to manipulate you. Unfortunately, even though they are and will always be incredibly stupid, guys can be clever.
  5. Don’t let movies and TV shows, no matter how perfect they may be, manipulate your vision of what a relationship should be like. Movies are not real life, that’s why they are movies. They are someone’s ideal version of an experience, but not the real thing. Don’t confuse yourself into thinking there was some bigger picture, and that he was trying to look out for you in the long run. Believe his words that came out of his mouth when he ended it, not the words that Zac Efron says when he’s trying to win back the hot blonde.
  6. Not ever truly knowing the whole story can be extremely frustrating. Learn to accept that, and once you do it becomes easier to handle. You’ll also have to learn how to re-convince yourself of the truth many times because sometimes you will get optimistic and think he’ll come chasing after you six months later. Remind yourself that you are worth more than something he can come back for for seconds. And even if he does show up or start the conversation again, don’t give him the satisfaction. Second chances are good, but believe me, you already gave him plenty.
  7. It will be 5 or 6 months after the break up and you could still find yourself thinking about him. Every day even. You might not be able to clearly see every detail of his face, or hear his voice in your head anymore (which is a good sign), but you will still think about him and the memories you had (the good and the bad, but mainly the good). You rehash these memories because you’re going through a withdraw. You don’t miss him, so don’t beat yourself up about that. You miss having the kind of person that he was for you when things were good. Remind yourself that you are still healing and it is okay to look back at old conversations on occasion.
  8. He is never going to be completely irrelevant to you. You will go through phases where you agree with this and where you argue it, but he will never be 100% irrelevant to you. Like it or not, he completely changed who you are. The happiness he gave you in the good months allowed your heart to grow. The sadness and anger he gave you during the hard months and the break up completely ripped it to shreds. Now you’re trying to repair it all by yourself (and with the help of your friends) and that is one hell of a job. Don’t lose faith though because you will put it back together, and once you do, it will be ten times stronger than it ever was during the happy months. Why? Because YOU made it strong, not him. And unlike shitty ex-boyfriends, YOU can’t ever leave you.
  9. You will find out who your true friends are when you go through this kind of experience. The ones who say let her learn on her own? They probably won’t be as close with you in a year or so. But the ones who never give up and always try to get inside your head and somehow get you to realize how much better you are than him, those are the ones you keep.
  10. One of the hardest parts is accepting the fact that you won’t marry him and have kids and live the life you planned out in your perfectly optimistic head. All those plans you made, just completely thrown away, and that hurts. Remember that this is not the only guy that you will make those types of plans with. You’ll make them with your next boyfriend, and the one after that, and the one after that, and then probably actually carry out some of those plans with the one after that. Focus those optimistic thoughts of yours on the fact that you get all of those chances and experiences with all of those other guys. Just like this one did, they will make you stronger and give you a hell of a lot more perspective.
  11. This is the time to be selfish. Like honestly this is the only socially acceptable time in your life to be selfish, so take advantage of that and spoil yourself. Make yourself stronger. This relationship and this break-up did not and does not define you. Who you chose to become when all the dust has settled, that defines you
  12. No matter what your friends or parents may say, it is not immature or unreasonable or overreacting to completely remove him from any social media you may have. Snapchat, Facebook, Skype, Instagram, (if he is gay enough to have a Twitter), delete him on all of them. Or block him (whichever you prefer). You may say at first that you don’t want to because you want him to see all of your pictures still, but trust me, your life and your pictures are none of his business anymore. And it also sucks to be casually tapping through Snapchat stories and looking at his selfie with some slut at a bar. Save yourself the gut wrenching uncomfortable-ness, you won’t regret it.
  13. When and if the time ever comes where you see him on the street, run into him in the store, or at a party, etc. etc. do your absolute best to treat him like a complete stranger. If he has the balls to come up and ask you how you’ve been, then you can be civil, but keep the conversation short. Depending on how long it has been, odds are you don’t even know this person anymore, he practically is a stranger to you, so there’s no point in rehashing all of the memories and feelings that will still be there (buried very very deep down) because he was your first. Or you can ignore him. Either way, he does not and will not ever deserve your new life story, since he didn’t want to stick around to be there for it.

you asked me if i was okay after you took my heart and carefully ripped it apart. you asked me if we could still be friends after you told me you had feelings for your ex when you were with me. you asked me to forgive you. you asked me how should you fix it.

you told me you wanted to break up a couple days after you whispered to me how beautiful i was and how you were never going to leave me. you told me you were sorry for what you did. you told me you were just trying to match up what we had to what you used to have with her. you told me what we had a mistake.

i told you i was okay. i told you that it was okay. i told you to not to worry about me. i told you to go after who you really love and forget about me. i told you i was still going to be here for you. i told you i wasn’t going to tell anyone about us because this was our little secret. i told you i was fine and what we had didn’t really mean much to me.

i didn’t tell you how i went home and wanted to cry my heart out but i couldn’t. i didn’t tell you how i went home numb and emotionless. i didn’t tell how i always knew in the back of my head that you love her. i didn’t tell you how i didn’t want to let go you. i didn’t tell you how amazing it felt to be able to call you mine even though it was for a brief period of time. i didn’t tell you how i could call you mine but you were never mine. your heart was never mine. i didn’t tell you how much i love you because i didn’t want to burden you with my feelings. i didn’t tell you i wasn’t okay. i didn’t tell you how those weeks together meant everything to me.

—  you were never mine
If you break up with someone:

DO NOT:
• Take your anger out on them
• Take away opportunities for them to do things
• Tell their secrets
• Throw every new relationship you have in their face when you know they’re still getting over it
• Tell them they meant nothing to you
• Insult them, if they ask what they did wrong, tell them respectfully
I don’t normally post personal stuff, but I feel like some people need a refresher course on how to be a decent human being in a relationship

“I’m sorry, but I don’t think this
is going to work anymore.”
He said.

You’ll listen to those words and
you expect your heart to instantly
break, you’ll want to beg “but
why?” but you know it in your
heart and say “darling, I
already know”.

Instead of breaking down, you
will take a last look at that oh
so familiar face, and you’ll
force yourself to walk away.

In your mind, you’ll tell yourself
you’re ready for “but what if”
thoughts and nights were crying on the floor in your
bedroom is a better idea than
your bed. But darling, you’re
not done just yet, please
remember.

Someday, you will stop missing
the way he used to run his
hands through your hair and
run his fingers up and down
your back.

Someday, someone will tell
you that you are the best
person they have ever met and
you won’t think of how that’s
what he always used to tell
you.

One night when you’re at a
club, you’re going to feel like
calling him and telling him that
you miss him, and that’s okay.
But remember, not all drunken
slurs are sober thoughts, and
that you’ll regret it in the
morning.

And when you’re up one night
crying, because it’s your
anniversary, don’t be angry at
yourself because you’ve
simply forgotten how to be
yourself without him.

One day, you’ll find yourself
singing that song he didn’t like
you singing, and putting your
hair into pleats, because even
though he found it childish,
you love it.

And my god, that’s when you’ll
know, you’re back.

—  for the break up that you seen
coming, but it didn’t make it
any less heartbreaking
Every memory of your first kiss, first taste of love, first date and first dreams…were not with me. And though it shouldn’t matter, ,that knowledge is always creeping in the back of my mind.
—  Dramimi

word of advice:

If you’ve just come out of a breakup and are feeling particularly heartbroken, don’t rush into the arms of the first person to give you affection. Try as you might to fit them into the hole that your ex left behind, it won’t work. If you happen to find someone that is even better than your ex, then that’s great go for it. But chances are in your fragile state, it is the affection that you really want. And I understand that for a time having a replacement for the lost affection can help. But if you let this rebound relationship keep going eventually it will end, either because you realize you need something more or they realize that you’re not in it or the right reasons. 

And I can tell you, once it ends you no longer have something filling the hole your ex left. The hole is still open because it didn’t have room to close and heal. This is not healthy. Your heart needs to heal with acceptance and strength, and this needs to come from the you not someone else. 

A week ago, I would’ve recommended a rebound relationship to someone struggling with a broken heart. But now I’ve changed my mind. In just a week since ending things with a really nice, sweet, but not-right-for-me boy, so many of my painful feelings regarding my ex have risen to the surface. I thought I was making progress to get over this, but it’s been almost shocking to discover how inaccurate that is.