I’m watching Cake Wars...

And, I’m just going to say that the cakes these people create on this show… are something I would NEVER stick in my mouth.

Seriously… they’re overworked, they have cardboard and pipes in them. Screws to hold them up, or styrofoam and rice crispy treats covered in fondant… and… just so you know…

FUCK FONDANT… holy shit that stuff is disgusting…

Also, as adorable as I think Duff Goldman is… when I watched Ace of Cakes… yeah… they’re fancy and everything… but they have more support structure than cake most of the time it seems…

Oh god Europals look how sinful this year’s Euromemes™ are if we replaced esc 2016 artists with esc 2015’s..

Stig Rästa and Elina Born are adidad/adimom. Fighting for their hearts are Vaidas and Monika from Lithuania, and Uzari and Maimuna from Belarus. Aminata from Latvia is not involved in the crackship but is fighting for and actively supporting #teamvaidasandmonika. Uzari and Maimuna, who have a weird kink for wolves, are backed by the government and Stig and Elina’s 16-year secret siblings who live in the basement: Stig Poot and Elina Poot. Stig and Elina (the real ones not the poots) are, conversely, in love with this year’s Melodifestivalen runner-up, Jon Henrik Fjällgren. In the meantime, the aforementioned Belarussian representatives also are renowned for their Uzari&MaimunaGO mini-series. 

Michele and Anita are disco dad/mom. They are currently pursuing a relationship with Boggie from Hungary.

 Trijntje Oosterhuis owns a bar. Her relationship status is unclear, though it is speculated she may be with Stig and Elina, Il Volo or some BS rando. 

Electro Velvet has mad banter and Cheeky Nandos with Måns Zelmerlow. Bojana and Nadav are BFFs. 

Meanwhile, Daniel Kajmakoski is obsessed with donuts.

Finally, everyone hates Edgar Böhm, the representative of the host broadcaster in the Eurovision core team.