You need not look far when searching for ewokaylie. She appears in the dark corners of your room, in the periphery of your vision as you wince the night away… and in your heart, but only as she eviscerates it to feed her horde.

Manuscripts from Salem residents during the time of the infamous witch trials provide a possible origin for this creature of the night. Several sources report a witch of both incredible beauty and deadly humor, neither of which had true consistency. One resident attempted to court her, and all went well, until she seduced his sister and cackled as she drove ye olde donuts around his broken heart in the hell chariot she referred to as a Lamborghini. When confronted with the accusations, she said “yes” and did not even attempt to struggle as they carried her to the stake. In fact, she was quite used to being carried and was already scheduled for it later in the evening. Same with the tying to a stake. As the citizens sparked the tinder and set the stake aflame, she lit a bowl with it and burned as she burned without actually burning because she was already way hotter than any fire could ever be. Spectators were baffled. After twenty hours of watching her chill, everyone decided to go home. From then on, they left pizza money outside their doors every week in an effort to spare themselves from her lethargic wrath.

Most modern women have nothing to fear as she serves to protect them according to modern legend. The men, however, must watch their behavior without rest because your balls will just exlode man like literally explode please no just nah trust me It’s like putting a fire cracker in a hard boiled egg you really dont need it in your life just give her the keys to the Porsche please