evil deer


- Mercy comes in many forms.
- You’re confused.
- It’s not so bad Wynonna, up there. I saw Wyatt, and he is so damn proud of you. But I will kill us both before I let you walk in service to the devil.
- If I die they can’t use me.
- Two birds, one stone.
- They baby’s coming. You can save it. Aim high.
- I will do my best.
- Take one out on my way down.
- Or me…

Be More Chill Polybros; A Walk In the Park

“I brought-what the fuck?” Michael had left to buy the group sandwiches for their picnic in the park after realizing only when they got there that they had forgot the food at home. Not wanting to drive all the way home only Michael left for the convenience store. The first sight he was greeted by was Jake being chased by a goose, screaming.

“You will not get me today Satan!”

The next sight to greet Michael’s vision as he headed over to their blanket was Rich in the sandbox fighting with a group of children.

“-I’d like to see you try shorty.”

“I can kick your daddy’s ass any time.”

“Oh I’m sure,” one of the children walked over to Rich before kicking him in the shin.

“You little shit!”

That’s when Michael heard a little voice calling from above him.

“Michael, help.” Looking up he saw Jeremy clinging upside down to a tree branch.


“I don’t know, but now I can’t get-” There was a loud cracking noise. “Down.” The branch broke as Jeremy cried out before slamming into Michael.



“No it’s okay-can’t say the same about our food.” Rolling off Michael Jeremy saw the crushed remains of what was once their sandwiches. “What happened?”

“I don’t know, it all started when Rich accidentally hit a goose then it started chasing Jake and from what I could hear up in the tree Rich is arguing with a kid that called him short.”

“But how did you get in the tree?”

“I was trying to escape the goose and the kids.” As he said this Jake tripped over the two crawling behind Michael as the bird began to bite Jeremy. “Damn it not again!”

“Fuck!” The loud voice belonging to Rich made the three boys heads turn to see Rich running from a very angry man, scaring the goose off as he grabbed Jeremy by how wrist with Michael and Jake following case behind.

“What did you do?”

“I called his kid an ugly little shit.

“I was only gone for a few minutes!”

“Yeah but you guys are most of my impulse control, Jeremy and Jake were a little too busy with the goose to stop me. Also, in my defense, he called me short.”

“That does not count in your defense!” They piled into the car with Rich in the driver’s seat as they quickly pulled out of the parking lot and they sped off.

“I hate the park.”

“Agreed, we will never try this again.”

“Since our sandwiches have been crushed who wants to get pizza?”

“That’s probably the best idea I’ve heard all day.”

“We’re not getting pineapple Jeremy.”

“Hey, it’s a good topping.” The other three’s disgusted noises let Jeremy know they thought otherwise.


Be More Chill Deere Headcanons

-it’s after the fire when Jake’s in the wheelchair at school and no one’s really hanging out with him

-his best friend is in the hospital and everybody else is too put off by his wheelchair to approach him

-against the SQUIP’s wishes Jeremy approaches him because he really looks like he could use a friend right now

- Jake is confused at first but it’s Happy to have someone who wants to just hang out

-they bond over videogames and end up playing together at Jeremy’s house, they both love the Resident Evil games

-the SQUIP agrees to let Jeremy and Jake hang out because helping Jake move his wheelchair around the school makes him look more sympathetic

-Jake convinces Jeremy to push him around into stupid shit like doing a wheelie off the ramp outside the school with Jeremy still on the back

-Jeremy has never been more terrified in his life but it’s pretty exciting too

-it’s about a week into them hanging out when Jeremy finds out Jake’s been living in a crappy motel room and invites him to stay at Jeremy’s house

-Jeremy’s dad just shrugs his shoulders glad that Jeremy has another friend to hang out with

-when he says this Jake asks him about that kid with the expensive headphones he used to hang out with

-Jeremy feels guilty about Michael but doesn’t mention anything to Jake

-Jake starts to feel something for Jeremy the more time they spend together and he doesn’t know what

-they go to Sbarro’s all the time and always share a pasta and breadsticks, talking about the play and videogames when Jeremy mentions Christine

-Jake doesn’t know why but he feels jealous for Christine, as in it almost physically hurts to see them together

-Michael meanwhile see the two hanging out and is jealous thinking he’s being replaced

-unable to talk to Jeremy he confronts Jake and asks about them

-Jake is confused thinking that he broke the friendship of with Jeremy when Michael tells him about the SQUIP

-this is the right before the play and Jeremy gives Jake a SQUIP in a panic

-after the play Jake is mad at Jeremy, not just because of the SQUIP but because he’s now realized his feelings for Jeremy

-Jeremy apologizes and Jake finds himself kissing Jeremy before he can stop himself

-Jeremy is surprisingly alright with this and it takes a while but the two start dating

-Jake is tall, as in 6'0 and he loves lifting Jeremy off his feet and surprising him

-they love doing the Lady and the Tramp pasta thing, it’s adorable and if Jeremy has spaghetti sauce on his face Jake will lick it off

-Jake loves Disney movies and will cry during all of them, even Cars

-he loves dogs but Jeremy is terrified of them so when Jake comes home with a gold lab he almost dies

-they keep her and Jeremy gets used to her, giving the dog the (unoriginal) name Goldie

-Michael doesn’t like to admit it but when he’s with the two he feels like a third wheel but Jake is trying to become friends with Michael so it’s not awkward


I realized here that Andrei does leave women walking home funny.  It’s game canon.  :|

Except I realized also that there is a dotted line where his son should be.

Turns out he was getting backhanded by Tonya Wainwright.

… what did you do to make her slap the shit out of you?  D:

I will never know.  He probably deserved it.

But then she realized she was standing next to a very scary criminal.

….. :|

“Enjoy this next test. I’m going to go to the surface. It’s a beautiful day out. Yesterday I saw a deer. If you solve this next test, maybe I’ll let you ride an elevator all the way up to the break room, and I’ll tell you about the time I saw a deer again.”

-GLaDOS, “Portal 2″