i hit you in the balls in a paintball match i’m so sorry oh my god au [From this list of au scenarios]
“Elijah, you’re the only man I know that would risk staining his pristine, designer dress shirt in a paintball championship.”
“Just because you choose to dress like you’ve been living in a foxhole for 17 months does not mean that I have to, Kol,” Elijah replied with a sniff, tszujing his rolled, elbow-length sleeves. “And if I were you, I’d stop criticizing your reluctant but accommodating teammates before you lose one…”
“So touchy for such an austere man…” Kol chuckled with his hands defensively raised. “What about you, Nik? You ready?”
“As ready as I’ll ever be…” Klaus sighed, putting on his protective mask.
He’ll never know how his wild younger brother shanghaied himself and Elijah into competing in some trivial paintball tournament which, for some reason, meant the world to the youngest Mikaelson son. All the Mikaelson men, including Kol, were too old for paintballing in both his and Elijah’s opinion, but Kol had a funny way of convincing you to do things you’d never thought you’d be doing in a thousand years.
So he tightened the strap on the green band that was securely fastened to his right bicep, matching the ones on Elijah and Kol’s arms, and strode towards the starting line with his brothers.
my story for the big red chair on graham norton would be when i went to my nan’s house (the one who loves going to church who i don’t get to see often) just after she got back from the holy land and i went into her kitchen to get a drink and i opened her fridge and there was an evian bottle of water in there so i took it out and drank some and she came into the kitchen and looked horrified because it turned out the water in the bottle was holy water from jesus’s birthplace and she didn’t talk to me for 2 weeks