When I was a teenager my symptoms were really bad and I was still learning how to cope. My bff abandoned me during that time in part bc my symptoms bothered her a lot. She treated me really badly too when she was annoyed with me. I sometimes feel angry at myself for "forcing" my MI on her but I sometimes feel angry with her for treating me the way she did. I still don't know how to feel about it. Any suggestions?
Write it out. Not in a letter to send her but just get everything out on paper. How you feel now, how you felt then, etc. Doing this will help you figure it out and let you release the feelings more easily.
I am going to also make a radical suggestion, and I ask you to please keep reading to the end. Note that the first part of this suggestion assumes that you are no longer BFFs with this person. If you are, it’s still a good suggestion, but you can also reconcile with her as per the second part of the suggestion.
I suggest you forgive her.
This doesn’t mean that I think you should ask her to be your BFF again. That ship has sailed. Even if she wanted to, you might not want her, and that’s okay.
All forgiveness means is that you don’t hold any ill will towards her for abandoning you. You don’t let it eat you up inside anymore. It happened, it’s done, you can’t change it, move on.
And I suggest you forgive yourself and reconcile with yourself.
Remember that you behaved the way you did because your symptoms were really bad at the time, and you didn’t know how to deal. You didn’t force anything on anyone; you didn’t want to be that way either! Be kind to yourself.
Reconciliation means that you both forgive and try to make reparations. You want to be in a good relationship with yourself. So treat yourself well, remind yourself that you can’t change the past but you can change the future, and promise yourself that you will continue to do your best to manage your symptoms so that you don’t do that sort of thing again.
attention college freshmen/anyone feeding themselves for the first time
this is for you
it has come to my attention that some people are not feeding themselves properly bc they don’t know how to cook/aren’t sure how to cook on a budget. bc i am everyone’s mom (or at least everyone’s wise older sister) let me drop some very real Broke Rookie Cooking Knowledge. 2 of my favorite recipes are under the cut, both of which come out to $2 OR LESS PER SERVING.
-MAKE a MENU. pick out like 5 things you know how to make and buy JUST WHAT YOU NEED FOR THOSE THINGS. and also a few snacks, but otherwise, JUST THAT. don’t just buy some random-ass groceries you think you’ll need. (also, if you don’t know how to make 5 things, seriously just google simple dinner recipes. i used a “mississippi heirloom cookbook” my aunt gave me and got a ton of good ones.)
-tbh i don’t even buy snacks except for a giant box of cookies that lasts me like 2 weeks at a time and an assload of apples. snacking is bad for you, and if you don’t HAVE snacks, you can’t EAT snacks. fuck snacks.
-off-brand EVERYTHING. you think you can taste a difference? you CAN’T. get shit in cans. vegetables. pasta sauce. salsa. whatthefuckever. it all comes in cans, and it’s always cheaper. i have no idea why.
-whole grain bread and brown rice/pasta are not more expensive than the regular kind, and they keep you full longer. GET THEM.
-@ my americans, Dollar Tree has literally everything. every kitchen utensil. (it’s where i got my big-ass chef’s knife, and that bitch is still sharp.) dishes/cups. snacks. drinks. literal loaves of bread. all kinds of basics, from peanut butter to sriracha to progresso soup. some even have freezer sections. all for ONE DOLLAR. go to Dollar Tree first, then go to the grocery store for whatever you couldn’t find there. i s2g it saves me so much money. (they also have tupperware, cleaning supplies, toilet paper, EVERYTHING. for one dollar.)
-produce is way cheaper than you think. get some fresh vegetables. you really will start to feel like a bag of hot garbage if you don’t eat your veggies.
-COOK in ADVANCE. i work during the day and go to school in the evenings, then i come home and work out. lemme tell you, my ass does NOT wanna cook when im done with all that. cook shit in big quantities, stock up on tupperware (dollar treeeeee), and stick it in the fridge for later. when you’re exhausted and remember you have instant dinner already made, you will want to kiss yourself.
-find some sandwiches you love. make a lot of sandwiches. (pls for the love of God dont use kraft american singles tho. deli-sliced cheese is literally right next to it, and it is NOT more expensive.)`
-FUCK organic free-range shit. you got organic free-range money? GREAT. i sure as hell don’t, and neither do most people. don’t waste your money trying to live your foodstagram #goals while you’re young and poor.
-if you qualify for SNAP/EBT, GET THAT SHIT. there are some assholes out there that will tell you not to, to leave it for the ~real~ poor people. tell them, ‘motherfucker I AM REAL POOR.’ for real though, corporations take advantage of any assistance the government gives them and they still lobby for more. you’d be a fool not to do the same.
Knight Anakin Skywalker who was put on probation (something about blowing up a
building, Obi-Wan, making things go boom
is a legitimate strategy!). A part of his punishment is to teach a few
lessons in the Créche. Anakin awaited a horribly booooring afternoon with a
bunch of kiddies.
showed up that the lessons were on galactic politics and kid version about “Why
the hell do we even fight a war.”
is, that the only way Anakin knew
anything about the legal side of politics was Obi-Wan’s unorthodox style of
teaching via presenting his Padawan with completely surreal situations which he
had had to analyse with laws.
situations such as seceding the Republic.
kids, that you really, really don’t like a thing. Like tubers for lunch.”
won’t give us any.”
your caretakers won’t do anything about it despite your protests. So, you
declare that you don’t find their authority beneficial anymore, and you write
it down. That means that you don’t have to listen to them anymore, and you can
do whatever you want. Well, at least what is legal in your new state.”
“How do you
write the paper?”
everything that you need to know is in the Planetary
Membership Act.” Anakin was proud he remembered the exact law. A couple of
younglings rushed to the datapads. Aw, youth! Look at their enthusiastic lil’
came back the next day with Ahsoka for another lesson, the younglings surprised
him when they locked the door behind. And barricaded it with the furniture.
around the tiny forms, all of them beaming with self-satisfactory smiles. One
of them, a little Twi’lek girl beamed with pride when she stepped to him, a
piece of flimsy in her hands.
“Oh, no….” Ahsoka sighed. Anakin had no idea what was
declared a new state!” the girl said, handing him the flimsy. “Welcome to Créchestan,
He eyed the flimsy. Oh force. Oh force.
least you know how to write legally
binding documents, don’t you,” he gulped.
After hearing about it for a while, I’ve recently started a morning ritual that has already improved my productivity and focus. Initially it sounded like it would take up way too much of my time, but now I’m a total morning pages convert.
what they are
Here’s the basic idea: every morning you take out three pages of paper and free write (by hand! no word docs allowed) whatever comes to your mind. There are no rules about what you write, as long as you write three pages of something.
why they help
The reason behind morning pages is that once you have everything down on paper, you can free up some headspace to do other things. It’s also a nice way to pinpoint why you’re feeling anxious, or if something has been on your subconscious. And let me tell you, it works. I’ve found that I easily make up for the time it takes to do them (about 20 minutes) in the time that I would normally be distracted.
how to make them count
Free writing can be difficult to get the hang of. We often feel confined by rules and grammar, so throwing them all out the window feels wrong. Remember that these pages are for your eyes only, they won’t be graded so don’t worry about spelling something wrong or even making them legible to anyone else. My pages are often full of abbreviations and are written in handwriting no one could ever dream of reading. And that is a-okay, because they don’t have to be pretty or thoughtful, they just have to be done. I write whatever comes to mind and just let my thoughts flow. One thing will remind you of the next until you have three full pages in no time.
So what if you don’t know where to start? Just write down everything you have to do today. Write down anything you’re worried about in the future. Write down anything you’d like to do someday. You’ll soon find something that you didn’t even know was bothering you.
I don’t expect to read them again anytime soon, but it may be cool to see in a bit how everything I worried about worked out, so I’m hanging onto them for now. If recycling them is more your speed, that’s cool too. Just don’t be tempted to type them up! If you’re writing on a computer you can go back and change things and will be more tempted to make them perfect. That’s exactly what you want to avoid. Hand writing them will keep them from being perfect so that they can be good.
Try it out for a couple days and let me know if it helps. I know that I’ve already seen a huge difference!