everything is bad and nothing is good

I know I’ve talked about this before, but I’m really sick of seeing writers who should know better say things like, “Tragedy is more compelling than stories where characters have a nice day and nothing bad happens!” without understanding why.

Tragedy is an effective story element when it’s a deviation from the norm. A character’s peaceful existence is disrupted by a catastrophic event that throws everything into chaos. The character now has to either develop so they can cope with the new status quo, or find a way to put things back the way they were. There’s a good story in that.

But when a character’s life is an unrelenting cavalcade of misery, another heaping dose of shit isn’t all that interesting. At that point, a compelling deviation from the norm would be said character having a nice day where nothing bad happens. And modern fiction is chock-full of misery porn, so by this logic, it’s no wonder the coffee shop AU is such a popular fanfiction trope.

Derek Hale getting a dog and putting his life back together is way more interesting than Derek Hale’s life getting worse for the 26th consecutive episode. Creators like to hold up “everything is fine and nobody dies” as a sign that fanfic is bland and badly written, but if anything, it’s an indicator that mainstream fiction is bland and badly written. 

“My parents are old school. We’re from Bolivia. The daughter isn’t supposed to leave the house until she’s married. But I left when I was nineteen because I couldn’t take the constant fighting about how to live my life. It’s not that I wanted to be promiscuous. I just wanted to explore New York and have black friends and white friends and gay friends. I’ve had a bad relationship with my parents ever since. I ended up marrying a Dominican boy from Corona. He’s been nothing but good to me. But they’ve never accepted him. We got married at City Hall. I’m thirty-three now. We just had our first child. So I thought things would finally get better with my parents. I thought we could relate as equals now that I have my own child. Maybe they’d finally accept my choices. But they’re still the same. My mother helps babysit my child while I’m at work. She does everything her own way. She criticizes all my decisions. When I insist on raising my child a certain way, she gets upset. She starts crying and reminds me that I left the house when I was nineteen. Then my father calls and yells at me for upsetting my mother. It breaks my heart. But I’m realizing that a good relationship with my parents will always require doing exactly what they say.”

I want it all. I want the happiness. I want the addictive kisses. I want the long hugs. I want the bad days. I want the good days. I want the moments you’ll never forget. I want your smile. I want the days where all you want to do is lay around. I want the days where you want to just get shit done. I want the days where everything is going right. I want the days where nothing is going right. I want it all with you. I want to be the person who is by your side through everything. I want to be the person who you can always count on. I want to be the person who will always be able to put the smile on your face. I want to be the person you pull close to and kiss when New Year’s comes along. I want to be the person who is with you watching the seasons go by. I want it all with you. Every little thing you have to offer, I want it all. You’re it, and you’re all I want.

Not only did I shut out the pain, I shut out everything…
…the good and the bad until there was nothing.
- The Spectacular Now (2013)

it’s okay to have days where you cry six times. it’s okay to have days where you can’t even leave your bed. It’s okay to have days where you feel unsure. it’s okay to have days where you need a little reassurance. it’s okay to want that. it’s okay to have days where nothing is wrong but it feels like everything is. it’s okay to have bad days. you are still a good person to me on your bad days.

there is a very strange idea that exists that we are ill by choice; that we have never tried to get better. i have been told to climb mountains or swing from trees or learn to cope silently. i have been told about yoga, about crash dieting, about using extra pillows or less sugar, about deleting my social media, about being more adventurous, about parties i should attend, about books to read, places to travel, people to kiss, dresses to buy. that all of these individually could be the cure, or maybe if i mix them right i could wake up indestructible. 

the thing that kills me is i’ve always tried it. i’ve done it. i’ve already used and overused physical activity to marginalize anxiety. i’ve eaten nothing but vegan organic solutions and i’ve also treated myself to everything fattening. i’ve done yoga and i’m good at it but i’m bad about keeping sugar-free. i deleted my social media, tried not having toxic friends, read self-help books about being a better person. i went to the parties, i dressed up nicely and smiled broadly, i studied harder in anticipation for when i couldn’t study at all, i wore bright colors or stayed out in the rain a second longer. i grew plants and pet dogs and tried it all.

when you are bad, it isn’t a matter of changing your attitude, of mind over matter. why would i do something when it doesn’t make me feel happy. it’s hard to get up the energy enough as it is, why bother when it fills me with numbness? the fact of the matter is that i go so cold i could hold the sun without burning. that’s what it is. i could be doing everything perfectly. i could be doing only my favorite things. it doesn’t make it go away. healing just takes time and patience. i grit my teeth and survive it. 

stop assuming in my life i’ve never tried. i made it this far. you can be damn sure i’ve sampled every silly magazine cure and more. you’re not witnessing someone who just began the fight. you’re witnessing a seasoned warrior in battle and telling them you suggest using a knife.

Unpopular opinion: 2016 was actually an incredible year to me, so many cool things happened!! I’ve become independent, I learned and experienced tons of things, I’ve overcome my problems and finally I achieved what I’ve wanted for so long: I am truly happy with who I am as a person! I learned how to be happy and how to stay happy, I learned what’s important and to what extent. I realised that everything is a choice and there are literally no limits!! I finally see that every minute spent on whining and crying under a blanket is a wasted minute!! There’s literally no point in being stuck in one place, life moves forward and so should I!! Every failure is a test of persistence and determination, the key is to never stop looking for solutions!!

tl;dr Bring it on 2017, I’m ready

Distorted Thinking of the Mercury Signs
  • Aries Mercury: The Fortuneteller error (predicting a certain outcome and already treating it as fact)
  • Taurus Mercury: Tradition bias (thinking that that which is old, established, or has tradition is automatically superior or safer)
  • Gemini Mercury: Labeling (putting everything into clearly defined categories, as if life was a lab experiment)
  • Cancer Mercury: Emotional Reasoning (concluding that emotions are reality, that the way you feel reflects the truth of a situation)
  • Leo Mercury: Personalization (interpreting everything as a reaction to or opinion about you, taking opinions personally)
  • Virgo Mercury: Filtering (taking out negative details and magnifying them)
  • Libra Mercury: Fallacy of Fairness (making sure that everything is 'fair and even', even though it's not that logical or fair in a particular situation)
  • Scorpio Mercury: Polarizing (only black and white, good or bad, perfection or failure, no middle ground, all or nothing thinking)
  • Sagittarius Mercury: Overgeneralization (coming to a general conclusion based on a single incident and preaching it without sufficient factual evidence)
  • Capricorn Mercury: "Should" Statements (holding on to dogmas/rules of how things or people should/ought to be, rather than seeing how they are)
  • Aquarius Mercury: Anti tradition bias (thinking that that which is old, established, or has tradition is automatically inferior or outdated)
  • Pisces Mercury: Heaven's Reward fallacy (expecting all your sacrifice and self-denial to pay off, as if somebody was keeping score)
Used and Betrayed Sentence Starters

“Was I just a replacement for you?”

“I thought you really cared about me…. I guess I was wrong”

“I did nothing to deserve this! Not from you…”

“You were my everything, but I was your nothing”

“My fault for getting so excited and thinking you actually cared, huh?”

“Why…? Why do you do this to people??”

“Of course I used you, what good are you too me? To anyone?”

“You’re so worthless, you should thank me for it!”

“Using you was cheaper than hiring a professional”

“Don’t feel too bad about it, you were useless anyway”

“It must hurt, but if feels great to be the reason why”

“You deserved it, nobody would love something like you”

4

requested | you take me to the edge, push me too far, watch me slip away, holding on too hard. tell me why does everything that i love get taken away from me? how come nothing ever lasts? it goes from good to bad to worse so fast all it takes is one and i’m gone and you can’t erase the past. how come nothing ever lasts?

Nothing in this Universe happens by chance. Everything happens for a reason. The good, the bad, tragic, and ecstatic, it all happens for a reason.

I’ve been reading mixed opinions about Sonja and I just want to say something myself.
Some people say they can see where she came from when she said what she said to Isak. And I mean, I get that. I get that she’s been by Even’s side through good times and bad times and that she might love him still, in her own way. Personally, my issue with Sonja is that she was literally patronizing towards both Even’s mental health and sexuality and it made me uncomfortable. No one should speak like that, not matter how much you think you know about someone and not matter that you feel entitled to do so because you’ve been knowing this someone for years. Also notice she’s just a couple of years older than Isak - two years are nothing and everything at the same time, especially at that age and in that situation. She had control of the situation over Isak, she was in a position of power because she knew, because she can say ‘I would have told you so if you listened’, because she’s seen Even having episodes before. And maybe she just genuinely thinks what she said. And I mean, as I said I can get that, I can get that even though I disapprove (also you have a kid looking desperate and on the verge of crying in front you, at least I don’t know, lower your voice or something)
What I don’t approve of, is people pointing out that she deserves respect for sticking around. Sometimes certain people can do more harm than good and just because they “stick around” it doesn’t mean it’s good you know? She talked about Even in a really condescending way and I don’t like it. She sounded like his carer, and I don’t like it. Even doesn’t need her o Isak to be his carers, that’s literally what therapists are for. He needs a lover who loves him even when things get bad, who is willing to fight for him and let him know love can absolutely happens despite mental illness. That he is worth of an happy ending, that he doesn’t have to hide that part of him anymore. Even said multiple times Sonja was too controlling/condescending and I get that she was worried and all, but Even doesn’t like it and can you all stop thinking he was saying that just because of his mental illness? He clearly struggles with how much power she has over him. She was probably full of good intentions but still acted wrongly and it happens in real life all the time.

50 Things To Do When You Have Nothing To Do
  1. Study;
  2. Read;
  3. Listen a music;
  4. Watch a film;
  5. Clean the house. Your mother will be happy;
  6. Learn a different recipe;
  7. Learn a language;
  8. Work out;
  9. Dance in your room;
  10. Make a DIY;
  11. Ride a bike;
  12. Go out with your friends;
  13. Write a book;
  14. Send / say a “I love you” to someone you love;
  15. Make new friends;
  16. Go out alone and see how good is your company;
  17. Turn the night watching something you enjoy and eating nonsense. One day will not kill anyone;
  18. Make a day of beauty for you;
  19. Do some volunteer work;
  20. Draw;
  21. Sleep;
  22. Fix something;
  23. Compose a song;
  24. Play a instrument;
  25. Sing;
  26. Stay with your boyfriend / girlfriend;
  27. Write a book;
  28. Write a letter or e-mail to someone who lives far away;
  29. Change your hair;
  30. Paint your nails;
  31. Pick flowers and decorate your home with them;
  32. Reflect on your attitudes;
  33. Go to a party;
  34. Paint a picture;
  35. Plan your next vacation;
  36. Build a puzzle;
  37. Play The Sims or other game you like;
  38. Write your feelings;
  39. Cry if you need. It’s okay to cry now and then;
  40. Smile;
  41. Be grateful for everything and do not complain;
  42. Take from your life everything that hurts you in a bad way;
  43. Eat your prefer food;
  44. Think about new projects;
  45. Plant a tree. The nature say “thanks”;
  46. Feed your spiritual life;
  47. Buy something you need;
  48. Find your hobby and practice it;
  49. Be happy;
  50. Be you.

What I like about Seventeen’s bad boy concept is that it’s nothing like the usual “dark MV, shirt lifting and hip hop beat”. The MV is all about the boys having fun and clowning around and if this isn’t the purest, softest, most beautiful bad boy concept you’ve seen, i don’t know what it is.

The highest teaching in the world is silence. There is nothing higher than this. A devotee who sits with a Sage purifies his mind just by being with the Sage. The mind automatically becomes purified. No words exchanged, no words said. Silence is the ultimate reality. Everything exists in this world through silence. True silence really means going deep within yourself to that place where nothing is happening, where you transcend time and space. You go into a brand new dimension of nothingness. That’s where all the power is. That’s your real home. That’s where you really belong, in deep Silence where there is no good and bad, no one trying to achieve anything. Just being, pure being.
—  Robert Adams

i hate that my heart feels so much. like i can dead ass see the SMALLEST thing ever and it’ll impact me SO much it’s unreal. that puppy over there? yeah that hit me and i’ll probably go home and think about it because it was so dang cute. that joke that was kinda sorta rude? yeah i’m gonna think about that for a solid month straight and i’ll refrain from doing anything like what the joke was pointed to again. like peoples words and actions impact me so much more than they should and i just feel like 10x what should be normal and i have yet to determine if this is good or bad because it means my highs or so high but my lows, they get so damn low. everything i feel is in extremes or nothing at all and it’s so crazy which is why i usually just keep everything inside and let it all build up and only spill to a few people or spill a little bit out and so many people think they know me and have me figured out but like, they don’t!! you only know what i show you!! because i just tell people enough so it makes me seem easy going and not at all different but really i’m so damn complex i’m like the puzzle that is a thousand pieces and when you finally piece it together you realize you’re missing some and god it’s so crazy. nothing inside of me is ever calm, i am always one inch away from the panic button, i am always one scream away from deafening myself. but you’ll never know that because i make sure i hide it so good and i make sure that i’m so damn kind and positive that you’d never see me struggling a day in my life.