everything i thought i wanted is completely out of reach to me and i don't even know what the point is even more

anonymous asked:

(1/5) Hi, I have some questions about real person shipping, and I hope you can help me out. I used to be an antishipper (not involved in discourse, just quietly thinking that some ships are bad/harmful) but reading the arguments of you and others has helped me changed my mind since then - people can do with fictional character whatever they want cause you can’t hurt fictional characters. But I still don't get how shipping real people and writing fics about them is okay.

Some context- I’m ace, somewhat sex repulsed and a csa survivor. The thought that anyone (who is not a partner who knows and respects my boundaries) could think about me in a sexual context makes me incredibly uncomfortable, to the point where I never wear any revealing clothes, even if I’d like to because they’re pretty or it’s just really hot outside, so I don’t „encourage“ people to think of me as hot or sexy. Knowing that if I was a celebrity, there might be people who write porn involving me makes me physically sick to think about. Now, I’m not a celebrity, but I can’t help but think that there is no way of knowing if a certain celebrity feels the same way - they might be sex repulsed, ace or a survivor, and even if they’re not -isn’t writing smut about them still some form of involving someone in a sexual context without their consent? (Even if they might never know about it.) It just feels incredibly invasive. (Tbh, I’m also uncomfortable with people fantasising about others without their consent - when I had a crush on my friend, I never allowed myself to fantasise about more than holding hands and hugging, both things we’d already sometimes do platonically. But I realise this is getting close to thought policing, something I really don’t want to do, so I just try not to think about that.) (5/5) I really don’t want to be judgemental, but I can’t help feeling that with shipping real people you can also hurt real people. Maybe you can help me understand why it’s not as bad as it seems to me?

Apologies for answering so late, have had a hell of a lot on my plate recently. 

First, I get where you’re coming from, I really do. I also have a very complex relationship with sex and sexuality and everything that surrounds it, also due to abuse during childhood (I have stretches of time when I can be accurately described as ‘oversexed’ and am naturally kinky, but there are also times when I can’t bear to be touched or looked at with any kind of desire. As you can imagine, it’s caused quite a few problems in my relationships, over the years).

One place where we differ, however (and I worry about being able to reach consensus, specifically because mine is an almost completely opposite view of the world) is the fact that I take a very firm stance on my various personal issues being specifically that – personal. This means that it’s not obligatory for the rest of the world to shape itself around me and my particular needs, save for what is already accepted as common social courtesy – making sure that the environment and the available tools are structured in such a way that I can simply not deal with whatever I can’t handle. This is, fundamentally, more so than the ‘fictional people aren’t real’ thing, what stands at the crux of my displeasure with the whole anti thing (well, this and the fact that the whole thing is incredibly authoritarian in nature, but I’ve talked about that before). I can understand that others see this differently and sympathize with their position, but that always firmly stops at ‘and this is why one mustn’t do X or Z’ arguments. 

As far as real-people-fiction and shipping is concerned, I’ve always been of the opinion that it’s not something problematic if common-sense and common courtesy are respected. Meaning: 

  • keeping it firmly away from the people it depicts (something that youngsters in fandom these days have a clear problem actually doing)
  • understanding that one is working with a ‘public persona’, rather than an exact image of the individual in question
  • tagging it for who wants to avoid RPF 
  • limiting its distribution (the best example for this last point is AO3′s ability to make certain fics show only to logged-in users, something that most of the other RPF writers I know have turned on by default)
  • being able to treat it as a fictional exercise and separating it from reality (meaning no bloody temper tantrums that Band Member So-and-So is dating a woman, instead of Band Member Such-and-Such!)

I go a bit farther and write fics focused mostly on people who are no longer with us, usually by a difference or a few decades, specifically to ensure that the person in question never accidentally runs into the thing, even with all precautions. 

What really baffles me, in all this recent shouting against RPF on here, is that we’re not talking about some recent social aberration or whatever else along those lines. The common people writing fictive narratives about the beautiful, the notorious, the rich and powerful, is as old as the written word. Hell, as old as spoken language, I’d argue – the history of my people is littered with orally transmitted tales about the exploits, sexual or military, of various warlords, most being traced back to the time when the warlords themselves were still alive. We’ve got what could be argued as RPF, written about the rulers of the day, all the way from ancient Egypt and we’d likely have had sources from ancient Sumeria and Babylon as well, if not for the fact that most of the clay tablets that were preserved dealt with financial transactions. It looks frankly odd, to me, such a campaign against something that’s been with us for most of our history and that’s been used for everything from bawdy tales to subversive political manifestos. 

It’s perfectly a-okay to be squicked out by RPF on principle and to not want to deal with it. That’s something I support fully. I also support criticism of how some RPF fans behave (the utter shitshow that is the One Direction fandom is a prime example here – I’m not even in that fandom and I still cringe at some of the shit I hear!) I come down hard myself when the rules I listed above aren’t obeyed. My problems inevitably start when the whole ‘stop writing this!’ thing gets put into motion, as always.

anonymous asked:

Halloween anon again! This is lowkey a request aND a head canon type thing: vamp!reader and werewolf!jungkook who really don't know how to communicate with each other even though the feud between vamps and wolves died out a LONG time ago so it just leads to a lot of awkward encounters with wolf!Yoongi sighing loudly in the corner and vamp!Namjoon sitting beside him in stunned silence as they try and figure out a way to help these two poor awkward creatures who just want to befriend each other

(cont.) SORRY ABOUT HOW LONG THAT WAS I HAVE A LOT OF FEELINGS ABOUT VAMP!READER and WOLF!KOOK - Halloween anon

Of Canines and (Sharp) Canines

Summary: Jungkook is a shy pup, and the rest of the group are tired of this awkwardness (vampire!au; werewolf!au)


“This… is so… goddamn stupid.”

Namjoon stops combing his fingers through Yoongi’s hair to laugh.

“Hyung,” he says. “They’re kids. What do you expect?” The both of them watch as Taehyung runs up to where you and Jimin are seated, studying, Jungkook in tow. “At least today they can manage to be within five feet of each other.”

Yoongi watches with a groan as Jungkook shyly sits in the seat beside you, the only one left after Taehyung had snagged the one beside Jimin. He can only assume he’s begging for more tummy rubs, if his pout is anything to go by.

“He acts like he’s afraid she’ll bite his head off,” Yoongi comments, scoffing. “As if he’s not the one capable of doing that.”

“It’s kinda cute though, don’t you think?” Namjoon says.

“Cute?! Have you been drinking some crazy dude’s blood lately?”

“No. And it is cute. Jungkook reminds me of you when we first met.” Yoongi snorts. “Must be a wolf thing. With the exception of Taehyung.”

“Taehyung’s an exception to everything, but that’s not the point. The point is, how is it possible that Jungkook is the complete opposite of his older brother?” Namjoon hums quietly in thought.

“Mmm. You have a point there. Junghyun hyung is literally everything I’d want to be if I was a wolf.”

“Exactly. So why is his brother like this?”

                                                           ▫▫▫

Keep reading

Will you be mine?

Deancas, high school!au, approximately 900 words.
Bonus points if you catch all the references! which probably 90% of you will lbr anyway, enjoy!

Ugh. Why am I even here? Dean thought as he looked around the room for what felt like the hundredth time since they got here. Homecoming was stupid. And whoever had decided that “Under the Sea” was a good theme for homecoming was even stupider. There were bubbles everywhere. And why did everything have to be blue? Ugh. And then his eyes fell on Cas. Right. That’s why I’m here, his brain provided unhelpfully.

 Dean had decided early on that he was skipping homecoming this year. He didn’t have a date, and he hadn’t been interested in getting one. He and Cas could just hang out at his house and watch movies. That would be way more fun anyway. He’d been on the verge of telling Cas about his plan when he had come up to him the Monday before the dance, but Cas had beat him to the punch:

“Dean,” Cas had asked, somewhat shyly. “Would you like to go to the dance with me on Friday?” Dean had been so shocked that he’d stared at his friend, completely speechless for what felt like half an hour – although it was probably closer to ten seconds. But just as Dean had snapped out of his trance, and was about to tell Cas that hell yes he wanted to go to the dance with him, the other boy had quickly added “As friends of course.” and he’d started to babble about how it was their last year, and he really wanted to go, but he didn’t have a date and -

“Sure, Cas,” Dean had cut him off, ignoring the sinking feeling in his stomach and smiling instead. “If it makes you happy.”

And Cas had smiled and Dean knew in that instant that it had been the good call to make. 

And now it was Friday and Dean had picked Cas up earlier tonight – he’d nearly fallen off the Novaks’ front porch when Cas opened the door because woah, but that was besides the point - and here they were. Sitting at a table in the corner of the gym farthest to the dance floor, staring at the people around them, Dean resolutely avoiding Cas’ gaze. At least the music is decent, he thought. Their friend Charlie had been appointed as the DJ for the night, which meant that it wasn’t ballad after ballad like last year. Actually, he was pretty sure there hadn’t been a slow song yet.

“Dean?” Cas whispered, effectively breaking Dean out of his reverie. “Do you want to dance?” He asked, as though he’d read Dean’s mind.

“Yeah, okay,” Dean shrugged, standing up and fixing his tie. Why did I even wear a tie? I don’t do ties.

The music slowed as the pair reached the dance floor. Seriously, Dean how much of a cliché can your life be? he thought. And then he recognized the song. He looked up at Charlie on the stage, daggers in his eyes,  just as she began to speak. “This is for all you film nerds out there,” she said, winking at Dean. I’m going to murder her. And I’m never telling her anything ever again. Dean ground his teeth together.

“Hey, Cas, you find a partner, I’m gonna sit this one out.” He said, pointing to their table.

“Wait.” Dean felt Cas’ grip on his wrist as he turned away. He looked over his shoulder, only to see his best friends’ eyes filled with the most determined – and hopeful? – look he’d ever seen. “On Monday, you said you’d come to the dance if it made me happy. You dancing with me would make me even happier…”

“Yeah, Cas and I will, I promise, but… this song? Really?”

“This song.” Cas nodded.

Dean gulped, feeling his heart speed up even more. Is it possible? Does he…? “Aright,” Dean finally answered, his hands shaking as he placed them on Cas’ waist. “Alright.”

Cas rested his hands against Dean’s shoulders and the two boys swayed together to the soft rhythm for a moment, hardly touching. Eventually they both relaxed, melting into each other, Cas resting his head against Dean’s shoulder, pressing a smile to the other boy’s neck.

“Dean?” Cas whispered just as Dean was pressing his cheek into his hair.

“Hmmmmm?”

“Can I kiss you now?”

“You know, Cas, I think I’d be okay with that,” Dean replied, smiling, as Cas lifted his head from his shoulder.

Their lips meet for the first time as the last lines of the song fade out, and maybe, just maybe, homecoming isn’t so bad after all.

Earth angel, Earth angel, please be mine.

My darling dear, love you for all time.

I’m just a fool, a fool in love with you.

                                                       •

Five years later, if the song plays during the first dance at their wedding reception, well that’s just because Cas is a mushy romantic.

(Who am I kidding though, Dean chose the song because he’s a sap and they’re both smiling so wide that they can barely kiss and holding each other so tight that they can barely move so really it’s mostly just them staring at each other and being utterly happy in the middle of the dance floor and it’s perfect.)

Important Firsts: Sugakookie 2/?

2.    The first time you tell someone else that you love like them

Taehyung and Jungkook’s movie nights are an age old tradition in the Bangtan household. Everyone knows that any Friday night where the boys don’t have a schedule is a Friday night that the two youngest members spend sprawled over Jungkook’s bed under a pile of blankets, eating whatever junk food they managed to raid from Jin’s cabinet and binge watching movies. For the most part, Jungkook and Taehyung are left completely alone by the other members and since Namjoon always comes back home quite late when he’s out working in the studio, their movie nights are one of the only times when the two can kick back and talk to each other without any inhibitions or worries that the other members will hear them.

(Or best bros Taekook talking about Jungkook’s feelings for Yoongi)


Keep reading

Strange Magic Fanfiction: I’ll Look to Like

I’ll look to like, if looking liking move; But no more deep will I endart mine eye than your consent gives strength to make it fly.

~ Romeo and Juliet


A drabble requested by hellonsneakers and jennithedaydreamer and a few other people. Number 22. “I’ve seen the way you look at me when you think I don’t notice.” Basically my reaction to the my brain pleading can you please ust write some fluff!?

This was meant to be 2000 words. It is now 42 pages long and has turned into a monster. Help me.

This is just one of the many things I’m writing right now, but so far its the only one to actually cooperate. If I can wrangle down the others then I can actually start things. Because now not only have I started six parts of my timeline (when the hell am I just going to bite the bullet and start that stupid thing) but I’ve also decided to write that “Griselda’s Tea Time” idea that everyone got really into. So… we’ll see what happens.

In the meantime….

My biggest fear here is if I wrote Roland right… I mean besides every other blatantly obvious fear. But goddammit the guy is the hardest to write for. He’s got to be charming and slimy all at once. Handsome but ugly. Awful but perfect. I swear he’s a walking batch of irony. So… we’ll see…

Apologies. This is kind of everywhere and might be a little crappy. But it’s something. And this prompt was the kick in the pants for me to actually get some writing done and got me working harder on all my other things.

But yeah… sorry… it’s a little crappy… and I’m not exactly happy with it. But for what it is… 

We’ll see…


Marianne dealt with many different things in her past, and she’s been in love more than once. And as the age old expression goes, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, eyes are the window to the soul and love is blind. Because they would always look, but it was often her own eyes that deceived her.

A summary of glances and the repetition that really isn’t repetition at all. 

A comparison of Marianne’s most important looks. 


The first time Roland had looked at her, Marianne had nearly been brought to her knees. Naturally she was more than aware of the status he held in the Kingdom. Who wasn’t? The fair Knight sweeping damsels off their feet with a smile that could slay a dragon and a heart and a sun all at once. The perfect specimen with hair pure as gold and eyes green as tart apples and the grace that swept lakes into streams and brought the grasses in the fields shuddering and bowing before going off to charm the wind as well.

And one day those eyes had fallen on her.

Keep reading

cass-ian  asked:

Hi! I have been working on the same novel series for almost a decade, since fifth grade, with it having a diff. incarnation a year. This was the story that made me decide I would be a writer. It's gotten better over the years, but now I feel like it's stagnating. I've been working on it for so long, and I'm so set in some of the ideas, I don't know how to make it any better. Do you think I should leave it for now, work on something else, and retry in a few years, or keep working on it? Thanks!

First off, that is quite a feat, at any age, so be proud of how far you’ve gotten so far. Novels aren’t easy. Series are even harder, and whatever you’ve completed to date is a HUGE accomplishment. I hope you’re occasionally rewarding yourself for that, and celebrating your accomplishments.

Whenever you work on anything for an extended period of time, no matter how much you love it and are dedicated to it, it can reach a point where it’s tapped your energy. Particularly with writing, when you’re reading passages over and over again, even if they’ve been edited and revised several times over, those words and ideas can send you into a kind of glazed limbo whether you want to go there or not.

Ultimately only you can decide what’s best for you and your work, but here’s a few possibilities to explore/consider:

Find an editor/reader – preferably someone you don’t know. Maybe a couple people. Get opinions and feedback from those who are coming to you, and your story, completely fresh with no knowledge or expectation. Don’t rush them, either. Give them time to really sit with your work and read through, even re-read, before returning with feedback.
Their feedback and ideas can give you fuel to keep going with the story and revisions, give new perspective to some of those ideas you make me ‘stuck’ on, AND waiting for them to send you their thoughts gives you a bit of a break from working on it.

Working on another project can also help refuel and refresh ideas. If there’s something else you have in mind to start, that initial rush of new ideas, new story and characters, can sometimes inspire you to new ideas on an existing work. And there’s no rule that says you can’t work on both stories at once if you’re feeling compelled to. Likewise, you could start something new while your current work is with readers.

It does sound like you need a bit of a break in some form, so perhaps continuing with it right now isn’t the best idea – but again, you’re the best judge of that. However, if you want to keep working on it now, try changing up your method of revising.
Been doing everything on a computer? Print off some pages to edit by hand. Have a section you’re not liking? Try rewriting it by hand, or dictating it on your phone. Character giving you trouble? Take a bit of time to write more of their story – see what their issues are and how they might be resolved (or deepened, depending on their arc). Plot holes? make notes of where they are, and what’s needed to fill them, and work on each one separately, as its own contained little story, then work it back into the story as a whole. Setting issues? Try drawing some scenes out – even if you’re terrible, just try it as an exercise. or make an idea board, online or with magazine/photo clippings.
Basically, all these are ways of trying to get your mind to find ways of working on the story without following the same work pattern you’ve had before. A sort of ‘work outside the box’ method.

In the end, you’re the best judge of you and how you work, but any of these options can really be done independent of one another, or in combination. It’s up to you. And ultimately, you may need to just step away for a while – and that’s fine, too. 

Hope this helps!

- O

heyseoulsisterr  asked:

Hello~ May I request a scenario where you are Joey & Mark's best friend ever since u were in diapers. All three of you grew up together and you started to develop feelings for Mark. But you know that he doesnt want to be in a relationship with someone who is the same age as his brother (u are younger than joey by a month). And all this stuff happens (mark rejects u wen joey convinces u to ask him out ) and then mark realizes that he has feelings for u l8er on. A little angst + happy ending pls.

Oooh! This seems interesting! I’ll have fun writing this and I also hope you have fun reading it!

“What’s up with you?” Mark chuckled a bit, watching you nervously fidget around in front of him. Something was clearly on your mind, but whenever Mark tried asking you about it, you would quickly evade the topic.

Now you weren’t going to back down anymore. You were going to Mark Tuan out. It was now or never. What was the worst he could do? Say no and then break your heart? Ha. No biggie. You knew your chances with him weren’t very high. You were younger than Joey, his younger brother, and you knew about his ‘not-dating-anyone-younger-than-my-brother’ rule.

What a stupid rule.

“I wanted to ask you something, Mark…” You paused for a few moments, trying to find the right way to ask Your heart was beating and you could have sworn it was loud enough to be heard by Mark himself. 

Why were you risking everything now by asking Mark out? You never would have done this before, but Joey convinced you that it was worth a shot and he thought his older brother liked you, too!

24 hours ago…

“It’s just disgusting, you know? I’d like to enjoy some time alone without having to watch two people practically eating each other’s faces in public,” You ranted on, talking to one of your best friends, Joey. 

The slightly older boy chuckled softly, “Sounds like something a bitter single person would say. Tired of being single?” He teased and you could see that smirk growing on his face, even if you weren’t with him.

“I don’t give a damn about being single!”

“Yeah, I don’t believe that. Let me guess… You still fantasize about your dream life with Mark Tuan of GOT7?”

Your cheeks burned hearing this little quip, “I told you I don’t like your brother like that! Stop trying to make things awkward,” you muttered grumpily. Why bother ranting to this guy?

“There’s no point in lying. I know you like him and I’m sure he likes you, too! So what’s stopping you two?”

“You’re joking… Right? Have you never met him? ‘Yeah, I just don’t think I’d be comfortable dating anyone younger than my brother…’” You said with your best Mark impression.

“Oh my God, you know I’m pretty sure you don’t know him! He only says that cause of the crazy fourteen year old sasaengs.”

You were quiet for a few moments after that. Why would Mark just say that? Despite what Joey was saying, you still felt a bit skeptical. 

But here you were, about to confess your feelings to the popular idol slash best friend of yours. Joey was able to convince you to take a chance, but that didn’t stop you from being nervous. You kind of wished Joey could be there now. Before you knew it, your hands were trembling slightly so you quickly shoved them in your back pockets as you kept your eyes on the ground. Mark was staring enough for the both of you and you couldn’t quite meet his gaze.

“Alright… What’s up?” He asked, eyeing you suspiciously.

“The truth is…” You decided to just blurt it out. Saying it slowly and uncertainly would only drag on this agonizing awkwardness. “I really like you! And I have for a while… And I was wondering if you wanted to go out sometime?" 

For a few moments, Mark just stared at you with slightly wide eyes. It was nearly impossible to understand what you just said, but after replaying it in his head, he was able to figure it out.

"Oh… Y/N…” He started, awkwardly reaching out to grab both of your arms. There was a short pause before he pulled you into his arms for a small hug. “You know I love you, right?”

This sounds an awful lot like a rejection… 

“Mhhm,” you managed to mumble against his chest as you reluctantly hugged him back.

“But… I’m really sorry… I don’t think it’d work if we were together. I don’t want to make things awkward between us and… Yeah…” He let his sentence hang a bit awkwardly as he stroked your hair gently, “Sorry.”

You hesitantly pulled away and grabbed his wrists, pushing his hands down. “Yeah, no… I get it. Hahaha!” You laughed loudly to hopefully clear the awkwardness, “I don’t know what I was thinking! Sorry. I forgot age was such a big thing for you.” You weren’t sure why you were suddenly being snappy, you just felt slightly irritated with everything. You got your hopes up, even though you knew you shouldn’t have.

It also just kind of pissed you off that Mark treated anyone younger than his brother like some awkward kid when it came to dating. You were already an adult, so it’s not like it really mattered?

“Y/N…” Mark started, a small frown on his handsome features.

“Alright, well, this was embarrassing. I’m just gonna go,” you finally said and quickly turned to leave. Luckily, you were too ticked off to cry cause that’d just make you feel even more embarrassed.

Two days later… 

You’ve been avoiding Mark over the past two days. You didn’t really want to confront him after that embarrassing confession. Sometimes it really did seem like Mark had a thing for you as well, but apparently you were always just that little sister in his eyes. Joey tried calling you a few times as well, probably to see how things went, but you didn’t answer your phone. You were done with the Tuan boys for now.

No, it wasn’t like you hated them or anything. You just needed some space for now. It was typical for a young adult to act like this after an unexpected rejection, right? At least, that’s what you tried telling yourself.

What really sucked, though, was that Mark hasn’t even tried contacting you during your two day absence. Normally you would visit him or at least send him a little text everyday, but he wasn’t even going to question you when those little gestures suddenly stopped. Maybe he didn’t notice? Maybe he felt too awkward now and you completely screwed everything up?

“Ugh! Screw relationships!” You groaned loudly and sprawled out over the couch in your living room. You were tired of thinking about this and you kind of just wanted things to go back to how they were. 

Deciding that it was about time you stopped sulking around, you grabbed your phone and called up a friend for a distraction from your currently sad, little love life. The two of you agreed to going out to a cafe and after an hour, you were sitting across from each other at a table.

The two of you were talking about what happened again. Of course, you already told her what happened before, but she was now trying to give you advice on how to move on. After a few minutes, however, she paused and discreetly pointed at a figure behind you. “Y/N, there’s a creepy guy sitting two tables behind us who’s been staring at you the whole time…”

You tried turning your head subtly to look back, but when your eyes did land on the figure, you froze a bit. “Some creeper, alright,” you got up. “What’s Mark doing here?” You demanded from your friend who quickly tried feigning innocence.

“That’s Mark?! Well, I never! I had no idea he’d be here!” She exclaimed with a firm nod.

“If you don’t tell me what you were planning, I’m just leaving,” You said coolly. But before you could leave and before she could explain anything, you felt someone grab your arm.

“Y/N, please don’t avoid me anymore…” His words were slightly muffled by the black face mask he most likely wore to hide his face.

“A-Avoid you? Pfft! Don’t flatter yourself, I’ve just been busy…”

“I know you’re angry at me,” he said quietly, still holding onto your arm. When you tried walking away, he tugged you in a bit closer. “And I know why. You’re right. I shouldn’t be too hung up on age.”

You were frozen for a few seconds. What was he saying? You knew this time not to get your hopes up, especially if this was just a misunderstanding.

“Joey told me about how you were coming to him about me… And I’m sorry I didn’t notice sooner,” he chuckled a bit and loosened his grip on your arm. 

You rubbed your arm gently before lifting your hand to smack his shoulder for being an idiot. Before you could actually smack him, though, he grabbed your hand with a little chuckle. “Still as abusive as always? I don’t know if I can date a girl who’ll constantly hit me like that…”

“Wait, what,” you blinked twice. Did you hear him correctly?

“I guess I can give this a shot. If you wanna ask me out again, I can almost guarantee a different answer from before.”

“Hell no, it’s your turn to ask,” you said with an excited grin and a soft chuckle.

Mark laughed a bit in return then shrugged his shoulders, “Alright, Y/N, would you like to go out with me sometime?”

Have We Met Before?

POV; Third Person

Pairing; Mavin

Genre; Angst

Warnings; None

Words; 2,378

Notes; I guess this is really more of a drabble than anything, but hey, it’s a start!

Green eyes stood out against the dark color of his hair, and Michael, even in his current state of mind, knew exactly who he was looking at. Staring into those eyes he remembered everything, for one incredible moment.

Keep reading

DeanCas coda to 10x20: Angel Heart 

“He’s been standing out there for an hour.”

Dean pauses, lips poised around the lip of his beer. He isn’t really sure why he is in any way, shape, or form affected by Claire’s leaving, but he misses her. She’s a good kid, she’s a good shot, and even though Dean knows it’ll be good for her at Jody’s, he just… there’s this feeling.

This feeling that he, unlike Cas, is deciding to deal with rather than mope over.

Dean continues his movement, chugging the alcohol left in the bottle until it’s gone. With a flick of his wrist, he flags the bartender down for another. She’s cute, and she bites her lip when she comes to serve him—gives him the eye—but he’s just not interested. He tries to pinpoint the exact moment he stopped being interested and his thoughts turn to blue eyes.

Dean.”

“What, Sam?” Dean snaps. “What d’you want me to say? He’s been out there for an hour… Damn guy bought her a birthday present. He’s been acting like her dad and now she’s all grown up and goin’ to college. Give him his fuckin’ hour.” Resting his elbows atop the bar, Dean settles, shrugging as if to downplay all of this. “People have done more for less. Hell, when you left, I don’t think I saw straight for a week.”

Dean can see how hard that hits his floppy-haired, overgrown puppy of a brother in the bob of his Adam’s apple and the tense of his jaw. Sam looks like he’s going to break his teeth and the Mark crows in victory. Dean feels sick. He grunts something about needing a minute and gets away.

Castiel has not moved from his damn spot. Not one god-loving inch.

Keep reading

Sick Little Games (Final Part)

(In case you missed it, here’s part 1 & part 2)

Masterlist

Shakily opening the back door, you quietly stepped out, shutting it softy behind you. 

Walking out onto the porch, you saw Calum crouched by the pool, running his hand back and forth in the water with one of the street lights casting a small glow on him.

Pulling your sweater tightly around you, you slowly made your way over to him, ignoring the feeling of dread building up inside your stomach.

Hearing you step on a branch, he snapped his head towards you, immediately standing up straight.

Sticking his hands in his front pockets, he quickly look down to the floor, refusing to meet your stare.

Once you got close enough, you stopped a few feet away from him, not saying a word.

Bitting his lip, he looked up, searching your eyes.

Hi”

Pressing your lips together, you faced the floor, playing with a rock by your foot.

Hey”

Focusing on pushing the rock back and forth, you didn’t notice him take a few steps towards you. He stepped out on the rock so you wouldn’t push it anymore, trying to get you to look at him. When you still refused, he cupped your chin in his hand and pushed your face up.

Meeting his worried stare, you started to bite the inside of your cheek.

I don't even know where to begin”

Letting go of your chin, he sighed.

Guess i’ll start with the easiest part… Are you really going back home?”

Letting out a humorless laugh, you stepped away from him, putting distance between you both again.

Wow so you want to start with that? Not with the whole fucking reason i want to leave?”

Not answering you, he started biting his bottom lip, looking away.

Of course he wasn’t going to talk about it.

Shaking your head, you rolled your eyes.

Yes Calum, I’m going back home. My flight leaves at noon so if you’ll excuse me i should go back inside and get some rest.”

Rushing towards you, he pulled on your hand not letting you leave, talking frantically.

Wait what do you mean you're leaving at noon? Like noon tomorrow? That’s too soon. You haven’t even properly said goodbye to everyone. What about your uncle? You can’t just leave him! You’ve been helping him in the studio. And what about me? I haven’t-”

Stopping himself, he snapped his mouth shut, wide eyed.

What about you Cal? What haven’t you done?”

You were giving him a chance to be up front about everything. So you stood there watching him closely, waiting to see what he would do.

You saw him playing through the different words he could say, trying to find the right one.

But instead of talking, he settled with a slight shrug.

Pulling your hand out of his, you took more steps back, shaking your head.

Seriously, you woke me up at almost 4 in the fucking morning so you could just shrug your god damn shoulders? So you could keep playing games? Well guess what Hood, I’m done with your fucking games. Im done letting you make me feel like I’m nothing but a play toy for you. I know Luke and Ashton said you liked me, but now i see that’s bullshit. Because if you do, then you have a real fucking funny way of showing it. So yes, I’m leaving. Im not going to hang around here just to keep getting my heart stepped on by a fucking boy who would rather sit around and play games then be fucking honest for once in his god damn life. You win Calum. This game is all yours.”

Spinning around, you started making your way back to the house.

You know what, maybe you’re right.”

Surprised, you spun towards him, watching him fight back what looked like tears.

Maybe i was playing games. That’s what I do. I play games and i always win. In this industry, no fucking girl is truthful. They figure out I’m in a band and thats all they need to throw themselves at me. They never take the time to figure out me as a person. And to be honest at first it was pretty fucking fun. Hooking up, moving on. It was simple and easy. I didnt have to worry about relationship shit. What i didnt realize was i had to be worried about the ones who pretended to care about me the real way.”

Stopping, he looked away from you, towards the fence.

When i met Stella last year, she seemed pretty fucking genuine. Like a dumbass i let myself fall for her hard. Little did i know she was in it for the fame. Ended up being done with me the second a more famous guy wanted her. I learned to not trust anyone. So i let myself start playing games. It was easier to see the other person get hurt then them hurting me.”

Feeling a tear slip from your eyes, you turned your face to the floor, hoping it was dark enough to where he couldn’t see.

Then you came round. You ended up be a whole other game. One that was actually fighting back. A game i was actually willing to lose.”

Looking up, you noticed he had gotten a little closer.

The first time i met you, i was instantly lost. You were nothing like the other girls. You were smarter, kinder, so much more beautiful. You were real. So much so that I actually wanted for you to be just like them. I wanted you to use me. I wanted you to not care for me. I needed any reason to not get attached. That was the whole reason i called Stella. I wanted a distraction to keep me from falling completely in love with you. But it didnt work. When i saw how broken you were that day in the studio and how much you wanted to completely ignore me, i panicked. I wanted to fix things. I didnt want to lost you. But then i saw you with Noel and i switched back to wanting a distraction. I needed to let go.”

By now so many tears were running down your cheeks that you completely ignored them.

But why? Why couldn’t you just be honest? It would have saved all this shit from happening. You could have just talked to me. Why?”

Smiling softy, he closed the reminder of the distance and cupped your cheek, wiping of a newly escaped tear.

Because i know you can do so much better”

Feeling like everything was crashing down, you weren’t holding anything back anymore.

And it didnt seem like he was either.

God what the hell are you even talking about Calum?”

Im talking about the fact that you already know my past. You know I’m a shit person and you know about the games i play. And yet you’re the complete opposite of me. You’re real and don’t play games. The only reason you started to play the game was because i made you. You wanted to get back at me. You changed who you were just to get even with me. I changed you into the person i am and I can promise you i will never forgive myself for that.”

Smacking his hand off your face, you started to get angry now.

I did not turn into you! I was just fighting you back! I kept hearing from everyone how you liked me but wouldn’t do anything! I wanted to know why!”

Starting to get frustrated, he snapped back.

“So you’re saying you didnt use Noel to make me jealous?”

Staying quiet, he knew he had his answer.

See! You used him! The same way i used Stella to make you jealous! And that’s a shitty thing to do! I can accept the fact that I’m a sucky person but i refuse to let you become one!”

Trying to calm yourself down, you tried to let go of your anger.

“Fine, i understand that. Let’s push all of that aside. Noel, Stella, this game we have. Let’s focus on us right now. Why couldn’t you just except that fact that maybe we would be good together? That maybe you couldn’t finally stop feeling like everyone was out to get you.”

He stood quiet, trying to gather his words together.

Because we wouldn’t be good together. It wouldn’t be real.”

The minute he said those words, you felt like your heart had been ripped out of your chest.

I wouldn’t be able to trust myself. I don’t know the first thing about being in a real relationship. I don’t think i would ever be able to live with myself if i hurt you enough to have you want nothing to do with me. The thought of losing you completely scares me. But if i have to let you go to keep you safe from me, ill do it.”

Now it was your turn to grab his face in your hands.

As soon as your fingers touched his face, he closed his eyes, memorizing the way your skin feels against his.

Calum, look at me. Please.”

Opening his watery eyes, he held your gaze.

I get it okay. I get you're scared of this. Trust me this is completely new to me too. The whole reason i was willing to play along was because i wanted you to just be real with me. To tell me the truth. That’s it.”

Grabbing your hands, he held then closer to him.

Trust me, i know. I really did contemplate so many times to just ask you out.”

Gaining confidence, you spoke back quickly.

“Then do it… Right now… Just own up and finally do it.”

Staring in his eyes, you waited for him to finally say it. 

To say he wanted you. 

To say he was willing to stop the game for good.

Filling hope up raise in your chest, you watched him smile.

Leaning in, he places a soft kiss to your forehead and then backed away.

I can’t… Im sorry.”

It was then that you felt like you’re heart had just been ripped out.

You deserve the fucking world and i deserve someone like Stella. I can’t let you get caught up in me.”

Walking backwards, you laughed darkly.

A little late for that don’t you think?”

He tried to reach out for you again but you merely smacked his hand.

Don't touch me.”

Hurt, he was trying to say something to calm you down, but it was too late, you couldn’t let him talk.

You know what… at this point i don't believe a word you’re said. After all the games you played with me, i don’t think you really care. I just think you’re looking for an easy way out. Why can’t you just be a man and say it? Huh? Just say you don’t care! Say I’m not good enough for you!”

Fuming, he started to raise his voice.

“You really think i don’t care! After everything i said! Im finally being completely fucking honest with you and you still think I’m lying!”

Raising your voice back, you started to yell.

“WELL HOW CAN I TRUST YOU WHEN YOU STILL DONT WANT TO MAKE THINGS RIGHT!”

Now both of you were yelling.

“I AM MAKING THINGS RIGHT! IM LETTING YOU GO BECAUSE I LOVE YOU FUCKING ENOUGH TO KNOW ILL BE NOTHING BUT BAD NEWS IN YOUR LIFE! WHY CANT YOU JUST ACCEPT THAT AS THE TRUTH!”

Staying quiet, you stared at him.

Did he really just say he loved you?

Before you could say anything back, you heard the porch door open.

Whats going on? Is everything alright?”

Turning around, you saw your uncle stepping out of the door, with the porch light now on.

Everything’s fine… Im sorry… i actually was just leaving.”

Snapping your head back to him, you didn’t know what to say or do.

But he did.

Giving you one last look, Calum started making his way to the fence door.

Panicking, you tried to stop him.

Calum wait… please”

Turning around, he held out his hand, keeping you from getting any closer.

No. No more waiting. I need you to stop waiting for me okay? I need you to get on that plane tomorrow and just forget this. Forget everything i put you through, forget everything that happened. Forget us.”

Crying again, you answered him in a small voice.

What if i don't want to forget?”

Licking his lips, he took a shaky breath in.

Then ill forget you”

By then all the wind felt like it had been knocked out of you.

Turning around, he walked out the fence door and closed it hard.

Staring at the empty space in front of you, everything shattered inside your chest.

Slowly walking over to where your uncle was standing, you pushed past him to go inside. 

There was nothing he could say to fix this. 

You didn’t want him to waste his breath on a lost cause.

Running up the stairs, you went into your room, completely starting the beginning of a melt down.

It all seemed silly to be so invested in him.

You both weren’t even a solid item and yet it felt like a part of you walked out of your life.

How could he really expect you to just forget.

To forget the way he made you feel.

The way he made you laugh.

How could he forget so easily?

Were you really that little of a problem to him?

You spend the rest of the night, well morning, letting every little bit of built of emotions you had over him.

When it was time for your uncle to drive you to the airport, you were numb.

You were so broken, nothing even felt real anymore.

Getting into the airport, you waited in line, constantly checking back at the sliding doors.

A part of you hoped maybe Calum would see the mistake he was making and come bursting inside, trying to stop you.

But as you neared the security, you knew it wasn’t going to happen. 

Things like that only happened in the movies.

An hour later, you were on the plane, making your way back home.

In a way you were kind of excited. You would get to see your friends and family. You’d have a normal life again. No more drama, games or heartbreak. 

You would start new.

You weren’t being given much of a choice but maybe he was right. Maybe letting go was what you needed to do for the sake of him and you. 

After getting home, you spent a lot of time catching up with everyone. You told them all about the different bands, studio time and just your experience there. You told them everything.

Well…

Everything but about Calum.

It stung too much to even think of his name.

So, like he said, you tried to forget.

For the next week, you spent your time doing anything and everything to keep busy and distracted. You went out with friends, went running a lot, started writing songs again. You kept yourself so busy that by the time sunday rolled around, you were beat. Crashing out early, you were sound asleep by 8:30 that night.

It wasn’t until you started hearing a faint sound coming from somewhere in your room.

Stirring a but, you tried to ignore it, thinking you were just hearing things.

But it just sounded so familiar.

Bolting up from your bed, you felt like you were about to throw up.

Tap 

Tap 

Shaking, you pushed the blankets off from you and got off the bed.

Looking over to your clock, you noticed it was a little past midnight.

Tap

Tap

Walking over to the window, you pushed the curtains aside.

Your heart stopped.

Running out of the room, you made your way to the front door, bursting out.

Looking around you searched, trying to see around you but it was too dark.

Matching pajamas? Really? I thought you were more of a large t-shirt and underwear kind of girl?”

Spinning around you finally saw the face you had missed so much.

The face you tried so hard to forget.

The face that made you hate him for making you crave him.

Why are you here?”

Letting a few beats pass, he finally spoke up.

“To fix a mistake.”

Wasting no time, he grabbed both sides of your face and smashed his lips against yours. Reaching your arms around his neck, he moved his to your waist, pulling you against him roughly.

You didn’t know how but this kiss managed to be desperate and sweet all in the same way.

Moving in sync, he made no point to stop and neither did you.

You both had wanted this since the moment you caught sight of either other months ago.

Unfortunately you both were out of breath all to soon, forcing each of you to pull away.

Leaning his head down onto your forehead, he started to grin.

Hi… again”

Grinning back, you bit your lip.

Hey… again”

Giving you a much softer kiss now, he pulled away, walking over to sit on the steps, never once letting go of your hands. 

Pulling you into his lap, you both sat there, taking in the features of each other that you missed. 

Pushing back the hair from his face, you spoke first.

Im not complaining in any way but… why are you here?”

Taking your hand away from his face, his laced your fingers before speaking.

Because i was too late from stopping you from leaving the first time.”

You felt your mouth drop at his answer.

He did try to stop you.

He was just too late.

Feeling your heart start to race, you stayed quiet, waiting for him to finish.

By the time i finally grew the balls to just say fuck it, your plane had already taken off. I was hoping to at least catch you in the terminal but didn’t. I would have came sooner but with meetings and tour prepping, i had to wait a week.”

Shaking your head, you couldn’t believe this was finally happening.

Moving your hand to your thigh, you slightly pinched yourself to make sure you weren’t dreaming.

You weren’t.

This was real.

So what does it mean now that you’re saying fuck it?”

Laughing at your choice of words, he leaned in to kiss you before replying.

It means i couldn’t handle the thought of you forgetting me. I know i said i would  but it wasn’t working. All i kept thinking about was Noel. He would be someone who could easily make you forget about me and that scared me shitless. I would never be able to find someone to do that for me. You are the only one i want. I know that sounds selfish and i really should give you a chance to find someone better, but i can’t. You’re my girl, no one else’s. So basically what I’m saying is, will you give me chance to officially fix this. Will you my girlfriend?”

Looking into his eyes, you knew you were finally seeing the real Calum. 

Open and honest, he was trusting you and only you to end the game.

Smirking you decided you’d have a little fun first.

Hmmm i don't know, let me think a bit. I mean you did mention how Noel would be a better option, i could see why-”

Seeing his face completely fall, you bursted out giggling, changing the subject.

Im joking! Of course ill be your girlfriend Cal, theres no one else i could ever imagine wanting but you.”

At ease, he laughed with you.

I hate you, you know that right?”

Sticking out your tongue, you laughed again.

“No you don’t, stop lying”

Kissing him, you felt your heart flutter. 

He was finally yours.

No more games, no more lies, no more heartbreak.

This was it.

Getting up from his lap, you held out your hand.

Taking it, he got up, following you into the house.

Quietly walking up the stairs, you lead him to your bedroom.

You both climbed into your bed, snuggling against each other, not wanting a single inch of space left open.

Sighing, you finally felt complete.

There really was no where else you wanted to be and it was so nice to know he felt the same way.

Interrupting the moment, he decided to speak up.

Don't you think your parents might be a little disturbed when they find a random boy in bed with their daughter?”

Groaning a bit you forgot about your parents.

They didn’t even know Calum existed.

Boy was this going to be a fun one to explain.

Whatever, we’ll deal with it in the morning. Stop trying to kill the mood”

Chuckling, he pulled you tighter against him, easily falling asleep within minutes with you right behind.

***************************

There it is, the final part!

Total Calum feels huh?

I was going to end this at the pool scene but didn’t because of this anonymous suggestion:

Basically i thought it was brilliant and decided to end it with him flying to see her. More dramatic and adds more feels idk thanks to the anonymous person who sent it in! You were a huge part in getting this written😊

Seriously though if you have suggestions for parts, i keep then in mind when I’m writing! Basically if i don’t reply to you on your suggestion, its because I’m going to use it as inspiration and ill feature it on the end notes!

For example, smilesforhstyles sent in a suggestion for my other story i have out right now and I’m going to use it as a Luke preference on its own later. I don’t know if that makes sense by they’ll know what mean. You guys will see that story later on.

But anyways if you haven’t checked the new preference out, heres the link:

Playing By The Rules

If you have questions or something, Click this little dude: 

Thanks for reading, ill talk to you soon.

Byeeeeeeee❤️

Love and Evasive Action - Chapter Twenty Five

Hello. This is fan fiction - everything is a lie. Previous parts can be found here. hartbigguyz is a precious gem who checks my words for mistakes.

Thank you for reading.

Chapter Twenty Five

When Grace arrives home, in a whirlwind of outrage and hurt pride and guilt, she tosses all of her clothes aside, and gets in the shower.

The water does nothing to make her feel any better, but she does stop feeling quite so dirty.

She cries.

Keep reading

My encounter with Gillian Anderson at the Sa-Yes benefit party

So meeting Gillian is technically a two parter because I spoke to her during the benefit QA and then again for the photos

Part one:

So they were only taking questions about Sa-Yes so I tried to come up with a question I could ask that could lead into me giving her the shirt.

For starters I came up with my shirt design during the school year and I did intend to ask her to sign/wear it (either or but she took it as both so I went along) and auction it off for one of her charities. So heyyo, why not ask if she could donate the funds to Sa-Yes.

Ok ok so I should note that I’m literally a foot from the stage, maybe 6 feet max from her the entire time. As soon as I raised my hand we made eye contact and I’m shocked that I didn’t pass out from that because DAMN that stare can pierce the soul.

I started off by asking if she ever considered doing a TED talk on the importance of charity work or feminism and she just pursed her lips and the crowd started laughing. She replied “honestly the thought of giving one makes me want to go to bed.”

After that I said “though I’m not old enough to be a part of the mentor ship program, I made this shirt that I was hoping you could sign or wear donate the funds to the charity.”

I handed it to her and she laughed and smiled. The shirt says WWGD (what would Gillian do) with a silhouette of her to the right of the lettering. After staring at it she goes “oh I should show you guys!” She shows the crowd and everyone sees and she did the same and then looked down at it again and smiled.

This is when I pull out the rest of the gift that I had put together with my friends. I told her we came out from all over the place and just wanted to give her a little something. I thanked her for being such an incredible inspiration for women.

She pulled out the Blanche doll my friend made and she was soooooo in love with it. I yelled “yeah my friend made that!!!” And turned to point at her.

Side note: I promised my group that if they were unable to speak I would be like a lil mama bear and handle the talking because I could talk forever and I’m just a slight extrovert lol.

She then asked if there was anything chewwy related, and sadly we didn’t have anything, but I said “I found a mask the day before I left where you can wear it and make chewwy noises!!”

She says something along the lines of “did you see the video that went viral??” Pauses, “yeah I have. Hasn’t everyone???”

She ended it by looking through the bag and thanking us, and finishing with a smile while saying “ok back to the charity!!”

Unfortunately I kind of opened up the doors to everyone sending there gifts forward. I didn’t intend for that to happen, but at least I gave her something that she could use to raise funds for the charity.

OKAY PART TWO

I wanna give a shout out to Zahra (lifecanbeso) for offering to split the photo fee with me and then standing there graciously while I blabbered endlessly with Gillian. You’re the real mvp and I owe you everything for it

So we are waiting behind a curtain to take photos with her in the theatre. After we were let in literally the first thing she yelled was “COME HERE IM GIVING HUGS”. Even in heels she was so tiny and I had to bend down and she threw her arms around my neck and I swear to god that was the softest jacket I has ever touched. She also smelled amazing???? Anyway

We pulled apart and I instantly apologize for handing her the gift bag on stage because so many other people did the same after me. I told her about the shirt design and how my friend who’s a director for marketing helped me with the design.

I said I was from Seattle and that I came with a bunch of other women from all over the place. I should note that she was smiling and laughing during all of this. She never broke eye contact and actually looked like she cared about what I had to say

I told her that my friend and I went up to Vancouver this summer on the one weekend they weren’t filming and she laughed and was like “oh nooooo!” I told her I included pictures of that adventure in the bag I gave.

Lolololol so of course we all discovered she’s now on tumblr so I said “we found out you were on tumblr and honestly you’ve opened Pandora’s box. Good luck. ”

Ok there’s probably more that was said but I got caught up in the moment and my memory is frozen.

However I do remember the last bit of our convo. I thanked her for being an amazing role model for women and how she’s such an inspiration for us. She was bashful and said thank you kind of shyly because Gillian literally cannot take a complement without looking down or smiling like a little kid.

I mentioned that I went into streetcar blind because I wanted the full effect during the show. Pretty sure I rambled about how she was bomb and I was completely blown away.

This is when she cupped my face and thanked me for my presence there tonight. Not to be that creep, but she has the softest hands.

We then took pictures and I asked if we could take a nice one and then one of us flipping off the camera and of course she was like “yeah let’s do it!!” I’m really glad I opted for flats because I still had to bend down to reach a height level closer to her but hey, the pictures are cute and I’m forever grateful for the experience.

So yeah, that’s my story. Overall, she was so bubbly and adorable during the entire benefit, and bless her soul for taking so many pictures with people. We were the last ones which is probably why we got to chat so long but AH pinch me I still feel like this entire night was a dream.

novacane-libra  asked:

First thing I just wanted to say I love your blog and your fics give me life. I don't know if your taking prompts but I saw in the gail/holly tag photos of Charlotte in a lot of suit and ties and I wonder if you can make a Gail/Holly fic of Holly being turned on by Gail in a suit and tie.

totally always taking prompts. I love to see what people come up with. here’s one (M-rated):

Keep reading

Let me give you a hand

For those who don’t know me, my name’s Aitor Eraña, I’m a comic artist and illustrator from Spain.

If you are not from Spain, you might have met me in CTN Expo this last two years. What I want to tell you just happened on this year’s edition.

Last CNT Expo, a girl came to my table and after chatting for a little about art and stuff, she more or less asked:

“Can I take a photo of you and your artbook? You see, my niece was born without a hand too, and loves drawing, but is afraid of what people might say. I want to show her she can do whatever she wants.”

Of course I took the photo.

The thing is this is not the first time somebody has approached me at a con with this issue, so I thought I could share my experience here, in any case somebody has the same problem. Please understand, I don’t mean to brag, or tell anyone how they should live their life. I only intend to show you what having only one hand has taught me, in case it helps you or may give you something to think about. If that’s not the case, sorry for such a long post.

As mentioned before, I was born with only my left hand, so my experience is way different of that of people who lost mobility or a whole part of their bodies along the way. I have always lived with this body, while others had to suddenly change the way they did things, which I can only imagine, is one of the biggest pains in the ass ever.

But OHWELL, what I wanted to make clear is that, because I always was the same as I am now, I didn’t  think of this annoyance too much. I simply lived my life, and only mattered when others mentioned it (and let me tell you, when you are a little kid with only one hand, most of the people don’t have anything nice to say). I was lucky to be born in a family that never made an issue of my lack of hand, at least not in front of me. When I asked my mom, she simply answered “You were born as you are and you are perfect that way” and that was enough for me. It should be enough for anyone.

Of course, I did notice the rest of the people around me didn’t share my original design and everything was difficult for me. Our world, society in general, is designed for people with two hands and that can walk, see, hear, talk and touch. Being able to use both hands and walk on two feet are some of the main characteristics of our species, so why shouldn’t it.

So, when you are different from that, everything is harder, people notice and they make sure you know they notice. Most of them mean no harm, they just want to make you feel understood and accepted. A few of them are just pricks . But the thing is that you may feel clumsy, you may get to think that you can’t make it without the help of others and that you are less than others, that you are the one that stands aside of everything and whoever treats you well does it out of pitty. Hopefully not, but it might happen that you come to think that your whole identity is defined by your difference and that the world only sees and interacts with you influenced by your difference. This can make you a sad person, or maybe bitter. Not so long ago, when I went to college and had to deal with so many unknown people, far away from my home, I used my lack of hand as a theme to continuously annoy everybody, as a way to protect myself. If I made the first joke, I thought, what others may have in store couldn’t hurt me. I was a fool to do that, as clearly I was expressing I was the one who was most annoyed by the fact that I was handless. Nowadays I try to control myself (although sometimes is just great to be able to make jokes about this :P).

I won’t lie to you, you are different. You don’t have it easy. But you are not ‘disabled’, you are not clumsy, you are not less than anyone and “You can’t” is a sentence you should not allow from anyone. Think of it this way: you are just playing the game in hard mode, but you don’t have to be ‘complete’ or ‘normal’ to get through it, you have to be stubborn, original and positive.

Through this 29 years, I’ve been drawing comics as long as I can remember (I’ve published up to three in various languages and aim to get four more published some time in 2015!), I’ve played videogames in all the platforms and consoles that the industry has thrown at me, I’ve played handball and even made it to the regional team at age 16, I’ve practiced horse riding, skiing, diving, I can cut my own food, I can tie my shoelaces… and the things I can’t do, like doing a handstand, clapping my hands, playing several instruments, playing the Wii with both the stick and the nunchuk… I’ve tried. But maybe not hard enough.

What I mean by this is, if you are in a similar situation, if you want to do something, just try doing it. Enjoy it. Don’t let thoughts like ‘I can’t do it’ or ‘People will think it’s weird’ make you loose the chance to experiment new things just because the instructions say you need both hands to grab handle ‘A’ and handle ‘B’ or to stand up or to see the green light to start. You must find your way of doing things, and if you succeed you’ll see you can do it, and people won’t think it’s weird, they will think it’s fucking rad, cause you manage to play their game, by your own rules, and there’s no reason why you can’t be as good or better than them at it (and that, my friend, is the opposite of being ‘disabled’). But you shouldn’t give a shit about that. You just must make up your mind about this: their rules are not your rules, you just have your own ways of doing things, and the few things you won’t be able to find a way of doing, are really not that important. And if they are, you definitely will find the way of doing them, so just be patient and keep on being original.

When I was 9, my parents insisted I tried a myoelectric hand (I was the first person in Spain to use one!), but I never got the hang on that gizmo, I felt more comfortable doing things my way, with only one hand. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t rely on every help you may find, I just want to express that you must feel comfortable with yourself, and it can be done with a myoelectric hand, with a wheelchair, a hook, a baton, a thing designed exclusively for you to do a certain activity…or without those things. It really doesn’t matter, as long as you are ok with it.

And even if you have to approach life in a different way, you shouldn’t let that define who you are or how people see you. As I said earlier, there was a time (ironically, a time when I was supposed to be adult and mature enough) when I was afraid people would reject me for my physique and so I became over-conscious about it and made humor my way of defending myself. But life taught me that most of people, at least the people that matter most, don’t care about that more than a few seconds…some of my friends didn’t even notice I was lacking a hand days after meeting me, and some haven’t even asked me how I lost my hand! I’ve learn through the years that my sense of humor (very silly, stupid humor), my way of treating others or even my taste in music define me more than the number of fingers in my hands or the fact that everything I own has gone through my armpit at some point. If you think that a crippled body is unattractive, even disgusting, I and the girls I’ve been with (sorry men, women are more my thing) can assure you that’s not as important as a healthy personality. Be nice, be positive, do whatever it takes to be happy with yourself without being untrue to yourself, cause you are far more interesting and have so much more to share with others than your regular everyday guy (sorry, regular everyday guy). It’s up to you to have people’s attention and not their pitty.

If you are like me, just please don’t see life as a bunch of things that are out of reach: arts, sports, friends, love, the world itself…are  there for the taking, you just have to do things your own way, you just have to find your way, just like everybody else…only it may be a little harder for you. Don’t let anyone tell you how to live in your body, don’t be a prisoner of your body, enjoy it, be thankful for the support good people give you, don’t give a rat’s ass for what people that want to bring down do or say and don’t try to demonstrate anything, just focus on finding and enjoying the things that make you happy.

And if you know somebody that is like me, and care for them, please encourage them, don’t fear, or at least don’t let them see your fear and make it their own. Be with them to share their victories but don’t let them think they have reached the top, and if they fail, don’t let them loose sight of the top. Basically, treat them like everybody else and be reassured, they will be ok as long as you are there for them. One does not need hands or feet as much as good family and friends.

Take care and laugh all you can.

BTW, I am taking my driver’s license test starting 2015. Try avoiding the highway as much as you can.

Cheers!

Aitor

First Heartbreak

Masterlist

“But something in me’s changin, guess you did something to me”

No…. Wait…. hold on… don’t… leT ME JUST… GOD DAMMIT”

Throwing your controller next to you in defeat, you let out a frustrated groan while Calum started to laugh uncontrollably.

Dropping your face down onto the bed, you refused to meet his cocky stare. Instead, you chose to wrap your arms around your head, completely blocking him out.

Oh come on, don’t be a sore loser”

Feeling him poke your arm repeatedly, you quickly swatted his hand away before moving it back to its original position.

Im not being a sore loser,” you stubbornly answered in a muffled voice.

In return he took a while to respond, too busy chuckling.

Then lets play another round if you’re not being a spoilsport”

Grunting, you buried your face further into the covers, completely ignoring his pleas.

Over the past hour you both had played many rounds of Mortal Combat, all during which he absolutely kicked your ass, never once showing any mercy.

Come oooon, don’t leave me hanging!”

You felt the weight of the bed shift as he moved onto his knees, lightly pushing down on your back a few times.

No! Go away!”

Quiet, you didn’t feel the bed moving anymore, nor heard a single sound coming from him.

Confused, you slowly lifted your head from your arms, searching.

Looking back over your shoulder, you met his eyes, noticing they were filled with absolute mischief.

Ill give you one more chance to start playing again… or else”

Making a face, you rolled over onto your back to get a better look at him sitting above you.

Or else you’ll what Hood?”

Raising an eyebrow, he started to let his lips turn up into a half smirk.

Don’t you think it would be easier for you to pick up your controller rather than finding out what I’m seconds away from doing?”

Letting out an exaggerated sigh, you folded your hands on the back of your head, crossing your feet at the same time.

And don’t you know trying to tell me what to do will surly backfire in the end?”

Smirking, you let your mouth tilt up in a teasing manner.

Never once letting his own smirk falter, he slowly shook his head side to side.

You asked for it y/l/n”

Before you could even register what he meant, he flew forwards, hands instantly connecting with your sides.

Letting out a loud shriek, you tried to pry him off of you, having zero luck.

Moving his hands up and down, he moved to straddle your waist, preventing you from having any chance of getting up.

Screaming, your laughs mixed with his, filling the once quiet house.

CaL… UM… ST-T-OP IT-T”

Moving his hands even faster, he refused to let up.

NO! NOT UNTIL YOU AGREE YOU PLAY ANOTHER ROUND!”

Laughing to the brink of tears, you weren’t sure how much more you could handle without eventually peeing your pants.

Finding a sudden burst of strength, you somehow managed to flip him over onto his back, earning a surprised look from him.

Now straddling his waist, you held his hands up above his head, fighting to steady your breath.

Shaking your head, you giggled at his shocked expression.

I told you Hood-”

Taking a second to catch your breath, you continued to talk.

Everything always ends up backfiring on you”

Finally settling, you let your smile eventually fade, not exactly sure how to read his expression.

I dont know if you’d exactly consider this a backfired moment…. Seems pretty solid to me….”

Voice trailing off, he dropped his gaze from your eyes, to your lips, down to your waist and then back up to rest on your lips once more.

Heart beating fast, you felt yourself becoming growingly cautious of your placement on him.

Silently gulping, you stayed motionlessly, unsure of what to do.

Still staring at your lips, he finally rose his gaze back up, quietly searching your eyes.

Breath hitching at his stare, you felt a warm tension rising in your stomach.

Moving your hands off of his wrists, you slid them away, resting them on either side of his head.

Slowly, he lifted his hands until they settled lightly around your hips.

All teasing aside, you both stared with parted lips, each hesitant to make the next move, scared of the others reaction.

Head dropping slightly, you never once took your eyes off of his, still trying to gage his response to all that was happening.

Head tilting up, he moved one hand up to your lower back, pushing you further down.

Taking it as his green light to not stop, you started to close the remainder of the distance between his lips and yours, completely oblivious to the stampede of footsteps coming up the stairs.

Hey mate can you-”

“Whoa, what the fuck?”

Keep reading

I don't know

TITLE: I don’t know

CHAPTER NUMBER/ONE SHOT: One

AUTHOR tomcuddlesfic

WHICH TOM/CHARACTER: Actor Tom 

GENRE: fluff / romance / 

FIC SUMMARY: OC is excited about a book festival.

RATING: T


AUTHORS NOTES/WARNINGS: A short one shot for today. I’m pretty tired from waking up at 6 am for my 8am class. I hope it’s cute enough for everyone. Tell me what you think!

Keep reading

Preference #50: Big Thinker

Jack: He tries refraining from jumping you whenever you hint at sex. It’s like a trigger word. Jack holds back all the hunger once you’re both in bed. He takes in how good you smell, the sweet peachy perfume you bought that doesn’t make him gag alongside the matching moisturizer you rub on yourself every night. Jack takes time in removing every bit of clothing. He slowly slides off the nightdress that entices him into the bed, the bra keeping your breasts from his eager mouth and tongue, and the panties he kisses and teases you through. He loves how you taste; the bitter sweetness remained a perfect blend in his mouth even when he finished. Jack thought being inside you was heaven. Not too tight and not too loose. You had this habit of clenching and unclenching your walls around his already throbbing cock; pushing yourself into him when he took you from behind; letting him know how good he made you feel and that you never wanted him to stop. He considered the way you eagerly brought his hands to your breasts while you topped him. He loved playing and sucking on them for the little extra pleasure you enjoyed so much. Jack, in the end, only dreamt of pleasuring you. The moment you climaxed he had to watch: The pleasure contorting your face, your body trembling all at once, your moans starting out low before growing in octave, leading up towards your infinite orgasm, which usually brought on HIS orgasm. The aftermath happened to be his second favorite part. You both lie there close together, you’re breathing in sync as you try collecting yourselves again before he rolled off you. Then you’d snuggle close to him, your head on his chest and arm draped over his stomach. He loved the come down of sex because you were the most peaceful then. Jack kissed you goodnight, giving a small ‘I love you’ as he watched you shut your eyes.

Finn: He became an animal once the door shut. Finn couldn’t think of anything but what’s in your panties. You never minded either, which he loved. There was no need for ‘delicate handling’ or ‘softness’ because you loved his roughness. He enjoyed the quick zips the zippers made when he yanked the open, and your little yelps and giggles during your undressing. You gained some dominance too, of course. You popped the buttons of his expensive shirt, pushed off his jeans and boxers to get his as naked as you. H loved slipping his hand inside your underwear and seeing how wet he made you through such simple acts. Finn pondered over how this could happen so quickly. The mere thought of your slipperiness aroused him further. However, his hand never stayed there long, since your body moved southward on him. He shivered at the thought of your delicate hands on his hard body, while your lips lightly pecked him here and there. He loved your mouth tightly wrapped around his erection; the way you sucked was enough to keep him hard though not drive him towards the edge yet. Finn loved how you seemed so professional at this. You made him shudder and moan in ways girls certainly never could; whilst he could do the same to you. He’d press you into a wall, your legs instantly wrapping around his waist for support as he felt your silky hair. Finn always took a moment to appreciate how gorgeous you looked: The pale lights giving your skin a small glow, the harsh kisses reddening your lips so the contrasted well with your skin, the lustful need inside your beautiful eyes while lips shaped around the words: ‘Fuck me, Finn.’ Then he would. Finn gave you the best fucking during every fuck. Finn Harries wasn’t that good of a love-maker. He had too many frustrations and not enough time for the time-consuming act. He took all his frustrations (sexual or not) out on your dripping pussy. He’d be vulgar, crude and lewd with you. Finn flipped you around like a rag doll, plugging any hole his cock would fit inside of. You were so…perfect. Loud, verbal, and dirty, Finn could have sex with you all day long. The finale was his favorite part: You’d arch your back, your eyes completely shut and hands clawing at the wall behind you. You’d push your hips faster into his for a longer orgasm, which only went louder in streams of profanities and his name. The end, his beast being fed and back in its cage, he’d lift you up and take you onto the bed. He loved having you in his arms in the end, more than happy with the satisfaction.

Dan: The beginning usually felt awkward, even a several times later. He never knew exactly what you wanted. He brooded over it during your make-out session on his sofa. Your gyrating hips tempted his groin into stirring. His pants grew tighter with every little hip motion; the thought of your sex pressing into his like one rousing the other after a deep slumber in.  Dan got the job done in the end, though the job itself confused him. You liked so many things. He settled for being steady. He went a nice pace with you; not going too slow or too fast. He let you direct what direction the sex went in usually, since you were much more experience than him. Although, he certainly loved the feeling of you overall. You were shorter than him, so when you rest on top of him, his long arms able him to touch anything he wanted above your thighs. His hands could comb through your flowery-scented hair or his lips caress your fruit-scented body. His nimble fingers fumbled with buttons and zippers; they peeled away the layers like an orange. You’d roll you both over so he hovered over you. He assumed he took the lead from here on out. He kissed the exposed flesh given to him, while his hands roamed over your body. He tried being careful not to grip too hard or so anything harmful to you. Your whimpers made him harder. He’d slide down your body, kissing everything he could before getting to your panties. This boosted his confidence. Mid-foreplay always left you breath-taking. His mouth holding the faint taste of you in them, wiping the excess from around his lips, he saw the gleaming, panting beauty lying on his leather sofa. The way she asked for more by spreading her legs further apart, the way she brought him closer, kissing him and whispering how much she loved him. Dan never thought in a million years he’d be so lucky. He was your slave now. You ensnared him by simply muttering his name through relieved moans. Finally entering you, the world turned blurry. His thrusts are steady, angling the most he could for that perfect spot. After a while, he grinned to himself. Your shuddering, stuttering words came out in incoherent sentences as you reached your peak. A sense of accomplishment set in him whenever he made you come so hard. He’d fall to the wayside once he finished himself, cuddling you to him and kissing you cheek. ‘We should go to my room before Phil comes back,’ You managed breathing out. He chuckled, ‘Like hell. Let’s stay here naked and traumatize him for life.’ ‘Daaaan…’ ‘Ugh, fine. Party pooper.’

Phil: He’d confess he hardly had any confidence in the bedroom when you met. He’d been a virgin the first time you both made love. Of course, he obviously knew the basics of sex, but he didn’t know the specifics regarding his own desires. It surprised him when he’d get aroused watching you bend over while transferring laundry or whenever you raised your arms up and that little tingle went through him seeing your stomach. He loved the feel of you up against him. Your small form melted into his larger one so easily; he could keep you close forever. He did so even as he removed your pajamas. He wasn’t sure why the kisses lingered or why his hands sailed downward. Phil simply wanted you that night. Don’t people have sex regularly? Phil felt stupid thinking about it. He focused on you. Your soft sighs, your faint whimpers and the purrs you made when he touched and kissed you. Phil made a point of playing with your breasts until the nipples were hardened nubs. He loved kissing, sucking and licking them; his eyes looking up for your approval. When you emphasized that with your hips, he moaned. Phil did everything you each enjoyed without pushing boundaries or limits. He smoothed his hands over your sides and breasts when he entered you, his face buried in the crook of your neck as he began pushing. You reactions provoked his actions; you ignited that little spark inside him each time you breathed out his name or told him ‘faster’ or ‘harder’. He loved-that by the time you climbed to your climax-the bed tapped the wall behind it. Phil might not feel completely confident at first, though you surely made him feel it towards the end. ‘I don’t get why you’re so shy about it at first,’ You told him, cuddling into him. ‘I don’t know either. I guess I just really want to impress you.’ 'There’s no need to try and impress me. I love it either way.’

Kyungsoo: Things you Don't Know

(requested by anon)

You step into class apprehensively. It was your first day in this new place and you were already beginning to wonder whose bright idea it was to move in the middle of the school year, because it was certainly not your own.  You tug at the straps of your backpack, nerves escalating with all the stares which are now on you.

The teacher comes back into the classroom after discussing the matter with the lady from the front desk. She takes her place behind her podium which reaches up to her chest. “Class,” she begins, looking a little frustrated at the many conversations that have broken out during her short disappearance, “this is our new student, please treat her well.” A unison agreement was made before the class broke out into even more chatter about the transfer student. “You can sit in the back next to Kyungsoo, the boy with large eyes.”

Said boy starts waving at you with an adorable smile. You began to wonder why she felt the need to mention the fact about his eyes, that is, until you reach your seat. The moment you sit down Kyungsoo glanced at you and his eyes take you off guard. “Woah.” You mutter under your breath. His eyes were large and his eye whites happen to be enormous. It’d almost be creepy if he wasn’t so cute. Wait what? You blush immediately at the thought.

“Hi, I’m Kyungsoo!” he says enthusiastically. You smile and shake his hand before giving him your own name. The teacher calls for attention and you’re unable to talk to Kyungsoo again until lunch.

Keep reading