What being autistic means to me
For me, being autistic means being extreme. There is no way to explain it differently.
I am extremely human.
In many ways, I’m very rational. I rely a lot on my thinking and well, I think a lot. I am extremely interested in getting knew knowledge and in discussions about almost anything I can get extremely opinionated. I am very direct and honest. I speak my mind. I love solving problems which is why I often get extremely involved in them. I can spend hours studying for college – because I love everything I learn so much. Because I like to understand things. I have an extreme eye for details, patterns and logical connections. I am very analytical and I love analyzing – I can focus so perfectly on it that it almost feels like I never think anything else. I am philosophical, I like taking many and different approaches. I rather collect and connect the details myself than see the whole picture. I think extremely often about myself and analyze me and my behavior a
lot. I talk to others about it and take their opinions into account. I
try to learn about myself and improve through that. I am dedicated to
take as many details as possible into account and connect them with each
other. And it feels like I’m making progress every day, even if it’s
just a little and even though it sometimes might need a few setbacks.
But I can be extremely emotional as well. I am so unbelievably passionate about the things that mean something to me. I can see beauty everywhere, in the strangest places. I can feel deeply. Sometimes, I like people so much because they approach me in the right way. Because of how I can speak to them. I enjoy their presence. But I can get extremely overwhelmed, too. I stress easily and worry a lot – about myself, others and just life in general. Sometimes I feel so strongly that I can’t describe it or even become numb. I love deeply and I love a lot of things. With all my heart. In my honesty, there is often a lot of kindness as well. I can get really involved in music, stories, art and people, even to a point of dedication.
I am extremely sensitive. I hear too many sounds and they are way too loud. Some of them even hurt – like a police siren, or the sound of chairs moving across the floor. And all these noises are tiring. Light blinds me extremely. You can easily scare me or make me jump. I am extremely ticklish. I can be sooo picky about my food, you wouldn’t believe it. And I am very aware of every aspect of my body, even though I can be extremely insensitive to pain. Sometimes it all gets overwhelming – then I often need to either sleep or cry.