everything i have ever wanted

Okay, hear me out.

An action film where Chris Pine and Sebastian Stan play partners, and Sebastian is in love with Chris but thinks Chris is into their handler, Zoe Saldana.

Chris gets kidnapped/captured and when Sebastian finds out he does that teary-eyed, barely-holding-it-together thing. He goes against orders and - with Zoe’s help covering for him at the agency - tears the world apart to get Chris back, while Chris fights his way out from the inside.

They meet in the middle and everything’s great for like ninety seconds until - PLOT TWIST - it was all a trap to capture Sebastian because he has information they need and the bad guys know he’s in love with Chris. Chris had no idea! Sebastian cries some more.

Of course they escape and destroy the bad guys and save the world and get medals or something, and then Sebastian is like, ‘Look, about the whole in love with you thing, I don’t expect -’ and then Chris just

Kisses Sebastian.

Right there. In the parking lot of their agency headquarters.

Sebastian cries because he’s so happy, and they make out a little more and then walk to their car holding hands, the first openly gay action heroes in a major summer blockbuster THE END

8

What kind of thing is that, Agent Thompson, the alphabet? I can teach you. Let’s start with words beginning with “A.”

  • me, talking about my interests:i love writing
  • me, actually writing:i hate writing
3
6

Fiona: ❝ you two know each other?
  Janey: ❝ yeah… she’s my girlfriend. which means we know each other.
   Scooter: ❝ intimately! they do it.

it’s 9:21 at night and I’m just thinking about how I want to be pure. I want to be the light. I want to keep loving with everything I have and I want it to not ever exhaust me.

really, truly, all personal feelings about adam driver or even au ben solo aside. it makes so much sense, narratively speaking, to have kylo fall in love with rey. it’s the perfect outlet of and for his internal struggle with the light but embodied in one beautiful girl. it opens so many doors, so many interesting and beautiful questions about love and forgiveness and hope and desire, abandonment, longing, everything that makes us human. can kylo truly love if he has surrendered to evil? if he’s still capable of it how bad can he truly be? can he ever be forgiven? will loving rey force him to realize that the dark side threatens everything she is? will he have to finally admit that the pull in him towards the light is stronger than his desire to embrace the dark? why does he still want the good and the beautiful if he has rejected it? loving rey would force kylo into admitting that there is a deep divide in him: between the true desire for the light and his perceived desire for the dark. it forces him to weigh the two and really truly admit what it is he wants more. it would be a motivator and a catalyst for his return to the light that we haven’t seen before in Star Wars but which also represents everything star wars has always been about. and it opens up those questions for rey too. how far gone is he, really? if he is dark and he loves her, rey would have to decide which part of him was the truest. can you forgive or do you punish? do you believe him or do you call him a liar? do you believe that you are loved, do you accept the thing you’ve always wanted the very most-to be needed, to be cherished, to be loved- when it comes from the person you are supposed to hate the very most? this arc would be so much more important and powerful and moving for both kylo and rey than…you know…them being cousins.

When I was four,
all I wanted were new dolls that I could dress up
in any way I wanted to.
I would wash them, brush their hair,
and delicately place clothes on them
(because don’t you take care of the ones you want?)
When I turned five and started kindergarten,
all I wanted was to learn
because I became fascinated with numbers and letters
and how you can form new words depending on
how you arrange the letters,
with each word standing for something different
(and don’t you sometimes wish you are something different?)
Then I turned thirteen,
and I learned the difference between who I see in the mirror
and who I want people to see me as
(because isn’t there a difference?)
When I was fifteen,
all I wanted were stamps of people’s approval
to ink on my body, and new skins to clothe myself in
(and can’t you sometimes hear that small voice in the back
of your head telling you that no matter what you do,
you’ll never find the right skin?)
I was seventeen
when I had my heart broken for the first time.
It was summer,
and she was the sunshine, not me.
It was then that I realized I wanted
a hand to mold against mine
and a pair of lips to whisper my name tenderly
(because don’t you wish for someone’s heart to beat
the letters of your name this time around?)
I’m turning nineteen,
and I don’t know what I want anymore
because I’m not the naive little girl who cherished
dressing herself up to fit in,
or the young girl who wanted to learn
the different versions of herself,
or the teenager who longed to find herself in the mirror,
to tattoo people’s words on her skin,
and to cover herself up with layers,
or the girl who lost her heart when someone
saw even a slightest beauty in her
(but sometimes, I think I’m still all of those things,
and that scares me more than
not knowing what I want).