Will and Grace
is coming back (28th of September this year) I feel like it’s the perfect time to share something I learned a while ago. John Barrowman, probably best known from Doctor Who, Torchwood and Arrow,
Barrowman was also considered for the role of Will in Will & Grace, but the producers reportedly felt he was “too straight” and the role eventually went to Eric McCormack instead. Like have you seen John Barrowman??!
So I’m beginning my funemployment period by watching everything in the BBC’s gay britannia program and I swear to god I am going to lose my fucking mind because they have MULTIPLE programs discussing - AT LENGTH - how for centuries queer coding and queer subtext has been used to communicate with queer audiences across art, literature, movies, and TV, in a way that is designed for straight people not to pick up on it; even going so far as to talk about the I Want To Break Free video at length
The actual BBC is doing this
After telling us that we’re crazy for seeing queer subtext in Sherlock
hi! i keep seeing you reblog stuff about women and fic and i just want to say: i was that 14 year old girl who read gay fic and swore up and fucking down i was as straight as they come because i was fucking TERRIFIED like i dreamt about kissing a girl once and i basically refused to sleep because if i didn't sleep i wouldn't think about kissing girls and i'd still be normal. fanfiction literally helped me come to terms with myself and i'm pretty sure i'd still be in denial if i'd never found it
Oh anon, let me tell you, I was that 14 year old girl too. Though I was … haha, I had a longer way to go.
I used to be the most homophobic, vile little piece of shit. I’d make posts on fanficrants (once I got a livejournal, which was, uh, when I was 17-18) about how characters weren’t GAY what was WRONG with fangirls? I’d complain to my friends about how not everything had to be gay. I would watch shows (mostly anime) as a teenager and muse about how I didn’t GET why people made the stuff between Male Character 1 and Male Character 2 gay.
The first completed original piece of fiction I wrote, which I finished when I was 16, was incredibly fucking gay – I still have it, all 236 handwritten pages of it, and good lord. None of the characters in it act even remotely straight. I had an assignment as a 12 year old in art class to design a cartoon character and I basically designed an incredibly butch lizard. Pitching it to myself as “trying to understand why people ship gay stuff,” I wrote an uncompleted piece of original fiction (before the first completed one) that just involved literally everybody being gay. My mother and I had a small tiff about it without talking directly about it, just her saying she knew the sort of stuff I wrote in my spare time. My gayness was always there. I just didn’t know it.
By the time I was 17 I was aware that maybe I wasn’t really … completely … straight, but as a deep-set Mormon in the middle of “the Mormon corridor” (Idaho, Utah, Colorado, Arizona, New Mexico, Nevada) I shoved it out of my mind and tried not to think about it, until my first girlfriend confessed to me once during a sleepover and I confessed back.
A lot of my self discovery process at that time was through fanfic. I’d been really noisy and annoying about how much I didn’t ship one (canon-intended) gay ship in my fandom of the time, Fire Emblem, and I wrote a 2000-ish word piece about that ship just using it to explore my own sexuality, my conflicted feelings about it. The deeper I dug into fandom to try and work out my feelings, the more comfortable with myself I became. It didn’t matter if it was m/m or f/f. I tinkered with both. I realized that I’d always kind of shipped Rei/Usagi from Sailor Moon, and just sold it to myself as caring a lot about their friendship. My first girlfriend and I, long before we confessed to each other, had shyly admitted we were both sort of interested in Kurama/Hiei from Yu Yu Hakusho. I ran a fanfic competition (back when those were a thing) in one of my main fandoms and the winning fic made me cry with feelings I hadn’t understood at the time, but did now.
I’m never going to buy into the purity discourse about what women – straight, gay, bi, whatever – should or shouldn’t ship, what characters are “healthy” for them to identify with, what fiction they are or aren’t supposed to consume, because in those years of my life, fandom was my only outlet. I still remember being 19 and making a terrified post on my livejournal about being bi (which I thought I was, at the time). How unhappy and uncomfortable I was with myself. How for years I told myself I hadn’t really loved my first girlfriend and, for a long time, even refused to call her my first girlfriend or my ex. How fandom is where I found other women like me, writing gay stuff like the stuff I was getting more and more interested in. Fiction is an important tool to help us discover ourselves. That doesn’t end when you get to fanfiction just because it’s based on already-existing work. (If anything, doesn’t that make it even more of a tool to discover ourselves?)
So yeah. I’ve been there. And because I’ve been there and it was what made me discover who I was, I’m always going to support women getting to have that same experience. I often think of myself as a late bloomer in terms of my gayness, but the fact is there are people discovering themselves out there every moment of every day. Some younger than me. Some older than me. And they should all have that chance.
Sometimes Sebastian and Ciel ice skate at the frozen lakes around their palace. Ciel is usually clumsy with his movements, but Sebastian is always there to hold his hands and guide him across the slippery surface.
But just so you know occasionally both of them slip and fall onto the ground because Sebastian sometimes loses his balance too.
A story of me when I was younger. On my birthday (I got 15 I think) my aunt knew that I liked manga and stuff, so she bought the first one she thought was cute and gave it to me as a gift. It was Love Stage😂 the hardest thing was not to show my excessive amount of dick knowledge😂it went like:um, you know, that are guys and they are gay and um..you see the dicks? Basically🤦♀️(you can't really blame her that she thought Izumi was a girl tho😂) did something like this happen to you once Nini?
Oh my god that’s so funny!! xD Bless your aunt!! xD
Sadly no, nothing like that ever happened to me, my family would never ever buy manga or other stuff like that for me. That’s why I always beg them to give me money instead of muggle presents I don’t need xD Oh no wait! My sister gave me a Free! wall scroll for my birthday in my first yaoi year. She was like: “I found it on your amazon wish list. Are they gay?” Me: “They’re from a swimming anime. Not everything I watch is gay.” Inside my head: