so as I was cooking I was thinking a lot about, like, Rose in general.

Like, the Rebellion was fought, in part, for Gems to have the freedom to be who they wanted to be. A cause started by Rose. Which means she had to somehow be introduced to that concept herself, the idea that you don’t have to be what Homeworld made you to be. And then, like, it snowballed, other Gems started feeling that way too (introduced largely by Rose, but maybe some came to the conclusion on their own too). And then it became a Rebellion. But it had to first start with Rose not wanting to be what she was made to be

So, like, what did Rose want to be? What did Rose want to do? I highly doubt she wanted to be the military-esque leader of a Rebellion (especially since she was so pacifistic). But that’s the role she ended up in. And it was important and I don’t think she minded so much, but like, its not what she wanted or what she was even made for

and then I’m thinking, like, well of course she wasn’t that great a leader then. Like, all the Crystal Gems thought she was, but she really didn’t know what she was doing. She made bad decisions, because she didn’t know what she was doing. She did her best but, like, even if you are an adept leader you have to make so many hard decisions in something like a war so for that to fall to someone who really doesn’t know how to lead and had to learn as she went and probably didn’t even want to be responsible for all that. Its just a whole lot, I think

and, like, it makes sense. She’s a Quartz soldier and judging from Jasper’s idea of strategy (randomly roll up onto the beach with two confused monsters), they’re not tacticians and they don’t know how to lead naturally. Heck, even from “The Answer” its pretty clear she has no idea what she’s doing, if she really thought partycrashing the Sky Arena with Pearl and only Pearl by her side was actually a good idea. Like, Sapphire foresaw the Rebellion ending right there. It was only saved by the random chance of one of Sapphire’s Ruby guards being impulsive enough to refuse to let Sapphire be taken down.

and the war never really ended. Even after the war itself, the specter of Homeworld loomed over there heads. They were always going to come back, but they didn’t know when. And they couldn’t just stop and leave the Earth undefended. And then there were the monsters, which Rose no doubt felt responsible for and wanted to help even though she couldn’t.

and I’m just thinking, like, she’s kinda a lot like Steven. She had the freedom to be who she wanted to be, but ended up in this kind of predestined role despite that. And its important and she doesn’t want to let them down, but its hard because she doesn’t know if she can be everything people need her to be but she wants to. She can’t let them down and she feels like she can’t talk to them about it either (because it would let them down). And, like, everyone was counting on her, like everyone counts on Steven, and anytime they can’t fulfill that it probably just feels… awful.

Like, what did she want to be? Was she ever able to be that? Is she now, as Steven?

I dunno