everyone's retiring and i just can't

anonymous asked:

Star Wars/Spy Kids crossover where Padme and Anakin retired after having the twins and live quietly on Naboo, until they get kidnapped and Luke & Leia have to rescue them. "Our dad can't be a Jedi, he's not cool enough!" Also Obi-Wan is (a slightly nicer version of) Machete.

YOU KNOW WHAT IM JUST

AND PALPATINE IS WHO? FLOOP? OR THAT OTHER GUY? MY GOD I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY TO THIS OTHER THAN ITS BASICALLY THE MOST INCREDIBLE ANAKIN-DOESNT-GO-BAD-EVERYONE-LIVES AU I HAVE EVER ENCOUNTERED

SO you gotta help me out a bit here I’ve not seen spy kids for years. Obviously that Story at the beginning is a thing, and Padme tells it to them every night - the Jedi who fell in love with the Queen, and it was all very Forbidden, so they got married in secret and then beat up the bad guys and lived happily ever after.

AND OBI-WAN AS UNCLE MACHETE SAVE ME

BUT THEN one day, Palpatine decides that he needs to kidnap them in order to fulfill his nefarious plot and so Luke and Leia have to go save them from the bad guys
Ohmigosh wait so Floop was the guy who was originally sorta a jerk but then was good? WHAT IM SAYING HERE IS

/IS HAN FLOOP/

Basically I just give up and god bless you, ever one of you, Phil out

anonymous asked:

Oh my god, when I was reading that Akashi NSFW Omegaverse during the "filthy alpha" part I accidentally read "filthy alpaca" and now I can't stop laughing.

i just spat out my drink oh my god

i may never be able to write nsfw/omegaverse ever again LOL fuc k i can’t stop imagining akashi as an alpaca now help 

Quotes from the Dad, the Trooper
  • Dad: fuck the police
  • Dad: wait
  • Dad: wait don't fuck the police
  • Dad: take the police out to a nice dinner and get to know the police.
  • Dad: you can't really fix stupid but you sure can arrest it
  • Dad: they think I'm gonna arrest them for smoking pot how cute
  • Dad: I'm just gonna take their tasty cakes cause well tasty cakes
  • Dad: can you fucking not
  • Dad: cops drink coffee cause it's dark and bitter like our souls
  • Dad: I don't understand the doughnut stereotype
  • Dad: of course I like doughnuts
  • Dad: everyone likes doughnuts
  • Dad: if you don't like doughnuts in going to arrest you for being dumb
  • Dad: that's the dumbest law I've ever heard
  • Dad: ba da da da da you're an idiot
  • Dad: you have the right to remain silent and I have the right to think you're an idiot
  • Dad: I hate people
  • Dad: if your BAC is higher than your IQ I'm arresting you
  • Dad: see it's funny cause your IQ is 0
  • Dad: put him in da river
  • Dad: wait no we don't have a river
  • Dad: uhm
  • Dad: stick him in the fridge until further notice
  • Dad: you can bitch all you want I have the gun
  • Dad: you have the right to go fuck yourself
  • Dad: that's it I retire
  • Dad: I've arrested this guy 4 times
  • Dad: for public nudity
  • Dad: how does he keep getting out?!
  • Dad: and why can't he find his pants
  • Dad: if she hadn't married me your mother would be a famous criminal master mind
  • Dad: she's a criminal master mind now
  • Dad: she's just not famous
  • Dad: cause I keep covering up her tracks
  • Dad: is this evidence I don't even know
  • Dad: that's it everyone's going to prison everyone