everyday batman

can we just all agree that Ben Affleck petting puppies on the Tonight Show was exactly how Bruce Wayne would have done it? Like, 

Originally posted by sizvideos

Originally posted by toryscreamblr

“hello pupper, I’m going to awkwardly scritch your head while giving no fucks about Jimmy Fallon, plz don’t climb on my suit–alright, fine, I guess you’re vaguely cute…”

  • tim, on patrol: do plants feel?
  • poison ivy, sneaking up behind him: yes we do
  • tim, not paying attention: I bet poison ivy would know
  • poison ivy: I DO know
  • tim: but would she even want to tell me?
  • poison ivy, abt to strangle tim: I just fucking told you, you-
  • harley, restraining ivy: hey, red. chill.

So many people to kill… so little time.

I wish I could be Poison Ivy everyday for the rest of my life..

IG: kourtneeeeeey_

Dating Dean Winchester would Include…

-meeting each other by accident when you, a retired hunter and cop, arrested him for trespassing

-him flirting with you the whole time and you pretending not to like it

-him getting super jealous all the time cause in his mind you’re way too good for him

-really he gets jealous of anyone that so much as looks at you

-he once threatened a guy for complimenting the band on your shirt

-helping each other during hunts

-*casually discussing dinner plans while decapitating a vamp*

-him telling you the cheesiest pick up lines even even after you started dating

-”hey baby, if I flip a coin, what are the chances of me getting head?”

-”Dean we are in the middle of sex.”

-Sam loving you because you make his brother so happy

-Sam having many mental scars from walking in on you two because Dean likes to do it around the bunker

-staying up late with Dean just talking or cuddling when he can’t sleep

-you always wanting to cuddle with him

-he acts like he doesn’t like it but secretly he probs loves it more than you do

-him not knowing what he did to deserve you

-tag team hustlers

-you distract the guy while dean takes the money

-him being completely and utterly in love with you

-like seriously he didn’t know he could feel that much until you came around

-you loving him back just as much

-you and Sam bonding over embarrassing stories of dean’s childhood.

-”He used to dress up as batman everyday.”

-”Shut up Sam!”

-having little fights about dumb things that neither of you really care about

-make up sex afterwards

-having huge fights which include screaming and throwing things, and one of you ends up storming out

-the other waiting up until they get back

-intense make up sex afterwards

-him being the best guy you’ve ever been with, in all aspects (wink wink)

-him cooking breakfast for you since he almost always wakes up first

-him laying in bed watching you because you’re just so beautiful

-he get turned on by like everything that you do

-bite your lip, turned on, bend over turned on, looking his direction, turned on

-you trying your best to help him with the mark of Cain

-your whole world falling down around you when you hear that he’s dead

-nearly sobbing the whole time when he comes back as a demon and tried to kill you and Sam

-Demon Dean coming on to you and trying to convince you to come with him but you refuse, knowing he’s not your Dean

-when it’s all over, he hates himself for hurting you but you reassure him it wasn’t his fault and you still love him

-make up sex afterwards

-just being the ultimate power couple

Everyday Annoyances vs The Batman

A/N: Just something silly based on actual real-life occurrences. This is just a single scene from an entire story involving much more nonsense, which you can read here.



It was astounding, Alfred thought, how Bruce Wayne could be so outstandingly competent and skilled at so many things in life, things that no human would ever even consider studying, and yet be so hopeless in the most simple areas.

    “Alfred this is nonsense.”

    “Indeed, sir.”

    “It shouldn’t be so difficult to open a package of socks.”

Keep reading

Daddy!5sos Preference

A/N: all these baby preferences and blurbs lawd Jesus Christ baby fever has racked my womb
Calum: “He- he’s so small,” Calum said as he held the baby in his arms. After 8 hours in labor, your son was finally here. Calum had been there the entire time, recording every moment since you’d been admitted into the hospital. You looked up at him, holding the small person with tears and wonder in his eyes. “How is he so small? He can’t play soccer if he’s this small!”

“Cal, he’s a baby,” you chuckled. “He can’t play anything yet!”

“He looks like you,” Calum uttered, brushing a tear from his cheek and rocking your son back and forth. He couldn’t take his eyes off the miracle made of love.

“Did we really do this?”

“Well, yeah,” you laughed. “I did most of it, but you helped a little.” He shot you a smile when you said that. Just then, the doctor came into the room.

“Mrs. Hood! I hope both mommy and baby are doing well! You have visitors ready to see little… Um… Have you thought on a name yet?”

You and Calum looked at each other and nodded.

“He’s gonna be named after his daddy,” you said, taking the tiny bundle from your husband. “Calum Thomas Hood II.”

Ashton: You had to go on a business trip for work, forcing you to leave Ashton with your 2 kids Landon and Nora-Katherine. You wanted to trust your husband, but at the same time you wondered if the 3 of them would be alright alone.

“Oh Y/N, just relax,” he said. “I know how to take care of them.”

“Yeah but can you make sure they get to bed and school on time? And don’t eat cake for breakfast? And make sure Landon doesn’t try to wear his batman costume everyday? And that they don’t watch scary movies? And that Kat gets to her piano lessons on ti-”

Ashton grabbed your shoulders and cut you off with a kiss.

“I know all these things, babe. Don’t worry. Just go on the trip and get home before we miss you too much.” With that, he closed the door of your car and saw you down the block.

Walking back in the house, Ashton called your kids into the kitchen.

“Mommy’s gone, so that means no rules guys. We can do whatever you want to… What do you guys want on your pizza?”

Luke: “Daddy! Daddy! Look at the giraffe,” Your 3 year old daughter Alicia beamed as she sat on his shoulders. It was a great day outside, so you and Luke decided to take Alicia and the kids to the zoo. You pushed your 10 month twin daughters Aviva and Avital in their stroller next to them.

“It’s tall like you daddy!” She said, causing a laugh from you and her father. He took her from his shoulders to hold her on his hip so that she could be about his height

“Daddy’s not that tall, princess,” he managed to laugh out. “Daddy’s a lot shorter than a giraffe, see?” Your daughter nodded and smiled at him.

“I love you even if you are giraffe sized,” she said, placing a slobbery toddler kiss to his cheek.

You looked over at the two of them, almost carbon copies of each other. Whenever she smiled, his smile became twenty times brighter. You wondered how you could be so blessed to have a husband who looked at you and your little girls like you were the only thing in the world that mattered. All the love in the world existed in your family, and you couldn’t be happier.

Michael: You had a baby at 17. Now 21, your daughter Lorelei was the best thing that ever happened to you. When you started dating Michael, you immediately told him about her, aiming to be completely and totally upfront with him about it. Most men usually didn’t give you the time of day after mentioning her, but Michael was actually really sweet about it, even asking to meet her when he dropped you off at home after your date.

Letting him into your apartment, closed the door behind you and greeted your babysitter before picking up your daughter.

“Oh Addy thank you so much for watching her tonight.”

“Oh it’s no problem. Lorelei is always a sweetheart.”

You paid Addy and saw her out. Turning to Michael, you showed off your baby girl.

“Michael…. This is my daughter Lorelei.”

His eyes widened at the young girl on your hip.

“It’s very nice to meet you, Loreli, I’m Michael,” he smiled at her, causing her to smile back.

“Hi, I’m Lola,” she spoke coyly. “Do you want to play barbies?”

“Oh sweetie, I don’t think he has time to-”

“Nonsense,” Michael said. “I’d love to play barbies.”

“You talk funny,” she replied bluntly, “but okay, they’re in here.” She wriggled out of your arms and dashed down the hallway into the tv room.

“Lorelei Amber Y/L/N, that was very rude!” You yelled after her. “Apologize this instant!”

“Haha don’t worry about it,” Michael laughed. “She’s a sweet kid.”