every value i have ever had is being questioned and i am loving it

a few days ago, i would have said that this was one of the shittiest weeks of my entire life:

on wednesday, a friend of ours, a very close friend, who we had asked to be in our wedding, told us she couldn’t be a bridesmaid because she doesn’t believe in gay marriage.

we were … shocked, and hurt, and pretty damn humiliated.  considering this is a friend we’ve known for almost twenty years, and who we valued as a sister, to hear such a backwards sentiment from her was incredibly devaluing to us.  i’m questioning every conversation we ever had, and wondering, at what times was she judging?  when did we think we were safe, when we really weren’t?  how can someone who says she loves me so strongly believe that i should be stripped of my rights?

and then, on the other hand:  am i being small-minded myself, in not accepting her judgement of me?  am i the one giving up on this friendship because i can’t reconcile with her religion?  how could i not have known she felt this way the whole time?

suddenly it was like everything needed to be checked.  we reached out to our close friends, the other members of our bridal party, and guess what??  they are amazing and wonderful.  still, like they always have been.  we’ve gotten a ton of support from them and our family, and because of them, this event just doesn’t feel as earth-shattering as i was sure it would.

so i have some answers now:  i don’t need anyone in my life who can only tolerate me as long as they can view my love as separate from me.  i don’t have to respect a hateful point of view.  and my relationships are strong and fulfilling because i am myself in them, not because i tamp down an inextricable aspect of my identity in order to keep them from falling apart.

fuck this homophobic bullshit.  i love my life, my girlfriend, my family, and my absolutely astounding friends.  so this week isn’t so terrible after all; in fact, it’s a week during which i’ve felt more loved than i thought was possible.

happy valentine’s day, friends. <3