I keep seeing "blogs Homestuck characters would have” and I'm going to set the record straight
John: 2010 memes and tutorials on practical jokes. He posted a screamer once but a follower told him that was fucked up and he deleted it and never did again. Sends kind anon messages. Basically the leader of a whole friend group, seems to know everyone personally? He and Jane have running arguments about cake.
Dave: aesthetic pictures of swords that he’s glitched beyond recognition, his own “art”, basically a tumblr funnyman along the lines of like, slimetony, but with more SBAHJ. Lots of weird niche memes, makes his own music and it’s actually really good.
Rose: “Welcome to my twisted mind” is her header, no one can tell if she’s serious or not. “Here’s how to summon a demon” kind of tumblr witch. Probably the reason people in that world worry about the literal Stealing of Human Bones.
Jade: “I will take care of you with crystal energy” kind of tumblr witch. Lots of pictures of dogs and other cute animals! Didn’t really figure out that you don’t have to add comments to every post you see but it’s okay because she’s super sweet. Someone once sent mean messages to her and her friends and she took them down so brutally and effectively that they deleted. Everyone’s a little scared of her but they love her so much.
Roxy: Used to post a lot of positivity for others along with a lot of self-hate, later revamped and is all about positivity all around. Also sends kind messages. When she deletes things They Stay Gone. Despite Dave’s popularity her posts circulate the most and it’s not uncommon for them to go around 4 or 5 times on everyone’s dash per week. She’s just nice. Once someone yelled at her for her posts about booze and alcoholism way back and she did the internet version of sitting them down and talking earnestly about addiction. They apologized. She said it was okay but never do that again because no one owes you their life story. Running series of “jokes” with Jane about being married, eventually they start dating.
Jane: tumblr version of those surreal food bloggers. She posts tons of recipes but they’ve got kinda weird shit in the background like “obey” in tiny font on the pictures and the descriptions are vague. Basically food gothic. Also posts terrible jokes and puns, on occasion starts discourse in the utensil and cake mix fandoms. Also posts A TON of comedians, Parks & Rec gifs of Ron Swanson, and makes gifsets of her favorite black-and-white noir detective films. Posts selfies of herself in a mustache. Replies to anon hate with stuff like “Listen, buster, I have literally dealt with attempts on my life. I have received letter bombs from people angry with my family’s cake mix. You don’t scare me.” Once had a huge breakdown though. Everyone ships her and Roxy.
Dirk: Made a tumblr bot called, like, “halbotover9000″ or something, but it became sentient and started making callout posts for him and ruining his friendships. It went inactive for a while and everyone assumed he deleted the bot, but really he just passed it on to Equius. When it resurfaces there are just tons of posts about milk and horses.
Jake: He has no idea what he’s doing, how do you use tumblr, can everyone see these posts? Here’s a cool rock he found in the forest. Starts a whole Gigantic Tumblr Anger Thing, is totally oblivious until it all crashes down. Deletes his blog for a while and then makes a new one in which he barely interacts with anyone ever but he seems somewhat happier. Puts tags in the description like Jade, but more unintentional.
Aradia: Similar to Rose, but posts WAY more depression memes. Also her blog has a lot of archaeology stuff? Talks about time travel a lot, too. Really enthusiastic or totally apathetic there is no in-between. Has an elaborate ongoing roleplaying scenario with Vriska, Tavros, and Terezi. When Vriska hurt Tavros, she set a bunch of her followers (she calls them “ghosties”) on Vriska, which ended with Vriska doxxing her. She came back though, in a quasi-relationship with Equius, who she broke up with after discovering lesbianism. Now gay as hell.
Tavros: POKEMON! GOTTA CATCH EM ALL! He posts a lot of stuff about the Peter Pan movies, books, musicals, etc. Reblogs posts about being disabled and also posts about self-esteem and how to build it. Is constantly being torn down by Vriska, eventually tells her to fuck off but not until WAY after the incident. He posts stuff about keeping animals, especially cows.
Sollux: Who are we kidding, he’s on reddit. He says it’s because it’s cooler but he’s really just sort of scared.
Karkat: His blog is Emo™. He posts sad song lyrics, rom-com gifs, and FUCKTONS OF ANGRY POSTS ABOUT PEOPLE WHO DON’T LIKE WHAT HE LIKES. All his writing is in all caps, people ask why. He says it’s because the world has earned his rage. Really the caps button got stuck a long time ago and he got used to it and now lower case looks weird.
Nepeta: Cat gifs cat gifs cat gifs!!!!! Volunteers at an animal shelter, posts about kitties looking to get adopted. Super sweet. Lowkey a furry and interacts on those “open rp” posts only to get made fun of, doesn’t really understand it. Gets a ton of anon hate for no reason? But she’s friends with Equius and Equius is………. uh…….. so eventually people leave her alone. She’s listed as a “cringey” blog sometimes but everyone who actually follows her thinks she’s adorable and is a little happier when they see her on their dash.
Kanaya: Lesbian Blog. Inserts herself into tumblr drama all the time to mediate, mostly ends up making things worse. Got so mad at Eridan that he deleted his blog, is very proud of this. Posts pictures of herself with her chainsaw and elaborate topiaries. Fashion aesthetic. People reblog her selfies with “holy shit step on me” and “I’m too gay” and she loves it.
Terezi: get ready for that shitty leetspeak, it’s ya gal Terezi Pyrope here with so many gotdamn bright colors that your eyes will spin. You thought Dave had a bad theme? She’s got the worst one. Posts memes about everything. Roleplays with Nepeta sometimes and no one can tell if it’s sincere. Used to roleplay with Vriska but they had a horrible fight which ended in a way people don’t really know but afterwards she got someone to post a picture of her with bandages all around her eyes and the caption “1M BL1ND NOW YOU DUMB FUCKS”. People tried to call her out but damn she is. She is the law. Don’t try that shit on her she’ll destroy you.
Vriska: The literal worst. holy shit. Has done most of the terrible shit in the book. Scams people, doxxes them, sends SHITTONS of anon hate. Spams the block button on anyone who calls her out and then posts infinite shit about them. Pulls receipts. But she’s holy shit pretty and has a legion of loyal followers who are just as willing to attack people because she Can Do No Wrong. A few people know about her awful home life but she warned them not to spread it on pain of death. Ran a fortune-telling blog but it was Bad Shit. Spiders, so many spiders.
Equius: Fetish blog he doesn’t know is a fetish blog.
Gamzee: ………….part of the clown uprising???
Eridan: “Eridan Ampora. 13. Male. Bisexual but don’t let it fuckin fool you I don’t take shit. White. My family has money. Basically everything tumblr hates. Women are bitches haha amiright?” Constantly posts about how he can’t get a date, also posts… wow some terrible shit. Also history, for some reason? And selfies with his rifle collection.
Feferi: ENDLESS CUTTLEFISH PICTURES. ENDLESS. SO MANY FISH PUNS! SHE TAKES PICTURES OF HER FISH AND GIVES THEM CUTE CAPTIONS. Was friends with Eridan for a while, eventually realized how terrible he was and left.