every object

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A man wakes up to find that every inanimate object yells its name like a Pokemon

favorite parts of batb (2017) thus far

bc it’ll be fun to see how much i can add after i do see the movie in full

*in no particular order*

  • lefou’s little wink to gaston while singing the lines “you can ask any tom, dick, or stanley / and they’ll tell you whose team they prefer to be on” and basically implying that gaston can turn all the straight men gay
  • gaston being the one to put his arms around lefou!!! like, “too much” my ass, gaston, you initiated the cuddling!!!
  • gaston shooting a fUCKING HOLE IN THE CEILING OF THE TAVERN
  • also “i’m not done with you yet” “neither am i” aka lefou being cute n gay
  • gaston not knowing what “je ne se quois” means when he lives in france
  • beast’s little smile after he threw the snowball that knocked belle over, like, who allowed for this so-called monster to be so darn cute!!!
  • belle automatically assuming every inanimate object in the castle is alive and promptly asking a hairbrush for its name

the live ep of the adventure zone is so fucking choice, im literally choking w/ laughter

  • griffin mcelroy revealing that he had to help his dad get dressed backstage bc he couldn’t figure out his costume
  • griffin asking merle to pick out a wrestling costume & persona. and like. he’s quiet for a bit and then just says “stripes”. and everyone onstage is just like “what the fuck does that mean? STRIPE MAN???”
  • griffin playing music he composed for his fantasy wrestling OC. halfway thru the song it turns into a chiptune cover of john cena’s theme song
  • griffin getting mad when his dad talks over the music. “dad don’t talk over the DROP!”
  • magnus is really excited to wrestle. then when he finds out he’s supposed to be a villain and people are booing him he gets really sad
  • “we’ll be selling those in the lobby after the show!” every time a strange object is mentioned
  • taako’s hysterical giggling when he gets called a mighty wizard
  • angus saves the day with the MAGIC TAAKO TAUGHT HIM and everyones just screaming THAT’S MY BOY! THAT’S MY BOY! my beautiful magic BOY!
  • “angus! play keep away! just like we do with your books!”
  • griffin won’t let magnus eat the ancient magic orb no matter how much he wants to
  • “thanks taako! it’s nice to get positive reinforcement from you for literally the first time in my entire life!”
  • klaarg angrily inviting the boys to a vacation in aspen
Let him go, get him out of your head; Remember you’re not in his. Forget his birthday, his phone number, and the sweet things he said; Remember those were lies. Delete his texts, take his contact out of your phone; Remember he’s talking to all those other girls instead. Quit wishing he’ll come back, stop putting yourself down. Remember it’s not your fault; he had no good reason to leave. Just stop it, stop it all, and erase him from your past. Block out his name, ignore his texts, plug your ears when someone mentions him because trust me, you’re doing perfectly fine without him. Take every object and memory you have of him and throw it in the trash, and then maybe, if you’re lucky, you’ll escape him.
—  Unknown
Masked Intruder

Summary: Dan is a robber who steals valuable objects nearly every night. When he goes into a flat decorated with plants and stuffed animals, he can’t seem to keep himself away. Dan’s not used to pretty boys stealing things of his own; especially when they steal his heart.
Word Count: 3590
Warnings: stealing, breaking/entering, cussing
A/N: I’d like to thank my roommate @sourmojo for giving me the idea to write this fic (based off of this song) and also @insanityplaysfics for being my lovely beta. That summary is the worst fucking summary I’ve ever written but I love this idea so much and I hope you do too! Please don’t ask me to write a sequel, i will write one if i end up feeling like it, but as of right now, it doesnt seem very likely.
Read it on AO3!

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It was something that Dan was proud of, as fucked up as it was. He just couldn’t get enough of everything about it; the thrill, the little prizes he got out of it, hell even the news broadcasters. No matter how hard he tried to get away from his lifestyle, he always ended up going back. His own addiction, his very own little secret. Besides, it’s not like anybody was getting hurt in his escapades. Just himself and his own conscious, but that he could deal with.

So what if he broke into houses and stole objects he found compelling? They were just objects and humans should be able to get over the loss of something so materialistic. Rings, money, antiques. Stealing those didn’t harm anybody. In fact, they should be grateful for Dan. He helped people realise that family was far more important than items.

Dan didn’t necessarily know how he got to this point in his life, where he just went to other people’s houses to steal meaningless crap, but he couldn’t be more thankful. One day he was just a silly little teenager trying to be edgy by sneaking into places he wasn’t supposed to be in, and the next moment he was a twenty-five year old man breaking and entering all to steal that new movie he’s been wanting for weeks. Some would say that he was stupid for risking going to jail just for a movie, but Dan didn’t give a single fuck.

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i don’t think you guys understand how satisfying it is to flip/fix the (many) ugly reflections of dt in the minor character like first we have this:

okay well, it’s not as bad as all the other ones, pretty subtle right, but hOLD ON JUST A JIFFEH, bc with two clicks you got this:

i mean praise jesus

Alright Freud, I have a proposal: Maybe little boys don’t want to secretly bang their mums. Maybe not every oblong object is a metaphor for penis. Maybe you’re just a pervert with some really weird fetishes.

Prosperity Altars

Altars are a place where the veil is thinned and instructions can be clearly typed in to the Matrix. I don’t know how else to describe it, so just roll with me on this one.

An altar is created, delineated, and blessed intentionally. I do not know if certain spaces can become unintentional altars.

An altar can be any type of space or surface. A matchbox can hold an altar; so can a six foot dinner table. Use what you have available to you, and be sneaky if you need to be. A perfectly valid altar is a drawing of an altar on a piece of paper, kept in your wallet.

An altar is like a computer program, and every object or decoration on the altar is a line of code. Everything on the altar, placed intentionally or unintentionally (like dust or car keys), will input information in to the Universe and affect the outcome.

Altars can be built for any purpose. A very common altar is a prosperity altar, a working altar for spellcasting, a general purpose altar for many things, a love altar, etc. I am sure some people have hex and curse altars, too.

I will be focusing on prosperity altars in this post because someone sent me a request for more information.

Altars must be personal. Let’s say that in your country, the money is all red and blue colored. But online, you see that the colors for money are green and gold. Which to use? Use the colors that are most personal to you. Don’t use foreign correspondences above personal correspondences.

This is important: Every time you look at your altar, it should remind you of its purpose. My current prosperity altar isn’t working to well, because it’s very Spartan and drab. I need a rich, overflowing, lush altar for my personal uses. Every time you look at your altar, you send it power and energy (just as you power everything you think of). If looking at your altar reminds you of its purpose, you fuel its purpose. If it reminds you of nothing, you fuel nothing.

If all you need for your altar is a big piece of paper that says BRING ME MONEY, UNIVERSE then draw it out and pin it up on the wall, and boom, there you go. Don’t over-complicate it if you don’t need to.

This article however is a little more about traditional altars (don’t forget: for a nontraditional altar, tumblr side blogs work beautifully).

There are certain things I think it’s nice to have on a traditional altar.

THURIBLE A thurible, censer, or incense burner is good to have on any altar if you can burn incense. If you can’t burn incense, don’t bother with it. I found my thurible at Goodwill for $2. No need to spend a lot on it.

CANDLESTICKS Of course if you can burn candles, you will want a few good candlesticks on your altar. Get candlesticks of varying height and size, so you can choose which spells take priority over others. You may want your altar to have one candle, or twelve. It’s up to you.

STATEMENTS Statements are written intents of what you want to happen, and they are excellent and directing the focus and energy of an altar. If you want, write out a simple statement of what you want to happen (“I am wealthy and prosperous”) and put it on your altar. I have a wish box, painted with a sigil of manifestation, that holds many varying wishes.

DECORATIONS You will want to decorate your altar! Put decorations on it which remind you of the altar’s purpose. For a prosperity altar, try beautiful flowers which have money correspondences such as chamomile flowers.  

POWER OBJECTS These are collected objects which represent something. For a love altar, you would naturally want two power objects: one to represent you, and one to represent the object of your affections. For a prosperity altar there are many choices; one object could represent your wealth, another your prosperity, another your cashflow, another your savings, another your debt. Collect objects and bless and dedicate them to represent something special. Then, treat these objects as poppets. For example, put banishing oils on your debt object. Send energy to your wealth object. Power objects can also represent spirits who are willing to help you.

TALISMANS Talismans are different than power objects. While a power object represents something that you can then manipulate, a talisman simply draws powers to you. My current prosperity altar has two money talismans. Talismans are crafted and created, as opposed to power objects which can simply be collected or found. Talismans can be jars and boxes filled with objects, or they can be blessed drawings, jewelry, and objects that draw things in to you.

OFFERING PLATE As a spirit worker I give offerings regularly. Try giving offerings to your spirit companions, guides, guardians, and the altar itself. Give them the energy they need to help make your wishes come true!

ALTAR CLOTH Basically, you need something to delineate your altar as a special space. An altar cloth is a great way to do this. If your altar is in a box or container, the container will mark its boundaries and you do not need an altar cloth. If your altar is on a shared space you really need something to mark where your altar begins and ends.

Setting up an altar is easy. Cleanse everything to give it a fresh start. Place your altar cloth first if you have one. Start putting objects down! Organize them in whatever fashion makes you happy. As you place each object, state its intent.

“This object represents my debt.”

“This object draws money to me.”

“This object reminds me of how prosperous I can be.”

Don’t add any object, even simple decorations, without giving it a purpose.

When you are done, speak to your altar as a whole. Explain to it its new purpose, and send it lots of energy. Fuel it with a lot of power and tell it exactly what to do: “Your job is to erase my debt and bring me lots of money.” Burn candles and incense to mark this occasion. Otherwise do something special to celebrate the creation of your new altar.

Energize your altar once daily for the first two weeks, then once or twice weekly after that. Energize your altar by sending it energies, burning candles, drawing down energies, or doing your favorite charging technique. Clean your altar physically whenever you send it energies. You need to keep it in tip-top shape!

When you are done with your altar, speak to it. Say its purpose is done. Take it apart piece by piece and tell each part it’s job is done. Put all the things away, cleanse the space again, and fill it with mundane objects.

Magic does not exist in a vacuum.

Nothing in our world, in our universe, exists by itself or for itself. Everything is connected and interconnected, right down to the smallest atoms. The survival of humanity rests on the wings of a humble bee. Every creature, every object, every force affects something else and is affected by something else. Everything is connected. And so it is with magic.

I firmly believe, and have always believed, that working magically toward a physical goal will be fruitless unless you likewise work toward it in physical, mundane ways. Casting a weight loss spell won’t work unless I also start dieting and exercising. Casting a job spell won’t work unless I also submit job applications and keep my résumé up to date. Casting a love spell won’t work unless unless I am also actively trying to meet people. Casting a home protection spell won’t work unless I also lock my doors at night. If you work magic for change in the physical world, you must work mundane changes as well. This ideology is not to be perceived as weak. It is not to me understood that I do not trust my magic, or that I limit it in any way. It is simply the nature of the universe that nothing can exist in a vacuum.

Magic has often been the last refuge of the powerless, who cast a spell or a curse when they have no other option. But they have no other option precisely because they have exhausted and are exhausting all mundane options available to them.

There is also a danger in thinking to try on magic alone. It is the danger that a sick person will seek a spell instead of a doctor. It is the danger that a victim of crime will seek a spell instead of the police. There are various reasons why health and legal services may be unavailable to you, but they should never be dismissed out of hand. Healing spells and legal spells will never work as powerfully as they could without the magic of a doctor or an attorney.

Also to be considered is the fact that no magic is 100% effective 100% of the time. Any witch who tells you that they’ve never had a spell fail is a liar. If you are only working magically toward your goals, what will you have to show if your magic fails?

Magic is not simply a motivational concept bandied about at self help seminars, it is a powerful force. But it is not all powerful, and neither are witches. As humans we live and work and live in the real world. And so does, and must, our magic.

In 2002, Padgett was just minding his business, leaving a restaurant after a date, when two dudes rudely decided they were going to use his head like a freaking pinata. After the beating, they took his money and ran.

At the hospital they told him he had a concussion, and to get some rest. But when Padgett went back home, he immediately went on the longest drugless acid trip of all freaking time. On sunny days, the little bit of light that bounced off a car’s window would suddenly explode into an array of triangles. Every time an object moved, it left strange patterns behind. The edges of clouds and liquids became spiraling lines. The dude thought he was either going crazy or being haunted by the ghost of geometry. Either way, he stayed mostly inside his house for three freaking years.

Well, two MRIs, two metal plates in his head and a few “Oh, God, what’s happening to me?"s later, Padgett decided he’d go ahead and start drawing the shapes he saw. And hey, they looked pretty freaking sweet.

Padgett had always sucked at math, needing to cheat just to get by in high school, but hey, he’d never had any art training whatsoever either, so why not try some math classes, right? At school, he now found he kicked ass in math, too, and even learned that the art he was making was called a fractal, which is a shape that contains its same shape many times inside itself. It’s the Inception of geometry, is what we’re saying.

Since taking those math classes, life’s been pretty good to Padgett. He won best newcomer at an international art competition and is widely acknowledged as the only person able to hand-draw fractals (for a tidy profit, of course!). He also has advanced the fields of math and physics with his intuitive understanding of those weird repeating shapes. He even discovered that Einstein’s E=mc² is a fractal.

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