Summary: When Metroman gets caught going out with a woman who isn’t Roxanne Ritchie, the scandal makes front page news. While Wayne makes a public announcement regarding his and Roxanne’s nonexistent relationship, Roxanne gets kidnapped by a blue (in body and spirit) Megamind and ends up explaining things. (beginning Megamind/Roxanne)
The minute Roxanne set foot in the Channel 8 broadcasting office, she knew she was gonna have a bad day. It was a feeling delivered by the way everyone was looking at her: mixed expressions of pity, sympathy, curiosity, and (from that bitch Jaquelin on the morning talk show crew) glee. She stared blankly at the room at large and sighed. “Alright, what happened.”
Several minutes later, after sorting through everyone talking at once and stealing Coulter’s newspaper, she had the story of the day—no, of the week. This would last longer than a day.
Wayne Scott, better known as Metro City’s homegrown hero Metroman, was caught ‘cheating’ on star reporter Roxanne Ritchie with another woman. Which was—which was interesting, frankly, because they were not a couple. She and Wayne had been telling people for years (exhaustingly dateless years) that they were not together. Friends, sure. On a first name basis with each other, yes. Romantically involved? No. But he was the hero, she was the damsel, and everyone just assumed, in spite of what they both say every. single. time. it gets mentioned, that they were.
Now this. Which begs the question; was the Other Woman someone who believed Wayne when he told her he was honestly single, or was she a harlot trying to bang the superhero behind his 'girlfriend’s’ back? Roxanne would do her best to fix this for Wayne, and she sincerely hoped the lady was just as innocent a victim as Wayne himself.
Where to start? She could be exasperated, insulting, pleading, or blunt. Pleading, she didn’t have the patience for. Exasperated, she’d been doing for years. Insulting, while immediately satisfying, would aggravate at least a few people. Blunt it is. "We are not together—"
“Not now,” someone snarked, interrupting her.
“SHUT UP! As I was saying, we are not together, we have never been together, I have been saying this on camera and off for years! I am understand the public reacting like this, but you?! After how long we’ve worked together?!” A few people were nodding, some blushing in what she hoped was an acknowledgement of foolishness and shame, but most just watched her outburst awkwardly. “If you’ll excuse me, I’m probably going to be kidnapped soon.” Davies waved at her dismissively with one hand, clearing her to leave. Roxanne nodded to her supervisor gratefully. "See you in a few hours.“ She walked right back out.
She didn’t leave the parking garage immediately after returning to her work van. First, she called Wayne. "Have you seen the paper?”
“What, no hello?” He sounded amused, so he probably hadn’t seen the paper yet.
“Wayne. The paper. Your date made front page news.”
sound of rushing wind marked the hero’s use of superspeed. Knowing
him, he probably left the phone hanging in midair while he ran to
find and read the closest copy of today’s newspaper. "Roxy,
what do I do?“
may have to make a public announcement—”
The line went dead.
“Damn it, Wayne!” She called him twice more but he didn’t pick up, and Roxanne slapped her cell phone onto the passenger seat. The man was already gone, alarmed into acting while half-cocked. She let her head rest against the cold steering wheel and tried to think positive.
woke from the knockout spray to the frenetic activity of Megamind.
It wasn’t even lunch time yet, it hadn’t taken Megamind long to find
her at all. As always, she was tied to the metal kidnapping
chair—the ropes were loose?
Okay, they weren’t loose, exactly. Badly tied would be a better description—the point was, she could free herself.
And she could see Megamind and Minion working, setting up a death trap on the fly, because they forgot the bag.
ropes were escapable and the bag was missing.
had to get to Megamind.
Three minutes of determined wiggling later, her wrists were free. The knots around her ankles were more secure, but she got out of them easily enough through the simple expedient of taking her shoes off and shifting the ropes down over her feet.
Roxanne practically flew across the warehouse floor to their staging area. She caught Megamind’s arm as he lifted it to point at something and give Minion instructions. Megamind stopped—just stopped—and looked at her, his ceaseless series of technical speech that Roxanne had no hope of comprehending cut off mid sentence. Around them, the cacophony stuttered to a halt, brought up short by the freezing of its director.
Now Roxanne could talk. "Megamind. You’ve already seen the news.“ That wasn’t a question.
"Yes of course I’ve seen the news, it just isn’t acceptable that Metromahn do this to you, I’m building a freeze ray now—short notice, you understand, it’s almost finished—and—”
put her fingers over Megamind’s lips to silence his rapid speech. "I
need you to listen to me, okay?“ (”…isnt’
acceptable that Metromahn do this to you…“)
"Wayne and I aren’t a couple.” She pressed her fingers a
tiny bit harder when she felt his mouth move and he went still again
instead of saying something about that. "We never were a
couple. We’ve been trying to tell people that for years, even if no
one will believe us.“ A trace of bitterness leaked into her
Megamind lifted a hand, one that shook with faint tremors, and took
hers carefully, like it was made of glass, and lifted it away from
his face. "But—but he always—I kidnap you and he always
comes to your rescue. Every time. Why would—if you aren’t his—are
you sure? You—the freeze ray, you could—" Megamind’s eyes
kept shifting, flicking from different parts of her face, to her arm,
to Minion behind her, to pieces of his hasty construction.
friends, that’s true, but that isn’t why he comes to my rescue. He
comes because he’s the hero and it’s his job. He’s supposed
to.” Roxanne twisted her wrist, loosening Megamind’s grasp, and
adjusted her hand to thread her fingers between his. They closed
around her own automatically.
stared at their entwined hands for a moment, disbelief clear on his
face. "But he always comes faster
when—I calculated it—when I have you.“
He did? Roxanne didn’t know that. But she wasn’t a super genius like him and wouldn’t even notice the pattern unless it was more blatant. "I called him this morning, and do you know what he did? He used his superspeed! He found a newspaper and then rushed off.” Megamind’s eyes widened. He knew as well as Roxanne did that Metroman using superspeed meant serious business. The hero almost never used that power in their interactions because that would ruin the game. Take all the fun out of it. (It was also his most exhausting power and he liked to save it for real emergencies.) "Who knows what he’s doing now. I told him we might need to make an announcement, but that could go a few different ways.“
"Minion, check the news channels for Metromahn.” At Megamind’s command, Minion went to (what Roxanne liked to call) the portable piracy platform, the broadcasting station that was always set up on-site to publicly challenge Metroman and lure him to their location. It had two screens, both of which came alive and started skipping from channel to channel at Minion’s keyboard-tapping. Megamind took a step back (still holding her hand—their arms stretched out between them), looked at her quickly from head to toe, then glanced at the chair. "Miss Ritchie, how did you untie yourself?“
She looked at it askance. The coils of ropes were still at the feet of the chair. "The ropes weren’t tied very well, today.” Because the person who tied them was upset. Most nemeses would be pleased if their opponent or their opponent’s partner was caught or even merely implicated in an affair, but not Megamind. (“…the freeze ray, you could…” ) Megamind was upset on her behalf. Roxanne’s hand twitched, fingers clenching tighter around his own. "You said you were building a freeze ray?“
I—yes. I am.”
built it for you, Miss Ritchie!” Minion didn’t normally do evil
grins but that—that
definitely was one. Troublemaker.
blushed first, ears (his ears were so cute when they turned
purple like that) and cheeks
flushing, and seeing it made Roxanne blush herself. "I was
going to make you the trigger. Let you activate it, if you will—it’s
taking a little longer than anticipated to assemble, you woke up
early—but if Metromahn isn’t really your boyfriend then…“
His voice drifted into silence when he looked at Roxanne again and
saw her smiling.
"That’s really sweet, Megamind, thank you.” Roxanne hopped right up to him and lightly jerked her hand free to hug her supervillain with both arms. Megamind stiffened—she heard Minion make a squee! noise behind her—and then his arms wrapped around her tenderly. (She liked this.)
“Um, Sir…” Minion hesitated. "I found Metroman.“ They separated reluctantly and joined Minion.
It was breaking news for all the local channels. Wayne had gone to Channel 8 (because that’s where Roxanne worked) and spoken to the morning talk show trio. His statement and the staff commentary was a recording being played back, so Wayne clearly did this earlier in the day, possibly while Roxanne was unconscious. The clip was short, and the hero essentially reprimanded his city. Said how insulted he was that the citizens wouldn’t listen to him in utter disregard of everything he’d done and said.
"And what about our own Roxanne Ritchie?” Jaquelin’s question made Roxanne hiss with quiet fury. The unexpected noise drew questioning glances from her companions.
“She isn’t here, so she can’t comment at this
“Any ideas where she is?”
with Megamind. She anticipated a kidnapping in the wake of today’s
His disdainful tone emphasizing the last word made his opinion on
that crystal clear. He also shot the woman a warning look, probably
because he remembered her from Roxanne’s need-to-vent stories.
“Hmm…” She didn’t say any words, but she didn’t need to. That single contemplative hum insinuated everything she wanted it to and then some, all of it scandalous and all of it about her and Megamind. It was a sneer expressed through sound, a vocalization only the greatest busybodies and shit-stirrers could master. How Jaquelin landed a job at a real news station instead of a shameless celebrity gossip show, Roxanne would never know.
The clip ended just as Wayne’s expression started shifting to give the woman a dirty look.
“That went pretty well, all things considered.”
Minion did a double-take when he turned towards Megamind and Roxanne
and saw Roxanne’s irate expression. "Or… not…?“
Megamind touched her shoulder hesitantly and her face
smoothed immediately. "Yeah, you’re right. It did go well.
People will be talking about us for weeks, but when are they not,
right?” Not entirely sure what the problem was, blue man and
fish nodded in agreement anyway. "Uh, Megamind?“
"Yes, Miss Ritchie?”
Do you know who Metroman’s new girlfriend is? That’s what she wanted to ask. She wouldn’t be surprised if he did know. He was a criminal genius and finding out would be child’s play to him. It would not be an exaggeration to say he could do in five minutes. Then why not kidnap her instead of me?
Imaginary-Megamind told her. I thought you were still Metromahn’s real girlfriend. Don’t worry, I’ll leave you in peace from now on.
wait, come back— Imaginary-Roxanne
reached out as he walked away, never to kidnap her again. (That
isn’t what I wanted.)
No. She wouldn’t ask.
Megamind (and Minion) had been waiting while she
mentally meandered, so Roxanne collected herself. "Can I help
with the freeze ray?“
Minion gawked at her.
to—really?” Megamind looked stunned. Which made sense.
Roxanne was also semi-astonished, and she had been the one to make
“… Yes. Everything is—you usually make
everything in advance and… I’ve never escaped prematurely before.”
She fidgeted under their scrutiny. "Though I probably wouldn’t
be much use,“ she added, mumbling. "Probably too
hands were abruptly gripping her upper arms, and green eyes were
alight with excitement. "You absolutely
can help with the freeze ray!“
She could?! Roxanne inhaled sharply. "What do I do first?
Wait—” She had an idea. "Can I have spiky gloves too?
I need proper equipment if I’m going to assist the supervillain.“
Said supervision started cackling. "Minion! Code:
Get the Spare Gloves!” A second pair of Megamind’s black spiky
leather gloves, which Minion collected from a brainbot he summoned,
were handed over and Roxanne. She slid them on—they were a close
fit, only slightly the wrong size but comfortable enough—and
giggled before shaping a thumbs-up. Megamind rubbed his hands
together. "We’ll make you an Evil Queen yet, Roxanne Ritchie!“