*turns to Veronica and Archie* what? No ones gonna defend me? Are you kidding me? Hello? Someone please tell my boyfriend I was not a part of this. Oh no ones gonna say anything now? Cat got your tongue? You both seemed fine when you were singing that awful rendition of that horrible song. Okay, yeah this is cool. Oh great here comes Kevin and every adult in Riverdale, I'm sure this is great news. Forget this, I'm going home we've still got a full pie in the oven.
Here is the analysis of THE VOLTRON SPOILER from my experience as someone that works in television and has seen those type of “text burn in” on video countless times before
1) (upper left) obviously happens at 13 min 55 sec into the episode.
2) (lower left) the episode is final, because the word LOCKED mean : it’s locked, it’s final, we’re not touching it.
3) But they touched it again, recently, because it’s written “updated april 18th”.
4) this looks like a voice booth, yes, but also the file look like a file we send either to a musician or to the sound mixing studio (h264 is a type of video file that is used by both, we produce this video file format every single day to send to musicians, sound studios, producers and networks for approbation, etc.) My bet is on the sound studio.
5) Sadly, the episode number that should be written before the word LOCKED is hidden by the mike.
6) (upper right) the number 162_tk1 probably means : 162nd shot in the episode, take 1. Don’t take my word on this one because I only worked with animation shots once in my life, I usually work with normal tv shows.
“Which brings me to three questions I am often asked.
First, is “The Handmaid’s Tale” a “feminist” novel? If you mean an ideological tract in which all women are angels and/or so victimized they are incapable of moral choice, no. If you mean a novel in which women are human beings - with all the variety of character and behavior that implies - and are also interesting and important, and what happens to them is crucial to the theme, structure and plot of the book, then yes. In that sense, many books are “feminist.”
Why interesting and important? Because women are interesting and important in real life. They are not an afterthought of nature, they are not secondary players in human destiny, and every society has always known that. Without women capable of giving birth, human populations would die out. That is why the mass rape and murder of women, girls and children has long been a feature of genocidal wars, and of other campaigns meant to subdue and exploit a population. Kill their babies and replace their babies with yours, as cats do; make women have babies they can’t afford to raise, or babies you will then remove from them for your own purposes, steal babies - it’s been a widespread, age-old motif. The control of women and babies has been a feature of every repressive regime on the planet. Napoleon and his “cannon fodder,” slavery and its ever-renewed human merchandise — they both fit in here. Of those promoting enforced childbirth, it should be asked: Cui bono? Who profits by it? Sometimes this sector, sometimes that. Never no one.”
Summary:You have known Bucky Barnes
your entire life and he is your twin brother’s best friend, so seeing him on a
daily basis shouldn’t be all that much of a problem right? Wrong. You hate the
guy, with a passion, and no matter how hard you try you just can’t seem to get
rid of him. He is there, constantly, like some persistent little pest that
refuses to leave from where it’s not welcome.
So what happens when you start to pick up on just why that might be?
Will your strong opinion on him change or become even worse?
Note: This is the first part to my entry for Tay’s AU Writing Challenge I had the prompt
“I don’t hate you. It’s just that if you were on fire I wouldn’t piss on you to save your life, is all.” and chose to have it as a Bucky x Reader fic. I’m new to the whole AU side of things so I hope you enjoy!
Bucky x Reader (AU)
Disclaimer: Both GIFs used were created by me.
James Buchanan ‘Bucky’ Barnes.
He was the epitome of everything you had ever hated in a man or, in his
case, a boy.
Childish and annoying? Double check.
But the worst thing? He was ridiculously good looking and he knew it.
You had lost count of how many girls had wandered out of his apartment at the
crack of dawn – although you always did wonder if they had ANY idea they had
just been used of if they truly thought he wanted to enter into some kind of
relationship with them.
You had known the guy for most of your life (although that was most
certainly not through choice) and you had never seen him in any kind of
relationship, not even a short-lived one. Now how was it he had been in your
life for so long? Well some higher power had obviously decided that you had
done something wrong in a previous life because you were ever able to get rid
of him….no matter how hard you tried to.
The battle begins once more, you having already forgotten about
the phone call, but somewhere in Yoosung’s mind, he’s thinking about the web
page he’d closed
Maybe it would
be useful to look through
Y’all are rehearsing some lines
or taking selfies
or working out
or trying to summon Satan idk but your phone rings and you
excuse yourself from your current activity to answer it
lmao though imagine you actually summon Satan and he’s trying to
take your soul or smthing but then you’re like ok hold up my dude I got a phone
call the delivery guy might have gotten lost and Satan is just left standing
there like ??? do I get food too or
anyways hi hello it’s your /actual/ father calling about the
family reunion on Saturday
Zen’s sneaking glances your way because what’s with this sweet
tone of yours
is i T A mE m Be R of Th eOpPOSi t E SE x????????
basically he’s trying to listen to the voice on the other end of
the line but being sneaky about it
we all know that ‘subtlety’ is not part of Hyun Ryu’s
vocabulary, let alone life skills
so he’s basally draped himself over you like some sort of
fallen tree trunk
im good at analogies alright
you’re trying to focus on the call but at the same time Zen what
the flippity fuck are you doing you’re making me have to pee
he’s already suspicious but when you hang up with a
cheery “love ya daddy!” Zen malfunctions and doesn’t know whether to cry
“Who was that why do you love that person was it a guy wh-”
“Zen, chill that was my dad.”
you can see him dying a bit inside because oh no I got jealous over her F A THER??????
but then Zen is Suddenly Inspired
“Hey,” he whispers in a sultry voice, his lips pressed against
your ear, “how about you call me daddy too?”
contrary to popular belief, Jumin is actually cool with you
talking to other dudes
as long as it’s strictly professional, that is
he’s never heard you talk to your family before, so he
isn’t aware just how close you all
the both of you are attending a meeting, and during the coffee
break you receive a call
‘Jongin’ is the caller’s name, which Jumin manages to catch a
glimpse of flashing across your phone’s screen before you deftly answer the
“Yeah? Hello!” you say, before excusing yourself from the
Jumin is left wondering whether he should follow you or just
but there’s just something about the delicate shift in your tone that puts him ill at ease
because you should only be speaking to him that way
side note I reallllllly want to see some yandere Jumin but not
like weird prison guard Jumin but actual Yoosung level yandere
alas, the meeting starts again, yet you don’t return to the room
he hears you giggle occasionally from the hallway, but tries not
to focus on it too much because the meeting is about the future of C&R’s
cat projects and therefore of uttermost importance
needless to say, his mind is quite preoccupied
one of the chairmen asks him “What do you believe would be
the total production cost for this particular plan?”
Jumin answers with a distracted “Oh, no I rather do like red wine with my pasta.”
· basically he’s really not himself what’s gotten into him
he’s usually an unstoppable force in meetings but now???
- the meeting is adjourned, and he rushes out the door
as soon as he spots you in he hallway, he’s marching straight
towards you, reaching for your arm right when you say “Okay bye! I’ll
see you tomorrow, love you!”
“What’s this about loving who now?” Jumin hisses, his hand closing lightly, but firmly, around your wrist
“It’s me telling a family member that I care about them?” you
say, confused as to why he’s reacting in such a way
“You - what? family member?”
Yeah, that was my uncle. We usually go shopping together every
few weeks, and we’re due to go again tomorrow.”
Jumin’s emotions quiet down in an instant, however his heart is
still running rampant like a wild beast in his chest
he slides his fingers down to envelop your hand, and gently
rests his forehead atop yours
“Please, my love, don’t scare my like that again, you are my
one, my everything…”
you’re getting ready to whisper your own cheesy loving sentence, but he
“Also you should bring your uncle shopping in this building. We
have over 200 different stores, and maybe he would be willing to lead our cat
you poke his stomach
“You are not bringing my
uncle into this cat thing…but if you want, you can tag along and come
shopping with us.”
he agrees, which is a bad idea
cuz you and your uncle tag team him
and he ends up wearing some sort of cat/maid outfit that shows
skin in just the right places
yeah but it’s a good buy
Jumin actually wears it around the penthouse
Driver Kim once saw him in it
“The young master has rather particular interests….”
lowkey approves and wants one himself
mmmmmmkay well honestly he’s heard you say “I love you” to
several people already, but he doesn’t get jealous because you’re always showering him with your affection
but he’s had one of his bad days, old emotions and thoughts and
insecurities are already chasing each other in his mind
so it isn’t helping him much when he can just tell you’re talking to another boy
terrible thoughts swarm his head, and he cannot stop fretting about all the bad things that could possibly be happening
What if he hadn’t been looking enough into things? What if
he’s being played? Are you going around behind his back? Betraying him?
but for every one of these thoughts, he lashes out at
himself, thinking things along the lines of don’t I trust her? Do I really
think she’s that bad a person? She’s given me all this love, would she really
just abandom me like that?
Or maybe now I’m reading too much into things?
“Alright, bye Kyungsoo, I love you!”
He winces, not wanting to face you, afraid that the bile in his
throat will lead him to say harsh things
“What’s wrong, Saeyoung?”
“Who…” he croaks, a faint pain etched across his face, “Who
were you talking to?”
“Oh that? It was my brother!”
“Is something the matter?”
“No, I’m just a huge idiot
“Now tell me something I don’t know,” you say with a sly smile,
wrapping your arms around his waist, “you might be the world’s biggest idiot,
but at the very least, you’re my
Saeyoung instinctively returns the embrace, holding you tight
against his chest. “Likewise.”
oh my hea RT lmao what heart haha I just roasted myself
y’all are just chillin’, looking through his pictures when you
get a phone call
V is fine with you talking on the phone right beside him, so you
answer right there
Heck, you could even be riding the shit out of him and he’d still
be chill with you calling your friend
MC orders pizza while getting laid lolololol
He gets momentarily nervous, though, when he hears a deeper
voice on the other end of the line
But V, he tells himself, don’t discriminate maybe
it’s a girl with a deeper voice you never know
“Who is that?” V mouths, just to be safe
“Oh, he’s just –” you start to say before you get
cut off by the person you’re talking to
a b OY?!
“Okay! I love you!” you say before hanging up
V’s all ༼ ºل͟º ༼ ºل͟º ༼ ºل͟º ༽ ºل͟º ༽ ºل͟º ༽
it takes him a moment to calm down, at which point he’s
convinced himself that you’re moving on, which is fine, because he’s not good
enough for you he wasn’t good enough for Rika you’ll be happier without him
“V you’re turning blue I don’t think you’re breathing.”
He inhales sharply and looks at you with tears in his eyes
it makes sense, he concludes, trying to hold back
“You should have told me sooner,” he says softly
“Told you what?”
“That you’ve…found someone else.”
seriously V I thought I jumped to conclusions too
fast but you really take the cake
you just stare at him, then look at the phone in your hand, then
back at V
“Sweetheart no that was my cousin!”
V just blanches
I am horrible how dare I get jealous so easily and I thought she
was in love with another family member what am I –
“V if you stop breathing like that you’ll actually die.”
without a word, V reaches over to you and pulls you into his
there’s a strange elation sensation inside his body, and he
realizes that he had unconsciously been so stressed, a knot of worry had formed
in the pit of his stomach
his worry is replaced by a realization
the realization that
he’s not okay with you leaving him after all
He ain’t taking none of that shit
the moment he hears you say “Hi!” in such a sweet
voice because MC you’re only supposed to talk like that with me h o w da
re you, he practically launches himself at your phone and does a
wicked somersault landing
Where did he go?
Surely not inside the kitchen cabinets
but there he is
crouching between cereal boxes and jars of tomato sauce,
just emanating dark waves of furious doom
They’re so tangible for a second you worry they might stain the
“She’s mine,” he hisses into the receiver, “and I’m not
gonna let you lay a single hand on her.”
“Well…” the voice answers, “that’s fine and all but I’m her
brother so we do occasionally hug sometimes.”
Saeran had already prepared a nasty comeback, but he wasn’t
expecting the call to be from your family
“Ah uh, okay bye,” he grunts instead in an awkward manner,
before promptly hanging up
“Um…Saeran…I kinda really needed to talk to him though…”
He whips his gaze towards you
“The….” he chokes, his eyes wide
“The what???? Hug?????” he
finally whispers, seeming if not a bit panicked by the thought such a thing existing
you stare at each other blankly for a brief minute before you
double up in laughter because
a) he looks like a startled, edgy cat b) he’s in your fucking kitchen cabinets and c)the what??? hug??? was
something you never thought would come out of his mouth
but he gets so sour about you laughing at him that he refuses to
leave his perch for the next two hours
#spends the whole time thinking about you hugging him
Do you have a favorite guide? something like "Story Plotting for Idiots" type thing? I think I'm pretty well read in terms of lit and movies and such. But I'm at a loss as to where to start to start working on my own. I have TONS of ideas, always have, but the organizing of something longer than say, 500 words always gets bogged down. HALP?
I guess the closest thing to a favourite writing guide that i have is Stephen King’s On Writing, though there’s less ‘this is how to do writing’ and more ‘this is how Stephen King does writing’. Fortunately, or unfortunately, depending on how you think of it, there’s no single way to approach writing that is going to work for everyone, it’s all very subjective and personal.
Even going from one project to another, sometimes the same approach won’t work, it’s a matter of what works for you at that moment, for that project.
You can google ‘how to write’ and you’ll come up with dozens of ‘foolproof’ guides and approaches, ‘save the cat’ or ‘the snowflake method’ or a dozen other things. Some of them will have elements that will be helpful to you, and you should feel free to cherrypick what you need and discard the rest – these approaches are written by people for whom they’ve worked. If it doesn’t work for you don’t agonise over it, just move on, try another approach. Keep on plugging.
That said, the one approach that I’ve consistently been able to use and have work for me, is a very blunt approach. Similar to Stephen King’s ‘write three pages a day every day’, and sort of inspired by the whole NaNoWriMo approach to writing, “BICHAK” (Butt in chair, hands on keyboard).
I call it ‘tippy tappy’.
What I do, is I have my ‘outline’ – which is usually a single sentence describing what will happen in a scene, plus a couple of sentences about the emotional/ conflict outcomes that should come from that scene – and then I sit down, set a fifteen minute timer, and just type until the buzzer goes.
So long as you keep tippy tappying on the keyboard for the whole amount of time, you’ll have something to show for it. One scene at a time, one fifteen minute chunk at a time, and that’s pretty much the only way I get anything substantial done.
Now as to HOW to plot?
I seldom know exactly how my story is going to go, or how exactly it will end. I’ve talked about a Problem based approach to narrative, and I start with that, generally. Here is a Problem that is going to affect the characters, who are these people and how are they going to react to it, what is going to happen in their lives as a result of the problem?
I’ll use my current project as an example, I’m about 4000 words in, it will probably wind up being around 60-80k by the time it’s finished. My outline so far encompasses the first two chapters. At the moment I don’t know exactly what the antagonist is going to do, but I do know how to lead up to it.
My outline looks like this:
[Sorry about the blurring, I just wanted to show how I have it laid out without folks reading my awful notes!]
So I have an A4 notepad, ruled with a line down the middle, just for personal preference. In blue headings and green notes, I have my outline for chapter one. I’ve finished all but the last scene in chapter one, and I’m at 4000 words in the manuscript, so you can see it’s a fairly compact way to outline.
The black heading and red notes is for chapter two. It also just happens that I’m writing from alternating perspectives between my two protagonists, so the different colours helps keep those two POVs distinct. I may or may not write a chapter or two from the antagonist’s perspective at some point, and when it gets to that I might pick a third colour set to write those in, depending on how complex my notes are to look at.
When outlining, the main thing that needs to happen is that you have to be able to tell at a glance what you’re up to and what you wanted to happen next. I quite often get into trouble because I’ll start writing an outline and then wind up accidentally writing on my outlining page, I get so caught up in details that I forget the longer-term goals that I set out intending to write down.
Using bullet points to keep outlines manageable is something else that I’ve found helps. Keeping things simple ‘Jack wants X but he’s conflicted about Y and that leads to trouble with Z’. These are just the notes to remind yourself of the path you’re going to take. And if you find a path that branches off in a direction you didn’t expect, but it looks more exciting? Take the branching path. Keep your old notes in case it leads to a dead end, but after wandering around you’re going to have more material to work with, and more material is always good.
No writing is wasted.
I have TONS of ideas, always have, but the organizing of something longer than say, 500 words always gets bogged down
Okay, having tons of ideas is a way better problem than having not enough ideas, so we can work with this. 500 words is a great starting point.
Pick your favourite ideas that you think will fit together.
Decide what you think the big Problem of the story is going to be, what do your characters need to resolve in order to have an ending?
In one sentence, write down what will happen in the first scene
In 1-3 sentences, write down how the main character will feel about it, what changes for them in the course of that scene, and what they want going forward.
Do the same for the next two or three scenes.
Sit down at your writing implement of choice (computer, notebook, stone tablet, etc)
Set a timer. You can start with ten minutes and work your way up. Sometimes I do 20 minute or 30 minute stretches, but mostly I find that 15 minutes works best for me, personally.
Close all windows except for your writing project, pause netflix, turn the tv off. Have your outline beside you.
Start the timer and until it goes off you’re either writing, or you’re staring at the blank page. Trust me, writing is a whole lot better than looking at a blank page.
Keep writing. Tippy tappy.
When the timer goes off, go get a drink, walk around. Look at facebook or scroll tumblr, whatever you want to do.
Repeat until you have a novel.
Essentially, whatever system you pick can only take you so far, no matter how you organise it, writing a novel is a whole lot of just sitting down and writing. One letter after another until you have 80k words. Tippy tappy.
I find that not worrying too much about the whole novel helps. I just focus on the next 5000 words. I know what will happen in the next 5k, and I can write 500 words and then 500 words and then 500 words, and it adds up.
The overarching Problem of the story keeps the gist of the scenes pointing in the right direction, and having the open-endedness of the plot as a whole means that if I suddenly discover a new direction as I’m writing I don’t have a whole bunch of outline work that I suddenly feel like I’m abandoning or losing.
Figuring out what outlining method works for you is going to take trial and effort, but you’ll get there. One scene at a time, one paragraph at a time. Every little bit will help you learn what you’re doing and what you want to do.
“I gave them your name… Your real name. Any information about a Y/F/L/N working at the paper has been wiped from every database I could dream up. They can’t know about Lotus or I can guarantee you that the next headline won’t be written by you… it’ll be about you”.
His words are chilling but you understand completely. You were about to go deeper than you had ever gone and the only way to be as convincing as possible was to be 100 percent you. No Lotus, no fake name, just Y/N.
The following day passes at a glacial speed, and you find yourself on edge for the entirety of it.
CoCo’s in the Red Light District. 7 PM.
You replay the details John gave you about your meeting with this unnamed “recruiter”.
But wait, that wasn’t the word he told you this morning when he followed up.
Who knew. Your mind was racing a mile a minute and either way, his job description sounded creepy.
This post marks my tenth Weekly Adulting Blog! Woot woot. I’ve amassed a lot of new followers since first starting this weekly post, and more of you wonderful and supportive people join me every day. Because of this, I have decided to recycle some of my favorite suggestions from the past nine posts for today’s blog.
1. Important documents. One of the first things you should do before you move out is get all your important documents from your parents/guardians. I’m talking your Social Security Card, Birth Certificate, high school or college transcripts, banking information, etc. Trust me.
2. Baking Soda and vinegar are your one-stop cleaning solution for everything. Clogged drains, shower heads, cat pee stains, etc.
3. Automatic payments. Don’t enroll in automatic bill payments unless you’re extremely comfortable with the company. This will prevent companies from charing your bank account or credit card extra without your consent. For example, I’m confident that Birchbox won’t overcharge me, but have less faith in Verizon.
4. Scented trash bags. Are literally the same price as regular trash bags, but help keep your trash smelling manageable.
5. Food hygiene. Rewrap/repackage your deli meats and cheeses a few days after purchasing them. Wrapping paper has a shorter shelf life than the products themselves and will cause them to spoil early.
7. Keep paper bills. Bills such as internet, rent, and utility for up to five months. These help prove residency, which will be useful when applying for Medicaid, in-state tuition, and for some jobs. If you’re not receiving any sort of paper bills, keep pay stubs with your address on them instead.
8. Reuse containers. Get takeout often? Takeout containers are microwave and dishwasher safe, and are often durable enough to substitute as tupperware. Wash and reuse them!
9. Folding chairs. These are the answer to limited seating space in a small apartment. In my first apartment I threw a “Bring Your Own Chair” party because I literally had three chairs and a couch. Now I store my folding chairs in the closet during the winter, and leave them outside all summer long.
10. Airborne. Flu season is upon us! Go immediately to your local pharmacy and pick up a pack of this magical tablets. When your throat starts to feel scratchy in that characteristic pre-sickness way, pop one in a glass of water. If you catch your cold early on, these will effectively prevent your from getting sick. Satisfaction guaranteed.
This is my kitty. He loves cuddling, knocking things off the counter, and eating plastic. He HATES being disturbed, bugs he can’t get to, and most of all: trimming nails. There’s screaming and bloodshed from both parties, and everyone is bitter and angry afterward. Until now!
Here are the tips and tricks to how I desensitized my cat to nail trims.
-> START SLOW. This is NOT going to happen over night. In fact, we have been working on this for a month now, and still have a long way to go. I didn’t even introduce the nail trimmer until I could hold his paw in my hand for a few seconds, which was around the 3 week mark. Don’t be frustrated if it takes longer than you think. Also, my kitty won’t tolerate more than a 5 minute session, so don’t overwhelm your cat with an hour long training session. Ain’t no one have the patience for that!
-> Use POSITIVE REINFOREMENT! Lots of good treats! As my behavior professor used to say “Every bad scary thing should predict something good.” So every time I touched or held my cat’s paws, he got a treat!
-> Don’t be afraid to use certain things to your advantage. Like adding sand paper to scratching posts so you don’t have to trim as often. Or wearing the cat out by playing with him for 15-25 minutes first. Or wait before dinner time where he might be more motivated to take treats.
-> Start up HIGH. Some cats don’t even their shoulders touched (including mine), so I started there. How it worked (and this can be tweaked for how it best works for you and your cat!) was this: Touch their paw/elbow/foot, say “paw,” and immediately give a treat. Then, I started to go down the leg, as in the photo below. By this point he knew treats were coming and let me hold his paw for a few seconds!
-> Once you can hold their paw, then go to spreading out the nails. Again, as soon as you get done, give a treat!
-> At long last, introduce the nail trimmer! I personally only did one nail at a time, but this is what was best for my own cat. I plan on doing a few nails a few times a week, because the more we practice it, the more we are comfortable, and the less stress it is for the both of us.
-> TADA! No blood, no screaming! Honest to goodness, my cat and I are both much happier with these sessions, and I hope someone else can use this to make nail trimming as stress free as possible!
Am cat who live in place call "shelter". Nice humans come every day and give pets to help me remember humans are nice. One day human person come and let me sit in warm lap, they pet and pet until I fall asleep. But then they put me back???? So rude want to sleep in lap ALL THE TIME. They say am good kitty who is so nice I should have a lap forever as soon as someone notices.
Do you have a suggestion for how to talk money with a vet? I recently had a vet visit that cost $300 which I didn't realize until after everything was done, and learned one of the procedures (inserting fluid under the skin) was just precautionary even though my cat was drinking fine (just slightly dehydrated). I appreciate the concern but just that was a $60 procedure which is really hard to swallow when youre just getting by. But at the same time I don't want them to think I don't care?
That phrase is a common phrase we use to mean “The owner isn’t totally broke but you have to watch every dollar.”
Any vet should be happy to discuss costs of procedures and treatments before they’re done. There might be a little fumbling to look up the costs on the computer as they go (because of course we haven’t memorized the cost of everything and sometimes they change), but they should be willing to do this.
Part of good communication is letting clients know what things cost, and the pros or cons of any treatment options. It’s something we should all be willing to do.
There is usually a gold standard treatment, but there are often other versions of treatment plans too. Sometimes not everything is strictly necessary for the wellbeing of the pet, and this should ideally be discussed before administering anything.
So just come out and say it.
I need to know what this will cost.
I have a budget of X
Money is tight right now
Are there risks if we don’t do X
The more up front you can be, the better. From our point of view at least you’ve come into the clinic and have been up front, so we can be too. We’re not going to think you don’t care, most of us have been poor students at some point and can understand how life works.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SARAH!! This fic is a gift to my lovely little on her 21st birthday! Back in February, I was scrolling through the Sidekick Adrien AU tag on @geek-fashionista‘s page, because let’s be real that AU is a gift, when @thisawkwardbitch looked over my shoulder and asked “Does that say Side-Dick Adrien???” Thus, this idea was borne!! Enjoy this nonsense that started out as an inside joke and spiraled out of control!
((I can’t believe I wrote this with my two hands…))
Summary: Phil Lester is a popular BoyxBoy writer on Wattpad who had been given his publishing deal early this year at a mere age of sixteen. And between meeting his debut novel deadlines and going to school and keeping up with his social life that only consists of Dan and Cat, Dan is incredibly irked that Phil still has the time to mock Dan (for mocking Phil in the first place; reasons vary) by writing M-rated one-shots about the both of them. Or the five times that Phil writes him in Dan engaged in kinky bum sex, and the one time it finally happens.
A/N: written in collaboration with procrastination of studying for my college algebra misterm and the ahbebe child constipatedhowell [deep long sigh] for the first time we have finally collabed. The chat for this was awFUl every I’d leave my phone they yell at me frown emoticon but we finished it and I am aLIVE
A/N 3: also thanks to the same ahbebe child for betaing my bit and thanks to me for betaing their bit. (this is alice speaking and wow)
A/N 4: dedicated to a rl friend who wants to go by the name of Lee bc this is their fAULT WHY DID YOU MAKE ME READ THE BAD ONE-SHOT COLLECTION
A/N 5: nyELLO IT’S ALICE AND i cant wait to start shitposting now i hAVE ACCESS no joke i wrote 2.7k words (basically the whole [+1]) and im (sigh) :-(( bc charlie didnt give me time to write the other secks scenes
*As Blake and Yang laid under a tree cuddling with Sun laying on a branch above them, Blake reading a book While Yang and Sun played a game on their scrolls, Sun's scroll beeps signalling him that he has gotten mail.* Ah damn it. Hey Yang, Can way pause the match for a second? This could be the email from my Aunt I've been waiting for.
Can't it wait just a few more minutes? We all most grow this overgrown trex alien.
Nah, I got to make sure my Aunt sent my the new address to her house for when I go visit her this weekend.
Why don't you just move your character to a hiding place and set up a turret while Yang finished it off? *Both Yang and Sun glances at Blake with surprise.* ... I watch playthroughs.
Aw my kitty likes watching us play.~ *Yang smiled, kissing the top of Blake's head.*
*Meanwhile Sun does as Blake suggested and begins to look at his email.* Alright Turret's up. Just save me some good rare items okay Yang.
*Sun rolled his eyes and began to read his mail, noticed he received two.* Huh? What's this second one?
YES! GOT YOU UP OVER GROW LIZARD! *Yang cheered a minute later after beating the boss in the game.*
Yay team Yangsun. *Blake smiled closing her Blake as she felt Yang hug her.*
I did it all for you babe. *Yang whispered smirked kissing Blake's and giggling as Blake blushed before looked up at Sun.* Hey Sun you better your character butt if you want any of this loot. Huh? *It was then Yang saw Sun Trying his hardest not to laugh as he stared at his scroll.* Uh... Sun?
*Hearing the question tone of her girlfriend's voice Blake looked up as well at Sun and raised an eyebrow.* What is it Sun? You're kinda weirding us out.
Hehehehehehehe, Oh god this is too fucking funny. *Sun chuckle before full on laugh as he passes her scroll down to the bumblebee couple with his tail.* Hahahahahaha! Yang, Hahaha, Blake, hehehehe you-you got to Hahahahaha! You got to read this!
*Confused Yang took the scroll and held it so she and Blake could read the mail Sun got and instantly both girl's jaws drop.* Oh you have got to be kidding me. *Was All Blake could say as she picked the bright of her nose, Shaking her head as Yang Read the message loud.*
"Dear Sun Wukong. You are cordially invited to join the league/guild/band/ of Blake Belladonna's evil exs. Our groups goal is to insure that anyone who tries to date the woman we have all fell in love with is driven away, killed, and/or stays far far away from Blake. Benefits of joining, include, free dental and health care per fight with Blake's current lover, a Blake pillow, a custom jacket, a grimm mask, and free life time supply of cat themed cookies. Please send a reply with your answer or come to one of the meetings held every Tuesday and Thursday at 8pm. Sincerely, Adam Taurus. Ps Ilia apologizes for shooting you. But not really." * Yang Finish with an expression that could only be expressed with,* What. The actually. Fuck?
Hahahahaha! What do you think Yang Blake? Should I join? Hehehehe, They have free cookies.
Sun, This isn't funny! *Blake Glared as Yang chuckled shaking her head.*
Hehe, It's a little funny. Though I had no idea Adam was a Scott Pilgrim vs the world fan. OH MY GOD! Does Adam wear glasses!? Is his real name Gideon Graves? Tell me he happen the same hair cut as gideon when you dated?
AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Gideon Taurus! Master of Blake's evil exs HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! *Sun Laughed before falling out of the tree while Yang joined in.*
Siiiiiigh, Yang You are lucky I love you and Sun you are lucky you're my best friend.
Aw Cheer up Ramona Belladonna. I'll fight all your exs to date you. *Yang teased, giving Blake a peck on the cat ear.*
Happy fluff with Alternative fact Tom the actor and OC.
Underground trains were never my thing, I always worry about going the
wrong way, or the wrong line.
And far more scary what if it breaks down, and we
all have to walk back down the tunnel in the dark to safety. Thus having to avoid
the large man eating rats plus the zombies that live down there, that I’ve seen
in every horror film.
So it takes a special reason to get me down here, and today I had one. I still
however, had to find some way of distract myself from the thoughts of horror in
my head and the only way for me to do that was people watch.
There was the family all together out for a day trip to London. The teen looked
mighty pissed off that mum and dad had dragged them away from the computer,
just to see some dusty relic that didn’t beat internet shenanigans.
The business man with his copy of a serious newspaper, who kept shaking the
pages so we all got the fact he was reading it, and as he was reading it, it must mean he was
The middle-aged lady in the corner who was reading something on her phone.
I’d say smut by the happy expression and slightly heightened colour of her
cheeks, that and the occasional high pitched giggled that escaped her lips.
The young lad who kept looking round at all the girls getting really
embarrassed when they smiled back at
him, suddenly finding interest in his smart black shoes.
And the really tall handsome chap, who was reading a book and reminded me
of….shit….wow…..Nope it really was Tom Hiddleston!
At which point he looked up, and seeing me opened mouth looking at him smiled
that crazily sexy smile and returned his eyes and thoughts to his book.
I just couldn’t stop peeping at him, he was so handsome. I mean we all know he
is but in the flesh, fifteen feet away from you, that bastard glows.
He unfortunately looked up at me again as I looked at him, so rather than look
silly I signed in a language only known to a few -me-
“Are you going to the
tennis?” This involved me miming a game of tennis. What was I saying about not
He grinned at me, eyes now sparkling and nodded his head, pointed back at me
then repeated my tennis mime.
I nodded with a huge grin because I’d wanted to go to Wimbledon for many years
and this was the day, it was the reason I’d braved the bowels of the earth to
Tom then mouthed “Center court?” I mimed back, by first rubbing my fingers on
one hand together, next showing two fingers and then holding my hand up. “Cost
to high” Which of course he didn’t have a clue what I was trying to say, so
over he came.
Fuck he’s tall and in the confined space of a tube train, ridiculously so.
“Hi, didn’t get the last bit, care to try again”
“Ha, um, well the cost of Center court is too high, so I’m watching one of the
lesser mortals play on court two, it will still have all the feeling,
excitement and atmosphere”
“Been before?” He asked.
Being as I hadn’t really
expect the conversation to carry on after that first sentence, and was frankly
amazed I got out the answer to that, I was now panicking.
“Not really, first time, always wanted to, decided this year I had too” wow
almost real sentences.
“Why this year?” he asked as he looked at me intently. If that guy ever decided
to go into interrogation he’d only have to do this look and you’d spill all.
I’d actually hoped that no one
would ask why I’d come and now they had, and it was sexy mother fucker here, I
could feel myself welling up inside and he could see it on my face, oh shit
lady you are such an embarrassment.
“You ok?” He asked with what sounded like genuine concern.
Deep breath and say it, or look bloody stupid.
“I watched Wimbledon every year with my cat and dad and last month he died and
I just felt I should actually go, to remember him”
“Oh I am so sorry I wish I hadn’t asked, shit you must miss him terribly?” His
eyes looked as sad as I felt. He was so lovely as he gave me a Hiddle’s hug, while
the guy who had been looking at his shoes kindly took a picture of us.
“Yes I miss him every day, it would have been weird to watch it on the telly
without him, he use to chance the balls round the screen” Tom face looked
down at me somewhat confused
“Your dad chased the balls on the telly?”
“No my cat! but he got run down by a car last month, and dad has found a new
lady friend, so I decided to come here to honor Frodo’s memory”
Toms face was now a picture, he was caught between trying to look concerned for
the mad cat lady, and not laughing out loud.
“Well in honor of dear departed Frodo, could I ask you to give up your seats
in court two and come join me in center court. But whatever you do, please, for
the sake of not ending up as the front page story in the Sun, don’t chase the
balls round the court in his memory. Although it would be funny.”
“Wow! Really, you’ve got no one better to go with than me?” his turn to look
“I seem to be at a temporary loss for female company, maybe I’m not cool enough
to be seen with at the moment”
“No not cool, just totally hot!” Bugger said that out loud.
“Thank you, now will you, with memories of your much loved pussy, join me”
“Love too” This day just got to the stuff dreams are made of.
I realized at this point we’d been snapped a lot since Tom had come over to
talk to me, good job I’d worn my best summer outfit with the spanks under I
thought, proving yet again how weird the brain is at times like this.
Tom was as per advertised, a proper gentleman. He made sure I was by his side
all the rest of the tube journey, and back out to the sunshine. He didn’t even laugh
when I told him of my underground fears, well not so I could see.
We took a taxi from Wimbledon park underground to the courts themselves, Tom
chatting all the way, telling me who was playing and what he expected the score
On arrival, we got the royal treatment by busy men and women in smart
uniforms. Cameras clicked, journalist asked dumb questions, and girls gave the occasional
involuntary squeak when they saw Tom. Tom took this all in his stride, even if
he did have a slightly more strained look on his handsome face. I walked a bit
behind and as I guessed no one even considered I might be with him.
We got lead into a lounge decked out beautifully in pink, there was food put
out the tables, including strawberries and cream, which took all my willpower not to barge passed everyone in the room and claim the table as mine, like Gollum
over his precious ring. Tom seeing me drool over the fruit, got me a large bowl
of the sweet ruby heaven, which I may, or may not have eaten a little too
quickly. Drinks also flowed freely but I noticed Tom went for water as did
Tom didn’t leave my side again explaining he’d wanted to avoid me being
journalist fodder for page three gossip. My mind just kept screaming ‘Well this
is gonna be headline news in the office on Monday.’
He introduced me to others including Benedict and his wife, who I had a really
great girly chat with, while the boys
talked about other stuff. She was hilarious with tip bits of gossip she had on
stars and celebs that I will never tell!
Time for the tennis and into the posh seat where, to use a phrase from a
certain trash novel, ‘My inner goddess was doing cartwheels’ Me in the posh
seats! This of course this did mean that the paps had full view of me sitting
beside the A Lister actor and happily snapped away all game. Seems it would now
be more than office news after all.
We didn’t help this because at a particular thrilling match point, I
grabbed hold of Tom’s arm and he grabbed me back as we held our breaths.
Yelling together when our man made his opponent skid across the court and he still
miss the ball. I might just point out here that Tom is very vocal at these
things, which lead my mind to think about other occasions he might be as vocal.
Back to the game girl, back to the game!
The game ended with our man winning and the crowd went wild, so did Tom who
gave me a huge hug and sort of jumped up and down as he did so.
I thought that would be it but he insisted I did the whole after games drink.
He then like some gallant knight of old, got me all the way back to where he
found me, chatting nonstop about the game all the way.
He kindly, I think for the sake
of appearance, took my number but didn’t give me his.
Finally, he left me at my station to go home with a hug and a kiss on my
hand. He actually thanked me for a lovely day!
I went home feeling like the cat who had got the cream, he was the nicest guy,
a true gentleman and I’d been on an adventure with him.
All this was written in my diary with pictures and write ups from the gossip
rags of “Tom Hiddleston with mystery female at Wimbledon”
Pictures of me grabbing Toms arm,
plus pictures of us jumping up and down in a hug when our man won, had been all
over the net. It kept the gossip rags and click bate sites happy for a week, till Tom was seen hugging an A list female star at an awards ceremony, and
I quickly was forgotten.
The office was not as fun as I expected, some people were lovely,
genuinely pleased Id had my magic moment. Many others being really nasty about
‘why the hell would he pick you?’. I didn’t care, he did, we had fun, a day never
Two Saturdays later I was laughing at a video of kittens on Tumblr when my
Text unknown caller, strange
“My two imaginary gold fish, Ant and Dec drowned today and they loved
Shakespeare. To honor them I have got two tickets to ‘Twelfth night’ fancy
coming with me? Tom X.
So, I promised @takemeawaytocamelot that this would be finished by the end of the week, and I always keep my promises!
This is a continuation of “Two Sugars, Extra Cream” which you can find here under Coffee Shop AU . Enjoy!
Chapter 2: Dates and Deal Breakers
6:30, and I was standing in front of the bathroom mirror contemplating what in
God’s name I should do with my hair. Steaming milk for 6 hours did wonders for
curls, and not in the good way. The only way to fix this was to shower, and I
simply did not have time for that.
you think Adso?” I turned to the small pile of gray fur in the doorway. “Is it
acceptable? Oh, gross!” He was licking his nether-parts. I wasn’t sure if he
did that for business or pleasure, but it was disgusting either way.
at my exclamation, green eyes bright in his charcoal face. He stared
unwaveringly, making me super uncomfortable after his previous activity.
to take that awkward stare as a yes, and assume I look all right,” I told him.
He meowed happily, and rubbed himself in a figure-eight around my legs. “Okay,
don’t trip me Addy. It’s one thing to have messy hair on a first date. It’s
another to have a broken arm.”
continued his rubbing, anyway. Obviously, he didn’t care about my feelings
whatsoever. But, what cat ever did?
to face the full length mirror on the door, and surveyed “The Outfit,” bottom
to top. Black boots, black tights, black dress. Black on black on black.
My eyes made their way to my
hair. Wild as ever, dark curls springing in every direction. There was no hope
Maybe I should put a headband or something in
A headband? What are you, Beauchamp?
I ran my hands through it, zooshing
it up a bit.
Shit, that made it worse.
Before I could destroy my hair
further, Adso startled me by yowling at the door.
Is that him?
And then the doorbell rang.
drove an obnoxiously large, obnoxiously red truck.
“Compensating for something, my
lad?” Jamie had my hand in his, carefully assisting me into his monstrosity
vehicle. He gave me a pointed look and slammed the door, but otherwise did not
acknowledge my hilarious joke. I watched the top of his red mane float across
the windshield before he appeared fully on the other side.
“Nay, ‘twas my godfather’s. He sold
it to me fer a guid price.” Jamie heaved into the truck using his grab handles.
He wiggled a bit in his seat, before buckling up.
“And what did your godfather need a
truck this large for?”
“I dinna ken. Tae hold his big
balls, most like.”
Jamie whipped his truck into the
parking lot of a place called Iggy’s Steakhouse.
“Well, I suppose it’s a good thing
I’m not a vegetarian…” I said, wrestling with the seatbelt. Jamie had already
unbuckled and magically appeared at my side, opening the door for me. He held
out his hand, and I used that as leverage to hop out of the truck.
“Aye… Perhaps I shoulda asked…”
“Perhaps. But you’re lucky. I eat
meat like nobody’s business.”
“Good.” He placed a hand gently on
the small of my back (!!!) and started leading me to the entrance. His hand was
large, and probably took up half the space on my back. But it was warm, and his
thumb was make tiny, almost imperceptible motions against my dress. I could
melt, and would happily be the small English puddle in his life.
Despite the name (Seriously, what
kind of name is Iggy? Is it short for something?), the inside was lovely and
proper. Small tabled were arranged in rows, each with a candle and a white
tablecloth. Small chandeliers littered the ceiling, creating a charming, dim
ambiance. I heard, amongst the chattering of patrons, quiet orchestral music.
This had to be the fanciest first date I’ve ever been on, and I told Jamie just
“Wow. This place is wonderful! I’ve
never heard of it before.”
“Well, it’s not a huge place, ken. My
mate Angus owns the place. That’s how I knew about it,” Jamie responded, as we
stepped to the hostess. “Two under Fraser, please.”
The woman guided us to our table. A
table with a card on it that read “Reservation”
in calligraphy. I suppose it pays to know the owner. Speaking of the owner…
“So,” I began, as I shimmied out of
my coat. “Your friend’s name is Angus. And he owns a steak restaurant… I can
taste the irony, and it tastes like cow.” Jamie chuckled, teeth sparkling in
“Aye. I dinna ken if he did that
purposely.” He took a small sip of water. “But, he’s the type that would, so…” He took another sip, this time including an ice
cube. He bit down on the ice with a crunch, and munched on it happily, very
much like a cow we were preparing to eat.
“Wow, Fraser. Hungry?”
“Bad habit. I’ve done it since I
was a lad. Anytime I would get hot or nervous, I’d eat ice. Deal breaker?”
“No, my bad habits are much worse,
just you wait,” I grinned. Jamie mirrored my grin.
“Nay, I doubt that. Ice crunching
is probably the worst habit anyone could have. It’s irritatin’ and it’s bad for
“You know what else is bad for your
“I dinna know you smoked.” I could
hear the trepidation in his voice. Obviously, that was a deal breaker for him.
“I don’t. I’m just giving you a fun
fact.” With that, he let out a breath.
“Yer always messin’ wi’ me,
“I know. I think that’s just how I
“Yer flirting wi’ me?”
“I’ve been flirting with you since
we first met. Thanks for noticing.”
Our dinners came out perfectly
arranged on silvery plates. A medium rare steak took up one half, a small salad
took up the other. It looked simply mouth-watering. And I, feeling more than a
bit peckish, started cutting into it immediately. Jamie, I noticed, did not.
“Oh, aye. Everything’s fine.” He
waved over the server; a blond boy no more than 17. “Excuse me, sir? Could I
maybe have a bottle of ketchup?”
“Umm, aye?” The boy answered,
perplexed, before scampering off. I was confused as well.
“What in God’s name do you need
“My steak, o’ course.” I stared at
him blankly. Surely he was joking…
“What? Have ye no seen a man put
ketchup on his steak before?” He seemed slightly miffed by my attitude.
“No! Never!” It was the truth. I
had heard of such blasphemies, but never experienced them first-hand. “You mean
to tell me that you took me this nice place, all to drown your delicious steak
in ketchup. And your friend owns the place, no less!”
“Are ye mocking my food choice?”
Was he truly hurt by this?
“No!” I assured. “I’m just…concerned.
Donald Trump eats his steak with ketchup, and I just don’t want you to end up
like that…” He rolled his eyes at me. At this time, the young server popped in
to drop off Jamie’s desecration, before leaving again. Jamie squeezed the
ketchup in his plate, cut into his meal, dipped it in said ketchup, and took an
enormous bite. Even more disturbing was him staring at me with wide blue eyes
the entire time.
“You’re killing me; you know that?”
“Aye. It’s why I’m doing it. Hope
this isn’t a deal breaker either.” I thought for a second, eyes to the ceiling.
“No, but you’re pushing it.”
Dinner tasted as good as it looked,
and I, thankfully, didn’t vomit while watching Jamie eat ketchup drenched
“We’re ready fer the check, please,”
Jamie told the boy-server.
“Aye, sir,” he responded.
“It was delicious Jamie,” I said
once the boy was gone. “You’ll have to tell your friend that he has a wonderful
“Aye, I will, Sassenach,” Jamie
replied as he took the check-holder from the server, and deftly slid his card
into the designated pocket before handing it back to him. “He’ll be pleased.”
wrapped his arm around me as we left the restaurant, which left me feeling all
safe and warm. He carefully maneuvered me back into his firetruck, before
floating over to his side.
he said seriously. This caught my attention. Usually we were playful, and
banter-y. This was different. He reached over, and tucked a stray curl behind
my ear. “I forgot tae tell ye how lovely ye looked tonight. I should have when
I picked ye up, but I was too busy staring, ken? Truly, ye are the loveliest
woman, inside and out.”
No one had ever spoken to me like that, with such sweetness and sincerity. I
wasn’t used to it, and I didn’t know how to respond.
Jamie. You look very handsome yourself this evening.” It was the truth. He wore
a green and blue plaid shirt that simultaneously brought out the red in his
hair and the blue in his eyes. His jeans were dark, and hugged his hips
lovingly. But it was more than that. It was the twinkle in his eyes. The deep
laugh. The small bump in his nose. The ears that stuck out just a bit. The
kindness and humour that came so effortlessly to him. I was infatuated. He
smiled brightly, pulling at the dimple in his chin.
Claire. Not just for the compliment, but fer spending the evening wi’ me.”
“It was my
“Shit.” I wasn’t sure if I had
ever heard Jamie curse, but I suppose there was a first time for everything.
wrong?” But I could already feel it. The truck was slowing down, with no assistance
from Jamie. He veered over to the shoulder of the road. “Did your truck just
out of gas.” I also don’t think I’ve ever seen Jamie angry, but tonight was a
night of firsts, I suppose. His eyes narrowed, and I saw him clenching and
unclenching his jaw. He jumped out of the truck, and slammed the door, hard. I
know he was trying to keep his voice down for me, but I still heard the muffled
profanities. Some I wasn’t even sure were real words. He circled the truck a
couple times, before opening the door again.
station, up over the hill. I’ll have to push it. You scoot over and make sure I
dinna push it into traffic.”
But he had already closed the door again, and positioned himself at the back. I
felt the truck start to move forward, so I moved over to the driver’s side, and
was how we spent the next hour: trying to get the truck up the hill. I offered
to push while he steered for a bit, but he was having none of it. So, I sat
there steering when I needed to, pushing the brakes when I needed to, but
altogether feeling quite useless.
made it to the station, Jamie was red-faced with hair sticking to his forehead
and neck. I wouldn’t tell him this, but it was kind of sexy.
Lord!” He exclaimed after filling his truck up. I could tell he was worn. He
was breathing harder than usual. Gone was the alive twinkle in his eyes. It was
replaced by glassy exhaustion.
need me to drive? You’re about to pass out.”
me help, Jamie.”
verra kind, but I’m completely awake. My muscles just ache.”
I could be
as stubborn as any Scot, and he could see it too. I had my jaw set and my eyes
narrowed, ready to be a mule.
We ended up
performing an odd sort of dance across the bench seat, so that we switched
places. If this vehicle seemed big as a passenger, it was completely enormous
as the driver. I carefully backed out of the space, and sped to a racing crawl
all the way back to my flat.
credit, he did not fall asleep as a drove. He was, however, staring unseeingly
at the street lamps passing by. When I parked at my flat, his reverie broke.
make it back okay?” I asked as he walked me to my door.
dinna live too far. Besides, I told ye, my body’s jus’ tired, no my brain.”
Dinna worry. I’ll text ye when I get home, okay?”
make me feel better.” Now here came the awkward part. The part I was never good
at: the goodbye after the first date. Do we kiss? Do we hug? Do we shake hands?
High five? Fist bump? Jamie placed a hand on my shoulder.
“I had a wonderful time, Sassenach.
Shall we do it again sometime?”
“You have my number.” I winked at
him. He blinked owlishly back. And then wrapped me in his arms in a crushing
that won’t do.
I pulled away from him, and pecked
him lightly on the corner of his mouth.
“Be safe, Jamie.”
Iggy’s Restaurant is a fake restaurant. Any resemblance to other restaurants past or present is complete coincidental.
Also, I did have the steakhouse written before today, but I just had to put the ketchup part in after ECCC panel. :)
My cat has terrible matts in her fur but she's afraid of the car/travel crates and the closest groomer or vet is a long way away. She won't let me come near her with scissors or a brush, but she gets these same matts every year and I don't know how to help. What should I do?
Take your cat to a groomer or vet even though she hates it, honestly. This is one of those times where to solve the immediate problem for the animal’s long-term welfare, you have to make them do a thing they really hate. You might be able to ask your vet for a sedative to give her for the trip.
Once the mats are out, note where they form, and then condition her to allow you near her with a brush. (It’ll take a little while, so start immediately - she’s likely got a pretty bad association with them because of the pain of attempting to brush with mats). Then brush the areas that mat regularly so they don’t re-form.