every cat ever

philosophy-and-coffee  asked:

The question you asked about the Garlfied post: I would read the SHIT out of a story about a starving artist making a deal with an eldritch horror from beyond and accidently ending up getting some otherworldly dick.

okay so here is my pitch

it would be called Lionel James Wants To Be Famous

leo is a young man who, as the title suggests, would really like to be famous. and he has a lot of ideas about how he could like to be famous. but unfortunately for leo, he has approximately no talent, and not even in an interesting wiseau kind of a way.

he tried making a webcomic, which went approximately nowhere. he tried making flash animations, back when that was a thing. he returned to the well of webcomics. he tried stand-up. he tried self-publishing young adult novels. he made two episodes of a podcast. his latest venture has been an attempt to make it as a famous youtuber.

but he fucking sucks. not even in the fun way that some people suck. if he went viral for being shitty, he would be ecstatic. he would sell t-shirts celebrating his own humiliation. there is just nothing even remotely interesting about leo. there is not a creative bone in his body. he has no vision or drive. he is the guy who thinks he’s funny because he’s really good at repeating stand-up routines he saw on comedy central. he’s just. he’s not great.

so he does what any young man with minimal ambition that exceeds his even more minimal talent would do, and he summons a demon. which takes the form of a cat. a very round and fluffy black cat, with red eyes.

he names it taft.

taft the cat is a photogenic cheese-loving internet sensation. leo monetizes everything. there are shirts. there are ad-covered videos. taft gets their own comic book. sponsorships. leo gets to go on talk shows with his ridiculous fat cat from hell.

here is the thing about taft: they have been doing this for a long time. artists are easy marks. they’ve never taken the form of a lolcat before, but generally, acting as a muse is a quick way to get a soul. because sooner than later, an artist will realize how unfulfilling it is, how much it sucks to know that all their success is actually because of their demon muse, etc etc.

obviously getting artists to kill themselves due to lack of creative fulfillment isn’t exactly nice, but, demon.

leo, however, fucking loves this arrangement. because leo is not an artist. he just wants to be treated like one. and with dawning horror, this hideous shadowterror comes to realize that they are going to be stuck with this asshole for a really long time. and no matter what they do to try to make leo uncomfortable, or renege on the deal… it never works. he just rolls with it.

taft must now try to find a way to make living with an obnoxious manchild into something tolerable, and so far their plan is 90% ‘annoy the everliving shit out of him’ with a 10% side of ‘well, at least he’s not bad-looking’.

4

I thought Sushi was going to hate every other cat she ever met until she gave birth to her kittens. Now her and Olive are inseparable even though Olive has allergies which results in me taking dried mucus off of Sushis fur.

4

I ended up doing some striped Nightsaber recolours for fun. Doesn’t make me feel like any less like hunter trash, but I figure in for a penny, in for a pound at this point. Dunno if I’ll do any of the other variations, just as it’ll be a little more work to do spots instead of just recolouring the stripes, but who knows?

If you want to use as a signature or whatever, feel free. Please credit back if you do though.

__
Quick edit as some of the images were transparent. Fixed now

ask-the-lazybones  asked:

how do you feel about privacy in today's world?

What privacy? If you’re more referring to online privacy, I don’t think it was all that private to begin with. Sure, not everyone knows all your personal info, but the websites you create accounts with sure do. All it takes is one security breach for some scumbag to get a whole lot of info that you don’t want everyone knowing about. Unless you’re doing everything in your power to cover up your tracks and making sure no one can find you, stuff just isn’t that secure. And I’m not saying this to try and scare anyone, but I also encourage people to be careful with who and what websites you share your personal information with.

If you’re like me and you want to befriend every cat you ever meet, I have some actual tips on gaining the trust of street cats (or any cat) 

Blinking slowly at a cat is a sign of affection and complete trust. Some cats will take to you doing this automatically, but most (in my experience) will wait. Be patient 

Making eye contact and then slowly moving your eyes away lets the cat know you’re friendly. Some of them will take this as contact initiative 

A tongue roll with a sharp “reah” at the end means “come here” in feline. Mine needs work because most cats ignore me (that or, they’re being cats) but if/when you do it correctly, some of them will come over to you

Offer them your hand so they can sniff you. Then you can pet them 

When meeting a new cat, the sides of their heads are the best to scratch. Never pet their belly unless they’re one of the few and in between who like it. (In my experience you’ll usually know this because they’re in the care of someone and the owner(s) will tell you). Bellies up are also a sign of affection and trust 

Don’t show hesitation or fear around them– this goes for any animal, really

spartansandkrakens  asked:

Hey! Not a question or needing response, just wanted to take a sec to apologize for any and all of your clients who think they know more than you, because I've only had to deal indirectly with one coordinator who "has been a cat owner for 20 yrs" with like "15 different cats" and "how long have you been a vet for, huh?" and I've never wanted so badly to drown someone in the ocean (I didn't, btw. She's fine.) May your weekend be good and your patience plentiful. Ur a good egg. Great egg, even.

Ah, the benefit of going grey is that nobody says “so how long have you been a vet then” because I look old. Also, the benefit of being fat is that Ive never looked ‘young’ so I’ve not often had my experience questioned.

My preferred answer is “Well, my Mum’s had kids for 30 years, and she’s been a primary school teacher too, but that doesn’t make her a doctor.” This is a little less snarky than “Well if you’ve had fifteen cats in twenty years they’re either not living very long or you’re a hoarder” and more effective than telling them about every single cat you’ve ever had growing up.

Alternatively, you can try “Well, you’re here because whatever you’re doing now isn’t working, so let’s try X instead” as a more productive response. That would probably be wiser and more diplomatic.

Originally posted by shinx-a-day

2

A happy guy and a happy kitten in Cuba.

they☀️them

ok the rats had so much fun i’m all hyped to grow them a lil wheatgrass garden to dig up