TO THE CLEXA FANDOM: I´M SORRY
Ok, this is going to be a long post so bare with me.
I started watching the show January this year. I know I know, that was pretty late. I’ve heard of it a few times but nothing brought my attention to it. Not until I saw a tumblr post about Lexa. Now let me tell you something about myself: I’m a 29 years old, straight girl. For my entire life I’ve always watched TV shows/movies with strong badass/kickass female characters because well…they are awesome and I kind wish I was one of them lol: Buffy, Faith, Sidney Bristow, Nikita, Xena, Veronica Mars, Kahlan Amnell, Hermione, Katniss Everdeen and the list goes on and on. So I was looking up stuff about Supergirl and found a Lexa post. And I mean badass/war paint looking Lexa. Youtube and tumblr search here I come… in a week time I knew all about the show and watched all of her scenes (I’m gonna be honest that I pretty much ignored the rest, I read about it all and watched a few scenes but, for me, the whole grounders storyline was much more interesting than the sky crew). Because of that, by association, I got to know Clarke pretty well too (every scene with Lexa she is in it). All of that happened in the week before they were shooting the finale. Now, I’m a horrible social media user, but I’m very very good at being a lurking anon on twitter and tumblr for news in general and everything entertainment related. In that week I looked at every Lexa tumblr blogs and twitter accounts possible and, again by association, started to read all about Clexa. And every single Jroth and writers tweet about them too (I get angry just remembering that and writing this sentence). I watched the trailers/previews for season 3 with glimpses of her fighting and all. Needless to say I fell in love with Lexa. Who didn’t? She is the definition of complex character, badass female and A+ acting. Perfect package. The fact that she was a lesbian, and would possible be involved with Clarke, didn’t bother me at all. They had amazing chemistry and I was rotting for them. And that was a surprise for me not because they are a LGBT couple, but because I usually don’t care much about romantic ships at all. I’m not a romantic person and I think half the couples on TV/movies are completely unnecessary. News flash TV/movie writers: not every straight girl out there wants to see a relationship in every fucking tv show/movie. Seriously…it’s gets boring sometimes…so drop down a notch a little bit ok?!
Anyways getting off the point here… I was a Lexa stan that became a Clexa shipper, and that happened really fast. Everybody was talking about Lexa dying and I was worried about it too, but the Vancouver finale shooting happened, Jason and the writers kept twetting for us to have faith, hope and to trust them…and I did…every single one of us did. They basically promoted the entire season 3 on them: invited the fans to watch the finale with Clexa, every single promo and sneak peek had them, Lexa even got a character poster (the only guest star to have one). And well…we all know what happened. Entering social media that night was simply devastating… I’ve never seen so much pain in it. Every single person on the fandom was so broken. And we were such a happy fandom: that was candle whore Lexa, confused Lexa, raccoon Lexa, pick-up lines Lexa, decalexas, all those amazing art works…
I’m not gonna lie and pretend to say that I know how you all felt. I don’t. I’m not part of the LGBT community. I can imagine, but I didn’t live though it like you guys. I didn’t sleep that night, I lost weight for 2 months straight because I didn’t have an appetite, I felt like crying all the time, I couldn’t watch any Lexa scenes without crying for months (up till today I still cry watching her and Clarke right when she is dying). It truly felt like I lost someone. It’s weird. I don’t know why I felt like that and I talked with others straight Clexa fans that felt the same way and don’t know why either. We just came to the conclusion that she was really special.
I got even deeper into the fandom after that day. I learned about the BYG trope and all yours struggles with proper representation on media. I learned a lot and I decided to be a part of that fight with you (even if on anon because I didn’t have a tumblr/twitter). Every since Lexa´s death I´ve been following dozens and dozens of twitter and tumblr accounts from Clexa´s shippers. And there is something very important I have to say to you: I´M SORRY!
I´m sorry that every single day it feels like a fucking battle because of haters, antis, homophobes/lesbophobes/biphobics on both social media and real life for you guys. I´m sorry that those people don´t understand or don´t try to (and in most cases simply ignore) all the struggles you deal with. I´m sorry those people are not smart enough to understand that it goes way beyond Lexa´s death or a ship. I´m sorry that people within your own community act like assholes when their jobs or clicks for their sites comes first to the issue at hand (like the whole hypable article and it´s gay co-founder attitude on twitter or affterellen inicial response for the backlash). I´m sorry that those people try to diminish your fight by calling it “petty” or it comes from “angry teenagers” or a “loud minority” or “psychos” or “weirdos”. I´m sorry that those people are so blind that they actually misjudge you when they don´t actually follow all the discourse that happened (specially on twitter) or see all the problematic tweets that were deleted that started it all. I´m sorry that the hate Blarkes feel for Clexa/Lexa is so fucking big that they do everything in their power to spread lies about the fandom and invalidate all of your fight and accomplishments. I´m sorry that those people like to use the word “toxic”, “rushed”, “OOC”, “manipulative”, “racist” to describe a beautiful f/f relationship and a lesbian character but don´t have a problem with those things when it´s in regards for the m/f ship and male character they like. I´m sorry that that same fandom try to paint you as “bullies” when they are the ones that have been public call out by Eliza, Bob, Bob´s girlfriend and Adina for their disgusting behavior. I´m sorry that people are so transparent on their homophobia that they only started hating on Lexa after her fist kiss with Clarke in 2x14. I´m sorry that other fandoms that attack you are simply jealous of all the things you achieved and media attention you get. If it pisses me off to see/read all of this things, I can´t even imagine how you guys feel.
But know this: for every hater out there, they are several articles from actually relevant and important media outlets, not only in the U.S but worldwide, that supports you and see the issues that you do. Every revolution in the world history came with a lot of people trying to destroy it. It´s up to you to not let them win.
Are there bad apples in the Clexa fandom? Of course there are. I would be surprised if a fandom as big as this one didn´t have any. But every time I see one, I also see several Clexas reporting the account and calling them out.
We are a family, and you guys are part of an even bigger family that needs each other so much: the LGBT community. What was built (and still is) goes way beyond Clexa and Lexa, you are fighting for a better future not only for your community but for the whole world too, because a world where people respect each other and homophobia becomes an unknown concept is a better world for EVERYONE. The fight for better representation must keep going because media shapes the way people think, act and dictates what’s “normal” and what’s not. It sucks and it’s ridiculous, but that’s how it works. And the moment people start seeing on TV LGBT relationships and individuals as “normal” is the moment homophobia won’t be a big issue and people will stop being assholes about that.
I know you guys are tired. But what you guys are doing it’s a HUGE step. Look at all the news and articles about it. Look at me: a straight girl supporting you. It is making a difference and little by little it will grow.
I know a part of the fandom moved to other fandoms and maybe it seems like people are moving on. That’s ok…you can move on from Lexa’s death (I’m trying too). We keep her and Clexa alive in our amazing fanfics, fan arts and all the beautiful things the fandom created and still is creating. But you can not move on from the movement. Keep bringing awareness to the trope, to the usually horrible representation on media and to the issues you face in real life that can be changed, in some way or form, by the movement.
Remember Clexakru: Lexa is a legend, Clexa was beautiful and your fight is far from over!! I´m with you, there are many other like me that are with you! Keep fighting!!