Since no one asked, let me tell you how I got into event planning. I was a Scion of the Immortal Empire. I was also wingman to its Emperor. One day he met a lovely violent woman who preferred punching people to death in a galaxy of lightsabers and blasters, knocked her up a couple of times, and had several children to raise.
As someone who was just standing around, I was considered an ideal choice to help with the birthdays, anniversaries, and so on. Knowing Destiny’s plan made it practically impossible for me to err in guiding these events into their inevitable conclusions. The three children who made it to adulthood were very successful, as long as you don’t count that time two of them basically drove the Empire off a cliff while headbanging to death metal.
After they turned on me for no reason that makes sense to me, I led the Scions to safety and then led the Scions to their deaths for no reason that makes sense to anyone else. I found myself unemployed and thought, “Hey! Nobody likes hearing about how they’re mindless, doomed puppets dancing on Fate’s strings. Why not just plan parties again?”
Hello there, it’s your old friend, Heskal the Scion event planner. As a public service I’m providing you with these helpful tips that won’t do you a lick of good because you’re all Destiny’s bitches, beyond letting you know how stupid Destiny decided to make you.
1) When showing up at her office, laden with gifts, remember you’re raising the bar for pretty much every guy her coworkers are dating. This is a galaxy full of bored mercenaries who would gladly take a bounty on you. Save the really big stuff for private unless you’re not afraid of the consequences.
2) Use protection during sex. With so many political factions around, not having at least one projectile weapon or lightsaber handy during intercourse may leave you open to assassination. Just because you’re naked doesn’t mean you have to be unarmed.
3) Child support isn’t a thing in our universe so have some damned sense. I mean how in the hell would you enforce it when everyone has access to unlimited power sources and space travel? Try to remember that even when you’re giddy because senpai noticed you.
4) Don’t date crossovers. I know you all think it’s modern and open-minded to date outside your canon, but it will only end in heartbreak when they cease to intrude upon our continuity.
5) Postpone any plans to liberate slaveworlds. Those are the people providing the market with a large percentage of the chocolate and diamonds, and you’ll run the price up. That hurts both the people buying and receiving said gifts.
6) Remember that relationships are about reciprocation. Because if you don’t you’ll probably get murdered multiple ways in different choice paths.
Most importantly of all, before popping the question, keep in mind that weddings are grossly expensive and subject to unforeseen problems. When choosing a wedding planner, make sure they’re experienced, a Scion, and competitively priced.