I like to imagine that the reason Sombra can’t get any dirt on McCree is because hes so astoundingly shameless that she can’t possibly find anything that would actually embarrass or threaten him

“Hey McCree, I’m sure Los Muertos would be interested to hear about this stunt you pulled a while back.”
“They already know, told their boss while I held a loaded revolver to his forehead. Seems they don’t want to follow it up for some reason.”

“I didn’t know you had a fursuit, Jesse.”
“You’re about the only one. Wore it in the break room one time. Gabe nearly shot me in the forehead on principle.”

“Evenin’ to you too, Sombra. Ain’t you got some countries to blackmail or something? Nothing better to do?”

Playing Shadowrun for the first time, my first mission involves smuggling an item across a border. Back during character creation, I couldn’t think of a name to put on my fake SIN. I used a placeholder so I could come back and change it later, but I had since forgotten about it.

Border Officer: Evenin’, how’s everything?

Me: We’re doing fine, how’s your day been?

Officer: Goin’ good. Goin’ good. May I see your SINs?

Me: Yes sir.

I give the officer my ID.

Officer: Mr… Fuckhands McMike… Uhh…

Me: Yes sir?

Officer: Everything seems to checks out…

Sergeant Colon touched his helmet respectfully.
“‘Evenin’, your lordship,” he said.
The guards watched the horse walk out of sight.
“Some poor bugger’s in for it, then,” said Sergeant Colon.
“He’s dedicated, you got to admit it,” said Nobby. “Out at all hours. Always got time for people.”
The guards stared into the velvety dark. Something not quite right, thought Sergeant Colon.
“What’s his first name?” said Nobby.
They stared some more. Then Sergeant Colon, who still hadn’t quite been able to put his finger on it, said, “What do you mean, what’s his first name?”
“What’s his first name?”
“He’s Death,” said the sergeant. “Death. That’s his whole name. I mean… what do you mean?… you mean like… Keith Death?”
“Well, why not?”
“He’s just Death, isn’t he?”
“No, that’s just his job. What do his friends call him?”
“What do you mean, friends?”
“All right, please yourself.”
“Let’s go and get a hot rum.”
“I think he looks like a Leonard.”
Sergeant Colon remembered the voice. That was it. Just for a moment there…
“I must be getting old,” he said. “For a moment there I thought he sounded like a Susan.”

–Terry Pratchett, Soul Music


So… Lil Miss @simplyitzel thought she could bring her southern ass to New York and stay warm without a jacket on lol. After she was done doin’ her thang earlier we linked up and went to a few of my fave spots here in NYC, showed her around a lil’ bit. We went to Sky Rink and I regret it ‘cause I knew damn well I couldn’t skate but it was mad fun. I don’t appreciate you laughin’ and shit, short ass lol. 

We at the restaurant where I work now, my fave spot out of all NYC. I made Chicken Minestrone Soup and Tomato and Herbed Ricotta Bruschetta. Boss ain’ mind sine she owed me one from spillin’ eggs on the Jay’s mane. Smh. I ain’t gone let baby girl freeze to death so I’m out.. Yall enjoy yall evenin’ haha.

“My Wild Love”

My wild love went ridin' 
She rode all the day 
She wrote to the devil 
And asked him to pay 
The devil was wiser 
It’s time to repent 
He asked her to give back 
The money she spent 

My wild love went ridin' 
She rode to the sea 
She gathered together 
Some shells for her head 
She rode and she rode on 
She rode for a while 
Then stopped for an evenin' 
And lay her head down 

She rode on to Christmas 
She rode to the farm 
She rode to Japan 
And we entered a town 
By this time the river 
Had changed one degree 
She asked for the people 
To let her go free 

My wild love is crazy 
She screams like a bird 
She moans like a cat 
When she wants to be heard 
My wild love went ridin' 
She rode for an hour 
She rode and she rested 
And then she rode on 
Ride, c'mon

anonymous asked:

Can you do a AU of negan x reader where Negan is in some sort of motorcycle gang while the reader is on a girl gang and they go to the same bar but never got along that well until the reader becomes a substitute teacher and find out Negan is not a complete asshole?

Originally posted by negangifs

Rolling your eyes when Negan and his men walked in, you turned back towards the bartender. “Really, Ed.” You smirked, knowing that Negan would be passing by. “You really outta weed out the scum that comes through here.” Downing your shot, you saw Ed chuckle and shake his head.

Negan leaned against the bar facing you. “Evenin’, sweetheart.” He licked his lips. “Why don’t you gals join us? I’m sure we could have a lot of fun.” The implication was clear. “I mean, unless you don’t know what that is. Is that it? Such a shame. Perky ass like that wasted.” He sighed.

“Dick.” You shot back as he walked away.

Walking into the local high school, you looked around. You were subbing for the English teacher, and needed to get to the class room to get situated for the day. “You must be the sub for Mrs. Franks.” You heard behind you, and you paused. You knew that voice. Turning, both of you looked shocked. “Well, never pegged you for the teacher type.” Negan chuckled.

“Same can be said for you…” You replied, shocked to see him there. “Let me guess, gym?” You motioned to his clothes.

“You got that right, sweetheart.” He smiled. “Why don’t we play nice while you’re here? Seeing as we’re in a completely professional setting and all that.”

That actually made you laugh, his sarcasm so perfectly paired with that smile. “Well, care to show the substitute teacher to her room?”

garden-agnostic  asked:

Good Evenin'! What do you think of Cinderpelt and Firestar? Not, romantically just, buddies. I've always had this feeling Cinderpelt's efforts to make Firestar feel better after graystripe left (to Riverclan and captured) were always left as not existent? She would usually have this younger protective sister vibe to me. Anyways, have a good day all the same.

i 1000% believe that they were just friends and i hate that last minute effort by the erins to try and make her in love w him. like fireheart was a father and older figure to her (considering her own father, lionheart, died when she was only 2-3 mo old) 

i think a lot of ppl forget how often fire went to her for advice on graystripe, sandstorm, how to deal w bluestar, cloudkit, his feelings about bramblekit, coping w being deputy etc. i think fire was prob very excited when leaf showed interest as a kit in being a med cat bc his daughter would be training under a very close friend and his former apprentice. i wish we got to see more of fire grieving for her when she died (along w her siblings) and sitting vigil all night

The Signs as Tim Gutterson quotes
  • Aires: Evenin' soldier. Uh...I didn't bring my cape. I hope this will suffice
  • Taurus: Keep talking I'm gonna throw this stapler at you
  • Gemini: I can’t carry a tune. I don’t know how to shoot a basketball and my handwriting is uh, barely legible. But I don’t miss
  • Cancer: At least you got to shoot your father. Mine had the nerve to die before I got back from Basic with skills and a loaded weapon
  • Leo: I'm a deputy U.S. Marshal ordering you to give me some chicken
  • Virgo: I love this shit. This shit gets me hard
  • Libra: I want Sigourney Weaver to choke me out with her thighs
  • Scorpio: You want me to kill 'em or wing 'em?
  • Sagittarius: I'm not playing. I'm an idiot. You can ask anybody
  • Capricorn: This may as well be a slow night in the champagne room for how comfortably erect I'm gonna be watching your bitch ass squirm about
  • Aquarius: You have three seconds before we kill every one of you
  • Pisces: Between the one-legged evaporating computer nerd and the walk-in this morning, you're on fire today

lot of yanks not understandin wot a cheeky nandos is well basically imagine ur wiv ya crew in town at like 9 in evenin and ya mate cal talkin bout when stacy palmed him off thru is chinos and ruined em so he had to leave em in bins round back of aldi and run home thru town in his pants like a tru ledge of banter and it’s propper top but ur hank marvin so ya mate phil is like oi lads let’s hit up gregs an ur like yes mate it’s gonna be well banterous but then ya boi Gazza realises that ur hangin wiv Meg and she aint bout that pastry life so he pulls out his old £50 nandos gift card and ur like Gazza u fukin bantersaurus rex that is top so you all go hav a cheeky nandos and it’s propa smashin

Two out of Three

It’s my birthday and I was drinking whiskey and thinking about Harry. So naturally, I wrote. Then @inkedferns talked me into a smutty ending, and this is how the cookie crumbled. It’s basically not proofread at all, because… whiskey. x. 

“For fuck’s sake,” Harry drones next to you. “What’s his name?”

“Who?!” you ask, having been successfully yanked from your reverie.

“The bloke whose pants you want into,” Harry says. “You’ve been grinnin’ like a sap all evenin’.”

“There’s no bloke,” you refute with a shake of your head that feels just a little spinny. You bend your knees and pull your feet up the coffee table and dig the arches right into the edge.

“Don’ lie to me,” he all but scolds. “We’re friends, aren’t we? Think I know when you fancy someone by now.”

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