even when its breaking my heart because you're crying :'(

Julian,” she said. “I—”
I love you, she was about to say. It wasn’t ever Cameron, or Mark, it was always you, it will always be you, the marrow of my bones is made up of you, like cells make up our blood. But he cut her off with a hard kiss. “Don’t,” he whispered. “I don’t want to hear anything reasonable, not now. I don’t want logic. I want this.”
“But you need to know—”
He shook his head. “I don’t.” He reached down, grabbed the hem of his shirt, dragged it off. His wet hair showered droplets on them both. “I’ve been broken for weeks,” he said unsteadily, and she knew what that cost him, that admission of lack of control. “I need to be whole again. Even if it doesn’t last.”
“It can’t last,” she said, staring at him, because how could it, when they could never keep what they had? “It’ll break our hearts.”
He caught her by the wrist, brought her hand to his bare chest. Splayed her fingers over his heart. It beat against her palm, like a fist punching its way through his sternum. “Break my heart,” he said. “Break it in pieces. I give you permission.
—  Lord of Shadows

This gif gives me so many emotions. When it happened in the episode, I wanted to cry.

She looks like she’s going to be physically ill, that’s how upset she is. You know an emotion runs deep when a vampire feels their stomach dropping and they don’t even have functional organs.