even when it meant going against protocol

anonymous asked:

Alright, I see your sweet af philinda headcanons and I raise you ANGSTY PHILINDA HEADCANONS

yooooo let’s go

  • Phil was in love with her when she got married. She called him before, nervous and slightly panicking, telling him what they were about to do and asking if he thought she was doing the right thing. He said yes. And meant it. 
  • After Bahrain, Melinda was convinced she didn’t deserve to be a mother. Phil had decided early on that he wasn’t going to have children, not with the life he was going to live. They both always wanted kids.
  • Maria called Melinda right after Phil had died, even if it was strictly against protocol.
  • Phil asked Melinda to come work with him because he wanted to save her. he wanted to keep an eye on her, he wanted to give her a sense of purpose and, most of all, he wanted her to be happy. Or, that was he told himself. In reality, it was also because he had missed her terribly, every damn day. Their lives, her life, everything, has gotten so damn messy and she’s gotten hurt, over and over and over again. He’s furious with himself that he did that to her, that he brought her into this, that her heart keeps breaking over and over and over again only because he was so selfish and needed her in his life.
  • Melinda’s the only person he’s ever showed his scar to.
  • Phil called Melinda when his mother died. She dropped everything, rushed to his side and stayed with him all night. It was the first time she’d ever seen him cry.
  • Melinda wakes up from nightmares where he’d dead again, and she has to go to his room and check that he’s still breathing.
  • Phil never admitted it, not even to himself, but he kept the LMD because he was absolutely terrified that Melinda was dead and he didn’t dare to go to sleep because he knew his subconscious was convinced all hope was lost. 
  • Melinda stole a t-shirt from his closet when Phil first died. She still sleeps in it.
  • Phil got shot one time, years and years ago, and he lost a lot of blood and it wasn’t sure if he’d make it. He almost bled out in Melinda’s arms. At the hospital, right before he lost consciousness again and was transported into the surgery room, he felt Melinda’s hand in his hair and on his cheek, he saw the tears pouring from her eyes and he heard her whisper ‘Don’t you die on me, Phil, don’t you dare, I love you, you hear me, you can’t die, I won’t let you…” He woke up from a successful surgery with her sitting on a chair by his bed and smiling teasingly. “You’re gonna have to buy me a new leather jacket, you bled on the other one.” He’d taken the bait and joked back, not mentioning her words or asking himself what they’d meant, or how the fact that she was married played into them. 
  • Melinda had to live two weeks with the belief that Phil was gone forever.