I wish someone could tell me what to do. I feel that this must be similar to what people feel like when they’ve been cheated on. Engulfed by the betrayal.
Humans are incredibly intuitive. Of course there’s the hindsight bias, or confirmation bias, or whatever heuristic that might be coming into play when you think “I had a hunch all along” about your partner betraying you. But I did have a hunch. We met on the Internet and even his internet profile was complete and utter fiction, come to find out. How many times did I obsess over his stories? He never gave me enough information so it made it hard to spot inconsistencies. But I asked him point blank about getting a master’s. He just became angry with me and actually broke up with me on the spot. He went in the office and made a bed on the floor. That was the night I bent one of his discs because I was so pissed off.
When you worry something is true, but can’t verify it, and are punished for thinking it, you are hard on yourself. I mean, fuck, questioning whether your partner *really* had cancer? That’ll make you feel like a complete dick. But I scoured his Facebook and his mother’s Facebook. He had one post about it, after which he deactivated it for months. Sneaky bastard. His mother had nothing about it. But Justin knew this and prepared for it by painting his mother to be cold, detached, and unconcerned with him. Like, what in the actual fuck? What in the what-fuck? WHAT IN THE WHOLE GOD DAMN ACTUAL FUCKING FUCK?
It’s actually quite terrifying. What if he blew up my car? What if he poisoned my sweet baby kitty and that’s why she died? It’s good I can’t know that last one. I swear, I would quit school and life and dedicate my whole existence to locking that lunatic up. this shit fuck stole things from me, too. It’s just unimaginable to me, how someone could do this.
I can understand cheating once or even a few times. I can understand how people lose their cool and become physically aggressive. These things CAN BE single mistakes. They might be a character flaw of course and be fucked up people like justin. But I would leave someone who did those things even once.
And sure, cheating leads to lying. But the type of lying Justin does…it’s truly pathological. He lies about significant things, insignificant things, everything in between. He lies to gain things, and he lies for seemingly no reason at all. He’s lying over and over and over and over. And then verbally abusing me and threatening to leave me when I told him I didn’t trust him. I mean…what
I wish I believed in anything though.