even upside down

Random joke magic items

Here’s a list of random joke items to use for fun in your campaign. I’d recommend adding them to treasure hoards rather than subbing normal items for them.
Anyway here they are:

1. Ace of Spades - An ace of spades from a standard card deck. No matter where you store it on your body, you will always be able to find it in your right sleeve afterwards.

2. Amulet of Extra Amulet Slot - This amulet allows you to gain the benefit from two magical amulets rather than one. It cannot be further enchanted.

3. Amulet of Feather Fall - When worn, this amulet turns into a feather and falls to the ground.

4. Amulet of Unbreaking Bones - Con-man says you can’t break any bones. Really, he means other’s bones. -100% damage against skeletons.

5. Amulet of weather detection - yells that it is or is not raining.

6. Anti-Matches - A box of matches. Striking one will make it begin to drip water from the tip while the match shrivels away. The amount of water a match releases is about enough to fill a tablespoon.

7. Arrow of Euarere - A silver arrow, suspended on a string. It always points to the person holding the string.

8. Arrow of Slaying, The - This magical arrow is capable of killing a creature.

9. Artist’s Bludgeon, The - Inanimate objects hit with this bludgeon will receive no damage; they will however change color.

10. Attentive Guardsman’s Pike - These ornate and deadly-looking ceremonial pikes are reach weapons and appear to weigh at least 20 lbs, not counting the weight of the fluttering banners that can be unfurled for parade use. Constructed of shadowstuff, they weigh one pound, and inflict only a single point of damage on an attack, being almost entirely for show, although they also have the unique property of remaining in place when set (although unable to support more than 20 lbs), allowing a ‘resting his eyes’ guardsman to prop it up and leave it standing under its own power, while his hand sags off of it.

11. Attentive Guardsman’s Tabard - A dozen of these tabards were fashioned for palace guardsmen in the Empire of Sard, 250 miles from the nearest enemy. The bearer is placed under a glamour that causes him to appear alert and awake, even if his eyes are closed and he is snoring lightly.

12. Axe of Big Numbers - This axe shouts “Big numbers baby, come on!” whenever it is swung, but always deals 1 damage or less.

13. Axe of Empathy - Every time you hit something with this +5 greataxe, you get dealt an equal amount of damage. Both you and the thing you hit are then healed the amount of damage dealt by the axe, even if either are dead. The Axe hopes you have learned your lesson.

14. Axe of Pain - The axe is always moaning and groaning with pain.

15. Bag of Faerie Gold - This sack appears to be full of gold coins and jewels. When one attempts to spend them, however, the glamour on them soon vanishes, revealing them to be nothing but leaves and pebbles. Obviously, most shopkeepers will not be happy about this, and no amount of ‘we didn’t know, I swear!’ will change their mind.

16. Bag of Holding - This item functions as a normal backpack, however when attempting to retrieve an item, a calm female voice tells them there is a wait time of 4d10 minutes before they can retrieve their item (actual time is stated time plus 6d6 additional minutes). During this wait, the bag plays either annoying muzak or advertisements for the bag’s creator’s other products/services. Upon attempting to retrieve an item, there is a chance that the wrong item is retrieved, or that the intended item is simply missing. Obtaining the original item requires an additional 4d10+6d6 minutes and has only a 5% chance of success.

17. Bag of Trading - You can take one thing out of the bag for each object you put in the bag. However, you have no control over what you get, and there are no trade-backs. Past research seems to imply there’s some sort of correlation to what gets you what, but it’s extremely convoluted and far from understood.

18. Bag of Trick - This bag operates like a Bag of Tricks, except it only works once a week and produces a rat each time it is used.

19. Bag of Unholding - Quite a large backpack but even the smallest item doesn’t fit.

20. Bagpipe of Stealth - Grants the user invisibility as long as it is being played.

21. Ball of Eyes - A snow-globe filled with miniature eyeballs. When shaken, it grants the user a blurry, jittery vision of some future event.

22. Banana Walkie-Talkies - There exist two, and only two, of these items in the world. One of which is possessed by a cranky and lonely half-orc. It appears to be an innocuous wooden banana with a coat of faded yellow paint. When an end (doesn’t matter which one) is placed against your ear, you can hear a ringing followed by a click and a half-orc yelling at you for waking him up at this ungodly hour. If you drop the banana or “hang up,” the call ends. If you stay and listen, the half-orc will yell at you, call out obscenities, and start going on about his daily problems and mishaps in his love life. Every so often (2% chance/day), the banana will ring while you are sleeping and the half-orc will want to talk to you about his problems.

23. Barrel of Holding - This large wooden barrel measuring √(12/π) feet in diameter and 5 feet in height can hold up to 15 cubic feet of matter.

24. Beam Sword of Severed Nerves - A beam sword. It cannot cut anything but nerve strings. Will pass through any other material leaving no harm.

25. Belt of Pants - This belt creates illusory pants on the wearer. The wearer can suppress the illusion at will

26. Belt of Tightening - Every time you put this belt on, all of your clothes permanently shrink a fraction of a millimeter. The effect is compound.

27. Belt of Unbathed Breath - When worn around the waist, allows the user to breathe underwater. Does not function when wet.

28. Boogie Skeleton - This pile of bones is small, such as one that might be obtained from a bird or a toad, though it can look as though it came from any creature. When a song is sung or played in the vicinity of the skeleton, it begins to dance appropriately. As soon as the music stops, it collapses into the pile of bones again. The skeleton, when dancing, can be no larger than Diminutive.

29. Book of Canon - A book that automatically transforms into a copy of the sacred text of any religion, translated into the language the user is most familiar with.

30. Book of Confusion - The letters in this book always appear to be upside down, even if viewed from different directions at the same time. The book is a bad novel about zombies.

31. Book of Curses - When opened, the book verbally berates anyone in the immediate vicinity, calling into question their combat ability, intellect, personal hygiene, lineage and profession of their mothers, and other delightful insults. Once closed the book continues shouting (although it is muffled) until placed inside a bag or some other similar container for 1d4+1 minutes and ignored. Replying to the book in any other way causes the insults to get louder and more childish the more time you spend replying to it.

32. Book of Exalted Deeds - Contains a listing of some of the finest houses ever sold and the specifics of the titles to the properties.

33. Boots of Blinding Speed - The wearer’s speed is doubled, and they are blinded.

34. Boots of Levitation - These boots levitate a few inches off the ground when not worn.

35. Boots of Stylishness - Knee high black boots that are always clean and shiny. They never take in water, thus feet are always dry.

36. Boots of Teleportation - Allows the player to teleport wherever they like, but don’t carry the wearer with them when activated; the boots teleport just fine, though.

37. Boots of Walking - The wearer of the boots cannot run, nor can he take a double move action, and takes a -5 to Tumble checks. These boots are made for walkin’, and that’s just what they’ll do.

38. Bottle of Air - It’s a bottle. Full of air. Congratulations.

39. Bottomless Beer Mug - Any liquid poured into this mug treats the bottom as incorporeal, but solid objects don’t.

40. Bowl of Comfortable Warmth - Any liquid in the bowl will feel comfortably warm, so icy cold water will feel like it’s a bit over room temperature. Do note, however, that it’s still icy cold water, it just feels warmer.

50. Breastplate of Secret Detection - If the wearer of this breastplate gains a piece of information that is somehow connected to the concealment of a hidden conspiracy or plot, a live and still wet red herring forms on the inside of the armor.

51. Bullying Gloves - At random intervals, these gloves instil the wearer with a near-irresistible urge to hit themselves.

52. Bunyan’s Belt - When worn, causes an enormous, bushy black beard to appear on the wearer’s face.

53. Cape of Resistance - When this item is placed on any living thing it somehow manages to fall off, untie itself, slip past the owner’s neck entirely, or otherwise avoid being worn.

54. Case of the Litigator - Translates any document placed in the case into legal jargon; non-reversible. Does not confer the ability to understand legal jargon.

55. Cat of Schrodinger - When this cat is not being observed in any way it is both dead and alive. When something observes it, it suddenly becomes either dead or alive with a 50% chance of either.

56. Chair of Steadiness - This chair can be moved but cannot be tipped over by anything less than a DC 35 Strength check.

57. Charles - This small, unremarkable figurine of a gnome refuses to be called anything but Charles. No other name will leave the lips of the speaker. It has no other powers.

58. Chime of Interruption - This instrument can be struck once every round, which takes a standard action. On any round the chime is activated the user may ready one action without spending an action to do so.

59. Chime of Opening - Commonly affixed to or near doors, when pressed it emits a sound on the interior of the owner’s home to let them know guests have arrived.

60. Chime of Opening (Alternate) - When struck against a solid surface, this chime emits a loud click, and opens along its length, to reveal a tiny compartment adequate to conceal a single 'smoke’ worth of pipeweed or a blowgun needle. When the compartment is closed, it is seamless and can be detected only with a DC 20 Search check. If hit with an instrument such as a small mallet, it chimes.

61. Cloak of Billowing - This black and silver cloak will always billow dramatically behind the wearer, it has no other effects.

62. Cloak of Displacement, Minor - This item appears to be a normal cloak, but when worn by a character its magical properties distort and warp reality. When any attack is made against the wearer the cloak has a 20% chance of falling off, no matter how it is secured.

63. Compacting hammer - The force imparted by it is multiplied, but is spread around the surface of a struck object facing inward.

64. Cymbal of Symbols - This musical instrument enables the user to comprehend dead languages, but only while they are deafened by noise.

65. Dagger of Told Secrets - A simple-looking dagger. If used to backstab someone to death, it will whisper your most embarrassing secret to that person.

66. Dagger of unnatural sharpness - The blade is exceptionally sharp to your touch. It confers no combat bonuses but can be used as a normal dagger for fighting or crafting, but the user seems to always cut himself in minor ways when using it.

67. Dagger of Untold Secrets - A simple looking dagger. If used to backstab someone to death, it will whisper the most embarrassing secret of that person to you.

68. Decanter of Endless Sorrow - A pewter flask that produces limitless alcohol when held to their lips by someone who is troubled. It gets them drunk but they never feel any better.

69. Diadem of Brothaurity - When wearing this headpiece, you are as elegant and well-spoken as a famous diplomat or regent, but you can’t stop calling everyone bro.

70. Enchanted Book of Collected Stories - Opening this will cause miniature creatures/people to pour out and perform a chapter from the book much like a theater.

71. Focusing Ring - The digit on which this ring is worn can be viewed in extremely high definition from a great distance.

72. Gloves of Tinkering - Wearing the gloves will make you able to almost repair any broken item. However, you will always end up with pieces from the item that don’t seem to fit anywhere.

73. Glowing sword of orc detection - When it gets orc blood on it the sword glows.

74. Good Luck ring - Gives your enemies good luck!

75. Greater Staff of Random Summoning - Summons a random creature at a random place. You could be summoning a giant Ogre on the other side of the globe for all you know.

76. Helm of Awareness, The - The wearer is acutely aware of the fact that they are wearing this helmet and that it has a magical effect. - All you need to do to make this work as a DM is frequently remind the player that the helm is magical while they are wearing it but be evasive about exactly what it does.

77. Hoarder’s Wand - Does nothing but for some reason you think it might be important later in your quest.

78. Hood of Offensive Facades - This hood will change your identity in the eyes of others to the appearance of the person they most personally dislike.

79. Hood Of Worrisome Facades - This hood will change your identity in the eyes of others, however the identity used will be random.

80. Indestructible Notebook of Memories - This otherwise normal notepad of normal notepad size cannot be damaged or destroyed, and anything written in it cannot be obscured or defaced. It also has unlimited pages despite its finite size. However, the data it holds only lasts as long as the writer independently remembers it, and decays in exact proportion to the relevant memories. Remember who and when, but not where? Then the words describing the location in that particular entry are the only ones gone.

81. Intransigent Rod - When the button on this artifact is pressed in, the holder’s opinions solidify and they become impossible to convince.

82. Key to anywhere - opens any door into a closet with a water bucket that falls and hits the player’s head. Inside this closet is the treasure of true adventurers. If opened with a key, it opens a closet…

83. Lunch Box of Delicious Unfulfillment - This lunch box will hold whatever food you desire. However you will never get full and the food will deliver no nourishment.

84. Mask of Concealment - Hides the wearer’s face and conceals everything from them by blocking their eyes! Bonus points for requiring a strength check or a time limit to expire to be removed.

85. Mattress of Poverty, The - No matter how you fluff this gorgeous, thick, mattress, you will always sleep on the thin part of it.

86. Mug O’ Dissatisfaction - A mug that always produces a steaming hot cup of coffee or tea when tapped on the bottom. It conjures the opposite of what the tapper prefers, so if you like tea you get coffee and vice versa. Handing the full mug to another person will make the drink in it transform to the opposite of that person’s preferences.

87. Murder Dagger - All damage it would deal is instead replaced by the target being harassed by crows for that many hours.

88. Needle Of Learned Compromise - This needle will create beautiful tattoos of any design, however they hurt a tiny bit more. When used to sew it is entirely normal.

89. Portable Dark Tavern Corner - Consisting of two wooden boards connected by a hinge, this artifact draws those nearby into assuming it is a perfect spot to conduct seedy business.

90. Potion of fire breathing - For the length of time that the potion is in effect, every breath out is on fire, whether you want it to be or not.

91. Potion of Quelchment - Cures thirst when consumed

92. Ring of Fire Detection - becomes warm when placed into Fire.

93. Ring of First Impression - Wearing the ring will make you able to perform a perfect handshake with the hand wearing it.

94. Ring of Stoneskin - Turns your skin, muscles, and organs into stone! Character is now a stationary statue. Can’t be reversed until someone takes the ring off.

95. Rope of Entanglement - Becomes entangled when left in a pack

96. Sack of Hive Eggs - Crushing one of the numerous tiny eggs will cause the thoughts of everybody in the proximity to merge. Everybody can hear what you think and you can hear everybody.

97. Shirt of fire protection - this shirt is sopping wet.

98. Shoes of the Restless Traveler - These shoes allow their user to run for miles without feeling fatigue, but if they try to do anything else with it (walk, sit down, jump), they will instantly trip

99. Sword of Parrying - Parries every attack, swinging it yourself will force it to “parry” your opponent’s weapon/attack even though he/she/it is defenseless.

100. Torch of Night Vision - grants bearer Night Vision while lit.

101. Vorpal Grindstone - It can “sharpen” any object to become vorpal. Any object.

102. Wand of command - Lets your character be controlled after saying the command word!

103. Wand of Create Wand of Create Wand - Creates a Wand of Create Wand. Consumes original Wand.

104. Wand of Pigeon Summoning - summons 1d20 pigeons everyday. On a 20 it breaks and summons a giant pigeon god (can be the size of Godzilla or like 5 pigeons.) Giant pigeon god should be in the mid 20s for CR, but is uninterested in attacking, and will simply fly away when summoned.

105. Water Hat, The - A small red hat, when worn, causes water to pour from the wearer’s fingers at the speed and pressure of a kitchen faucet at half power.

106. Wineskin of the Eternal Primary - This wineskin never runs out of water, but even the tiniest sip makes you have to go potty, like, super bad. Right now.

6

..Wendy.

I kinda like that sketchy style, I might keep it :p

Soo I finally decided to answer some older asks. It’s gonna take me only like, what, 40 years?

for some reason I get a lot of asks for Laxus and Cobra’s first meeting, so expect that sometime in the future

in the next 100 years

also:

reason number 345678 why Acno shouldn’t be a parent

Three reasons

Originally posted by sugutie

Paring: Jungkook x Reader

Genre: Fluff (with maybe a tiny, tiny bit of angst in the middle) // One-shot

Word count: 3.6k

Synopsis: Jeon claims, vows, that he has every reason not to like you - three reasons, to be more specific, and he’s more than willing to proclaim them on his very own deathbed if needed. Ok, a bit drastic, but it makes the idea.

After all, even the hectic, frantic pace of his much pissed heart is proving him right - right?

Right?

Author’s note: Pc destroyed but phone working, plus my need to wreck my lovely sis @pantaemonium with a shit-storm of fluff. And this is what came out, blame Laura.

(What happened to me and my love for horror tho? Blame Jeon)


One

There are exactly three reasons why Jeon Jungkook doesn’t like you.

(And when the golden boy says he doesn’t like you, he means that he really, really, really Does Not Like You – yes, all with capitals letters.)

First of all, for lacking of better words, you can totally, easily, completely annihilate him at Mario Kart.

That, as everybody in the room knows, truly shouldn’t be possible, yet here he is with the controller hanging between his hands and eyes big and confused as he watches his avatar falling into the abyss down Rainbow Road along with his very bruised, very salty pride.

It was one of your blue shells.

Keep reading

ALRIGHT PEOPLE

SO

I rewatched Winter Soldier last night (because literally what else am I supposed to do the night before I see Civil War)

And it was still great. Obviously. But you know what the best scene is?

None of the awesome action scenes. None of the Stucky fanfic fuel. None of the scenes with Falcon (somehow? Falcon’s so freaking awesome, I can’t believe I just said that he’s not the best part of a thing he’s in).

No.

The best scene is this one:

Remember this? Basically, Cap just told everyone over the intercom about Hydra infiltrating Shield, and how, if you’re not Hydra, trust no one, and fight back if you can. 

In the speech, Cap acknowledges that “If I stand alone” (that is, if no one wants to step up, because, fun fact, guns are really scary), then so be it.

And then Hydra’s resident Mr. McMuscle Man Brock Rumlow up there walks up to this lowly Launch Technician (Cameron Klein is his name, played by Aaron Himelstein) and orders him to launch Project Insight (aka Hydra’s evil plans).

Five minutes ago, Cameron had one job, and it was to press a few keys and launch this thing. Sure, he’d heard about Cap becoming a fugitive, and that was weird (and sounded kinda sketchy), but hey, he works for the good guys, right?

But now the game has changed. Launching this thing is a bad idea. 

Cameron pauses as Rumlow demands him to start it up. And Cameron refuses.

Rumlow pulls out a gun and points it straight at Cameron’s head. And Cameron panics; heck, he’s practically holding back tears already. But he still says no. “Captain’s orders,” he explains.

You know why this is the best scene in the movie? Because Cameron reminds me of someone. Someone that people watching the movie are already pretty familiar with.

Cameron is the guy who may not have the muscle or the skills to be a soldier or a spy, but he wanted to help make the world a better place, so he did what he could. He got a job at Shield, he followed the orders of people he thought he could trust, and when he realized the truth, he stood his ground and did the right thing. He hasn’t gone through any training, he has no powers or skills or suits of armor. He didn’t even know Sharon Carter was armed and would be able to get him out of harm’s way. He thought he was about to die. But he wasn’t going to stand by and let evil triumph.

And that’s despite the fact that Cap had EXPLICITLY given him permission to do so. That’s what he meant by “If I stand alone.” Cap was saying that if there’s a gun pointed to your head, it’s not cowardly to give up. That’s okay. It doesn’t make you a bad person. If a grenade gets tossed your way, you’re allowed to run away.

But Cameron chose to jump on top of the grenade instead.

I’ve heard people say “Steve Rogers is a hero with or without the serum,” and other people say that’s kind of a cheesy thing to say, but if you want proof of that statement, Cameron is it. In a 90-second or so scene, this movie perfectly emulated what it means to be a hero even if you have a desk job. Even if you don’t look like you take steroids. Even if nothing eventful has ever happened to you until one moment when everything in your life changes, YOU CAN STILL BE A HERO.

I don’t care if that sounds cheesy or hokey. This scene is incredible. Cameron Klein is incredible - so incredible, in fact, that he got a cameo in Age of Ultron on Fury’s Helicarrier.

Yeah, someone (I’m guessing Sharon) was so freaking impressed at his bravery that they recommended him to serve on Fury’s staff (and, after Winter Soldier, the amount of people Fury trusted could probably be counted on one hand). And he’s in charge of the evacuation - which was LITERALLY THE REASON Fury shows up at all. Not military backup, not surveillance. Evacuation of civilians. And Fury gave Cameron that responsibility.

Because that  guy up there may be the face of a nerd, or a gofer, or a desk clerk.

But it’s also the face of a person who won’t back down. Even when his world is being turned upside down, even when his life is on the line, this is the face of a man who will always do the right thing.

This is the face of a hero.

Now, Marvel’s Damage Control is an upcoming TV show about the normal folks. The ones without powers who always seem to be in the background but may have a lot more depth than they let on.

And I’m gonna try not to be too upset if I don’t see this guy’s name in the cast list, but man I’m hoping I do, because Cameron Klein is a hero.

anonymous asked:

How do you draw the same faces over and over again? I'm working on that and every time thecfaves look different help me

Hi nonnie!

I happen to suffer from same-face-syndrome (SFS, it’s tragic and I’m self-medicating for it) so making faces look similar comes quite easily to me OTL

BUT!!

If you want to make your faces consistent there are a few things you can do. 

  • Add unique, defining features. These can be subtle or obvious: a large nose, cleft chin, big ears, piercings, eyebrow game, facial hair, wide mouth, etc. A defining characteristic can also be a facial expression your character tends to use a lot! 
  • Figure out the angles. How do these features look in a 3D space? This takes a lot of practice, and drawing faces (with their unique characteristics) in different angles to create memory through repetition. Use reference photos and observe from real life!
  • Don’t worry about making faces identical all the time! A lot of things can change how a face looks on a person (trust me, I’ve tried taking a lot of selfies), so as long as there’s some consistency in the defining features you’ve determined for your character, you’ll be able to tell who it is at a glance, even if they’re upside-down making a silly face.

I hope this helps! Of course, you don’t have to follow this to the T, it’s just what worked for me personally! 

Yoongi Scenario: Tainted Love - Part 11.

Request: Could you make one with Yoongi being some sort of demon/vampire boss that every one is super scared of but then there is Y/N, Yoongi is in love with her and everyone is always super impressed how Yoongi always surrenders and softens when something is about her? He’s super protective and wants to please her in his own way, thank you for doing this i love you.

Summary: Demons are merciless, demons are ruthless, demons can’t hold nothing dear to them. Yoongi is the leader, the king of the demon world. He is feared as he is respected, no one expected him to bring a human girl as his lover, you. You fell in love and now you are in the midst of adjusting to the demon world, its custums, and its dangers. But everything is worth it if is for him, the demon king that lives between shadows and that would turn hell apart to protect you.

Demon AU Featuring all BTS.

Genre: Romance / Drama

Part 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / 9 / 10


Your place was in darkness when you arrived but when you opened the door what you found wasn’t what you expected. On the inside your apartment had been completely wrecked. You screamed.

From the few frames on the walls to the furniture and decoration, everything was all over the place, everything was broken and as you walked more into the apartment you saw the destruction wasn’t just in the living room as the kitchen was also put upside down, even the contents of the fridge were spread all over the floor, the meat you had frozen on the freezer started to unfreeze and soon there would be a pool of blood on the floor.

You heard something move behind you and you jumped seeing Namjoon coming to you, his face you had almost never seen out of calm but he seemed surprised at the moment, of seeing you screaming, of what he encountered. He attempted to come closer but you stepped back and groaned a warning. 

-Y/N, we need to go- he said slowly but you shook your head. Behind Namjoon still on the threshold was Jin.

It didn’t make any sense you coming here and finding your home like that, and them appearing so suddenly, why hadn’t they seen it? why hadn’t they prevented it? You didn’t know where Namjoon had come from but it just made your head turn, if he was following you then he couldn’t have known. It was all turning in your head and his hand coming close to your body made you flinch away and scream again.

-Don’t touch me- you stared around you hadn’t been able to go on to your bedroom as the nerves and the impression held you still but you could guess the state in which it was. -How can I… I have to call the police, I have to…-

Jin approached you slowly seeing everything with a worried frown before turning to you trying to grab your gaze, only speaking when he was sure you’d be listening. -We can’t stay Y/N, we need to leave right now, we have to get you to the manor-
You nodded giving your place another look before walking closer to Jin who touched your arm and soon you disappeared.

Keep reading

all to myself: vlog 3

“It’s hard to be a vlogger when half your subscribers care more about your hot friends than you.”
- Y/N, from her April 23, 2016 vlog titled ‘Jimin shows his stupid abs 8 times (not clickbait)

↳ vlogger au
pairing: jimin x reader, yoongi x reader

teaser&info (i suggest reading this first) | 1 | 2 | 3 | on-going

Keep reading

hodginsismylife  asked:

Clint asking Steve for date ideas, and Bucky hearing everything

231.

The regular smack of a baseball against palms punctuates the conversation, familiar voices low and easy, soaked through with the warm exhaustion of a good workout. 

“I don’t know if crowds are a great idea,” Steve says, and there’s a soft noise of assent. Bucky’s got pretty used to recognising Clint when he’s sub-verbal, and he pauses just outside the doorway, curious what his two favorite people have to discuss. 

Clint clicks his tongue, way he always does when he’s thinking. 

“Okay, so no baseball, no football -”

“You could maybe go for a batting cage?” Steve offers. “He was always playing stickball with the neighborhood kids.” 

“You think he’ll react well to balls flying at his face?” 

“Well if he doesn’t,” Steve says, a soft grunt of effort as he tosses the ball back, “that’s gotta be tough for your social life.” 

He grunts again, the smack of baseball against palm considerably louder, and laughs while a couple of gentle thuds suggest that throw pillows are following the baseball over. 

“You’re an asshole, Steven Rogers,” Clint says, and his tone is admiring more than anything. 

“An asshole with a date,” Steve says, rustle of clothing as he gets up, heads over towards the elevators. “See you later.”

Clint grunts acknowledgement, tossing the ball up and catching it, and Bucky can just picture him, the way he’ll have tipped his head back against the back of the chair, slouched down with one battered sneaker resting on the coffee table. He walks through the door on silent feet, reaching out to catch the baseball before it can drop into Clint’s hand. 

His smile is beautiful, even upside down, and Bucky bends over far enough that he can kiss Clint, clumsy and perfect. 

“I’ll do pretty much anything,” he says, “so long as it’s with you.” 

anonymous asked:

All day long at work, I kept thinking about Samwell bake sales for whatever reason. That would be a sweet four years (no pun intended lol)

“Oh god, oh god, oh god.” 

You are two feet away from the door of your ECON101 class when suddenly someone is pulling you backwards. And into a nearby bathroom. And then starts pulling off your shirt.

Of all the things you expected to happen on a Tuesday afternoon at Samwell University, this was pretty low on the list.

“What the–” That’s about all you manage to get out and it’s muffled because your shirt is rucked up to your armpits.

“Bro, hurry,” the voice says and you finally place it. Chad. S or T. You’re not sure. 

“Dude, stop, what are you doing?”

“Your shirt,” Chad S or T says. “Put it inside out. Now.”

You obey because Chad S is a senior and maybe this is some form of hazing? Either way he is a senior and you’re a freshmen so it makes sense to listen to him. 

“Fuck, Chad, hurry,” the Chad in front of you says. 

“I’m trying,” you say. This probably would have been easier if he had remembered to take off your backpack before ripping your clothes off. Also, does this mean you aren’t going to Econ?

“Not you, baby Chad. Chad T,” Chad - he must be S, or maybe P? - says. He waves his phone in your face. “Texting. Are you inside out yet?”

“Yeah, yeah,” you says, pulling your shirt back on. His eyes scan over you. 

“No other Lax gear on?”

“No?”

“Perfect, let’s go, rookie, I got the text four minutes ago.”

And then he walks out. 

“Wait!” you call, grabbing your things to follow him. “Wait, where are we going? Is this hazing?”

“What?” Chad S says, looking over his shoulder at you. “Fuck, no, you will know when you are being hazed, fucker. This is– I’m doing you a fucking favor, shithead.”

“You are?” This is definitely Chad S. Chad S is the angriest according to your charts. 

“Hell yeah, bro,” Chad S, cutting wildly across the lawn. “You’re not on the real lax groupchat yet but Chad W sent out the word.”

“Word?”

“He saw them loading up their old shitty car,” Chad S says, walking directly through a group of girls and almost knocking two over. “Which means only one thing.”

They arrive at the entryway to the cafeteria, where there appears to be a rather large group of people already gathered. Chad S nods at the group.

“The Hockey team is having a bake sale.”

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

lowkey can't wait to see you spazz over youngjae's nekkid selfie BECAUSE I WAS IN TEARS LIKE HOW DARE HE?!?!

My darling anon,

WHY ON EARTH WOULD YOU BRING THIS UP??? WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME??? WHAT MADE YOU THINK IT WAS A GOOD IDEA TO HAVE THIS CONVERSATION??? and most importantly

WHO ALLOWED THIS?????

WHO???? (because it sure as heck wasn’t Mr. ‘Youngjae-is-mine-and-you-can’t-even-dream-about-him’ Jaebum)

But seriously WHAT THE ACTUAL FRICKITY-FRACK???? WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO PULL, CHOI YOUNGJAE??? WHAT’S YOUR GAME??? (You want me to explode???? Well. Done. akhdKLDHAKLHA)

I mean, I thought it was bad enough when he posted that tank-top selca back in November with all that skin and that look at the camera and just….

AND THEN HE STARTED PULLING THAT CRAP WITH THE FLIRTY BED SELCAS LIKE

WHO????

ASKED????

YOU?????? 

I never signed up for this. I was perfectly content with him being gorgeous and handsome and precious and adorable and NOT A KING OF PROBLEMATIC SELCAS.

AND THEN HE SHOWS UP AND THROWS THIS AT ME????

THIS????

I just…. he just…… this just…….. there are five moles visible right there AND THREE OF THEM ARE ON HIS NECK AND SHOULDER and my brain can NO LONGER COMPUTE BYE. 

Listen. I am all for an appreciation for how gorgeous Youngjae is, but COULD HE HAVE TONED IT DOWN JUST A LITTLE BIT??? I mean. We’re talking about his eyes being all cute and gorgeous and aimed right at us, and that’s enough already, but then he’s got his adorable nose looking even more precious upside-down, and his precious little ears being so incredibly cute and totally visible next to his TWO-TONED HAIR STYLE THAT LOOKS SO GOOD??? AND HIS JAWLINE LOOKING SO NICE EVEN WITH THE WEIRD FILTER??? AND THEN HIS LIPS BEING ALL PINK AND POUTY AND JUST—no. I can’t. And we hAVEN’T EVEN GOTTEN PAST HIS FACE YET. ANON. WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME??? I’VE BEEN TRYING TO REPRESS THIS IN ORDER TO LIVE AND NOW. That neckline. That nape. Those collarbones. Those broad shoulders. THOSE FRICKING MOLES BEING ALL THERE AND VISIBLE AND ADORABLE AND– I don’t have a thing about his moles. What are you talking about?

I just.

I’m not okay, anon. Why does he do this to me? Why??