even though this isn't for me!

In some ways, I am very innocent and naive like you have to explain jokes to me and I don’t realize what some innuendos are and even though I’m very tall, people try to pat my head because I’m ‘cute and innocent’

But, in other ways, I am… not???  Like, I read and write smut, love tentacles and mpreg and swear words and own too many doujinshis and nsfw art books and people look at my phone screen from next to me on the bus and scrunch their face up and scooch away.  heh heh heh They aren’t ready for THIS.

  • fanfic writer: *writing* Oh wow, they are going to love this. This is by far my best work!
  • fic: *witty lines* *perfect love making* *fluffy enough to kill us all* *a dash of angst, a smidgen of hurt/comfort*
  • fanfic writer: Oh man. This is it. This will be my legacy! *sweats into fic* *bleeds into fic* *cries into fic* *spends days perfecting the grammar and verbage and sex scenes* *has 15 betas look over it*
  • fanfic writer: Okay. It is finally time to release my baby on the world. Here you go fandom. You're welcome.
  • fandom: Ha, cute. *like* *kudos*
  • fanfic writer: :/
  • * * *
  • same fanfic writer: *writing* Whatever. This is shit, I don't even care right now. A singing squirrel? Sure, let's do it. Haha, cheesy lines that make no sense, sure. Grammatical errors out the wazoo? Why not. No one's going to read this piece of crap anyway, I literally wrote it on a scrap of 1 ply toilet paper with a broken yellow crayon.
  • fanfic writer: LOL *post*
  • fanfic writer: *sigh*
  • Me: having a structured life is exhausting!
  • Therapist: I understand. Let's say just get up in the morning, get some breakfast, go for a walk...and that's it for a start.
  • Me: *internally: sounds reasonable, but that means first fighting against my will to just stay in bed and act as if I'm not existing. Getting up either way and facing my face and body in the mirror. There's an 80% chance that it's one of those days and I hate myself just so fucking much I could scream. But there's also a chance I look in the mirror and find a person that does not seem to be familiar to me looking back at me. Still, now you want me to shower and wash this body I find really disgusting. I have to see every single scar I have and maybe feel the burn of fresh cuts. Then I have to put on cloth, brush my teeth and my hair and do my makeup, as I can't go outside without hiding my ugly face under layers of primers and foundations and powders and highlighters and fake lashes and a perfect contour and a big nude fake smile. I spend money I don't have to make myself look good enough for myself to endure my own appearance. I remember to take my meds. Now I'm dressed (in clothes that hopefully say 'i don't care' when really I care a lot) and can go to the kitchen to prepare food that I know I won't be able to eat in 50% of the cases. There's also a good chance that I eat it and then find myself throwing up and ruining my makeup feeling every single disgusting cell of fat on my body vibrate while trying to breathe. Well either way let's say I might redo my make-up, brush my teeth again and step outside. I maybe take my horse with me and walk through the neighbourhood. I have to see people. I feel anxious. I would love to just turn around and go back home. But I keep on walking, trying to seem selfconfident so my horse and neighbours can't see or feel my insecurity. I'll try to be friendly and act normal even though I'm sure they hate me and laugh about me. Still if the communication between my horse and me isn't perfect today I'll probably cry and if a neighbour just looks at me in a way that i interpret to be unfriendly or cold or annoyed I'll probably cry too. Let's say I'm back home. Now it's like 11 in the morning. What do I do? By now I'm an emotional wreck, tired as hell, probably planing on how to harm myself with one half of my brain while the other half bundles it's last energy to prevent exactly this from happening. How do I survive the rest?*
  • Me: I'll try.

anonymous asked:

Harry: "And here's-" Clare: "no, Harry! Wait! Before we perform the next song, we have a surprise for you!" *crowd cheering* Harry: "but it isn't my birthday yet!" Sarah: "well, we just couldn't wait!" Harry: "hmm.. alright then, what is it?" Alex: "you have to close your eyes first, pal" Harry, covering his eyes with his hands: "hit me!" (1)

The crowd is suddenly quiet, which is unusual, because even though Harry has been touring for the past two months, the fans still surprise him with how loud they can be at every concert. It was too quiet, just for a few seconds, and then suddenly everyone started screaming again, except they were louder than usual? Why were they louder than usual? (2)

And then he smells it, he smells HIM? Isn’t that Louis’ perfume? What the hell? Maybe he’s just imagining things? With their busy schedules, Harry touring in America and Louis being in London recording his album, for the first time ever, they haven’t seen each other for a whole month, and it was driving Harry crazy.. (3)

Yeah, it has been driving him crazy because he can feel someone’s body heat, and he can smell Louis’ perfume, and it couldn’t be, it couldn’t be… “open your eyes, love.” It couldn’t be… that’s, that’s his voice? It can’t be… and then someone is pulling his hands away from his eyes… (4)

But he can’t, he cannot open his eyes, he doesn’t want to be disappointed… he missed him so bad… it couldn’t be. “Come on baby, let me see your beautiful eyes.” And Harry opens his eyes, and the first thing that he sees, is blue, blue, blue.. and suddenly he can’t see, his eyes are welling up, oh no, not now.. “Lou…” “hi baby, I’ve missed you.” “Lou, Louis, Lou, Lou-” (5)

And then they’re kissing, right there, in front of everyone, and everyone can see, but they don’t care, and they’re kissing, kissing, kissing, and Harry has got tears running down his face, and then when they finally manage to pull off, Louis yells to the band “can I get a mic please?” And someone gives him a microphone. “Ok can everyone just shut up for a second?”(6)

*crowd is still screaming* Louis: if y'all don’t shut up right now then imma steal Harry away from y'all.“ *crowd becomes quiet* "ok, so I just wanted to say that, I’m so fucking proud of my baby, I’ve always known that he will become the star that he is today, since day one, since we first met. I remember looking at him, and thinking "wow he is so going to be famous.” And I’m just? So fucking proud, you know. I get to share this, incredible, talented, young man with the world..“(7)

"I’m his biggest fan and I’m just so proud of him…” Love you so much, baby. Couldn’t be more proud of you than I am right now.“ (8)

i am a capital W for WRECKED how very dare you come into my house and attack me like this

anonymous asked:

jd, don't you ever feel even a little bit guilty about the fact that this is all hard on veronica? there has to be some part of you that knows this isn't whats best for both of you. are you really happy, or just hiding your feelings?

I don’t really get the whole “making other people feel bad” thing.  I mean I’m doing a good thing here!  But the whole topic on “repression” is sorta speaking to me though.  Damn, I’m craving a slushie.

  • me @ my brain: okay we really have to focus now there's so much to do and you want to succeed so we have to do it
  • my brain, leaning back in a squishy reclining chair, sipping a mixed drink with twice the normal amount of alcohol, sunglasses on even though they're inside, casually scrolling through something that definitely isn't school work: lmao binch u wyld

anonymous asked:

What do you think about the hate Chelsea gets for speaking up on twitter even though she said she isn't running for office? I just saw an article on Vanity Fair and it frustrated me.

Chelsea has a BA in History from Stanford, a master’s degree and a doctorate from Oxford in international relations and a master’s degree in public health from Colombia, she ditched lucrative jobs and committed her time to philanthropic work and teaching and her expressing her opinions upsets people from the right and the left.

Ivanka Trump has an undergraduate degree in Buisness (education matters!) and designs shoes but her sitting in meetings with international leaders and having security clearance doesn’t seem to upset people that much and her husband is a senior advisor even though he has 0 experience or knowledge about domestic and foreign politics.

I think you know what I mean.

Clinton derangement syndrome is real and is taking America down the toilet.

me: I love wolverine

some person: uh but he’s boring and overrated and here’s why I think he’s terrible-

me: *continues to love wolverine aka logan aka james howlett even harder*

anonymous asked:

Probably nothing to be excited about but in 2x06 did you notice Magnus say ''You barely said a word, the whole way home'' like i could understand if Alec said it to Magnus but Magnus said it to Alec even though it isn't his home.

Yes I definitely noticed. But can we also talk about the conceptual aspect of the word ‘home’. Because in a literal sense we understand that it is the physical element of Magnus’ loft. But When Magnus said ‘home’, Alec didn’t disagree, Alec didn’t point out that it wasn’t in fact his home. And it got me thinking, back in episode 2x05 Alec comes to Magnus’ because he couldn’t be at the institute any more. You could see in his face when he jumped off that building next to Jace that he just wanted to get away and just be away from this place that was actually his home. 

It made me wonder that when Magnus talked about ‘the whole way home’, and since Alec didn’t make any disagreements of that line, that in some respect does Alec consider Magnus his home? Because Alec hasn’t really attached himself to Magnus’ loft, and the loft isn’t his place of belonging, but Magnus is. He went to Magnus when he felt low, in times of need previously which isabelle and with clary and with jace, at all times it’s been Magnus that has helped Alec out of terrible situations. It’s Magnus that gave him a sense of safety and warmth. 

So when Alec didn’t make any indication or correct Magnus about the word itself, I personally believe it is due to the fact that Alec already considers himself to be home wherever Magnus is. Not the loft, not the institute, not a physical element, but this more emotional and conceptual one, where it’s an attachment to the person.  Magnus is his home, his place of ease.

i’m still completely flabbergasted by the amount of people who think keith shouldn’t lead or might not lead/pilot the black lion. this is basically like reading the harry potter books up until book 4 and saying “harry isn’t really that incredible, i don’t think he’s going to be the one to put an end to voldemort” – every hint so far (keith piloting black in ep 1, shiro asking him TWICE about leading, keith showing leadership skills with hunk during the entire weblum situation, keith defending the black lion and taking second command MULTIPLE TIMES) has been pointing to the fact that keith is going to be built up and grow into leadership.

take harry for example. is hp an incredible wizard? not necessarily, compared to others. but a huge point of harry potter was to show how despite him being so ordinary, he has something that voldemort wasn’t expecting to be powerful - aka love - and to show his development into fully actualizing/wielding it. likewise, we’re only at season 2. keith has a lot of episodes to grow and develop even more so i mean, i don’t know what show y’all are watching but i’m pretty sure the writers don’t put those things in for jokes.

My body exists
where he has not touched it.
It is not smoke and vapour,
it is flesh and bone.
My body is not diminished
by his ridicule.
How fuckable I am or am not to him
cannot stop
this sturdy heart from pumping blood
though my steadfast veins
my breaths do not falter
when he says he doesn’t love me.
—  L.H

Dear Me,

Stop reading the reviews of your favorite authors’ books. Don’t read the reviews from books that have been out for years. Don’t read the reviews of books that haven’t been released yet. Just. Stop. You will save yourself grief and the handwavey shrieking of “YOU ARE WRONG STOP BEING SO WRONG” at your computer screen.

Buy the books, read the books, love the books, and forget what the haters have to say because their opinions don’t matter to you.

Even though they’re objectively wrong.

Love, Me