even though this is terrible quality

The 3 Elements of a FLAWED Character

You know that moment when you find an old notebook, and you start reading the story you were writing years ago, and after about one page…  

And then after a few more paragraphs … 

This has happened to me several times. On every occasion I want to curl up in a small box and wait until everyone forgets I was ever a writer. And every time, no matter which old story it is, what sends me crawling into that box is the same thing: the main character. Even after I had learned to incorporate empathetic qualities into my heroes (as listed in the last post), my protagonists were still deeply annoying – if not more unbearable than before. 

Why? What made them this way? They had winningly empathetic traits! Were they terrible people still? No, and that was the problem. They were perfect. Smart. Noble. Brave. They had dazzling martial arts skills. They loved people and people loved them. They were Chosen in some way and destined for greatness. Angst-plagued though, of course. They were tragic little heroes, misunderstood and abused, driven by the desire to vanquish all who caused them suffering.  

I could’ve composed a Gaston-like song enumerating their virtues and sorrows. 

And the only thing that would’ve made them more punchable is if they did use antlers in all of their decorating.

Characters can’t be completely likable. Yes, they must possess strengths that win the reader’s empathy, but without an equal amount of flaws … they can’t function. If they’re not flawed, they shouldn’t be the main character. Story is about someone changing, for better or worse. Under the surface, all good stories are about this process of human growth or decline. So if a hero is perfect from the beginning, there’s nowhere they need to go. And consequently, there’s no reason for a reader to follow. 

The inclination to follow a story is begun with interest in the premise, of course – but it is locked in when empathy occurs, when we begin to care – the moment the reader transposes their own external and internal lives onto a character’s life. A process which starts when a reader recognizes a shared something between themselves and the hero. Sometimes, this is a goal or strength or situation. And sometimes, it’s a flaw. We meet a character that is weak in the same way we are, and a strong internal connection is born between the reader’s life and the life on the page. On a deep level we’re thinking “This person is like me. What happens to them? How do they deal with it?” And because of this connection based on what is lacking in our lives, we want to live the story, see how it ends, and find out how the main character – who is just like us – reached that ending. Because it’s our lives we’re reading about, and if we play it out in advance, maybe we can reach a positive ending too. 

So! In what way should a main character be FLAWED? 

1) Weak in a way that only hurts themselves. 

Let’s call these MIND.

2) Flawed in a way that hurts others. 

Let’s call these MORAL.

The most realistic – and most compelling – characters have both types.  

And if a character has these flaws, the story must be steering them towards what they NEED to overcome them. The main character needs to learn something, a truth, a new way to live. This is the theme of the story. Theme is a statement the story seeks to prove, to the main character and the reader, about how to live a better life. It’s the solution to whatever moral and mental conundrum they’re facing. So … 

3) The SOLUTION to their moral and mental weaknesses. 

How does that work? To illustrate, let’s look at Stitch and Alexander Hamilton. (What a combination.) 

STITCH

Moral: He’s destructive. Violent. Rude. Vindictive.  Manipulative. Enjoys the suffering of his enemies.

 And in general, pushes everyone and everything away.  

Mind: Despite his violent ways, he yearns to belong, and senses that he can’t.

He believes he’s alone, he’s unlovable, he’s monstrous, he’s never had a family and never will – he’s lost, like the Ugly Duckling. He’s missing a family he’s never had.  

Solution: He just needs to start treating people like family to be accepted into one. 

HAMILTON

Moral: He’s selfish. (“Be careful with that one love, he will do what it takes to survive.”) He’s arrogant. He’s self-centered. (Think of the entirety of Burn.) And in his obsessive journey to succeed, he pushes everyone out of his path.  

Mind: He has a fixation on death, on time running out, which drives his manic desire to achieve. (“I imagine death so much it feels more like a memory.) He’s insecure. ("Graduate in two and join the revolution. He looked at me like I was stupid. I’m not stupid.”) 

Solution: Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Tells Your Story? Eliza tells his story. Hamilton’s goal throughout the story is a legacy; he strives to achieve this immortality in any way possible, even if it means neglecting his loved ones, or even ruining their lives. He needs to learn that his loved ones are enough. Eliza is enough. And through her, he will live on. 

What would have happened if they weren’t flawed? The stories would have been boring. What would have happened if their flaws had been treated like attributes that didn’t have to change? The stories would have ceased to be. Progress couldn’t happen, because by accepting the status quo of their mental and moral states, we’re refusing the call to adventure outright. They’d just exist in the same state they were in the setup, stagnant, somewhat lifeless. Flawed characters must motor towards that NEED, or solution, that will save their lives. 

(I realize this “need” element is rather vague, so it’ll get its own post.)  

But in conclusion, this balance of strengths and flaws – and how this fictional person deals with the adventure they’re thrown into – is what makes a main character compelling, empathetic, and real. 

So when I unearth a notebook years in the future, containing one of stories I’m writing now, maybe the main character won’t make me feel like this:

Maybe it’ll even be like this: 

And best of all, maybe one of those characters will make a reader somewhere feel understood and helped and not alone. Wow. That would be amazing.

Well, there’s my writing motivation for today. I’m going to go make my main character more of a lovable jerk.

6

A Vision to Behold (WIP)

“Erm.. nothing. I… uh…”

“You kept me waiting, darling. Oh! I managed to decipher the manuscript. Page two-thirty-eight contains instructions to create an instrument - something akin to a miniature cannibal star - that is sure to nullify the charges of anything that is a construct of similar constituents; designed to then consume the…”

“Baby, please. Please don’t do this to me.”

“Do what?”

“You can’t be unclad and immersed in water, looking like Nerites himself, and be throwing science at me. It weakens me in every manner.”

“And what if I say: everything you lay your eyes on is for your taking; will you then feel powerful again?”

4

Guess who didn’t post shit for Raffles week even though I got maybe 70% of the prompts done bc I had to finalize my designs

and i never got to scan them bc the scanner never got fixed so here are more phone quality photos I love YOU GUYS

Reasons why I think people ship Syndisparklez part 2:

Part 1 here

1. Reactions to the first kiss:

- Jordan’s reaction included noises that sound like he didn’t think he’d like it and then it was surprisingly pleasing (at 15:05, the link already has the time built in): https://youtu.be/4MooEz_scbU?t=15m5s

Also here’s the excerpt: http://communitymc.tumblr.com/post/141797412040/were-you-sober-when-you-kissed-tom

Another important thing is that Jordan said he wasn’t drunk, which made us realize that it was a lot more consensual then we thought in the first place (yes, there were posts talking about how the whole thing was problematic and people wrote fics about how Jordan was so drunk he couldn’t even stand up. So knowing he was fairly sober made me and a lot of people feel much better about the whole situation). Also Tom said he didn’t have a hangover, which made us believe he wasn’t really drunk either (https://youtu.be/B4Dm6pqd5Kc?t=3m46s - at 3:46).

- Tom’s reaction was that he really liked it: http://communitymc.tumblr.com/post/142711271111/did-i-enjoy-kissing-jordan

2. New York:

- Unfortunately those who missed the livestream probably won’t ever see all the Syndisparklez moments that happened that night. The audio was terrible (I mean seriously, the organizers of the event were really unprofessional) so Jordan decided not to upload his stream even though he had better audio than Tom. 

Tom did upload his: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6MqO_NHAN4c (there’s also a part 1 that’s only 24 minutes long cause his stream crashed, I don’t remember if there are Syndisparklez moments in there, you’re welcome to check), but just beware of really bad audio quality, you can barely hear him and Jordan even less. The bummer is that on Jordan’s stream you could hear both of them but he didn’t upload it. If anyone recorded the stream that night, could you please let us know?

- But there’s one screenshot I took at the end (which isn’t on Tom’s stream but was on Jordan’s) where Tom couldn’t hold back any longer and tickled Jordan’s shoulder:

Screenshots of the tickle that smorescake took (at least I think so; it was posted on their blog): http://communitymc.tumblr.com/post/143027807783/smorescake-i-dont-know-what-to-say

- Tom’s vlog of the day they spent together at New York is full of Syndisparklez stuff: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZexIlKh5RZs&t=382s

Video highlights of the vlog:

Look at his pants, they’re ridiculous: http://communitymc.tumblr.com/post/143069785835/look-at-his-pants-theyre-ridiculous

This is the most romantic walk to the toilet: http://communitymc.tumblr.com/post/143069962394/this-is-the-most-romantic-walk-to-the-toilet

Other highlights: 

  •  I love you to pieces:
    Tom: Jordan listen, listen, listen alright? I love you to pieces…
    Jordan: By the way…
    Tom: No green shorts, but… *zooms in on Jordan’s ‘shoes’*
    Jordan: What are thoooose?
    Tom: *What* *are* those*? I’m not even doing the ‘what are those’. I’m genuinely asking. Are they loafers?
    Jordan: I don’t know what you call them.
    Tom: Loafers. You’re a loaf of bread.
  • Tom searching desperately for Jordan cause he loses sight of him for a second.
  • Tom zooming in way too close on Jordan’s face quite a few times.

3. Conventions in June 2016:

- Tom texted Jordan while drunk asking him to loan his house for a party (2:27): https://youtu.be/V7YsgJKkT1Y?t=2m27s

  • Tom: Hey, if I did ever do it I’d give you buttery nipples all night long.
    Jordan: Mmmmm, oh that’s…
    Tom: In a sexual term.
    Jordan: That’s more tempting.

- He asked Jordan to give him a return kiss and looked really bummed out when Jordan backed out and walked away (6:14): https://youtu.be/xuuvBLRwg6Q?t=6m14s

Excerpt instead of whole video: http://communitymc.tumblr.com/post/146461823225/do-i-get-a-kiss-now-you-gotta-return-the-favour

  • Tom: sneaks up behind Jordan with his phone recording so Jordan sees the phone right in front of his face before he sees Tom
    Jordan: Oh! Hi!
    Tom: laughs
    Jordan: That was abrupt.
    Tom: Do I get a kiss now? turns his cheek to Jordan You gotta return the favor. taps his cheek
    Jordan: stares at the camera awkwardly
    Tom: Jor… looking dejected
    Person behind camera: Ooh, ooh…
    Jordan: opens mouth as if to say something, still looking really awkward, then closes his mouth and backs right out of the frame and walks away
    Tom: walks forward looking really sad

4. Pokemon GO:

- Highlights from the Pokemon GO adventures that Jordan and Tom had with their friends:

5. THE SECOND KISS:

Tom comes back to Los Angeles and Jordan stars in two of his vlogs. In them they both act like boyfriends.

Highlights from the first video (https://youtu.be/Ri59_jeVwNo):

  • Tom: (sees Mclaren) Oh my gosh Jordan you fucking sexual man!
    Tom: Can I have your baby?
    Jordan: Um if you want…
    Tom: Can I have your baby?
    Jordan: I know a lot of…
    Tom: Dude we’ve already been shipped. We’ve already been shipped!
    Jordan: A lot of people on tumblr would love that.
    Tom: Yeah, can we have babies then? (Jordan: ye, yeah) Can I have your babies (Jordan: yeah) and can this (points at Mclaren) be my, be my present to be your husband? (Jordan grins and nods: yeah)
    Miniladd: Can I be in the background to make weird faces again?
    Tom: God you shit! (I think? I didn’t hear it well)

    (conversation copied from my post on my main blog: https://ineharnia.tumblr.com/post/156368985946/from-toms-video-happy-birthday-surprise)

  • They act soft around each other.
  • Jordan grinning when Tom points the camera at him and then laughing in happiness at the grin: https://ineharnia.tumblr.com/post/156550993956/this-is-my-first-gif
  • Tom has visible hickeys at the end of the video:

Highlights from the second video (https://youtu.be/36U_dqRgQj0?t=9m49s - 9:49, before that he goes iceskating with other people):

Bonus stuff:

- Twitter since December:

‘Get a cleaner side shave and I’d fuck you (no homo)’ - https://twitter.com/CaptainSparklez/status/809852523481706497

‘You look like Dwayne Johnson’ - https://twitter.com/CaptainSparklez/status/810164150294970368

‘I’d love to skeet with you’ - https://twitter.com/CaptainSparklez/status/816402931666731008

‘Will gladly compare dick sizes’ - https://twitter.com/CaptainSparklez/status/819390353547534337

‘Thanks bae’ - https://twitter.com/CaptainSparklez/status/821625510493061121

‘Date night *smirk*’ - https://twitter.com/CaptainSparklez/status/823792024159600640

*kisses pp better* - https://twitter.com/CaptainSparklez/status/829502423945277440

pp kissing ship support - https://twitter.com/CaptainSparklez/status/829549890736762880

‘Will you be my valentine?’ - https://twitter.com/CaptainSparklez/status/831562841639444480

- Tom feeling Jordan’s abs: http://communitymc.tumblr.com/post/139819733580/tom-feeling-jordans-abs-enough-said

- Tom kissing other men (plus being extremely flirty and making gay jokes - not the homophobic kind - throughout the videos):

https://youtu.be/HWutpsDEkVU?t=17m16s

https://youtu.be/zGfhLFxx-zA?t=5m58s

Also here’s a playlist I made of all the Syndisparklez vlogs: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLefkFsq32NceWkxW_efhhyzOHcemOU1nd

5

Foster Sprites - There you go ! It’s finally done ! Even though I’m not entirely satisfied with it, I’m glad to say that I had - a bit of - fun ( but it was exhausting ) ~

“It’s Normal” au CHANSAW

It was at least four months into the new school year when Veronica heard the weeping as she walked across the hall. It was coming from the nearly abandoned girls bathroom, that usually was reserved to whatever the Heathers wanted: crying, throwing up, attempting suicide, fucking guys, fucking girls; and fucking each other. The sky’s the limit to what they could do in that bathroom alone.

So, when Veronica heard the crying she automatically thought it was Heather Mac. Each Heather had a distinct sound when they went into that bathroom: Duke it was puking, Mac was crying, and Chandler was almost always moaning and panting. And everyone knew that, when the teachers passed by they knew to look the other way (except Fleming), nerds knew to back up, and if any straight girl heard the moaning she’d walk away, not wanting to be seduced by Chandler.

Veronica stopped dead by the door when she noticed something. it wasn’t Mac, no Mac’s was timid and had a lot of sniffling. She had to comfort so much since she joined the Clique, that she picked up all characteristics of Mac’s weeping. No, this was sobbing. Like rocking back to forth, hyperventilating, crying so hard that even china can hear you. It was probably a really bad day for Mac, even though Mac was happier and cheer ball for the most part, she did have some really bad days but still it didn’t, sound like Mac. Veronica knew that she should probably let it go. She had a class in five minutes and couldn’t be late, but then again Heather probably needed her in there, or whoever it was. Veronica could never walk by crying like that without helping her. Taking a glance to the far door where her teacher was waiting, Veronica opened the bathroom door and walked in. It was even worst in there, even Veronica couldn’t think it could be this bad. The tiles made it echo, an arena of sobs and tears. Peering across the room, she saw a familiar red purse’s handle under the door.. She knew she shouldn’t walk on. Leave her alone and avoid confrontation. She knew what the girl crying in the cubicle could do to foes, but she stepped on. Slowly and calmly, a second before she lifted another foot. Around three feet, there was a large sniffle. A silence went over the room and Veronica stopped dead. “GET OUT!” The demon queen erupted. “YOU B-bitch.” “Heather, its Ronnie.” Veronica said stepping in front of the door. She winced as what seemed like a roll of toilet paper hit the door. Resting her cheek against the door, the sobbing began again. Just go, she thought, she probably has something sharper to throw at her in her blazer. But she couldn’t. Even though Chandler was never the easiest, she couldn’t handle that Chandler was crying this hard. Even though she could deny it as much she wanted, Veronica cares about everyone in that damn school, and Heather Chandler has grown more and more, even more than JD. Veronica could see some qualities of chandler, not terrible, like Chandler let Veronica in her clique, she cared about Mac, and seemed to care about Veronica too. Maybe even romantically. But she still couldn’t figure if that was true. “Heather, are you okay in there?” Veronica said turning around on her back tiredly. “I’m-I’m f-fine. Leave me be, Sawyer!” Heather answered, her voice breaking. “No,” Veronica sighed. “You’re not.” There was another burst of sobbing that answered her. And without asking, she opened the door and felt a string being plucked as she saw Heather Chandler. She was on the top the toilet, her arms crossed and shaking. Her knees were up to her chin. Mascara was rushing down her red face, her hair in ruffles and her shoulders slumped so much you would believe that she wasn’t wearing shoulder pads. She was still shaking back in forth, blinking down tears and her lip shaking. Kicking away the toilet roll, Veronica walked closer to Heather, a foot away and looming over her. She couldn’t seem to say anything. Veronica always knew what to say to Mac, the same things to make her cheery again. But she never seen Chandler cry before, and Veronica was pretty sure no one ever has. Chandler was like a goddess, like not human. Someone above petty human emotions, and seeing this goddess crumbling infront of her. It left her speachless and her throat dry. Wiping away of fresh tears on her red blazer, Chandler stands up and meet eye to eye with Veronica. “My Grandma,” She started, straigting up, her eyes red. “Was diagnosed with brain cancer, a year ago. My dad told me before I left for school today, that the funeral will be this Saturday.” Veronica tried to choke back the gulp. Tried to think of something to say. Something to make her stop crying, to feel better. But now she couldn’t match wits with her. After a solid minute of staring into each eyes. Veronica grasped Chandler, and embraced her. Brought their warmths together. Veronica could still feel Chandler shaking in her grasp, but Chandler didn’t step back or slap her, which suprised Veronica. No chandler, gripped her harder, her nails piercing his back blazer. “It’s going be okay,” Veronica whispered in her ear. But heather broke away and shook her head, tears rushing down her stained cheeks. “Its not okay!” Chandler exclaimed, crossing her arms. She looked away, from Veronica gaze, and rushed away. but before she could Veronica held her arm as a wall. “Why?” Veronica said, tilting Chandlers chin to meet their gaze. “You can’t see me like this.” Heather whispered, her voice drenched in sorrow. “No one can see me like this. Vulnerable and weak! Hell, I can barely see myself like this.” Veronica smiled and then saw the beauty in Heather chandlers eyes. She was just a girl who had sadness buried down and emotion down in there. Leaning into her cheek, Veronica kissed Heathers cheek lightly. Gently. Barely touched. Heather eyes widened, and she opened her mouth, but didnt say anything. Veronica takes Heathers hand and guides them gently out of cubicle. Chandler lies her head on Veronica’s shoulder, and Veronica then knew that this could work. And there was spark to be lit. Before walking out, Veronica grabs a few dozens tissues and put them out for heather to take. “Don’t be embarrassed. It’s normal. Everyone feels, it’s part of the human experiance.” Veronica said gently, smiling softly to Heather. Heather smiles back and lifts her head high and they walked out of the bathroom, hands together.

anonymous asked:

A thing that I have noticed is that a lot of webcomic dont use the art as tool for storytelling, there's so much one can do playing with panel size, form, coloring and perspective to stablish a character or narrator mental state, the mood of the scene and the foreshadowing! I dont usually read manga, but recently I read one that hides tarot card numbers in panels and uses a lot of visual cues to enrich the story, like a particular gesture to indicate that a character is lying or nervous, (1/2)

(2/2) a checkered pattern floor to show that the protagonist is being manipulated or just a well-placed flower (flower language), I never though of this things but now it has made more conscious on how I draw comics and at the hour to read a webcomic it has made me pay attention to panels details and not just the dialogue, to really treat comics as a visual medium. Sorry for the long text and mistakes (learning english!), I just wanted to share thoughts and thank you for all your advices!

Back in ye olde days of late 90s early 2000s, basically no one in webcomics could draw. 

Questionable Content, 2003

Narbonic, 2000. Narbonic got very good very fast, though. 

And any comic with even a competent artist would get a lot of attention just for that. 

Nowadays, actual artists realized that doing a webcomic could build a portfolio and even a brand, and the market with flooded with quality art

Ava’s Demon

Unsounded

And it became the Conventional Wisdom among us Webcomic Reviewers that art “didn’t really matter”. There were tons of beautiful comics with terrible storytelling, after all, and they were a chore

Dresden Codak. Note that the thing we’re supposed to be looking at in panel 2 is the metal ring showing that Kimiko’s arm is a prosthetic, but the camera is pointed at her boobs. 

Whereas webcomics with bad art but good writing were good comics.

Dinosaur Comics sets the floor for artistic quality, but is still really liked

Some of this was a bit of jealousy, too. Most people who write reviews of comics are bad at art, and prefer to think of writing, which is the thing they do, as the Primary Driver Of Quality. Then other reason is 

Understanding Comics

But the actual fact of a comic is that art is writing, and writing is art. They’re too intermixed to think of as separate skills

Dresden Codak has bad art. 

Technically, it’s fine. Hell, technically it’s amazing. If I quit my job and spent 40 hours a week practicing drawing, It would take me years to get to this level. But it’s not functioning. The panels are in a confusing order, and the shot of Kimiko with her back arched way back as if she wanted to make her boobs more prominent in the shot both makes no sense for the scene (compare to the last panel, where she’s leaning forward in a way that makes more sense), and is the wrong type of shot.

The point of that panel is to draw our attention to the symbol on the back of Kimiko’s black crop top thing, but because it’s a medium shot for some reason (so Diaz can draw boobs), there are TWO symbols on her back. The one of the back of her top is center-panel, but there’s a gear symbol peaking out from beneath the top that more literally fits the description of “the one on your back”, especially since we have no reason to think that the silver symbol isn’t part of her shirt. It should’ve been a close up of the symbol! So that we knew which one it was! 

Compare this page in Gunnerkrigg Court. This is technically bad art. I could possibly draw something like this in a day with my current skills. But the deterioration of the drawing quality is good art, because it gives the sense that Annie’s falling apart, which is appropriate to the scene. 

Tom Siddel can draw like a motherfucker when he wants to (also this layout is excellent), but for this scene of Annie taking her makeup off, he doesn’t want to, and that’s an artistic choice. A pretty good one, actually. 

Order of the Stick is one of the simplest comics out there in terms of visual style. This panel isn’t that hard to draw (compared to Unsounded, for instance). But it works.Even if you don’t know anything about OotS, this shot tells you a ton. You understand that these characters have been going through doors at random, and you know that there’s a shitload of doors. Despite it’s simple art style, this panel effectively conveys the scale of the challenge. 

None of this requires gimmickry (and sometimes gimmickry is good). You don’t need to be great at drawing to make a panel like that OotS one. 

And that’s just basic shot composition! There’s also stuff like the tarot card gimmick you mentioned, color palettes, and visual metaphor. 

NSFW

While it’s important to remember films != comics, they can be a good resource for this kind of visual thinking. If I’m filming a scene two people talking, I can “draw” nearly as well as any director, since I have a camera on my phone. The difference between me and a great director (besides budget) is where I point the camera, and what decisions I make.

Anyway, here’s a nice set of panels from Octopus Pie, which are great at getting us into Marigold’s frame of mind in a way a good drawing wouldn’t.

BuckyxReader fic (Part 8/?)

Okay, Part 8 has arrived.  Hopefully people enjoy it.  Thanks to clutter-buck and hispeculiartreasure for the support and being sounding boards. theoneandonlyowengrady raptor-intern-kyla and paulaamarieee have all previously requested being tagged for later parts.  I could really use a title for this eventually.  Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!

Parts 1-3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6
Part 7

A lot of the roads on your way into town were rough gravel and winding.  You knew them well and usually took great enjoyment taking curves maybe a little too fast, bouncing on your truck’s bench seat and spitting rocks behind you.  But when Bucky reached up for the “oh shit bar” above the passenger side window after the second or third wild turn, you decided to take it down a couple notches.

Keep reading

queenie reads minds, but she’s isn’t some omniscient, “all knowing” narrator who knows everything. it’s a terrible, beautiful, large flaw in her abilities.

even though newt is very much still in love with leta, his expulsion led to him harboring bitter feelings towards her, thinking of her as a “taker”. this implies that he gave a lot to her but felt as though she only took, never gave. hence queenie: “she’s a taker, you need a giver”. however…

this doesn’t mean leta is a bad character. she is described as damaged, confused, complicated. a tragic figure. for all we know, she might have not fit in with slytherin because she didn’t possess the associated quality of self preservation. for all we know, it could be a quality as to why he fell in love with her. i don’t think newt could possibly fall in love with such an inherently, irrevocably wicked soul. i don’t think he’d still have her picture placed in the open of his safe place, and still possess such profoundly strong, fond feelings for her after all this time.

she didn’t make newt take the fall, he did so on his own accord, but it resulted in his soured feelings towards her and it also damaged their relationship and friendship; he still is in love with her, but that’s how it is. they fell out or their maintained relationship faded away.

newt has a big heart and i don’t doubt that as a youth, he had an even bigger heart. he said in comparison to his youth, he changed, and it’s likely because of what happened with leta. i highly doubt that leta was abusive. but i also don’t doubt that young newt was naïve, and gave too much either; though i don’t think he is gullible. older newt is more aware of the nature of human beings, but he still is in love with leta. in light of this, if she was as bad as some people think, i don’t think he’d still have such strong feelings for her.

regardless, as the saying goes, no good deed goes unpunished. and i’m pretty sure that it applies perfectly to newt scamander.

the greatest irony was that it took me being myself before people loved me. i know that’s all they shoved down my throat for years: that if i was just me, just all of myself, unapologetically - somehow, people would feel that. but the thing was: i didn’t want to be myself. i hated every inch of who i knew i was, the person that itched under the surface of a veneer i’d carefully crafted. the real me was meaner, more sarcastic, less tolerant, less patient, was selfish and ugly and emotional. i knew that it meant no one could love me for being me. 

it took being so broken that i didn’t care how people saw me before i acted the way i’d wanted to for years. i spoke up in class. i said the comeback that was on my tongue. i didn’t let others walk over me. i stood up. it was a strange experience, watching people react to that. my sharp words were agreed with, laughed about, seconded. the impatience with chaos was understood as leadership. the selfishness was not as bad as i thought it was, but rather just occasionally providing for myself first. 

it is very strange and backwards and half-awful that what i was running from for so long was what it took to make me whole. that being genuine also gave me back the good things again: i was funny and quick and talented. and it gave me honesty. it gave me people being calm around me. in my lack of fear, in the fact i didn’t mind being the first to be wrong, to be a mess, to be who i was (and terribly unperfect) - people relaxed their own masks around me. so many were wearing such thick ones, such well-polished versions of who they needed to be.

and underneath was the same things that i had been hiding. bravery. wit. cunning. kindness. vulnerability. 

it is amazing who people are when they are not trying. it is amazing how hard not trying really is. it is amazing how long it took me before i was okay with it. sometimes i still do, even though i sort of resent it. there are many bad things about me still. but there are many better qualities that i forgot to admit to. 

it is strange that for so long i tried to be perfect when people aren’t looking for perfection at all. they are looking for someone who is like them, and flawed.

10

BEST TV OF 2015

10 ) Jessica Jones (Netflix)
I’ve been feeling about as much superhero fatigue as anybody else, even as a Marvel fan. Then along came this gritty and grounded survivor story about a traumatized ex-superheroine, fulfilling all my dreams about a female-dominated noir thriller. It’s simultaneously darker and funnier than anything I’ve seen from Marvel so far, and it stars Krysten Ritter, who is a treasure. If you only ever watch one MCU property, make it this one.

9 ) Mr. Robot (USA)
I’ve seen everything in this show before. You can name the tropes as they appear, and I caught onto the big twist about halfway through the first episode. But none of that diminished my enjoyment of it. The cinematography is gorgeous with its disorienting compositions and colorful imagery. Rami Malek is haunting as our schizophrenic anti-hero. I was entertained the whole time, which is all that I want, really.

8 ) The Jinx (HBO)
As I do with most documentary series, I started watching this one as noise in the background while I worked on art. I quickly gave up on that, because it captured my full attention after about ten minutes and I was glued to the screen for the rest of the season. True crime always fascinated me, and Robert Durst is one hell of a villain to follow through each stage of the mystery, right up to that final shocking moment.

7 ) The Knick (Cinemax)
Steven Soderbergh directs every episode of this show, and I’m a big fan of this auteur approach to TV. You can see his signature all over it, turning what could easily be just another sleepy period piece like Downton Abbey into an exhilarating and modern-feeling drama that just happens to take place in 1901. Come for the excellent production quality, stay for the fantastic supporting characters who outshine Clive fucking Owen.

6 ) BoJack Horseman (Netflix)
I didn’t expect this series to become this important to me. Last season caught me by complete surprise when it yanked my heart right out of my chest. That feeling continued into this season, as we followed BoJack’s upward and then downward spiral. This, to me, is the most accurate and poignant depiction of depression on television right now. Especially as a struggling creative, I feel this show on so many levels.

5 ) Better Call Saul (AMC)
Look, Breaking Bad is my favorite show of all time. Just the promise that the universe continues on in some form is enough to carry me through this series. I’d be watching even if it was terrible. Luckily, it’s not terrible. Jimmy McGill is an adorable protagonist I’m happy to root for. Even though this is a prequel and I know how it ends, each step of the story surprises me. And the quality is everything I’ve come to expect from the team. I need the next season like I need air.

4 ) The Leftovers (HBO)
The first season hit me right when I needed it, as I was reeling from loss and it perfectly captured the emptiness and sorrow and confusion that accompanies grief. This year’s tone changed entirely, right down to the opening sequence, and that’s perfect. The show’s mythology is expanding and its ensemble is rich with personality, serviced perfectly by vignette episodes focusing heavily on each character. It’s the stuff you loved about LOST without all the filler.

3 ) Fargo (FX)
Everything about this show is incredible. The cinematography, the cast, the soundtrack, the writing… It’s a loving tribute to the Coen Brothers, who are responsible for creating some of my favorite (and objectively some of the best) stuff to come out of Hollywood. I didn’t think this series could top its first season. And then it did. The plotting is tighter, the script is funnier, and all of the care they put into the 1970s look of the season… Beautiful.

2 ) Rectify (Sundance)
I’m going to be thinking about this show for years after it’s gone off the air. It’s the haunting (fictional but all-too-real) story about a man condemned for the murder of his girlfriend as a teenager and then acquitted after nineteen years on death row. I expected it to be heartbreaking, and it is. But watching Daniel Holden’s struggle to return to society is also deeply moving and hopeful for someone like me, who has so much trouble meeting and living with the expectations of this world.

1 ) The Americans (FX)
When it comes to shocking twists, pitch-perfect characterization, and breakneck plot movement, this show is the real successor to Breaking Bad. It’s the Cold War, and Russian sleeper agents pose as a happily married couple in suburbia while their lonely FBI agent of a neighbor remains painfully ignorant that his best pals are also his sworn enemies. Every episode of this season left my jaw hanging wide open. For fear of spoiling it, I’m afraid to say too much. But if you haven’t watched this series yet, start now and get ready for its return in March 2016.

My middle school had over 3k students over 3 grades. It was a majority black, Latinx, West Indian and MENA student body and also a significant Jewish population. That school had such little funding, they use trailers now to deal with overcrowded class sizes. From what I remember, the school also enabled a culture of hatred. No quality education so the kids did terrible things without realizing the weight behind them. Like. Kids drew sw*stikas on walls, harassed Jewish kids and substitute teachers (I remember being shocked and paralyzed as my peers harassed our sub who was Jewish, yelling “H**l H*tler), fucking BRUTALIZED Sikh and Muslim kids (this was literally only 5 years after 911), and bullied quiet Latinx kids (other Latinxs made fun of me and likened me to many Mexican stereotypes even though I’m Dominican). And antiblack bullying was a fucking staple in everyday banter between students. Like. That whole experience fucking sucked and while the kid inside me still resents those other kids, my grown ass now knows that it’s never the kids fault. It’s the adults that allow this to happen, adults at home and adults in school administration. Poor NYC kids deserve so much better than to be taught self hatred and hatred towards others.

Pony a Day: Day 80

This is a beautiful variant that I am so lucky to own; she is generally called Dutch Candy, because this set of ponies were only released in the Netherlands and a few other European countries! 

I got lucky enough to win her in a photography contest, even though my photographs were pretty terrible at the time. (It was based on amount of photos entered, not quality of photos!) Taking so many photos helped me get better at photographing ponies in general! 

anonymous asked:

aph Hungary

general opinion: fall in a hole and die | don’t like them | eh | they’re fine I guess | like them! | love them | actual love of my life
hotness level: get away from me | meh | neutral | theoretically hot but not my type | pretty hot | gorgeous! | 10/10 would bang
hogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuff
best quality: Love how she can stand her ground!
worst quality: How some rabid fans would portray her as some fujoshi that would stalk any other country…that’s terribly OOC, and it makes me feel awful about such a wonderfully developed character like her.
ship them with: Back in my first years of Hetalia, I used to unconsciously ship her with Prussia, but I don’t anymore.
brotp them with: I don’t really have a BROTP for her…
needs to stay away from: Romania. Even though Romanian-Hungarian historical relations were tough, it’s better if we forget the past and make up, right?
misc. thoughts: She’s really great! I love how Himaruya designed her, she seems to be appreciated by Hungarian Hetalians too, from what I know, haha!