even though it's just an echo


why are you doing this?
it’s an echo. the console room, it’s the safest place on the ship. it can replicate itself any number of times–it’s trying to protect us.

  • what she says:i'm fine...
  • what she means:though the Federation Starship Voyager did eventually reach home, there are at least four Voyagers--in either alternate timelines, unexpected parallels copies, and at least one bio-memetic copy--that failed in their mission. even the Voyager that did eventually reach Earth had its timeline altered by Janeway, determined to save 7 of 9 and take advantage of the Borg trans-warp hub. Janeway was a damn good captain and ultimately succeeded in getting her ship and crew home but sometimes i just wonder if all those lost Voyagers sort of echo through spacetime to her. she is the sort of person who would really feel a loss of an alternate ship you know?

Even though I hate those squeaking, seagulls-like, creaking voices on Echoes, I think the fact Gilmour found out about them by mistake after one of their staff connected his guitar backwards is super rad and I’d get excited about this new sound just like him and use it on a great piece like this. The fact he risked his guitar in a big number of concerts, shows how much he loves this discovery. What a huge rad dork. 

Just a drabble

Creaks and groans echoed. Not one living entity seemed to inhabit the dark forest:  not mouse, not an insect, not even a blade of grass. The trunk of every tree had deep wrinkles, the bark was heavily tanned but had no grain. It resembled old, stiff leather rather than wood. Not a single one of them bore any leaves, and instead seemed to grow the purest, silver cotton that covered its branches, little tufts of this ‘fur’ sprouting from the trunk as though it were a fungus.

Time wavered.

The sun now shone, grass a vibrant green and flowers were just starting to bloom. A woman laid on her back on the ground, staring up at the sun, with her armor at her side for once. She basked in the sunlight, taking in the scents that surrounded her, almost asleep when a crinkle made her ear twitch. Senja raised her head just in time to see a striped bobcat jump on her stomach, a variety of colorful flowers gripped in her maw. Her hands snapped out in time and caught the large feline mid pounce.

It attempted to speak, but all that attempt accomplished was to cause flowers to fall from its mouth.

“What is it, Vanessa?”

The bobcat’s form started to shift, bones cracked and Senja winced at the sound. A lithe woman replaced the feline, though the flowers were still tucked in her mouth. She spat them out and crossed her arms, frowning at Senja.

“How did you hear me?” Vanessa demanded.

“You stepped on a twig. Again, what is it? Are we in danger?”

“I brought flowers,” Vanessa answered, holding up the chewed bouquet she gathered. “Thought you’d like 'em.”

“Mm.” Senja still held Vanessa aloft, and gently moved her over to the side so she could sit up. “And the pounce?”

“To see if you’re okay.”

“I…am,” Senja answered, grimacing at her awful attempt at a lie.

“Yuh huh, and I’m an albatross,” Vanessa snorted. She leaned over and attempted to meet Senja’s eyes. “Senja, what’s wrong?”

Senja refused to look at Vanessa, and stared off to the side. She folded her hands atop one another and thought of how best to phrase her thoughts. How could she explain herself? “What we did…”

“You did nothing wrong,” Vanessa interrupted, eyes narrowing. “They attacked, we defended. It-”

“I didn’t, mean that. I…”

Vanessa circled about and attempted to angle her face to look at Senja to no avail. “Senny, did I do something?”

“You did nothing,” Senja affirmed with a shake of her head. “You didn’t. I don’t-”

“It’s because of what I said, isn’t it?”

“It’s-” Senja started to say, but the knight knew there was no reason for her to lie. “Yes. It is.”

Vanessa winced, bit her lip, and sat down in front of Senja. She swallowed a ball of nerves, and said, “I-I don’t, take back what I said. It’s true.”

“I know.”

“So what’s wrong?”

Senja’s shoulders quaked, she shut her eyes tight and said, “I have turned against my comrades…I turned away the teachings of the Weaver, I’ve…I’ve committed sins in the eyes of the church-”

“Who cares about the church?”

“I care,” Senja snapped. “ I am of the church and I am the blade of the Weaver, you will not speak blasphemy.”

“Blasphemy?” Vanessa snorted and rolled her eyes, “You’re saying their will is the Weaver’s, then? That the Purifier is who you are?”

“Maybe.” Senja bowed her head and buried it into her knees. “I do not know.”

Something was tucked behind Senja’s ear, followed by thin arms encircling her and holding her in a tight embrace. The knight’s nose told her that it was a daisy

“Doesn’t mean I’ll love you any less,” Vanessa cooed. “If that’s what you want to do, I’ll follow you.”

“And how can you say you 'love me’?” Senja barked, but made no attempt to break the embrace.  "What if I don’t love you?“

Vanessa laughed, her breasts pressed against Senja’s back with every breath she took. She nuzzled the back of her knight’s neck and cooed, "Won’t make me love you any less. You don’t need to love me now, or ever. I just want to be by your side.”

“But you…you said you love me.”

“Doesn’t mean you have to say you do,” Vanessa said. “You have your Weaver, I have you.”

“That’s blasphemy.”

“Then punish the heretic,” she giggled, rocking Senja back and forth. “Go forth and purify the nonbeliever.”

Senja finally looked up, looked over and shot Vanessa the most disapproving glare she could muster. Her eyes could freeze one’s soul. “Don’t make light of inquisitions.”

“What are you going to do about it, mm?”

Vanessa pushed Senja over with a sudden burst of strength and mounted the woman’s stomach. She sat there, grinning and drumming her fingers on her knight’s sides. “Lo and verily, the heretic has laid low the knight. What awful things does she have planned for her captive now?”

Senja’s breath quickened. She reached up and grabbed Vanessa’s shoulders but did not throw the woman off of her. She froze mid action, unsure of what to do now.

“Senja? Did it bother you that much?” Vanessa’s grin wavered. “Should I not have said I love you?”

Senja swallowed her nerves again. What she would have given to be facing down an army rather than deal with something as mundane as this.“I don’t know…If I can say, the same to you.”

“I don’t care if you don’t.” Vanessa reached up and started to stroke Senja’s calloused right hand. “I’m fine if you can’t say it. I just, want to make you happy. What can I do? What should I say? Should I have lied to you, to me? What can I do to make this better?”

Senja shook her head once more, “I don’t know. I just, need more time. I need to think, Nessa.”

“Take all the time you need. I can wait.”

“And if it never comes?”

“Then it never comes,” Vanessa snorted. “Won’t change how I feel about you.”

“You are making this difficult.”

“Love’s meant to be difficult.” Vanessa smiled, but her fingers trembled, “But that’s what makes it worthwhile, isn’t it? It’s hard, but you overcome it, and you become happy, right? No matter the consequences? Right?”

“I do not know if I can live with the consequences,” Senja admitted.

“Consequences? What consequences can I not deal with? What consequences can you not overcome?”

“Breaking your heart.” Senja moved her right hand from Vanessa’s shoulder and cupped her cheek. “I do not want you to wait for something that may never come. I do not want to hurt you, Vanessa. You are making it difficult, because the more you trust me, the more I trust you, but I do not know if I can love you the way you want me to.”

“ I’ll deal with the consequences as they come.” Vanessa pushed past and pressed her lips against Senja’s forehead, kissing her gently. “I’ll love you to the end of time.”

Senja did not resist. She laid there, not sure what to do next.

Vanessa swallowed her own nerves this time, lowered her head and kissed Senja’s cheek. No resistance still. She hovered over Senja’s lips. “If you want me to stop, just say the word.”

Senja pulled Vanessa in closer.

Time wavered.

An ancient entity raised her head. Her silvery hair blanketed her back, rippled across the dead earth and penetrated it. It was the only clearing in the thick forest. Her eyes squinted at the sunlight that managed to pierce the nearly-impenetrable veil of treetops, shining down on them. She cast her gaze downwards, and looked at the armored skeleton  laid across her lap. Daisies grew in between the ribcage, a bed of lively grass cushioned both the skeleton and the entity that held it. Her hand came up and stroked the top of the bleached skull’s head, and she crooned, “To the end of time.”

i feel kind of nervous and sick and worried that i pissed the world off today. but once in a while i get this weird feeling that everyone is getting tired of me and i get all these thoughts/voices in my head that sound like they’re from other people  saying that they’re so sick of seeing my posts they’re sick of seeing my videos on their feed on youtube, they’re sick of me existing where they can see me. its kind of like how they portray mind reading in movies, just involuntary echoes of other people’s feelings.
no one has given me any reason to feel that way. like the only thing i can figure is its because only 8 people looked at the video i posted to youtube and for some reason i feel embarrassed about it even though i know that views build slowly.
i was feeling really good and happy and hopeful but i guess im due for another week of mental break downs so i must just be in some inbetween stage where all of my thought processes are over dramatic and ridiculous but i still havent been drug in deep enough to not realize how ridiculous they are.