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INFJ being: Feeling out of
place most of the time. Like, I fit in most situations and everywhere, I
am versatile and chameleon-like when need be, but as a result I don’t
really fit completely anywhere. I feel the most comfortable when I am in
my head. As far as relationships go, I notice that it is incredibly
hard to speak to someone on equal grounds, I always need a ‘role of
reference’ to know how I should pose myself. I am comfortable as long as
I can fit a relationship in a predetermined scheme: mentor-student,
mother-son, senior-junior etc. but conversations among equals, like
student-student, throw me off. My introversion has always been very
evident: I have always needed my alone time, in which I overindulged
because I am weary of the outside world and I do not trust my ability to
Over-complicating and over-analyzing things is my second nature and it allows me to draw insightful conclusions and see meaningful paths, but it also makes it incredibly hard to act and be reactive to what is going on around me. There is a profound disconnection between the world outside and the world inside my head. A love-hate relationship exists between them: I crave sensory stimulation and meaningful relationships, but I don’t have the energy, will, or patience to invest in them and I content myself with just musing about it. During conversations, I rarely say a word or express my true feelings, rather I go with whatever everyone seems to agree with because preserving the group’s harmony is more important. When a topic I am passionate about comes up, though, I would gladly keep talking about it for hours and when people jump to the next topic I can feel all of my arguments still pushing to come out. Often, I will refer to a past conversation when speaking because I simply wasn’t done with it, even when most people were.
Ni is described as living in the future,
which is definitely true: as I’ve said, I am disconnected from the now
and have poor detail-knowledge about my past, but Ni is essentially a
controlling function, who looks at the future not just to find meaning
in the present but to create a specific course of action. It is goal
oriented in everything it does, even though the goal, as well as the
single steps, is not always well defined. In everything I do and am, I
am a perfectionist, I need to always be in control: I set impossibly
high standards for myself that I can never live up to because as soon as
I reach my objective, the standards rise up again. Ni focuses on
concepts and models and Se is very low in my stack, so it is hard for me
to remember all of my accomplishments: when I can’t live up to my
expectations, my self-esteem sinks a little more because I can’t recall
immediately and factually all those times I succeeded.
Ni-Fe forces me to create an ideal image of myself that I need to project unto others because I want them to accept me and perceive me exactly as I want to be perceived, which makes me really hard to get to know and rarely spontaneous. I can be cold and detached when discussing an issue and close off my Fe long enough to choose a course of action without being hindered by feelings, which is why I often appear cold and harsh. Ti also makes me quirky and cynical: I have a dry sense of humor that people seem to appreciate even though it comes out only with those I am more familiar with. My imagination runs wild 24/7: everything I see or think about immediately triggers a process of consequences and I start tracing steps in the future and imagine its development. It feels so real most of the time that, when I come back to earth, it’s strange to see that none of what I have imagined was actually true.
I am an idealist at heart even though it is extraordinarily hard to express with words what I think or believe in. I strive to make people happy often at my own expenses but rarely realize that I am projecting my own idea of happiness onto them rather than understanding what would truly make them happy. Being a good listener is what I am best at: I am that friend that people come to not much for my counsel but for the empathy and my ability to just sit there and listen, even for hours, just hugging you when needed. Empathy is a big part of my personality: I am an emotional sponge and absorb the feelings of the people around me easily, to the point that I need to make a conscious effort to distinguish them from my own and prevent them from taking hold of me.
As far as Se goes, I enjoy sensory stimulation and rewards: I am an occasional adventurer, given some time to adjust to a new situation I will experiment and enjoy it as much as any Se user, even if for shorter periods of time. Routine bores me and I crave new and meaningful experiences. I practice ballet, I draw, I write, I paint, I am learning the play the piano, I travel, I enjoy watching cartoons and go out for long walks, I sing. Nature is always new and magic and I often find myself gazing out of a window and admiring it with wide eyes. I have camped and spent nights awake to watch the stars or wait for the sun to rise, I crave the excitement of new adventures but I not always have the energy for them: the time must be ‘right’. I do tidy my room, stretch, overeat or fast when I am especially down or need to feel in control again, sometimes I muse about getting drunk and let all of my walls down too, but it rarely happens unless I am truly sleep-deprived.
How others see me: people close to me see me as excessively introverted, cynical, logical, cold, wise, responsible, and occasionally too deep. They believe that I should engage with the world more and that I have a tendency to over-complicate simple things. My being ‘dense’ about the environment and what is happening around me occasionally annoys them. People less close to me see me as sweet and caring, timid, quiet and overly silent, maybe aloof. I have been described as a cinnamon roll but also as cold and insensitive. I believe I come off as an ISXJ to most because I rarely show Ni’s musings and my need to feel in control and calculate possibilities to be sure of their outcome can be perceived just as an attempt not to stray from routine or familiar paths.
The perception of INFJ: mystical beings, too wise for their years, who know everything about you and everyone else in your life. Occasional manipulators, profound spiritual guides who will cry when they mistakenly kill an ant. Impossible to get to know, would rather spend all their life inside their heads than socializing or being in the real world.