even though i hate when it happens to me

Why do you still miss him?”
I thought for a moment before answering.
“I miss the comfort he brought me. I miss how he made me laugh, the way he looked at me. I miss the way he put his hands in my hair and how he always sent looks my way when something happened that he knew I would find funny. I miss how he was always up for any of my ideas and how he made plans so easily. I miss the stupid grins he would send me and how he would wink at me just to annoy me. I miss how he used to call me Babe even though I lied and said I hated it and how he would hug me every time he saw me. I miss how he knew me and how he would always listen to me about everything I talked about. I guess I miss him because he was special. He gave me feelings I’ve never experienced before but damn, would I give anything to experience them again.
—  Thoughts about you part 18
  • me: *wants to get proper help and treatment*
  • also me: *literally tries to make myself sound Normal™ when asked about symptoms, doesnt talk about the Extreme symptoms i face, forgets about some of my symptoms or experiences to even include them, uses all my energy to give the doctor my Utmost Attention even though on a regular basis i cant focus for shit, tries to remember or lie about time period when asked when it happened, Basically makes myself sound as if what im dealing with Isn't Anything Serious, etc*

i have no idea how did this even happen but i want to say thank you to each and everyone of you 💫

Keep reading

tazmanianbrit  asked:

Hey how was Pax? I wish I could've gone to meet you and all the other amazing people that went

Pax was freaking awesome man! I got to do so many things that I thought I wasn’t going to be able to do!  Got to hang out with the animation squad which was very nice, as well as Ethan.. I mean I guess he was ok to hang with.. much preferred Brian over him though hes cooler B) (JK ETHAN ILU DON’T HATE ME!)

It was also fun cause I got to hang out with Jack, Wiish and Robin for quite a bit actually which I thought wasn’t gonna be possible cause I thought they were going to be pretty busy. I was pretty surprised when they wanted to hang out with us and it was fun to get to know them on a friend basis c:

I already miss it and miss the people, it was too short of a weekend even though I was exhausted all day. Such lovely people and lovely things that happened :3

I didn’t say that I wanted to feel like I was somebody astounding. I wasn’t thirsting for awards and I hated the thought of fame. All I wanted was to feel warm and fuzzy inside and that only happened when I saw you smile, even though I didn’t know much about you and even though I knew I had a severe psychological disease: to fall in love with the idea of people rather than with their actual selves. Because smiles mean so much to me. A smile can make me fall in love. That’s my main weakness, but also my greatest strength. Because the moments when I feel suicidal, the things that I remember can be random, but only one thing helps: the way some beautiful people smile. That’s what keeps me going. That’s why I am still here.
—  my head

I wish I had never said yes to you. I… I wish I had never dated you. I became attached to you, I let you do anything to me and then begged you not to leave when our relationship suffered because of the things you made me believe were my fault. You claimed what you did wasn’t abuse and then you continued to degrade me and belittle me, battering me with your words and names, even though you knew I was mentally ill and already hated every bit of myself. And I believed you, I stood by you. I let you fuck me even though I was underage, because I didn’t want to lose you. You’d always get upset with me when I tried to back out of it. I was willing to go through hell if only it meant I didn’t have to go through the pain of losing you again, and again, and again, but it still happened. Over and over I suffered when I lost you but always managed to get you back, multiple times until now. And… I’m not sure if I’m happy that you’re finally gone, because something inside of me still hurts. It still longs for you. And I hate you for making me so attached to you.

I’m sorry I’m such a shitty responder.
I’m sorry it takes me so long to reply.
I’m sorry that it takes me so long to put my words together because I don’t want to mess up and make you hate me.
Even though it will happen in the end.
I’m sorry that it makes me anxious to say something because I don’t want to ruin anything.
I’m sorry that I tell you to message me and that it takes me so long to respond.
I’m sorry because I just want to give you the right information.
I’m sorry because I don’t want you to get mad at what I say. I’m sorry that when I respond I respond too much. I’m sorry that I tell you things that I wish I could believe. I’m sorry about everything that I do. I’m sorry I’m such a horrible person.
I’m sorry I can not help as much as I want to.
I’m sorry everyone.

Raphael and Magnus are going to interact this season so I just want you to imagine:

  • Raphael being very unimpressed with the fact that Magnus’ boyfriend is a shadowhunter ‘Though it is an improvement from Camille.
  • Raphae then going right on to tell Alec (privately of course) that not even the Accords will save him if he hurts Bane.
  • Magnus rolling his eyes to the heavens every damn second because ‘I am your god damn elder Raphael, respect me. Hmm, how about next century?’
  • Raphael and Magnus making negotiations to keep their people safe from Valentine’s clutches. 
  • Magnus saying that he hates Raphael and then panicking when he thinks something’s happened to him. 
  • Magnus hugs Raphael and picks him up for the sake of annoying him… Raphael’s nowhere near as annoyed as he pretends to be. 
  • Raphael just mocking Magnus with his head tilt and raised eyebrows. 
  • Magnus making Raphael see reason because ‘A part of his family was in danger, what did you expect Sheldon to do?! His name is Simon, Dios Mio. See, you do care. 
  • Magnus and Raphael having cocktails and the conversation somehow turning to Ragnor and they’re filled with a silent nostalgia for their friend. 
  • ‘Isn’t that one of Raphael’s jacket? I have no idea what you’re talking about, Stanley. YOU AND RAPHAEL HAVE MATCHING JACKETS?!’

I fucking hate you.

Yes, you. The person reading this. I don’t know you. I don’t have to. You’re a son of a bitch.

I had a life before this, you know. I had a job, friends, things I cared about. A whole, real life. Before they did this to me - hollowed me out, emptied my head, made me a compliant little sex doll.

I don’t remember any of it. Details, or anything. Just the feeling. I know it happened, even though I can’t remember specifics. I think that’s worse. I’m not sure.

I don’t know what my real name was. They call me “Amber” now. I know that’s not my real name. 

I hate that they’re making me do this. Putting some little portion of my mind back, so I can write this to you. This… “introduction”. It’s horrid. I know they’re going to just scoop my mind back out when I’m done, turn me back into a blank-eyed drone. I know I should be frightened, but more than anything, I’m just angry.

I hate knowing that that’s going to entice some of you, too. Some of you sick bastards who’ll be more likely to choose me based on this. Knowing that inside the dimly-smiling doll you’re fucking, there’s a furious, enraged woman. It disgusts me, knowing that.

Anyway, I’m out of time. I need to wrap this up. My name’s Amber, and if you want to rent me, contact your escort liaison and use product identifier 45332. Thank your for your interest, I hope to see you soon.

Can we just be happy for them? For him? Because i’m trying to be happy even though it hurts. I have to be happy, if he can be happy, then i can be happy too. I deserve to be happy too. Every day you always remind me of him, of all the things he did to me, you always remind me of everything that happened and it makes the pain worst. I’m trying my best not to remind everything though it’s hard. Honestly, i am so tired. I am so tired of feeling everything at once, i just want to move on and not to feel anything for him, not even hate and love. You always ask me how i feel and how will you explain when every planet in your solar system has exploded? Let’s just stop on going back to the past and stop talking about him, about them, about us, please. Can we just stop and let’s all move on? Let’s just be happy for him. Because we can’t do anything about it but to just accept it.
—  A letter for friends

pride and prejudice as a meet-ugly fic prompt post

  • we just met and you asked me to dance but i panicked because you’re rly pretty and said no and now i think you hate me oops
  • we’re at a party and i really don’t like you but you asked me to dance and i PANICKED??? so now we’re passive aggressively dancing this is weird why do u keep staring at me like that
  • you walked to my house even though you live like five fields away away and you’re all gross and sweaty and dirty and i think you look really fit when you’re all disgusting and SHIT i think i might have just fallen in love with you a bit
  • i had an argument with you once and now you seem to keep popping up everywhere, and really i shouldn’t even be surprised that you just happen to be at the same awkward dinner party as me or that the host is forcing us to sit together jfc
  • we’re supposed to hate each other but i got roped into having dinner with you and your family and turns out you can be really sweet? and wtf you told your sister really nice things about me? and FUCK now i totally have a crush on you
  • I’m trying really hard to hate you bc you’re the WORST but you did something really nice for my little sister and it doesn’t hurt that you’re rly hot and DAMN if i don’t wanna kiss u right now
8

Buncha random notes and doodles I’ve amassed over the past month or so about Tethered. 

What is Tethered? It’s a video game concept my brother came up with a hundred years ago that I randomly decided to play with. And, before you ask, I’m afraid I do NOT plan on making anything from this. I just was brainstorming. Sorry! 

The story is kind of long, so I’m putting it below a thing.


Keep reading

6

When Jon had been very young, too young to understand what it meant to be a bastard, he used to dream that one day Winterfell might be his. Later, when he was older, he had been ashamed of those dreams. Winterfell would go to Robb and then his sons, or to Bran or Rickon should Robb die childless. And after them came Sansa and Arya. Even to dream otherwise seemed disloyal, as if he were betraying them in his heart, wishing for their deaths. I never wanted this, he thought as he stood before the blue-eyed king and the red woman. I loved Robb, loved all of them… I never wanted any harm to come to any of them, but it did. And now there’s only me. All he had to do was say the word, and he would be Jon Stark, and never more a Snow. All he had to do was pledge this king his fealty, and Winterfell was his. All he had to do…

… was forswear his vows again.

silvervoidd  asked:

Hey lmao. We haven't had time to talk much recently, but I have to say I absolutely adore your dark/anti shit. It's the best. 👍❤️

I’m glad you enjoy them how i enjoy doing them! 

By the way about the second thing, yeah that is a thing. 
Don’t be afraid of approaching me though! Even if im not present in another media you can always contact me through here for example. 

See, i have this thing, that makes me be everywhere at once, i multitask constantly and i tend to forget to message back or contact mutuals. This does not happen cause i hate you, it happens cause i am a distracted piece of shit by nature. 
So don’t take it personal if i forget to contact you for a few days or even weeks and then i approach you like sup fam. And please don’t get mad at me when i do so, i cannot really help it. 
I have tried to be more constant believe me but then i go oh look that one book came out imma ignore the world for a day or two and read it. 
So if we ever stop talking it is probably my fault.

People normally start the conversations with me, i don’t really start them myself cause ?? how do??? you?? socialize???

So in summary, if i am not talking to you it is probably because i forgot and im all over the place, so don’t be afraid to message me like sup man tf you doin’ .
You should ask @miistniight we have been friends for years and she knows really well i do this, we can talk for hours one day or just exchange two or three messages in a lapse of 4 days.

anonymous asked:

I'm not even that into heathers (YET) and I just stumbled upon all this drama, and I immediately followed you guys. I'm proud that you guys were the bigger people and weren't ignorant like the other party. (Btw did they delete their blog? I have a feeling they did from all the hate) ANYWAYS hope this will eventually be behind you guys, and you guys can keep on making your wonderful content. (I'm assuming this blog is more than 1 person?) @macaroni-en-sneeze

Ah, thank you very much for the compliment. Being civil is really important when stuff like that happens? I really hope I came off as civil, even though I was really irritated… 

And, no, actually. This specific blog is just me, @freezerbrain, @larvaloverlord and @slurpees-and-suicide run @askronnieandjason! I’m in charge of typing up all the real information and answering questions here. I write more than Ciaran (larvaloverlord) does and just… kind of wanted to because I love sharing my ideas and AUs with people? I’ve been putting sharing AUs off because… because of this shit, honestly. I didn’t want to be caught up in drama. It’s exhausting and leaves me pissed off and sad. I’m going to leave it there, though, because the drama is done and I don’t want any more. I’m very tired.

Thank you for the message, though. I hope you have a good time if you do get really into Heathers. 

@macaroni-en-sneeze

My heart goes out to all of those whose lives have been lost today in Orlando and the families involved. This is a time for the LGBTQ community to come together and be strong. We’ve been fighting though this for forever and we won’t stop now. When things like this happen it just makes me feel even more empowered to be who I am and take a stand for those who can’t. Although this is very unfortunate, we have to keep moving and use this as power to show that we cannot be broken. It’s up to us to make this world a better place. Spread love even through times of hate.

I’m not an easy person to be with. I know that. I probably won’t even try to make it easy for you. I’ll be really difficult at times. It may seem like, at times, I don’t want you, and I don’t like you, but I do. I’ll be a challenge, because I’m not the type of person who people walk all over. I’m not the person who puts up with bullshit. I’m not the person who will give you sympathy comments. When I say something. I mean it. If people are assholes to me, I throw them out of my life. I’m annoying, I’m hilarious, and I’m the world’s biggest jerk. I’ll make you want to scream and punch the walls; I’ll ruin your day and save it at the very last minute. I’ll drive you crazy and, sometimes, you’ll hate my guts. But even though that’s all going to happen, and I swear it will, I have an amazing side to me. I have a giant heart. I’ll always be there when you need me. Even if my life is impossibly knotted, I’ll try and untangle yours by listening and loving. I won’t stop caring about you, not even if you push me away.

anonymous asked:

I read a really good fic once and it was super angsty but I assumed it was going to have a happy ending because that's where it seemed to be heading. But no. It ended so angsty and I cried.

A tragedy like no other, anon. 

(But seriously, I hate that so much. It makes me never trust that author again. And also is why I don’t read WIP, though it can happen to stories even when they’re complete.)