even if my current ranting is only coincidental with the date

joyfularizona-deactivated201506  asked:

I hope you weren't referring to me as a "Callie hater." I, in no way, hated on Callie. I only responded to a post that seemed to have a Callie vs. Arizona feel to it, and I explained that their drinking habits were different and not worthy of comparison. I understand the perspective now, but there wasn't any elaboration until after my post. Not everyone is picking a fight. Anyway, I wanted to clear that up. Have a good day.

Short answer: No, not you,specifically.

The tags you’re referring to, are the result of a long observation process (my lunch breaks are boring) I’ve made; not that post in particular, so I understand why you’d think it was aimed at you. It wasn’t. Also, thanks for letting me hijack your ask!

Really long answer (in order to clarify which thought process I was referring to): 

You can’t explore characters in a vacuum; you can’t dissect them fairly without a context. With Callie, I’ve frequently observed it’s the way to go, with some people.

I evaluate Callie’s decision in 11x05 within the context of their whole marriage, not within the context of the episode. (I did the same with Arizona’s decision in 9x23, but thanks to the writers’ refusal or inability to show us what’s she’s thinking or feeling, it took me a while). Some people evaluate it within the context of what is convenient for their already established preferences and favorites. For example, they are able to understand where Arizona is coming from with the cheating (her reasons for doing it), or why Arizona slept with Leah, but they can’t understand why Callie ended it in 11x05 or why Callie wants to date and have some fun, right now. Both unilateral decisions (9x23 and 11x05) have, while completely different in their execution and circumstances, same results for the marriage: Both gave up on their marriage, but, at this point, only Callie is being judged for it. That’s the basic, simple example. But you know, it’s totally normal if it applies to someone who identifies as an Arizona fan, not a Callie one.

I get it. I, too, tend to use assumptions to justify my perceptions, preferences and favorite characters, in order to feel I have some grasp on what’s going on with the narrative. 

I, too, against what I’d like to see on the show, tend to assume certain things about Arizona, because the writers give us very little to go on, with that particular character. So, based on what I see about her, I draw some conclusions. However, I don’t evaluate the things I don’t like about her (I also don’t like some things about Callie, obviously) in a world without cause-effect. Again, with Callie, that seems to be a pattern among some fans.

Like, I posted my feelings last week about the Herman/Arizona scene (I loved all their other scenes) when she calls her a dirty girl, which I hated, and then I realized I was being pretty intense about it. Then I decided I’ll let it there, marinating in the uncertainty of not knowing if Arizona will ever apologize on screen. I want to be wrong about my conclusions of what she feels. I love her, so I want to be wrong. I’m not the kind of person that dislikes a character because they don’t love the other character I like.

So, I use the term ‘Callie Haters’ and not ‘Arizona Fans/Lovers’, because I am an Arizona fan/lover. Loving Arizona doesn’t mean you have to feel the opposite towards Callie. And loving Callie, certainly doesn’t mean no one can say anything remotely critical of her. Same goes for Arizona!

It’s just some people clearly don’t understand this concept and I find it amusing. Most of all, I find it hypocrite. My observations are for the ones who identify as a Calzona shipper, but clearly don’t like/can’t stand/hate Callie. When you say you love them both but can’t show the same empathy and courtesy for both, then identify yourself as an Arizona lover/Callie hater, or vice versa if it’s the case, which is completely fine.

Here’s the pattern, I’ve observed:

*Arizona/Boswell flirting* 
Callie haters: *come up with 30876 theories to explain Arizona’s behavior.* She won’t cheat! It’s not like she’s Callie, Lol.

*Arizona cheats*
Callie haters: It’s mostly Callie’s fault, anyway.

*Arizona acts (during the first half of S10, except 10x03) like it was no big deal* 

Callie haters: Can you blame her? Callie is mad that she cheated on her! The nerve!    

*Callie acts very petty, angry and hurt during first half of S10. Especially on 10x04*
Callie haters: How dare she have a reaction to Arizona’s cheating?! Who does she think she is; her wife?!

*Arizona sleeps with Murphy, still wearing her wedding ring and necklace and she says to Emma: I don’t think we’re divorced *
[I can’t remember verbatim what she said]
Callie haters: My baby is so confused. But she and Leah, OMG, so hot.

*Arizona says in 10x13 almost exactly the same thing Callie says in 11x05. Callie ends it, during therapy, after explaining to Arizona how she feels, why she’s doing it.*
Callie haters: Callie is the devil reincarnated. How dare she explain her feelings, after everything they’ve gone through?! [Insert various insults]      

*Arizona says she exchanged her marriage for the fellowship.*

Callie haters: *crickets sounds*

*They’ve established they’re divorced*

*There’s a side Jenna might have a fling with Callie*
Callie haters: How dare she?! She’s going to sleep with the entire hospital, I bet. SHE’S HAVING A MID-LIFE CRISIS! 
*Flashbacks to Arizona sleeping with the “entire hospital” before meeting Callie, as seen on 8x18. No one judged her for that. It’s the same thing*

*Callie does not sleep with Jenna.*

Callie haters: She’s an alcoholic, anyway. [Even tough she’s been always shown in a scene with another main character, also drinking] 

*Callie shows vulnerability and lack of confidence in 11x10*

Callie haters: Can’t even flirt for her life. LOL.

*Arizona speaks to Amelia for 4 seconds* 
Callie haters: Oh my God. They’re gonna bang, aren’t they? Oh, God let them bang. They’re so perfect for each other. I hope they get married!

*There’s a side of a guy possibly flirting/dating Callie in future episodes*
Callie haters: *hardcore biphobic rant*

*Arizona laughs while Herman makes a reference to her cheating on Callie*

Callie haters: Oh come on, it was funny! You gotta laugh, right? Don’t be so sensitive, geez!

[But when Callie said she wanted to throw Arizona out of a window, all hell broke loose]

*sneak peak of 11x13 shows Callie being jealous and a little bitter -and recognizing it – of Arizona and Herman being friends*

Callie haters: Oh my God, now she’s trying sabotage Arizona’s only friendship! She’s the most annoying person on the show. Whiny [insert insult]!

 So, apparently,

 1.- Callie is NOT allowed to feel bad about their divorce, because she’s the one who ended it. So, even when we saw her almost choking in her own tears on 11x05 and how she felt while Jenna flirted with her in 11x10, she’s not allowed to be affected by their current situation.

2.- Callie didn’t try to fight for their marriage during 11x05, she doesn’t know what it means to be married. Coincidentally, in 10x09 when she decides to fight for their marriage is on her that it failed, once again. She’s the one, after all, who decided to give Arizona a chance. It was her choice.

Like, apparently Arizona was held at gunpoint to return to their place (or Callie’s place, as she called it).

So, the awesome logic is that, because Callie’s apparently the only one who decided to try in that moment, she’s the one to blame because they failed. And yes, I do agree that if Callie felt that she’d never be able to forgive Arizona for her affairs, she shouldn’t have asked her to go back home. I do believe that reconciliation was utterly weird and wrong. But she did try, and Arizona tried, too! This notion, inadvertently, says Arizona just went along with the fixing and didn’t express her discomfort with Callie’s behavior, which she did! In 10x10, 10x11, 10x12 and 10x13.

3.- This awesome selective empathy also points out that Arizona’s the only one allowed to feel trauma from everything that happened post plane-crash. Not Callie, why should she? It’s a competition, apparently.

They both tried and failed. They’ve both been on autopilot, half assing every decision. Why focus on one, when you can focus on the two doing it wrong? 

tl;dr, if someone hates Callie, it’s okay! But own it? 

Anyway, the cognitive dissonance that comes with the affirmation that you love the couple but demonstrate you dislike/hate one of them is fascinating. It’s been growing and spreading like weed.

I just want to see them both, happy. I know a lot of people do, too! They took turns hurting each other and screwing thing up. I’m ready to see them prove themselves they’re both enough, on their own. And then hopefully, eventually, together.