even if i never talk to you

sentientdessert  asked:

Is it okay to just give up fighting when you're feeling depressed and just hope it goes away sooner than later?

Please don’t give up. You are loved and you matter. You are not alone in the fight, and you are worth the fight.

I know that sounds like platitudes right now, because Depression does its best to weigh us down and make us believe that we’re never going to get through it, but we always do.

It worries me that you’re talking about giving up. I want you to talk to a professional as soon as you can. Here are some resources:

And here are some things I do to help myself when I’m struggling:

  • Take a shower.
  • Eat a nutritious meal.
  • Take a walk outside (even if it’s literally to the corner and back).
  • Do something – throw a ball, play tug of war, give belly rubs – with a dog. Just about any activity with my dogs, even if it’s just a snuggle on the couch for a few minutes, helps me.
  • Do five minutes of yoga stretching.
  • Listen to a guided meditation and follow along as best as you can.

I’m sorry you’re suffering right now. That sucks a lot. I’m suffering right now too, and I went to my doctor today so we could talk about switching up my meds to help me get better. If I can do it, so can you. I promise.

Please check in with me in a day or two and let me know how you’re doing.

i just expect too much is all. i don’t understand how other people don’t have the inherent need to be close to people. they go through their lives without deep conversations and they’re fine with it. “how was your day?” “fine, how was yours?” “good.” it’s a simple life, sure, but a life i don’t know how to be a part of.

because it’s hard to live a simple life when you’re so complicated and everything makes you feel strongly. so when i get too close to people, i share everything. i tell them the whole story about my coworker’s relationship troubles and about how my old one is getting engaged. about the conversations i had with my cat, smoking weed in the back bedroom, how my mom asked me if i wasn’t in my room because i was eating oreos and i said yes. i tell them every pointless story that happened in my day, about how i have a test this week and how i’m studying the heart and hey wait did you know that a heart murmur is just a sound different than wub dub, the sound of your heart valves closing as blood flows through them? i tell them about how i slept on khalid’s album, everything my friends told me about the last time we were drunk. i tell them everybody’s secrets, including my own.

when i get close to people, i get really close. i leave no room for anyone else. they become my number one priority. i drop everything for them and i expect them to drop everything for me. but that’s the thing, you know, when you go too far for people - you can only have one person you go too far for, otherwise you’re sacrificing your mental health, and i know that, so it was always you to me.

i guess what i’m saying is you were my person. and i guess i was never yours. and it feels like a part of me is missing because you never shared yourself with me the way i shared myself with you. you can tell anybody “good” but i can’t tell everyone about the time i called the cops on my dad when i was 14. i try to reach out to other people but i am too afraid to get close because i know what happens when i get close and it usually ends up with me facing rejection or ignoring everybody else. and even if i could, nobody feels like you. nobody acts like you. nobody is you. you are irreplaceable to me. but i can’t be close to you anymore even if i wanted to be because you’re not you anymore; our relationship has changed.

so i’m stuck in this reality where i can’t even reach out to you anymore. it doesn’t feel the same. we’re different people now. i don’t feel anything when i talk to you now. there’s nothing but splinters and empty space. and this is what i always wanted - to get over you, but i’ve never felt so alone. it feels like my heart is breaking all over again.

because who do i tell these things to now? who can listen to me talk the way you did without telling me i’m being annoying, without telling me to shut up? you know, it’s okay when i’m happy. but when i’m down - and i mean really down - who can i share my deepest fears with without oversharing?

so i share a handful of stories to every person in my life because i don’t have anybody to tell everything to anymore and the people in my life still say i talk too much but there’s just. so much to say. i don’t know how people don’t turn 2 minute stories into 15 because there’s so much that happened to me today between the people i saw in traffic, the smell of the rain, the new shoes i bought online, what i learned in school. and i feel like if people don’t know every single thing about me, they don’t even know me. getting close takes a lot of vulnerability. and nobody’s ever known me the way that you did. and nobody’s ever left more drastically.

so i don’t light up the way i used to because i don’t know how to be interested in things when i can’t tell you about them. small things aren’t enough. food doesn’t taste as good anymore and i don’t like school anymore and my favorite songs make me cry and everything makes me cry, really, and i don’t know how to open up.

because loving you is like forcing a square peg into a circle. you don’t fit into my life anymore and it kills me.

raleighansens  asked:

hey i have a q; what are your thoughts on jack calling will 'arrogant' on the stand in 2x03? i've never thought of will as arrogant, given how he lets himself be treated and his self deprecating comments - he hates publicity. i think he can be self righteous, but he never struck me as arrogant

Will’s totally arrogant. XD Honestly, I’m not sure what self-deprecating comments you might mean here: even when he is talking about being “broken” back in S1, he does it in an arrogant way. “Do you have anyone who does this better unbroken than I do broken?” I mean, jeez.

Avoiding socializing, disliking being the center of attention and being poked and prodded, having a distaste for Freddie Lounds’s kind of publicity–none of these counter being arrogant. They just mean you don’t like people, and often with good reason. And in Will’s case, that he finds them largely intolerable does not have to do with any self-deprecation, but exactly the opposite. There’s a reason why Hugh said we needed to see the side of Will that has the dogs “because otherwise he’s just an asshole.”

Nor does the notion that continuing to work for Jack in spite of Jack being an asshole and his own health deteriorating means that Will “lets himself be treated” poorly. Actually, Will is the only person on Jack’s team who ever stands up to him: if Jack yells, Will yells back. Sometimes even when Jack doesn’t yell, Will yells. Beverly finds it astounding: “I’ve never heard anyone talk to Jack the way you talk to Jack.”

(Will’s abusive relationship with Hannibal–and abusive relationships in general–are not dependent on poor self-esteem on the part of the victim, although that can play a part in some situations. But I caution against the notion that victims allow themselves to be victimized because of something like this. In Will’s case, what’s going on is different, and a post for another time. Or from another time. I’m sure I’ve written on this before.)

Will is insulting to those he doesn’t respect. He has no care for if Freddie Lounds is a reporter when he mouths off to her. Will shuts the door in Zeller’s face that one time too. He’s mouthy toward Hannibal in their first couple of meetings and says right out, “I don’t find you that interesting.” I mean, who DOES that except someone who is arrogant???

And this leaves aside the issue of whether or not he was displaying hubris when he decided to take Hannibal down. ANY time he decided to take Hannibal down. 

None of this is necessary to justify Jack’s statement at trial, though, because IIRC, Jack was answering a question about his first impression of Will at their meeting discussing the Evil Minds Research Museum’s name. We didn’t get to see that scene, but one way or another, Will only has to have been enough of an ass to make Jack get that first impression. And I think that’s well within Will’s wheelhouse. 

Look even if we’ve never talked before you can always come into my askbox and just be like “bitch you won’t BELEIVE what sharon did today” and I’ll pull up a chair and grab my popcorn and say “what the fuck did sharon do now???”

Like OK seriously don’t comment on a person’s fic for the sole purpose of telling them you don’t like a ship therein

I’m not talking about “I don’t usually grok this ship but you made it work for me”, some folk do have a problem with that but I don’t

I’m talking about “I don’t see why they’d get together but okay” when all you’ve read is a summary

I’m talking about “why would you even think of this ship, anyway nice story otherwise”

I’m talking about “this would be better if it was X ship instead”

These are all comments I have personally gotten over the years and I will never understand putting the effort into typing something like that out on some random piece of work, like if you really dislike it that much how did you even get to the point where you ended up in my comment box

I’m usually over here writing rare pairs too like go away to your fanon OTPs with a thousand fics and leave me in my cave thanks I’ve got my own fire going

“I won’t forgive you. I don’t want to be your friend, your partner, or even an associate of yours anymore. You’ve proven time and time again just how awful you are, and what’s worse is you never seem to learn. You’ve done nothing but lie and be manipulative, and it’s clear talking problems out with you is no longer a viable option. So, no, I won’t forgive you for your shitty behavior because I know for a fact ‘sorry’ is just a shallow 'get out of jail’ card and has very little meaning to you.“

anonymous asked:

new meme is calling Tumblr lesbians out for never having sex; we’re only mad bc it’s true, be the change you want to see gals

ladies…..i get it. talking to girls is hard. and even when you do talk to them, everything else is hard too. i know why youre not having sex. it’s the same reason i’m not: even when you do get out there (maybe u go to a bar) and you meet someone cute, the two of you spend half the night pretending you arent looking at each other. then when u realize, shit, it’s getting late, i should talk to her! u muster up the courage and you go over to her. maybe you start dancing together! maybe youre just talking. at some point you find her face close to yours and you think, is this really happening is this rly happening omg omg we’re gonna kiss!!!! and then you DO! and it’s great. 

but the bar is gonna close soon and it really is getting late so you boldly ask her if she wants to come over (because alcohol/prozac has dulled your social anxiety and the night is already going ur way). she accepts the invitation and you’re holding her hand and your hand is sweating and oh god what if she notices. you make weird smalltalk, both of u knowing where the night is headed, and it’s suddenly awkward and u wonder if youre making a mistake. 

when u make it to your apartment, not wanting to seem eager, you offer her something to drink and sit down on the couch. you start talking. she notices u have the complete dvd set of the x-files even tho dvd players are out of vogue, and she says something. the two of you start talking about scully and how beautiful she is and how much u love mulder and want them to find the truth… you move on to an intense discussion about the universe and what might really be out there. you’re talking about the meaning of life, and you’re talking about your past and your complicated relationship with religion and the ways your parents fucked you up… you look out the window and realize the light is coming up and you’re exhausted and still sitting on the couch next to this cutie and all of your clothes are still on, and you think to yourself……..god. not again

Caitlin “she talks a lot”/“I can’t, even if I wanted to”/“let me conspire to kill you and then get forgiven for it a few mere episodes later with no repercussions” Snow should not now nor ever receive Iris West-Allen’s help over her lifelong best friend and newlywed husband Barry “I loved you before I knew what the world love meant"/“I’ve never stopped thinking about you”/“you’re everything to me”/“Runnin’ Home to You” Allen and that’s the tea on that nonsense 

anonymous asked:

if you say he said it because you wrote that comment, thats great, but stop rubbing it in peoples faces like " I wrote that comment, he said it because of ME', dont be like that, dont get full of yourself

why would i get full of myself because of a comment he might’ve not even seen ? i’m not. i was just excited so i was sharing my excitement,, on my blog,, i mentioned it 2 times and just one more time when people asked me. it was hours ago?? i never phrased it like that, you’re twisting my words. do you message all people who talked about something that made them a little bit happy because it for some reason upsets you? here’s a tip: please don’t

the-flightoficarus  asked:

"Everything is different now.” I AM SCREAMING OMG WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT! I WAS PANICKING ALONG WITH STEVE SO MUCH! You've killed me. I'm dead.

You know what’s funny? When I first wrote that line I didn’t even think it was all that dramatic. But then I reread the chapter and realized that “Everything is different now” is almost as scary as “we need to talk” and that completely changed that moment for me, that’s why I made sure Tony was like no no no honey you’re still mine that’s never gonna change.

Seeing Blind


Warnings: none??

Summary: in which life is hard and you make it easier

A/N: first of all shout out to my bby @arachnid-kid for allowing me to get soft bc of Niall, then this may or may not be good idk I’m rusty, lastly I’m super nervous to post this cause not only did an IRL find me but like Best Things First is still a shitty thing so we’ll see if this flops

I have seen, seen it all in paper dreams
Watched it unfold on the screen
But I never understood
I have heard, have heard you speak a million words
Now you’re talking to me first
I never thought you would

You come face to face with Peter Parker as he slams his locker door shut. You hold up a finger before he starts talking allowing you to go first. He silently thanks the universe because he couldn’t have talked first even if he wanted to.


“You couldn’t even bother to watch the movie? It’s got Leonardo DiCaprio dude it’s such a good movie” you shove your hands into the front pouch of your jacket to prevent Peter from seeing them. Peter on the other hand isn’t focused on your shaking hands he’s focused on trying to figure out what the hell you’re talking about, why you’re even talking to him, and most importantly he’s focused on your eyes. He only opens his mouth when he figures out that you’ve come to rub his mistake from English class in his face.


“Listen I’ve been busy with stuff. I haven’t had time for Leonardo DiCaprio or Gatsby or anyone for that matter.” He shrugs his bag onto his shoulder more trying to get his heart beating again after he hears how harsh that last part was.


“I know Tony Stark has been keeping you busy since like freshman year but can you spare one afternoon for a tutoring session? It’ll be right after school, in the library, just me and you.” You propose crossing your fingers inside of tour jacket. He lets out a sigh, hoping you didn’t catch how shaky it was, and accepts your offer.


I was young, my heart was always on the run
But you make lovin’ fun
I never knew it could be
Hey, I see you from a different point of view
I feel it’s too good to be true
I found my missing piece


When it came time to pick colleges Peter struggled with the idea of staying in Queens as Spider-Man with you or moving away to attend some big technical college that offered him a full ride. You encouraged him to take the offer “because it’s a once in a lifetime opportunity Petey” “y/n like 500 people get this scholarship” “500 is a small number Peter”.


The feeling of ‘if I leave Queens y/n is gonna end up like uncle Ben’ still nagged at Peter every night, but you insisted that you could hold your own “and plus Petey the school I want to go to in Queens is like my third safety school”.


Peter knew you were the one for him the day you forced him to actually read about Jay and Daisy, but the feeling was reinforced during those days. The countless amount of nights you spent finishing up his homework while he saved the world “it’s only like a B worthy paper but you’ll still be passing the class with a high 80” “what about a B+ paper?” “You’re gonna take a B paper or you can ask your criminals to conjugate your verbs”.


When it came time for him to move cross country you went with him, intending to stay for a week, finding domestic life something you didn’t quite want to give up just yet. “Hey Petey can I move in with you?” “Y/N, Baby you have Stockholm syndrome go to school” “okay fine Petey”


You’re too good to be all mine
Now I’m looking in your eyes
Oh, I must be seeing blind


Years later Peter would lay in your shared bed wondering how the hell he was lucky enough to end up with you. Life in retirement stressed Peter out more than Superhero life ever would, but you making coffee and him recreating the one meal May taught him how to make every morning the world became normal once more. “How’d you get so lucky to have me?” “I just really didn’t want to read the Great Gatsby” “that sounds about right”

anonymous asked:

i recently found out my parents are going through a divorce. can you write some genji x a reader going through that? ily ❤️

His hands slipped into yours, you just staring blankly at him. It was a shock that you didn’t even have time to react to it yet, you never thought your parents would get divorced it seemed like one of those things that were permanent.

To get evidence otherwise, it was more than you’d ever thought would happen. He squeezed your hand and you came to, eyes flickering up to meet his. He tugged at you slightly, pulling you up to look at him.

“Talk to me,” he said, “anything that’s on your mind.”

“Who’s getting what,” you said, “How are my gifts going to be sorted. Will I have to be afraid of mentioning the other around them.”

He just let you ramble, whatever concern you had coming out and he could see you relax as they eased out of you. Your body eventually just slumped forward, completely exhausted as you sleepily blinked against his knee.

thecuriosityofmars  asked:

Analogical angst? I got you. How about Logan and Virgil always making each other talk about feelings/emotions but bottling their own feelings up/lying about them so the other won't get hurt. They talk about their feelings to Patton and Roman though. One day Roman or Pat mentions it to the other, and angst ensues. (I don't even know if this made sense).

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this is pure trash. i have no excuse. I’m sorry

tagged: @bubblycricket @leesacrakon @polishu @evanisonfire

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They were lying in bed the first time Logan says something, “You know you can talk to me, right?”

“Yeah of course,” Virgil says confusion on his face as he turned in Logan’s arms to look at him.

“Are you okay?” Logan asks.

“Yeah. are you?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay?”

“Okay”

“That was cheesy.”

“Why is that?”

“It’s from a bo… never mind just go to sleep.”

“Okay,” Logan said looking confused, “I love you.”

“I love you too,” he said kissing him before curling up in his lap. Logan kissed his head smiling.

***  

“Why will he not talk to me?” Logan insisted stepping out of his room into Romans path.

“What are you talking about?” Roman asked jumping looking up from his phone.

“Virgil, he won’t talk to me,” Logan complained, “He won’t tell me when somethings wrong. It is frustrating and illogical. I want him to feel like he can come to me. What am I doing wrong?”

“Okay slow down,” Roman said, “Virgil is a very private person. I am sure you aren’t doing anything wrong. Here let’s go somewhere else to talk not in the middle of the hallway,” Roman said grabbing Logan’s arm and taking him to his room.

***  

“Hey kiddo, do you need something?” Patton asked when Virgil appeared in the door of his study looking nervous.

“Um, I’m not sure?”

“Okay well why don’t you come sit down and we’ll talk,” Patton said smiling and patting the spot next to him.

Virgil hesitantly walked in and sat down.

“So, what’s on your mind kiddo?” Patton asked beaming.

“I’m worried? Well I’m always worried, it just feels different. Its scarier I guess? I didn’t have anything to lose before. You guys didn’t like me but now… you guys like me, hell you all claim you care about me but what if you don’t. I don’t worry about you, you have always been nice but what about Logan, what if he doesn’t really love me. What if he’s just saying that to make me stay what if he doesn’t love me?” Virgil asked fighting and avoiding eye contact.

“Virgil, honey,” Patton said softly laying his hand on his shoulder.

“I’m sorry,” Virgil said moving to get up.

“No, don’t go,” Patton said grabbing his wrist he stood up and hugged him tight, “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay?” Virgil said confused.

“He does love you, I promise,” Patton said rocking him.

Virgil just sighed burying his face in Patton’s neck.

***  

“I know I did something wrong,” Logan insists again sitting on a chair in Romans study.

“What happened this time, nerd?” Roman said spinning in his chair to face Logan.

“He’s pulling away. I think he hates me,” Logan said, “I know I’m jumping to conclusions but I think he does.”

“Do you have solid facts and reason behind this?”

“No,” Logan says, “I just feel, oh.”

“There you go,” Roman said spinning back to his work.

“Thank you,” Logan said leaving to go find Virgil.

***  

Logan crawled into Virgil’s lap as he watched a movie on the TV.

“Hey,” Virgil said smiling and kissing his head.

“I love you,” Logan said.

“I love you too,” Virgil said, “You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Logan lied burying his face in his neck.

“If you’re sure?”

“I am,” Logan said.

***  

“Hey Lo,” Patton said as Logan walked into the kitchen.

“Hey Pat,” Logan replied.

“How are you?” Patton asked, “How is Virgil? I know he hasn’t been doing great lately.”

“Oh, I’m good. Virgil wont um talk to me. I’m actually going to um go yeah bye,” Logan said stumbling out of the room.

“Okay?” Patton said staring confused after him.

***  

Logan threw the door open to Virgil’s study, “why won’t you talk to me?”

“What?”

“You’ll talk to Patton but you won’t talk to me,” Logan said, “I love you. I love you so much it’s scary and illogical and I don’t know what to do. I want to help you,” his voice sounded raw and stripped and so hopelessly human, “Please let me help you. Please,” the last word came out near silent.

“I’m sorry,” Virgil said, “I didn’t mean too I’m sorry.”

Logan walked forward, “I just want you to trust me.”

“I do,” Virgil said, “I promise I’m just so nervous you’ll leave if I’m vulnerable. I love you, I trust you. I’m just scared.”

“You don’t have to be scared. I’m not going anywhere,” Logan said wrapping his arms around his waist and resting his head on Logan’s.

“Thank you,” Virgil said voice cracking with tears running down his face, “I love you. Thank you.”

megmegthenutmeg  asked:

I'm so excited to get the charms, even though I'm sad that I could only get two since they won't be sold anymore after this month--I initially thought I wouldn't be able to because of paypal aha- But any who, I wanted to say that your art is so nice and wanted to also say that you're doing great! Running a store is tough and you're doing it!! Well, I've talked enough- have a good day!! :33

!!! I’m so excited for you!! AND IM EXCITED MYSELF! I can’t wait to see them in person honestly!
Honestly I’ll never get over the feeling of waiting in anticipation for a package/shipment… it always excites me ^^

But thank you so so much!!! Running a store is definitely tough and time consuming and huge kudos and respect to anyone that is doing that, especially alone!! I just need a break after this, and especially to prepare for my trip as well. QwQ 
I really hope you like them when I can finally ship them out to ya and they arrive~!!!

We need to talk about Gimme Shelter

I have not even finished reading this yet, and I’m calling fic of the year. I already grieve that my memory can’t be wiped so that I could read this for the first time twice.

I have never given a toss about surfing, but I love the ocean. I grew up by the sea and scuba diving is my seven percent solution. This fic made me dream about it for the first time in a long while.

I didn’t give a toss about baseball or many of the other things excellent fics have opened my eyes to while also entertaining and educating me about. I love seeing fics where people share their passion for something on the side of telling a good love story. I like to think I’ve done that myself.

And it’s not just the love story that makes this fic epic. It’s not _just_ one single thing. It’s the intensity of the whole package, the careful construction of the world, the exquisite pining and the cathartic romance, it’s also the way that particular era is depicted but most of all the way the author has managed to bring the settings alive. The reader is _there_: standing in the crowd watching Johnny and Scotty see each other for the first time, basking in the lazy golden Oahu morning sunlight watching them wake up, standing on the moonlit shore beside Sherlock as he wonders if he’ll ever see the love of his life again, standing in the shallows when John wades in from his run at the Pipeline, having a beer on Greg and Molly’s backyard fearing for John’s decision-making.

Not everyone is going to fall for this as hard as I did but clearly I’m not the only one. This sort of fic doesn’t come around often.

2

“Talia, she’s so cute I might die.”

“Go talk to her,” Talia snorted.

“I don’t even know how to talk to girls.”

“You’ve had a girlfriend before.”

“Yeah, and I met her when I was 10, at the same time I met you. I’ve never had to actually… flirt.”

“So just talk to her like you would talk to anyone. Talk to her like you’d talk to me.”

“I don’t think she’d be impressed by my extensive meme knowledge or my post-traumatic stress disorder, Talia.”

“Okay, so maybe don’t talk to her exactly how you talk to me.”

anonymous asked:

In regards to my earlier ask, how would I go about messaging her? Should I just tell her how I feel and ask if she's into girls Or should I do it casually and just try and start a conversation I've never done this before and I'm so nervous!!

Ehe this is Lee here, but I would recommend trying to get to know her first and possibly forging a friendship!! Most people are more comfortable getting into relationships with people that they’re more emotionally attached to rather than with someone they haven’t ever talked to one on one. Just say hello to her and try to find out more about her while also sharing stuff about yourself!! Maybe sexuality could even come up in the conversation and you would have your answer!!! I wish you all the luck!!!

So with Under the Mask
I’m sure you’re all wondering what I’m getting at
So what I’m trying to do is that I’m trying to give Bronev a personality
The games made him heartless, heck he doesn’t even seem to care for his sons, as he literally almost shot them down with drones in Azran Legacy
I feel like, even if Bronev never got to see his sons grow up, nobody would be that cruel to kill their sons (but it’s Bronev we’re talking about)
But Bronev actively saw Desmond break, he actually triggered his breakdown in front of him, and at first he doesn’t feel bad, he just thought he’d get answers that way
But Desmond is gone. The logic, the man that was there, he was already breaking, crumbling, but Bronev shattered him completely
And he feels bad for causing that much of a breakdown in his son, he only wanted to get a rise, nothing more
With Raymond gone, Desmond’s sanity left with him the moment that gun was fired, and now Bronev wants to fix it