even if i hate you for giving me feels sometimes

I hate it when I tell someone (usually a dude) that I’m bigender and they feel the need to say they don’t find it attractive, call it “a turn-off,” or make a comment about my boyfriend not liking it? Like, first of all, I frankly give zero shits about whether you find me attractive or not, and the fact that you think I do makes me care even less. Second of all, my boyfriend is completely supportive of my identity, and actually likes that I’m a guy sometimes. Imagine that!!

Disney Lyrics Starters

  •  "I want more.“
  • "I’m not meant to play this part.”
  • “If I were to truly be myself I would break my family’s heart.”
  • “Why is my reflection someone that I don’t know.”
  • “No man is worth the aggravation.”
  • “Who do you think you’re kidding?”
  • “Girl, you can’t conceal it.”
  • “No chance, no way, I won’t say it.”
  • “It’s too cliche, I won’t say i’m in love.”
  • “I thought my heart had learned it’s lesson.”
  • “You keep on denying who you are and how you’re feeling.”
  • “Face it like a grown up.”
  • “When you gonna own up.”
  • “Check the grin, you’re in love.”
  • “I won’t say i’m in love.”
  • “You’re way off base.”
  • “Get off my case, I won’t say it.”
  • “In your dreams you will lose your heartache.”
  • “Have faith in your dreams.”
  • “You’ve got power in your corner now.”
  • “You ain’t never had a friend like me.”
  • “Come on and whisper what you want.”
  • “I’ve got a powerful urge to help you out.”
  • “You think i’m an ignorant savage.”
  • “How can there be so much that you don’t know.”
  • “You think you own whatever land you land on.”
  • “I wonder why I didn’t see it there before.”
  • “Who’d have ever thought this could be?”
  • “I admit in the past i’ve been a nasty.”
  • “I’ve mended all my ways.”
  • “It’s a talent I always have possessed.”
  • “Someone couldn’t pay the price.”
  • “A girl who gossips is a bore.”
  • “It’s she who holds her tongue that gets the man.”
  • “Make your choice!”
  • “I’m a very busy woman.”
  • “I haven’t got all day.”
  • “It won’t cost much.”
  • “Now’s your moment.”
  • “We all must pay the price.”
  • “I can show you the world.”
  • “When did you last let your heart decide?”
  • “I can open your eyes.”
  • “I can’t go back to where I use to be.”
  • “Let me share this whole new world with you.”
  • “I can see what’s happening.”
  • “Disaster’s in the air.”
  • “Time is racing towards us.”
  • “Heed my every order and you might survive.”
  • “I only steal what I can’t affort.”
  • “One jump ahead of the hitman.”
  • “I’ve got that wanderlust.”
  • “The world is my backyard.”
  • “I’ve only got myself.”
  • “You’re alone and you’re scared.”
  • “Come on and lift your glass.”
  • “Every day is like the one before it.”
  • “Every guy here love’d to be you.”
  • “I never see you anymore.”
  • “It’s like you’ve gone away.”
  • “I wish you would tell me why.”
  • “People have been asking where you'be been.”
  • “Please let me in.”
  • “We only have each other.”
  • “Put on a show.”
  • “Make one wrong move and everyone will know.”
  • “It’s only for today.”
  • “It’s agony to wait.”
  • “I’m getting what i’m dreaming of.”
  • “But with you I’ve found my place.”
  • “it’s nothing like i’ve ever known before.”
  • “Couldn’t keep it in, heaven knows I’ve tried.”
  • “Don’t let them know.”
  • “I don’t care what they’re going to say.”
  • “It’s time to see what I can do.”
  • “You’ll never see me cry.”
  • “I’m never going back.”
  • “The past is in the past.”
  • “That perfect girl is gone.”
  • “You don’t have to keep your distance anymore.”
  • “I finally understand.”
  • “You don’t have to live in fear.”
  • “I will be right here.”
  • “Your life awaits.”
  • “Just stay away and you’ll be safe from me.”
  • “I get the feeling you don’t know.”
  • “You don’t have to be afraid.”
  • “We can work this out together.”
  • “I can’t control the curse.”
  • “You’re not safe here.”
  • “This is where i’m meant to be.”
  • “I am on my way.”
  • “I’ve been around the block before.”
  • “I’ve given up hope that someone would come along.”
  • “I’m down to one last hope.”
  • “My words are a matter of pride.”
  • “It’s clear from your vacant expressions that the lights are not all on upstairs.”
  • “So prepare for the chance of a lifetime.”
  • “You will be rewarded when I am at last given my dues.”
  • “You’re expected to take certain duties on board.”
  • “As you thgouth life you’ll see, there is so much we don’t understand.”
  • “Things don’t always go the way we planned.”
  • “Can I still just be me the way I am?”
  • “Can I trust in my own heart?”
  • “Am I just one part of some big plan?”
  • “One day when you’re strong and big, you will be a king.”
  • “I’ve been exiled.”
  • “I get a little tense.”
  • “I hate to let them live.”
  • “The battle may be bloody, but that kinda works for me.”
  • “They can have the world, we’ll create our own.”
  • “I am home if you are right there beside me.”
  • “I know love will find a way.”
  • “This is what you give me to work with?”
  • “Well honey, i’ve seen worse.”
  • “You’ll bring honor to us all.”
  • “Sometimes it’s too much for even me.”
  • “I have your hearts and you have my pity.”
  • “I can improvise.”
  • “Why should I worry?”
  • “Why should I care?”
  • “You can own this town.”
  • “You can wear the crown.”
  • “You’ve got alot to learn.”
  • “You’ll feel right at home on the street.”
  • “We make an art out of staying alive.”
  • “Get what you want then get away.”
  • “Ain’t got time for messin’ around.”
  • “It’s not my style.”
  • “This town can slow you down.”
  • “I know exactly where i’m going.”
  • “People down here think i’m crazy.”
  • “There ain’t nothing that’s gonna stop me.”
  • “Things for sure are gonna go my way.”
  • “I’m almost there!”
  • “I’ve worked hard for everything i’ve got.”
  • “You’re my queen of the night.”
  • “Love is everything, don’t you agree?”
  • “Don’t matter where you came from.”
  • “When you find out who you are you’ll find out what you need.”
  • “That ain’t gonna make you happy.”
  • “All you need is some self control.”
  • “Maybe love will grant you peace of mind.”
  • “You’re something i never chose.”
  • “You’re the best I never knew I needed.”
  • “i need you here always.”
  • “Who knew i’d be here.”
  • “When will my life begin?”
  • “Stuck in the same place i’ve always been.”
  • “For the first time in forever i’m completely free.”
  • “Guess I always knew this day was coming.”
  • “It’s a scary world out there.”
  • “One way or another, something will go wrong I swear.”
  • “You’ll just upset me.”
  • “Go ahead and leave me, I deserve it.”
  • “On your own you won’t survive.”
  • “They’ll eat you up alive.”
  • “Don’t let him device you.”
  • “I won’t say i’ve told you so.”
  • “I’m where i’m meant to be.”
  • “At least I see the light.”
  • “Everything looks different now that I see you.”

school sentence starters.

“ did you study for that test last night? ”
“ i didn’t study, i’m so doomed. ”
“ can i borrow a pencil? ”
“ are you coming over tonight, to study? ”
“ i think i’m gonna skip this class. ”
“ are you gonna skip class with me or not? ”
“ i have detention after school. ”
“ i think they’re gonna expell me. ”
“ can you believe the teacher failed me? ”
“ i’m not leaving early, i don’t feel good. ”
“ why didn’t you sit with me at lunch today? ”
“ why are you ignoring me today? ”
“ you’ve been ignoring me all day, it seems.. ”
“ i hate sharing a locker with you sometimes. ”
“ why are you cleaning out your locker? ”
“ can i copy your homework? ”
“ did you even do your homework? ”
“ what are your grades anyway? ”
“ have you been skipping without me? ”
“ give me your lunch money. ”
“ i don’t have any lunch money. ”
“ can i borrow your book tonight to study? ”
“ are you going to practice today? ”
“ i hate gym so much. ”
“ this class is so boring. ”
“ think you could tudor me after school? ”
“ i could tudor you if you want. ”
“ can you stop raising your hand every five seconds? ”
“ some of us are here to actually learn. ”
“ i don’t wanna go to school today. ”
“ did you see the new kid today? ”
“ so, your the new kid, huh? ”
“ where you from, new kid? ”
“ i have way too much homework. ”
“ you haven’t been to school in days. ”
“ why are you always absent? ”
“ you’re going to get us into so much trouble. ”
“ i forgot my locker combination. ”
“ why did you get called to the principles office? ”
“ maybe you should consider home school. ”
“ this school’s lunch meat is so nasty. ”
“ stop texting me in class. ”
“ you never take anything serious, specially school. ”
“ have you ever passed a grade? ”
“ i made the honor roll! ”
“ i could really use the extra credit. ”
“ you’re a teacher’s pet. ”
“ did you go to try outs yet? ”
“ i need it for science. ”
“ are you going to the prep ralley? ”
“ gonna watch me play tonight at our first game? ”
“ i thought we were friends. ”
“ are you going to help me or not? ”
“ do you wanna do this project with me? ”
“ do you have a extra pencil? ”
“ do you wanna be my partner for this project? ”
“ looks like we’re partner’s for this assignment. ”
“ you spelled your own name wrong. ”
“ is that a good star? how’d you get one and i didn’t? ”
“ i really have to finish this essay, please. ”
“ you want me to ride the bus home with you after school? ”
“ my mom picks me up, do you need a ride? ”
“ do you need a ride home after school today? ”
“ are you going to walk home with me today? ”
“ i can’t believe we met each other in detention. ”
“ you were totally making out with someone in the halls. ”
“ these halls are way too crowded. ”
“ why are you always so late? ”
“ you’re late to class, again. ”
Jealousy

Words: 1584

Jughead X Reader

A/N: I’m going to write a part 2 to this if anyone is interested. I almost made this a lot longer than it is too, oops

    “Jesus Jughead just admit you’re in love with her already!” Archie laughed at his raven haired friend across from him. Jughead chewed his french fries and glared at Archie. Sure,  Oh Jughead had feelings for Y/N, but he’d never admit it. He was always known for being quiet and self reserved, and for as long as his friends have known him, which was practically his whole life, they’ve never once seen him crush on someone. That was until Y/N came into the picture. She hadn’t been in town long, only a few months, but that’s all the time Jughead needed to become her best friend, and ultimately fall head over heels for her. He had become so close to her in fact, that she knew him better than anyone else. That scared him, and what scared him even more was how quickly and hard he had fallen for her. He didn’t want to mess up this friendship and push her away. He’d rather just stay quiet and suffer, and that’s what he did. Until his friends caught on that is.

    “I’m not in love with her.” Jughead said plainly, and Archie’s head fell to the table and he sighed.

    “What’s wrong with him?” Betty asked, sitting beside Archie in the booth.

    “He won’t admit his love for Y/N!” Archie cried out, sitting up. Jughead leaned over the table and put his hand over Archie’s mouth.

    “Could you keep it down? It’s bad enough I have you two, Veronica, and Kevin bugging me about my apparent feelings. I don’t need the rest of the town to join the bandwagon.”

    “Too late,” Betty said, stealing a few fries from Jugheads plate, which earned her a death glare. “Wow, sorry.” She said, throwing her hands up in surrender and laughing.

    “What do you mean ‘too late?’” Jughead asked, trying not to let the worry show in his voice.

    “Everyone and their moms know how smitten you are for her. Try as you might Jughead, but you’re not very good at hiding your feelings for her.” Betty shrugged. “Not that you need to, everyone can also tell how smitten she is for you.”

    “I’m still surprised someone as observant and smart as you hasn’t figured it out.” Archie chimed in.

Just then, Y/N slid into the seat next to Jughead.

    “What has our Jughead Jones not figured out yet?” she asked, looking around the table. Archie and Betty looked at eachother, and then at Jughead, who looked as if he were about to die of anticipation. Sitting there, he quickly thought of a lie before Archie and Betty said anything.

    “My novel…” he quickly stammered. Y/N turned to him, and a look of curiosity came over her face.

    “What can’t you figure out about your novel?”

    “Well he wants to do some background on Jason, maybe for the beginning of the novel.” Archie started, and Jughead gave a sigh of relief. He made a mental note to thank Archie later for the save. “Anyways, everyone in the town knows that Jason was in love with Polly, but Jughead here thought it would be nice to write a bit on their love. Maybe about how they fell in love, and when they finally told eachother they loved one another, not letting their families, or even their own conflicting feelings stop them.” Scratch that mental note, definitely not going to thank Archie anymore.

    “That’s an amazing idea!” Y/N beamed, smiling over at Jughead. Jughead just nodded his head and turned his attention to the burger in front of him. Y/N reached over to Jugheads plate and stole a few fries, and he looked over at her. Instead of giving her the death glare everyone was expecting, he just rolled his eyes and smiled.

    “I hate you sometimes.” He joked, and Y/N laughed and leaned her head on his shoulder.

    “You know you love me.” she teased, and Jughead tensed up. Archie and Betty laughed, and watched as Jugheads face turned bright red. “Even when I steal your food.”

    “You’re the only one he actually lets take food off his plate, so he must love you quite a lot.” Archie said. Jughead kicked Archie’s leg under the table, and Archie gave a strained smile, trying to hide his pain.

    “You okay Archie?” Y/N asked, looking over to her friend. Archie gave a breathy laugh.

    “I just got a leg cramp, I probably just worked too hard at practice. It felt like someone kicked me in the shin.” Y/N nodded her head.

    “Maybe you should be more careful then.” Jughead said, smirking at Archie.

    “Anyways, so are you going to tell me what happened at lunch today?” Betty asked Y/N, referring to an earlier conversation. Archie listened in, but Jughead was too deep in thought to notice a conversation was taking place.

    “Well, I got asked out on a date.” Y/N said, and Archie and Betty’s jaws dropped.

    “Who asked you out?” Betty asked.

    “Reggie. I’ve barely talked to the guy except for in math yesterday and apparently he liked me so much he wants to go out.”

    “Well are you going to go out with him?” Archie asked.

    “Um, well I don’t know.” Y/N gave a nervous laugh and glanced over to Jughead. Archie and Betty caught on to the glance and stared at Y/N. She looked at her two friends and saw their suspicious looks and turned her attention to the table. Betty cleared her throat and Jughead turned to her.

    “So Jughead, do you have any thoughts on this whole situation?” Betty asked. Jughead gave her a confused look, and looked around the table.

    “What situation?” he asked.

    “Y/N got asked out by Reggie today.” Betty said, sipping on her milkshake. Archie and her watched Jugheads face for a reaction, which he gave. Jugheads gaze quickly turned to Y/N and a mix of jealousy and sadness flashed over his face for a quick second, but was soon replaced with interest.

    “Well, did you say yes?” Jughead asked. Y/N played with the ends of her sleeves, and looked over to Jughead.

    “No, I told him I’d text him about it later on. I don’t know what to say.”

    “Maybe you should go.” Archie chimed in. All heads turned to him, and Jughead gave him a death glare like never before. “What?” Archie asked. “I didn’t think he was going to actually do it.”

    “You knew this was going to happen?” Betty asked. Archie nodded his head.

    “Yeah why do you think I was pushing-” Archie stopped himself before he outted his friend. “Anyways, a lot of the guys on my football team were talking about liking you Y/N. They made a deal that the first one to ask you would call dibs, and it looks like Reggie beat them to it.” Y/N looked down at the table again.

    “She’s not some object your numb skulled friends can call dibs on. And you shouldn’t go out with someone unless you really know them. Relationships take time, if you rush into them then they’re bound to fail.” Jughead said, looking over to Y/N. “don’t do this unless you really want to.”

    “I’m not sure what I want.” Y/N stammered.

    “How could you not know what you want? It’s not that hard, do you want to go out with Reggie yes or no.” Jughead pressed, jealousy obviously present in his demeanor.

    “It’s not that simple Juggie.” Y/N said, her voice catching in her throat. She quickly stood from the booth and turned to Archie and Betty. “I have to go.” She quickly turned and stormed off towards the exit.

    “Y/N wait!” Jughead yelled, sliding out of the booth. Betty stood up and stopped Jughead from chasing after her.

    “Let me go after her.” she said, walking after Y/N. Archie stood from his seat as well, and turned Jughead to face him.

   "What the hell was that?“ he asked, and Jughead rolled his eyes and sat in the booth again. He leaned his head in his hands and sighed. "You really handled that well Jughead. I’m proud.”

    “I could do without the sarcasm right now.”

    “What? Jughead doesn’t want to be sarcastic for once? You really must be upset.” Archie said, sitting across from Jughead.

    “I’m pissed.” he grumbled.

    “At Y/N?” Archie asked.

    “No, why would I be pissed at her? She did nothing wrong. I’m pissed at myself, I made her uncomfortable and upset. I’m her best friend, she’s supposed to be able to talk to me about these things, how is she going to trust me again after that outburst?” Jughead rubbed the bridge of his nose in attempt to release some pressure.

    “You need to get your jealousy under control there buddy.” Archie said, and Jughead glared at him.

    “No shit.” he huffed and Archie rolled his eyes. “Sorry, it’s just that’s kind of hard to do when she’s got the whole football team making bets on who can get in her pants first. They aren’t good for her!”

    “Just tell her how you feel, she obviously is confused on what to do because she’s in love with you.” Archie reasoned.

    “Maybe you’re right.”

Originally posted by riverrdxle

  • me: im really lonely and i rly want to feel validated and i want attention!!
  • not my favorite person: omg i love you!! you matter!! do you want to talk?
  • me: noT FROM YOU GO AWAY I HATE YOU!!
Pull Your Shit Together//Alec Lightwood Imagine

‘’Alec,you’re completely red.’’you said to your boyfriends,who’s punching the sandbag continuosly.You saw the impression he had on his face.You literally felt the pain he felt on his shoulder everytime he punched.

‘’It’s sweat.Nothing to worry.’’He held the sandbag to here you clearly.

‘’Come here.’’you said,and he rolled his eyes.But he came to you without complaining when you gave him the deathstare.You put your hand on his forehead,realized that he was basically burning.’’You’re burning!’’you said.

‘’I’m training.Isn’t that normal?’’He said sarcastically.

‘’Don’t play ‘’the sarcastic’’ to me Lightwood.’’you looked at him like you were about to kill him.’’You’ve been training for like maximum 5 minutes.You never sweat like this.’’

‘’I’ll be fine.’’

‘’You won’t if you act this grumpy.’’

‘’I’m not being grumpy.’’he said coming closer to you.’’I’m alright.’’

‘’Alec…’’you said.’’Please go to bed and take a nap.’’

‘’Y/N-‘’

‘’Alexander Gideon Lightwood.’’you yelled to his face.’’Go to bed or i’ll cancel your missions tomorrow.’’

‘’You won’t do that…’’He came even closer.

‘’Oh i freaking will.’’You took a few steps towards him.

‘’Why are you so stubborn sometimes?’’

‘’Grumpy Cat himself tells me this so i can’t take you seriously right now.’’You giggled.

‘’I love you too.’’He said while his half smile was comig to life again.’’I’m going to take a nap.’’He said finally giving up and trying to walk away

You stopped him by putting your hand on his shoulder.‘’Aaaaand…Get some painkillers from my cupboard.’’

‘’You know i hate medicines.’’

‘’You know that i don’t care.And that i want you to feel better.’’

‘’I know.’’He said kissing your cheek and walking to your shared room.

‘’Wow mate!’’Jace said stopping Alec.’’She knows how to pull your shit together.’’

‘’Shut up.’’Alec  said without looking at Jace’s face.

You laughed a little before you went to check on Alec ,the person you cared the most,because seeing him sick killed you inside.You just… loved that Grumpy Cat.

why is he your friend?

author’s note: i haven’t been writing fics for ages, at least not on tumblr because of life. i missed it, though. and dear even hansen pulls me right back in that i just [clenches fist] anyway. tree bros are #lyfe, even if i disagree with the name a little aha. 

ps: anyway if you haven’t read jump, i fucking 100% recommend it. 


Evan likes everything about Connor. 

Well, no. Not really. That’s not true. Sometimes Evan really doesn’t like it when Connor gives that glare? That hateful glare, you know? That makes his blue eyes turn — sharp. Like knives. Like it could cut you. Like Evan could feel it everywhere down his skin and it’s. God. It’s awful, like Evan’s stomach would twist and turn and wishes he could just tell Connor to stop. Don’t do that to him. What did he do wrong? What did he fuck up this time? Or when Connor fights with Zoe. He’s so. Terrible. It’s so terrible. The way they talk. And sometimes it makes Evan feel so— so angry. Because Evan doesn’t understand, even though he does. 

No, he understands that Connor is lonely and afraid and—he. He gets it. Not like how Evan feels, but the spectrum of their sadness is almost on the same level, and Evan — Evan at least knows it, and he gets that, but he’s still. Angry. Because. Connor shatters a lot of this image of Zoe in Evan’s head that he’s made up and that’s not cool but it isn’t Connor’s fault and why would Evan ever think Zoe’s so immensely perfect anyway when she really isn’t, because she’s human, because if she is perfect, then that’d be weird and wouldn’t that make her, like a robot? And what is the definition of perfect anyway? And it’s all strange and why do they even exist, and why does it even matter and—

Off topic.

But. Evan generally likes Connor. Not when he’s glaring or arguing or sneering or — or when he’s high. Because Connor’s level of angriness shoots up really badly when he’s not focused and there, and. He gets paranoid a lot and one time he gets really angry and it’s scary, and Evan really couldn’t remember much except his lungs can’t work well when Connor was staring at him like that, like knives were digging into Evan’s whole body and he feels like he could explode and melt all at the same time (in a very bad way, of course, and not in a gay way because Evan is not gay, because Evan is in love with Zoe and not Zoe’s brother) and Connor was seething about. About something. Maybe about Zoe. Or Larry. Or Cynthia. Evan couldn’t remember, but he’s apologising, Evan's saying sorry and Connor is still so mad, oh no, Evan wants to reach out, wants to soothe this whole mess but he’s making it worse because why wouldn’t he, because he’s such a mess himself, and why would Connor even care and—

A week later, Connor’s sprawled over (or on?) Evan on his bed and it’s weird and it’s — Connor’s heavy, heavier than Evan expects — and he’s crying, a little, saying he’s sorry and, “My drug dealer fucking punched me later, that piece of shit.” And Evan doesn’t get it, not really, but all he knows is that they might be okay, and Connor explained more that he’s sorry. He’s sorry that he fucked up. That he’s — crazy. And no, Evan was telling him, no he’s not. Not crazy. Just a little sick, maybe. Like Evan is. And Evan was so scared that Connor will punch him for categorising them on the same level, but all Connor did was snort-chuckle a little against Evan’s chest — where his snot and tears have all wet the area and Evan felt sticky and weird and was this okay? Was he breathing too hard? Was his chest too hollow that his bones felt like it’s prickling Connor back? — and stayed there. And maybe hummed. Like, he agreed. Which was crazy. Because in what world had Evan thought that Connor Murphy, the school’s resident delinquent and stoner, would ever agree with a lonely and pathetic loser like Evan?

“Anyway. Point is.” Connor was still sniffling and Evan can feel it — swear to God — just everything , every little movement, and it shook him to his core that they’re this close, that Connor wanted to be this close with Evan Hansen, the weirdest kid in school who hyperventilates on a daily basis like a goddamn career, and just. It’s weird. And it irked Evan a little that he’s not able to pick on his shirt, played with it, just do something — all he had was Connor’s own shirt on top of him (Connor’s own body and hair and everything, just everything) and he. All he’s left was to touch a little on the area of Connor’s shoulder. Petting. God, Evan’s a disaster. “I’m glad he did. One, I’m never gonna fucking buy anything from him again, fuck him. Second… I… I want to stop, anyway. Hansen. Fuck. I scared you, didn’t I? It—” 

Connor was shaking his head, and again. Evan. Evan felt it. Everything. Suddenly it’s like Connor was so expressive, even if Evan can’t see his face. “I can’t scare you again. So I’m gonna stop. Probably.” And then slower, “Slowly.” Like it’s a promise. Like it’s an attempt. Like Evan mattered.

And all anxiety aside, Evan… just likes that moment. 

Keep reading

Emerging from the Shadows

A little bit of Elriel, from the Kiss prompt request #14, starting with a kiss meant to be gentle, ending up in passion.  @next-gen-weasleys this one’s for you!


Azriel could feel something was wrong as he touched down on the townhouse roof.  Over the months he’d been training Elain, he’d developed a bond with her, one based on mutual understanding and similarity of experience.  Not a mating bond, perhaps, but that didn’t make it less valuable.  He followed it down the stairs, through the kitchen, and into the small kitchen garden.  She sat alone on the bench, eyes downcast, right hand playing with the fourth finger on the left.  Where her engagement ring had once sat.

He ghosted through the garden and took a seat next to her, thighs nearly touching.  She didn’t look up, wasn’t startled by his presence.  Just sat there, sadness leaching off of her.  He wished he could touch her, take her into his arms and comfort her, but that wasn’t his place.  All he could do was sit there, soaking in the sun with her, and wait.

“It was two years ago today I met him,” she said softly, still looking without seeing at the brick pavers that lined the ground.  “Two years.  He was the first person to really see me, my heart, not just this.”  She gestured to that lovely face.  “The first man I ever kissed.  The first man I ever loved.”

“I’m sorry,” Az said, feeling helpless and hating himself for it.  

“And then, because those bastards took me…he couldn’t see me anymore.  My heart is the same, you know.  I don’t think the Cauldron has the power to change a heart.  But what does it mean, if changing the outside made it so he couldn’t see that?  What if…what if he never really loved me, if he was just like all the others?”  A tear escaped her then, and she turned to face him, knee pressing into his thigh.  “I hate that I was fooling myself, just like I always do.  I hate knowing that I gave him everything, and he threw it all away because I was altered.  It wasn’t even my choice, they just took me.  And he left.  I want to hate him for it, but I can’t.  I just can’t.”

Az’s chest ached at her pain.  He raised a hand to brush away that tear, but hesitated.  She was not his to touch.  Even if she had shown no sign of wanting to accept the bond with Lucien, even if he could sometimes feel her yearning for that closeness too.  There was nothing he could do for her, nothing he could give her…except the same thing that had always linked them, shared experience.  Truth for truth.

“You know that Mor and I have a history,” he said, voice husky, shadows curling up over his shoulders.  She nodded.  “I loved her from the moment Rhys brought her to that camp.  She was this bright beautiful force of nature.  So fierce, so brave, so clever.”

“She still is,” Elain murmured, and he nodded.  

“Most of the females I had known were beaten down.  Well, except my father’s wife.”  Her lips tightened at that, and his shadows swirled, ready to cover his face before he pulled them back.  “But not Mor.  She swaggered around that camp like she owned it.  Even Lord Devlin didn’t dare cross her.  She flirted with everything on two legs, but with me she was different.  Quieter.  More sincere.”  He shrugged and was quiet for a while, as memories that he had spent centuries trying to suppress surged.  He could still see Mor, naked and bleeding from between her legs, from the many wounds over her body and breasts, from the nail embedded in her abdomen, the note that nail had held soaked in her blood.   She had been ready to give up and die when he’d found her, sprawled in the chill of the Autumn Court woods.  His throat began to ache, and Elain reached over and tucked her perfect, delicate hand in his broad scarred one.

The touch gave him the strength to go on.  “After Mor’s family tortured her and dumped her, and I risked my life to go get her, I started to tell her what I felt.  I had been so certain she shared it, but she just…fled.  At first I thought she was just afraid after all that had been done to her.  But time went on, and there was always this dance between us.  She would draw me in, then shove me away.  Eventually I realized that I wasn’t what she wanted.  And that no amount of me wanting her would change that.”  He fell silent again.

“Do you love her still?” Elain asked gently.

He had never talked about this, never wanted to, but for Elain…to smooth those waves of pain still rolling off of her…“No,” he said, admitting the truth he had kept even from himself.  “I think I love the idea of her though.”

“What do you mean?”

It was hard for him to think of how to say it, the words had been locked up in his heart for so long.  “I love the idea of someone who can’t hide who they are.  Even when Mor tries, her soul shines through.  It’s the same draw that Cassian has, and Feyre.”  He smiled a little, but it didn’t reach his eyes.  “It’s the opposite of me, I suppose.”

“Me too,” Elain whispered, so quietly it almost could have just been a breath.  For a long time, the only noises were the chirping of birds and the general bustle of the city.  Elain’s hand still rested in his, as if forgotten, and he fought the temptation to stroke the back with his thumb in case she decided to pull it away.  He would savor the contact as long as he could, just as he savored the press of her knee against his leg.  When she spoke again, her voice wistful now, he almost startled.  “Have you ever loved anyone else?”

“No,” he said, “not like that.  I’ve had lovers, but there’s never been the same feeling.”  She seemed to shrink in on herself.  “But I want to.  I know that I can love like that.  And someday…maybe someday soon, I’ll find someone who can return it.  And I know that you can, too.  You can find someone who sees your heart.”  She squeezed his fingers and now he did rub his thumb across her hand.  He waited for her to pull it away, to retreat across that boundary that they had always carefully maintained, but she didn’t.  Her brown eyes looked steadily into his and he couldn’t help but notice the tiny gold flecks in them, that matched the gold tips to her long lashes.  Their breaths mingled as they sat there, and he savored the lilac and rain scent of her.  

Slowly, he bent his head to her, giving her a chance to pull away.  He brushed his lips lightly against hers, a whisper of a kiss, a question.  There was no way he could have anticipated the lightning strike that shot through him at that gentle touch.  He started to pull back, trying to master himself before he did something really stupid, but she cupped his face in her hands and pressed her lips more fully to his.  His scarred hands wrapped around her slight body, gently at first, then tighter.  He felt her tongue trace the seam of his lips and he opened his mouth for her.  A small voice in his head warned him she was still grieving, reminded him he was a bastard, unworthy, but the sweet taste of her, the feel her mouth, of her tongue, of her hands, overruled it.  Every nerve in his body was on fire, every drop of common sense had evaporated.  Never had any of his lovers made him feel like this.  One of her hands had moved to run through his hair, the other was wrapped around the back of his neck, and he knew he would have to pull away soon or they would take it too far.  Elain was not a casual fling, and he had no desire to take everything at once even if she would offer it.  So he slowly eased back, shifting to softer kisses, then to the corners of her mouth, then her eyelids.  They were both panting for breath when he rested his forehead against hers, his eyes still closed in a silent prayer.

“Azriel,” she said hoarsely.  He opened his eyes to look at her flushed face, her lips as swollen as his felt.  “Someone who sees my heart?”

“I never said that someone wasn’t me.”

How I see an ENTP showing their true colors going down

ENFP: Okay everyone!!! Let’s all go around the circle and give a deep confession! ENTP, you first!
ENTP:….really?

ENFP: Yeah!

ENTP: Well, *clears throat* I often feel as though I am overlooked when it comes to having emotions. I want to make it well known that I feel deeply and love strongly, and sometimes hurt even more strongly. I feel like when I’m hurt or even just out of it, no one notices, or at least acknowledges it, causing me to downplay my own issues and chalking them up to overreactions and hating myself for overreacting and feeling in this way. I don’t want to be smothered with attention, but I would at least like for someone to help me rationalize these feelings and let me know that they’re okay.

ENFP: what

ENTP: what

ENTP:…..

ENTP: Have you seen this new meme? It’s hilarious

ENFP: haha classic ENTP

ENTP: *laughs along nervously*

Fan Wars

*not a rant and not meant to offend anyone. Only my opinion and my advice. I’m not telling you to do what I say. Just read on and decide on your own terms.

Fan War…those word shouldn’t even exist. Alas, this is the world we live in and we’ve got to make do.

Now the thing about fan wars is that they don’t start from hateful comments on the internet (because let’s be honest, the people who write them can be considered ignorant and immature and sometimes just trolls). They actually start from the fans that reply to these hateful comments/trolls.

Here me out! Don’t get angry yet. I totally understand that they feel the need to protect their idols from these people but you have to see that by replying to them, fans are just giving them attention. Unwanted attention. (don’t bother trying to argue with people who have their minds made up. It’ll be like talking to a brick wall) And at times… these fans who reply tend to act impulsively, out of anger and end up writing a bunch of curses and insults. That only sparks more angry comments. You get the gist. It’s a hell hole of a cycle.

*At the same time, you should know better than to leave hateful comments on other fandoms. If you do that, shame on you.

Now instead, fans should try and practice ignoring these people. Yes, they insulted your idol but these people…they’re nobody compared to your idols. Correct? Fans should go higher than these trolls. Instead of wasting our energy on banal matters and hate comments, we should collectively support the fandoms that we love. Invest our time on stupid memes and smuts and edits and idols’ aegyo.

Imagine if everyone does that. I truly believe the drama between fandoms would recede. And who knows…perhaps one day, every fandom in K-Pop can come together, genuinely and with lots of love.

-From a fan who’s both an Exo-L and an ARMY  (soon to be IGOT7 and Blink)

What are your honest opinions?

Why do you give haters airtime???

I just don’t understand… I see so many of you leaving your ask boxes open and responding to so many inane hateful messages. Why?????

Your ask box, your blog, your power. The minute you publish a hateful message, no matter how eloquent, sarcastic, or funny your reply, you’ve just handed over power to this person who doesn’t deserve it.

To be fair, I hardly even respond to the lovely, kind messages I get cause responding kind of overwhelms me altogether, but why waste you energy on attention seekers and rude people?

And honestly, sometimes it just feels like watching two people cry for attention. One crying “look how mean I can be!!!” And the other going “look how mean people are to me!!!!” Just why??

Idk… I respond every now and again if I think an important point needs to be made, but mostly they’re just not worth it.

Keep your asks open, invite people for dialogue, but I highly recommend you just delete the rude ones. The person who sends a hateful message does not deserve the energy it takes to respond. The delete button is so much faster. They don’t deserve the air time on your personal blog or on the dashes of people who follow you. Nor do their words deserve to resonate in your heart or mind.

I mean, do whatever gives you peace … publishing these just seems to generate more anxiety, hate, and sadness. Which I wish there were less of in this world.

Rant over… love to you all.

MBTI: Cringing Rationals
  • ISFP: So I'm feeling happy this morning so I'm going to compliment each one of you.
  • mENTP: .....great.
  • ISFP: Alright, mENTP you're first. Even though I hate you most of the time, you're actually pretty funny and you can be...ok sometimes.
  • mENTP: *bangs his head into the table* YOURE SO AWFUL WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS
  • ISFP: And that's why I hate you. fENTP, you're next. Um...your hair gives me life. I love it.
  • fENTP: Thanks, I grew it myself
  • ISFP: Aaaand INTJ!! I don't really know what to say besides if I ever need help with history or politics I know who to go to
  • INTJ: *smirk*

Dear ex-lover,

It doesn’t kill me anymore to be “just friends” with you, and that makes me think I’m over you, over us. Maybe I am, maybe not, there’s no way to tell. But here is a list of things I’ll never admit to you:

i. In my bedside drawer, I still have the old bottle of deodorant that I used to wear when we had our summer romance because it reminds me of the beautiful beginning of our wild but innocent love. And once in a while, I like to inhale it all in and that puts a smile on my face, just like you used to.

ii. After you stopped teaching me your mother tongue, I fell in love with it. Even though you stopped recommending good movies, I continued on my own because I still craved to learn the language. I’m in love with those movies and the actors and the songs, and you’d be surprised if you knew how better I got at comprehending the language.

iii. I have never ever wished anything bad to happen to you, and even now, I want you to be really happy in life. I’m genuinely happy whenever our mutual best friend tells us you’re doing good, and I still rave about your achievements to everyone I know.

iv. Even though your mom hates me enough to tell you not to talk to me, the respect I have for her is beyond words. She’s one of the strongest people I know of to have survived everything life threw her way with her head held high, and bringing up an amazing person like you, simultaneously.

v. Just sometimes I still hug my pillow tight imagining it’s you as my eyes are closing because that gives me the feeling of safety and security and it reminds me of a time I felt intoxicated in love. It warms my heart.

vi. I haven’t heard your voice in more than three months but I remember the way your voice felt like silk saying my name, and the butterflies I felt in my stomach. I remember a lot of things you said that came straight out of your heart, and I feel lucky to have had that kind of young love.

Love fades and love stories are buried but the things you learnt from them and the feeling they gave you are for life.

Thank you for teaching me everything you did. I hope I too taught you something to remember me by.

Signed,
Your ex-lover.

Reflection

This is a short piece I have been working on. This is loosely inspired by a conversation that I had with my husband, so many years ago, when I believed that I was worth nothing.

Nobody deserves to feel that way, because everybody is important, and needed.

If you have any feedback, please let me know.

TIMELINE - 1938

~¤~¤~¤~¤~¤~¤~¤~¤~¤~¤~¤~¤~¤~¤~¤~¤~

“Why are you even with me? You deserve so much more than what I can give you!”

Bucky looked at you, heart breaking. He hated seeing you like this.

He wanted to wrap his arms around you, hold you close, and never let go. But he also knew that sometimes, when you were lost in your darkest thoughts and emotions, touching you was not always the best thing for you.

Keep reading

Ok, I know people really want to see yousana together and happy but what I really want is to see SANA, just Sana, happy. SKAM is supposed to be realistic and to give an honest look on teenagers and their lives, and guess what, heartbreak is real; you fall in love with people who don’t like you back, who might even end up dating your friend. And it hurts, and it makes you feel broken and alone. And sometimes you don’t get a happy ending with the one person you thought was right for you, but in the end it doesn’t matter. You are you, and you can be happy and strong even after heartbreak. You can move on.I know SKAM is about love and, yes, Even saved Isak and Isak saved him back, but sometimes we just have to rely on ourselves in order to be saved. That’s what I want from Sana; to save herself because she is STRONG and INDEPENDENT, because she can MOVE ON, because HER LIFE DOESN’T BEGIN NOR END WITH YOUSEF. Sometimes your first crash doesn’t work out, but that’s fine, and I want to see that from SKAM.

thanksmrnarwhale-deactivated201  asked:

(hello I am here to give your INFP fetish lots of hugs and kisses and encouragement!) "angsty poet" INFP has an writer's version of an existential crisis and "badass mastermind" INTJ is the only one at hand to reestablish her faith in the power of her words!! maybe stick "happy procrastinator" ENFP in somewhere at the end to provide comic relief. like, I don't know, space unicorns.

EXCUSE ME, FETISH? DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH WORSE THIS GOT BY YOU USING THAT WORD.

Of course, I’m also totally going to do this, and enjoy every second of it.

INFP is sitting at a table in the library. She has a piece of paper in front of her, half filled with words. ENFP is wandering around the library stocking books. INTJ walks in to return a book, but sees INFP from across the room, and heads to her table.

INTJ: Hey.

INFP: *Looks up from paper, then back down again* Oh, hey, INTJ…

INTJ: What’s up? I haven’t seen you in a bit.

INFP: Nothing, really…

INTJ: Are you okay?

INFP: Yea- I’m fine.

INTJ (Thoughts): Something is off. Usually she seems much more active. I’m pretty sure this is how she gets when she specifically isn’t okay. But, why would she say she’s okay if-

INFP: No… no, I’m not.

INTJ (Thoughts): Oh. It answered itself.

INTJ: *Sits down at table in front of INFP* What’s up…?

INFP: *Sigh* …Am I a good writer, INTJ?

INFP: Like, a really good writer. Not a good writer as in “oh, that was cute. Let me put it on my refrigerator.” A good writer as in “wow, that was impressive. I want to read more of her stuff.” Like that.

INTJ: I’ve read a lot of your poems and stories. Of course, they could use work because you haven’t been writing for twenty years-

INFP: But even people who write for as long as I have are still way better than me!

INFP: It’s really starting to piss me off because everywhere I look everyone’s doing things flawlessly. Everyone’s writing way better stories, and poems with way better themes and literary techniques, and I’m just like some… worn out toy, or something. Like, what am I even writing about anymore? Do any of the things that I have to say hold any meaning at all? What’s the difference between me writing a poem and someone else writing another with the same exact message?

INFP: Even you, INTJ! I see you strutting around all the time with all of your shit together, and it’s great for you, but sometimes, I just can’t help but hate the fact that I’m not like that. I know people say to “stay true to yourself” and “love yourself the way you are”, but what if I just suck?

INTJ folds hands in front of his face, and stares at INFP.

INTJ:

INFP:

INFP: What?

INTJ:

INFP: Don’t just sit there and make me feel self conscious!

INTJ: Give me a second.

INFP: What are you doing?

INTJ: I’m thinking.

INFP:

INTJ:

INTJ: INFP…

INTJ: There are so many things wrong with what you’ve just said, it’s almost amusing.

INFP: This isn’t a joke, INTJ! I’m freaking out here! Even the things I like to do are stressing me out, and making me feel like a loser.

INTJ: I’m going to prove to you why everything you just said is invalid.

INTJ: Will you let me do that?

INFP: Wh-

INTJ: Good.

INTJ: What I was going to say was that you are not perfect, because nobody is, but that doesn’t mean you haven’t come a long way since you’ve first started. You’ve got to stop comparing yourself to other people when it comes to your progress. It literally destroys your self esteem. It’s a proven fact. That’s why so many people are insecure. That’s why you are right now.

INTJ: You’re insecure, INFP. Deal with it. That is a true statement that you’ve practically just told me in the way the you’re drawing your conclusions that are completely false in the face of reality.

INTJ: Sweeping generalizations are another thing. By saying that everyone is doing things flawlessly, you’re holding yourself to fit those requirements, which is impossible, which is why you’re so stressed. Writing is a subjective form of art. It’s not like math or science where there is usually one expected answer. The answer is created from within.

INTJ: There is no distinguishable way for me to say whether your writing is better or worse than someone else’s other than by looking inward at my values and tastes, and ultimately making a decision that only I will ever agree with down to the very last reason. Sure, other people may think the same as me that one is better than the other, but nobody will ever think the same thing as me for the same exact reasons as me.

INTJ: Do you know how many love poems there are out there? Do you know how many of them have the exact same message? A lot of them. So what’s the difference? You are the difference, INFP. The fact that you said what you said, the way that you did, is what makes up the rest.

INTJ: And yes, I am confident. But I in no way have everything together. How boring would life be if I did? What would be the point if I had everything figured out? Do I have a lot of plans? Of course I do. That doesn’t mean I know exactly what will happen and what I’ll do. Just because you can’t see it on my face, does not mean that I’m not dealing with just as much stress from my own devices.

INFP: …Are you?

INTJ: That’s not important.

INFP: But why? It would make me feel better.

INTJ: No, it wouldn’t. You’re still trying to compare yourself to me. Matching your stress with mine will never work because there is no cycle to follow. It’s all situational, and the minute our situations do not line up, you’ll feel terrible all over again.

INFP:

INTJ:

INTJ: I’ve kept every piece that you’ve ever written and given to me.

INTJ: Because I like them.

INFP:

INTJ: So… I don’t know what you’re dealing with there, but I think you should keep trying.

INTJ: And, um… I have to go return my book now.

INTJ: Goodbye.

INTJ gets up from the table and walks away toward reception. ENFP sneaks around from a hidden bookshelf.

ENFP: Daaaaaamn, INFP.

INFP: What.

ENFP: That was rough. Not even a word to him? I didn’t know you could be like that.

INFP: Are you on your break, or something?

ENFP: No. I just got distracted. Thought I heard something juicy. And guess who was right, once again!

INFP:

ENFP: What are you doing?! Go say something to him!

INFP: What am I supposed to say?!

ENFP: Who cares! Don’t say anything! Give him a hug! A handshake, or something!

ENFP: Do you have any idea how much time I spend here not working? A lot of time. Do you have any idea how often I spend my time bothering INTJ? Even more time. Any idea how much time he spends here? More than me!

ENFP: And I’ve never heard him say anything like that. To anyone!

ENFP: That was the most emotion I’ve ever seen being expressed from him. Even if it was mostly in the form of data.

Boss: ENFP! Get back to work!

ENFP: You got it, bossaroo.

INFP sits quietly for a moment, with her eyes welling up. She gets up, leaving all of her things at the table and catches up to the INTJ who has just left the building and entered the parking lot.

INFP: INTJ!

INTJ turns around to see INFP standing with irritated eyes, and a stiff posture. INTJ makes his way back toward the building, and out of the parking lot.

INTJ: Um, you… did I… are you-

INFP: No-

INFP walks closer to INTJ.

INFP: Can I… *Opens arms to gesture a hug, as her voice cut out.*

INTJ: Um, yeah, sure.

INFP clamps arms around INTJ.

INFP: Those were some of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me.

INTJ: But they were all just… facts.

INFP: But they weren’t, though. The could be. But they weren’t.

INFP: But the fact that you believe those to be facts just makes those things mean that much more to me.

Holy God, this has got to be the lamest, most embarrassing scenario I’ve ever done! Anne, you did this on purpose, I know you did! I hate the fact that you probably knew this was going to get out of control, but I love the fact that IT’S SO SQUISHIN’ CUUUUTE.

On our first date, I told you I was flighty. Impatient. Easily bored.
I don’t paint my nails because I can never sit still long enough
for even one coat to dry. I don’t fold my laundry because I hate the routine. I would rather buy new cutlery than wash my old ones.
Maybe I’m lazy. Maybe I have no motivation. Maybe I’m just looking for somebody to grab my shoulders and give me a shake and explain what normal is and why I should do it. But sometimes I brush my teeth for seven minutes straight because it just feels right. Some nights
I put my pillow on the opposite end of the bed because I’m still hopeful that I’ll wake up differently if I sleep differently. I never do.
Sometimes I forget that I’m reading in the middle of flipping a page,
instead struck by the thought we would rather make paper than oxygen, would rather have one less life-source than one less novel. I wonder about priorities. I wonder about people who think it’s necessary to match their socks when they leave the house every morning as if that’s what determines their character. I wonder about people who carry around purses that contain nothing but gum. I wonder about people who spend all their hours at a desk and then return to their house to pass the night alone in a cold bed with a frozen dinner. I wonder if they think that money will make them happier than other humans. I don’t like kissing when I have lipstick on, because I’m afraid of leaving a stain on a cheek, as if I’m marking my territory somewhere I don’t belong, as if I’m trespassing on camera. I stay up for twenty hours a day and spend the other fours hours knowing that the longest a person can stay alive without sleep is ten days. I wonder if my nervous system has begun to break down, leaving me nervous and broken along with it. I don’t understand the pills the doctors prescribed me even though they told me I was just upset over being broken up with. I told them I wasn’t upset, I was morose. I was downtrodden. I was a leaky ship; still afloat but getting lower under the weight of the water every second. I didn’t want to sink. I wanted to sail. But they didn’t tell me that the happy little green and white pills would make me plateau. On our first date, I said I felt flat. Not the kind of flat of calm water on a windless day, but the kind of flat that you associate with deflated balloons. All out of air or out of breath or struggling to find any words left. I felt like the kind of flat that musicians hate. That I hate and I can’t play a single instrument. On our first date, I think I told you I would understand if you didn’t stay. Nobody did and I never blamed them. I was too busy wondering about people who believed in numbers and the healing power of yoga on 3 a.m mornings and tying their shoes without kneeling down to notice when they left. I am stuck inside of a world that I don’t quite understand, with people I never seem to connect with.
— 

FIRST DATE CONVERSATION (K.P.K)

even if you started this
this whole war in me
you did your best or did you
sometimes I think I hate you
I’m sorry dad for feeling this
I can’t believe I’m saying it
I know you never got the chance
to be yourself to be your best
I hope that heavens giving to a second chance
father
I’m gonna say thank you
even if I don’t understand
oh you left us alone
I guess that made me who I am
always wished you the best
I pray for your peace.
—  Demi Lovato’s song (Father- confident album)
Sometimes we gotta show our uterus some tough love even if it doesn't work out

period: I’m back! :D
me: You’re late, where have you been?! Do you have ANY idea how worried I was? You can’t do that to me. You know what? I have had it. YOU are GROUNDED
period: That’s not fair!! I hate you! I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU 

~ A few hours later ~

period: * gives me cramps, back pains, tender boobs,irritability, clots, gushing blood *
period: Yeah, fuck you too bitch. Guess you can’t go out now and feel fabulous….
period: *whispers* who’s grounded now?