even if he is 75 years old

The strangest high school experience I've had to far.

The other day in Pre-AP history our teacher was out so we had a sub who is probably 75-80 years old. First, he shows up 6 minutes late to class and struggles to use the doorknob. After a student gets up to help him, he walks in to the class and sits down. He didn’t read us the syllabus, write his name on the board, even speak to any of the students. The very first thing he does is turn on the teachers computer, sign in, look up Cyndi Lauper on YouTube and watches the entirety of the music video for, “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun.” His intense stare did not cease from the screen until the video was over. Acting as if nothing had happened and many students weren’t laughing in hysterical confusion, he hands out a worksheet and says, “Do it.”

And that is the strangest experience I’ve ever had with a teacher.

Whoever was in charge of laying out the cover of the Iranian sex manual “Marital And Sexual Problems In Men” clearly considers the Radiohead frontman to be the biggest weenie an internet image search could provide, because his picture now adorns this manual on not being great at doin’ it. Either that or the graphic designer accidentally typed in “OK, computer?” in after his search and went with the first image that popped up.

Though there’s further proof that this cover was designed by orangutan throwing darts at a 1997 Us Weekly: Famed author John Updike is also on there in the bottom left corner. Because who else to inspire you to fuck your wife better but a 75-year-old Pulitzer-Prize-winning novelist?

Bizarrely, this isn’t even the only place Yorke’s (very same) image was used illicitly. He also showed up on a Russian bus stop ad for a medication promising to “help you to forget about insomnia, fatigue, skin problems, cold, attention deficit disorder, and headaches." 

The 6 Most WTF Unauthorized Uses Of Celebrity Images

The Inauguration from a 5th Grade Classroom

We watched the inauguration in my classroom today.

Our school is in a very rural area. The sticks, if you will. “Make America Great Again” signs around every corner. Most of my students, thanks to their parents, are Trump supporters.

And yet, shockingly *insert heavy sarcasm*, my students knew little to nothing legitimate about Trump.

The number one question as we were watching was, “Is that Trump?” Some of them had never even seen the man they were so adamantly supporting.

Once Trump actually came on screen for the first time, I had to field lots of “Why is he so orange?” “Does he fake tan?” “Did he bleach his hair?” “Is his hair a wig?” “Why does he look so angry?” questions. That was fun.

Another good question: “How does he have a 10 year old son when he’s like 75?”

To which one of my more informed students responded, “His wife is only like 40.”

Another student: “But doesn’t he have a daughter that’s close to that age? How is that possible?”

Queue me trying to explain Trump’s marriage and children history.

Which then led to a conversation about the comments he has made about his daughter (which I had to water down to be suitable for 5th graders). “How do you know he said that? Someone probably just made that up.”

Me: “No sweetie, it’s a taped interview. You can watch the words fall out of Trump’s mouth.”

My more informed student again (did I mention I love this kid??): “That’s not the worst thing he’s said about women.”

And of course they all wanted to know what The Worst Thing was. But you can’t exactly say those things to a class full of 10 year olds. So again I had to water his comments down, but also explain that I was watering them down.

Most of them were mortified. As they should have been.

Parents and future parents, please teach your children to form their own political views. Show them how to research candidates. Let them watch debates. Give them access to both sides so they can choose for themselves. Please don’t hide the negatives about a candidate from your children. At minimum, that is manipulation. If you’re worried your children won’t understand and will no longer want to support a candidate, that might just tell you something about your choices.

why is #GiveCaptainAmericaABoyfriend less likely to happen because it would “destroy a 75 year-old character development” and because the “creators didn’t intend on making him queer” but it’s totally fucking ok to make Steve Grant fucking Rogers a nazi even though he was literally made by two jewish men who I’m pretty fucking sure didn’t intend on making him a part of hydra?

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Alright kids, I’m gonna explain to you why this right here is an amazing thing to happen to this character. 

In the 75 years of this character’s existence, in almost every incarnation, the character of Bruce Wayne has always had one goal: to finish the mission. That mission being, stop crime. In comic books, and in animated shows and previous films, that mindset of the character has always been just that, even in his old age like how Bruce became in Batman Beyond. 

But we’ve never quite seen what happens when he fulfills his mission. At least not in this way. (Unless you wanna count comics that take place on different multiverses)  

In Batman Begins, Christopher Nolan set up Bruce Wayne’s idea of Batman to be a symbol, a meaningful figure, to inspire the citizens of Gotham to take back their city. Bruce Wayne on the plane ride back to Gotham told Alfred he would do this mission for as long as it took to make that mission successful. At the end of The Dark Knight Rises, we actually see the mission end. Bruce Wayne made the ultimate sacrifice for Gotham City and died a symbol of just what one man can do for an entire city. The dark palette of Gotham had been wiped clean. The people of Gotham saw that one man, gave his life for them all. Leaving behind the idea that a hero, could be anyone. Batman is now the forever enduring heart and soul of Gotham City. 

Now to talk about why Bruce Wayne sitting at the table in florence is important, and why we needed to see Bruce and Selina sitting at that table. There are people that think that all we needed to see was Alfred nodding to the screen and then it cutting to black. If that would have been the ending, I do not think that would have been an appropriate payoff, and would have been too ambiguous. If that were to be the ending then Alfred, Bruce, AND Selina Kyle wouldn’t have had their proper character resolutions the film set up. Selina gets her happy ending, Alfred can rest easy knowing his adopted son is happy, and for us to see Bruce in that moment of him just sitting at that table, is Nolan fulfilling his full circle character development and arc that was set up in Batman Begins. Having Alfred just nodding to the camera is not a proper conveyance of all of that. 

We finally get to see Bruce Wayne let go of all his pain and agony he’s held in him since he was 10 years old. We finally get to see a character that is built on trauma, say hes ok. Nolan’s last Batman film has so much going on within its story, but the biggest thing that it leaves you with, is that no matter how low you have gone, no matter how dark and scary the world gets, you can rise from it. You can overcome, you can be happy. If Batman can overcome, so can we. 

We can be Batman, guys. 

I love this film. People can yell what they don’t like about it all they want, but this moment is actually groundbreaking. 

This is the ending for Batman that the character has wanted in nearly every incarnation. Its the ending the character deserves. So thank you to Christopher Nolan, for letting him have it.

Two old aged guys, one 70 and one 75, were sitting on a park bench one morning. 

The 75-year-old had just finished his morning jog and wasn’t even short of breath.The 70-year-old was amazed at the guy’s stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.The 75-year-old said, “well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you’ll have great stamina with the ladies.”

So, on the way home the 70-year-old stopped at the bakery. As he was looking around, the saleslady asked if he needed any help.
He said, “do you have any rye bread?”
She said, “yes, there’s a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?”
He said, “I want five loaves.”
She said, “my goodness, five loaves! By the time you get to the 3rd loaf, it’ll be hard.”

He replied, “I can’t believe everybody knows about this shit except me!?”

Oh man, do I have some truth for you.

I am 47 years old.
I am not Halle Berry.
I am freaking out.
He is happy as a pig in shit.
I just started a new job.
I thought I was premenopausal.
There’s only a ½ % chance of getting pregnant at my age.
I dreamt of a dark haired baby boy the other night, before I even realized I was late.
There’s a 75-80% chance of miscarriage at my age.
We’re not telling anyone until I hit the 3 month mark.
No congratulations on the Facebook please!
My due date is potentially January 1st.
I’ll be 68 when this kid turns 21.
I still have to have it validated by my doctor.
This blog may be taking a weird turn in the coming months