even if anger is my first ~feeling i am a person full of love i don't know what i'm saying but

  • John: Is there something you want to know, Merle?
  • Merle: *pauses* Yeah! There is something I would like to know. Are you my friend?
  • Griffin narrating John: The smile drops from his face, and he stands up and I think he reaches out his hand---with the fire---but he pulls it back down, and-uh-he kinda shakes his head and he says
  • John: What am I doing?
  • Griff: And he looks out the window for, like, a minute without talking... and he turns back to you and says
  • John: To, have friendship, Merle, it requires you to... Love someone and be invested in your shared happiness and these things, Merle, friendship and love and happiness.... They're -they're all so... Small. In the grand scheme of things, Merle, they last a second. And I just don't, *sighs*. What bring you happiness, Merle? I know that the game is over but... Wha-what brings you joy, Merle, please I- give me this freebie- I'm-just tell me.
  • Merle: What brings me joy.... is... Life. I think you've can find joy---anywhere, in life. I think it's a conscience choice. I think you- you choose joy. In life, and no matter how bad things are-no matter how crummy-no matter how dark.... You find joy. I found joy, honest to god, gettin' to know ya! I found joy playing chess with ya! I find joy in whatever I do! I don't always do things right 'nd I don't always do things smart, but whatever I do... I find joy in it, because at the end of the day, thats all ya got! You can always come back to the joy ya had, to the joy ya found, to the joy you gave other people!
  • Griff: Uhm, I think his back is turned to you for most of this as he just kinda looks out the window. He says
  • John: I think there was probably a time where I had joy- where I e-experienced fleeting happiness or anger or fear but god, it's just been so long. Merle, I... I used to spend my days considering the nature of time and existence- maybe that brought me joy, once, but unlike everybody else whoever thought about those questions, whoever pondered the meaning of it all... I, and you may find this hard to believe, but, I solved it, Merle, I saw the fullness of time. I- I pondered eternity and was the first person, and only person, to successfully visualize it's treacherous arch.
  • Griff: He sits back down-uh-across the chess board from you and he says
  • John: You're a man of the cloth, Merle, certainly you've wondered too about what awaits our conscienceness after death or-
  • Griff: and he laughs. He says
  • John: Perhaps for some people who think about it, ther-theres nothing but infinite oblivion that the eternal erasure of your conscienceness or-fo-for some it's eternal life and their god's glorious kingdom or eternal cycling through all the inhabitants of their world. Any of these options, Merle, any of them are just, i-erasure or contentment or revival. Any of those are fine as abstract concepts, but eternally, Merle. Eternally? You can't possibly conceive of the length of eternity, Merle. I have. It's maddening and hopeless, but it's this burden we're all saddeled with from the moment of our creation. it's a finishline that by it's definition will never arrive. It stretches forever and ever- it's too ambivilent to even taunt those trapped behind it. It is the cruel price of existence, Merle, and it is too horrible to bear, once you've seen it. Existence, Merle. LIFE, Merle! It's horrible... to exist. To live is... horrible.
  • Griff: And he, kind of, chuckles and he realizes he got a little carried away there.
  • Merle: I don't think I want to hang out with you anymore, John. I think I'm take off... and you can continue... wallowing in your sadness and your oblivion 'nd seein' nothin' but the negative and I'm gonna go on my way... and I tell you what! If we ever meet each other somewhere in infinity, you can apologize to me and tell me you were wrong.
  • Griff: He chuckles a little bit, and he turns towards you and he says-
  • John: I'm sorry you feel that way. You're the first person who I've, sorta, talked about this to who hasn't listened. There were... everyone listened, Merle. I'm not being hyperbolic. Every person in the world was swayed. I don't know why you're different... but everyone else listened. Everything! Everyone across out whole plane of existence, ou-our shared vexation, with life, covered the world like a blanket, and soon every bird in the sky and every tree and every forest and every blade of grass and grain of sand, shared our fury, and it wasn't long before... It changed us.
  • Griff: And I think as he's talking, Merle, you see this scene outside this constant orange sunset start to turn inky and black, with these colorful ribbons of light you've seen inside the hunger-so many times. And he says-
  • John: We changed our entire plane into something new all together. A single being fueled by discontentment, searching for something bigger than this existence. Regardless of the cost.
  • Griff: He turns towards you and he says-
  • John: You call us the Hunger. That's not entirely inaccurate, cause we are hungry, but it would be more accurate to simply call us dissatisfaction, but soon-
  • Griff: and he holds up his hand, and says-
  • John: You will call us Ascendant.
  • Merle: Well, we'll see. John? Thanks for the chess game and kiss my ass you sanctimonious bastard.
  • Griff: He frowns and says-
  • John: Huh. I feel sad.
  • Griff: And he kills you.

anonymous asked:

Is Noel ok? I've been seeing a lot of people posting that he looks sad and bored and that his paintings are all full of anger and depression and that he's looking thin. It's making me worried for him, has something happened that the fandom knows that I don't?

Oh blimey - we are probably causing a bit of a stir with some of the things we’re posting aren’t we.  I’m going to call on yeahwehadatime heartrachel peacockbluey iwatch-thebees (and anyone else) to help with this one please.

I’m not sure about the thin thing.  I did see the post about his legs.  His body shape has changed (of course) from however many years ago.  Was anyone saying that he’s looking thin? If so I missed that.  I’ve not really been thinking that at all.

Hmm, now the other bit.  I think I’m just going to state my own opinion and let everyone have theirs.  My opinion is based on NO FACTS coming out of the Noely camp.  It is simply this.  We worry about him all the time.  Never in all my years have I come across a person, a famous person, who wears his heart on his sleeve like he does.  He has always been so candid - in interviews etc - and so giving and willing to share with his fans.  So therefore every word he says, every action and every painting we understandably ‘read’ as his current mood.  And yes, it has to be said that he hasn’t seemed quite his old self.  Are we over worrying?  Quite possibly yes.  But worry we will.  

To me there are three things going on.  Him putting himself down all the time, his ‘less smiley/tired/quiteness’ on Buzzcocks/in interviews etc and the subject matter in his painting.  I’m only going to comment on the first at the mo - his constant putting himself down and belittling either his own intelligence/talent etc.  He had fun with it in ‘Tales LuxCom’ with the likes of only viewer and trying to be cool and fantasy block but now it seems to be wearing on him a bit.  And it’s wearing on us too because we want to shake him and hug him and tell him he’s great, but we can’t.  Well we can and we can’t.  I’m not sure how many of us saying it is enough.  I mean his live shows are/have sold out and he’s been getting rave reviews, but still it’s like he’s not believing it or maybe not quite feeling it somehow.  I guess it’s not much different to many of you guys when you post art or fic and then question it and run away from it and apologise for it (which is totally fine and I am so not judging!).  We rally around and tell you it’s great (because normally it is, it really, really is!) and you thank us for the support and compliments, but then the very next time you do it again.  It’s because you’re all modest lovelies who are a bit shy and embarrassed, but who desperately want to share your works with a larger audience.  Noel’s doing the exact same thing, just on a bigger scale, and he has to deal with the world outside of his fandom too.  I think being a comedian is one of the bravest jobs in the world, I really do, and displaying your art in public - you’re going to question that constantly aren’t you?  We can tell him it’s brave and beautiful and brilliant but he will still think it’s fool-hardy and ridiculous and what on earth is his stuff doing in the Royal Albert Hall of all places - I mean that’s crazy right - people with bowties and tickets to piano recitals are going to see it - they’re going to hate it.  (That’s what I imagine his head is full of anyway). And yet he does it anyway because he’s a risk-taker and a maverick and probably because someone asked him to and he’s a pleaser. It’s like what he’s always done with opening dates to things, when he says he thinks something is opening on this day/at this time - like he’s not quite sure.  He did it through Boosh, with his LuxCom - you know on TV interviews - and he’s just done it on Twitter with this show. It’s a - ‘defence’ thing is not the right word - but it’s a soft invite, kind of bashful - the equivalent of hiding behind your fringe.  I think it is a little bit English as well - as stereotypical as that sounds we do have a tendency to apologise before, you know, we invade a country or the like. ;)  Anyway he always does it.  

I need to hand over to someone else now because I’m already rambling.  I’ve got too many thoughts in my head to get out and will end up writing an essay. Bluey help??? ….. 

anonymous asked:

Hi, Gabi! I don't wanna stir drama or anything, don't publish this, please, but I just wanted to say that I kinda get it how the blogger who trash talked L and today is saying they love him. Like, I'm a harrie larrie and H's stunts affect me emotionally more than L's (unless it's bg, this shit is the worst (tm)). When yachtgate happened I was so freaking mad at him, at everything, really. I knew it was all a show, but I couldn't contain it. And I think it was just an emotion for the moment, (1)

after the shitshow was over I was much better and still loved him, so… It was just something that messed up with my mind (and I still feel sick whenever that days or Kendall are mentioned, but alas). I can’t talk for the people who said these things about L and I’m not saying they were right to do what they did, but I guess it was just a thing for the moment and what L did today was really great, it brought hope again to lots of people, it lift the mood of the fandom. (2)

Of course he didn’t need to do anything, even if he didn’t do this to reassure us. Times are really hard in the fandom, and I think it’s normal to react like this when it gets too much in tour head, I know I’ve done it, so… And most important, I have to say that I’m sorry you get shit for staying positive and I really appreciate your lightness, stay awesome, Gabi! <3 (3) 

——————

Hi there, you asked me not to publish this but as you were on anon and I think you touched a subject that would be important to discuss, I am going to address it and I am going to answer this as an adult person and not as a Larrie. 

I think it is normal to be affected by events, some more than others, and I am not going to say you can’t be affected because that is bs, we are all invested in HL, some more than others, but I think this anger comes from the frustration of not understanding what is happening. And that comes from the constant need of wanting to BE IN THE KNOW, because people are used to being in the know in the past, they are used to seeing through the transparency, they are used to patterns, they are used to the repetition of stunts and events. But the thing is: there is no transparency anymore, at least not like before. The update accounts are absolutely totally out of the loop and no one knows anything.

They are with a new management now, they are getting actual advice and actual protection (and yes i refer to Louis now, because we have NO IDEA how bad babygate would have turned if it was not for the new team protecting Louis. Otherwise we would have had:

  • Media not mocking and treating it as a joke
  • active participation from the band members
  • no Larry mention and no pregnant Harry manip,
  • a promised baby shower,
  • engagement,
  • several romantic pap walks together,
  • a full spread photoshoot,
  • rep statements,
  • threatening with lawsuit for the fake baby claims
  • etc etc

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