ettiquette

Alright nerds, today we are going to discuss headphone etiquette.

You walk into your favorite hang out joint and you see a dear friend. How grand! However, you see their headphones are in use and you have not the slightest clue how to approach them. Here is a helpful guide on how to decipher the code.

Both headphones on/earbuds in: Leave them alone, especially if they are hunched over a laptop, a book or their phone. This means they do not want to be disturbed. It is okay to give a small wave, head tilt or smile as acknowledgement.

One earbud is out: This means said person is listening out for something and not fully engaged with what is being listened to. You may approach, but watch for body language that says ‘leave me alone’. Examples are: crossed arms, little to no eye contact, short one word answers.

Headphones/earbuds out: You may approach! This one is not enjoying music/audio books on their device currently, and it is deemed okay to talk to said person.

Note: If someone sees you, and takes off their music delivering device from their head, that means they desire to talk to you! Smile, and enjoy a lovely conversation.

You taking off my headphones/earbuds: Run. Because no jury will convict me.

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Chaotic good

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This is the most “Chaotic Neutral” man I’ve ever seen in my entire life.

Client Etiquette: First Contact

If you’re planning on seeing a provider, you’ll have to contact them first. Many providers, including myself, have multiple acceptable forms of communication (email, text, as site inbox, etc) listed prominently in multiple places. This means they can get a lot of contacts in a very short period of time. Here’s a few tips for how to make sure you get a response.

1. Tell me who you are. Whether you text, email, call or whatever, tell me who you are. A nick name or user handle is great; it doesn’t have to be a legal name. For instance: “Hi, this is PapaBear from ECCIE…” maybe you’re not ready for a name exchange or you don’t have a user name. That’s also cool. For instance: “Hi, I saw your ad on BoyToy…” IF YOU CALL
MY PHONE and I don’t answer, it’s probably because I can’t at that moment. Maybe I’m actually busy, or driving, or in public, or around my parents. If I don’t know who you are already, I don’t know what you’re going to say when I answer. Not picking up doesn’t mean I’m ignoring you; it means I can’t answer the phone. Leave me a message and I can get back to you. Being angry that I didn’t answer or call you back if you didn’t leave me any information about who you are makes you look like an assbutt. Here’s a thought: use text. If you text, I can respond fairly quickly unless I’m driving. It doesn’t matter if I’m in public or having brunch with Aunt Eunice. I can also text you back at my convenience without having to play phone tag. I have better things to do with my day.

2. Tell me what you want. The single most irritating thing to see in my inbox is “Hi :)” with literally nothing else. For all I know you’re a three year old who managed to punch enough buttons to send a text. Tell me what you want. For instance “Hi, this is Derrick. I saw your ad on Back Page and was hoping I could see you.” This gives me somewhere to take a conversation. I can move on to important leading questions like “are you interested in an incall or an outcall” or “are you looking for a half hour or full hour session”. An even better contact might be “Hi, my name’s Jacob. I saw your ad on Slixa and I’d love to have you come visit me for an hour or so.” See, now I don’t have to do the leading questions thing because I already know you’re interested in a one hour outcalls. Sending me vague messages with no context is wasting my time. Even if I don’t respond to your smiley, it’s still taken me the 3 seconds to open the message and process that you’re an idiot.

3. Don’t mention money. Unless you are seeking a provider in Vegas, you should probably know that soliciting sex for money is illegal. That’s why ads have suggested “donation rates” or “contributions”. If you do want to ask about rates for something that isn’t listed, ask how many roses would be requested, or state what you’re looking for and follow it with an innocuous question like “what’s your student loan payment”. It doesn’t really matter how you say it as long as it doesn’t sound like “how much money am I giving you to blow me”…because you’re not paying a provider for a sex act. You’re either paying for their company or giving them a gift. In fact many hobbyists leave their donations in something like a birthday or thank you card. I have one client who makes a point to say “I hope this helps with your student loans”, in part because that’s a verbal acknowledgment that he’s not paying me and because he knows I have a shit ton of student loans.

4. If you want a provider to take you seriously as a client, act like a serious client. Your first contact should not devolve into phone sex. Again, you’re not trading money for a sex act, so don’t talk to or about your provider like you are. It’s why providers say things like “I’d love to play” or “I can’t wait to see you” instead of “when can we fuck”. If you want a cheap thrill, have a one night stand. While many escorts do have wild and crazy fun with their clients, they are still classy and professional in their demeanour and presentation. You probably should be too.

anonymous asked:

Hi! I was wondering if you could educate me in theater etiquette? I got a ticket to see Hamilton here in LA. This will be the first theater production I've ever seen and was hoping you could tell me what are the do's and don'ts when watching. I don't want to ruin the experience for anyone else or disrespect anyone there! Thank you for any help!

Gasp! Hello anon! 

Dos:

  • Arrive early to the performance! When I saw Hamilton in NYC, I got to the theatre about 45 minutes before, because the audience volume is high, I knew I wanted merch, and I wanted to get a drink before the show. You should aim to be in your seat at least ten minutes before the show starts (which will typically be 2-3 minutes after curtain time is listed) so you can relax and not disturb others! 
  • Be nice to the ushers! Not only does this make their stressful night easier, but if you get the chance and they aren’t super swamped, they usually have amazing stories! 
  • Dress nicely. You don’t have to wear a formal gown or anything, but it’s a show! It’s special! It’s Hamilton!! When I saw it I wore a t-shirt swing dress and Keds. 
  • Clap and show appreciation!! ‘Alexander Hamilton’ is staged in such a way where entrance applause flows nicely, and there is a moment blocked to appreciate Ham himself. Cheer after ‘immigrants, we get the job done’ and yell during the Cabinet Battles! Show your love! Stand at the end!
  • Turn off your cell phone. OFF.  Apart from being hella rude and distracting to you and your fellow audience members, the actors can see every phone from the stage. Not the way to help them focus. Also, silent isn’t enough. The wireless signal MAY mess with the mic system, and while each actor has a backup mic too, you don’t want the sound techs to have to use them!
  • Pee before the show. Being that person who has to shuffle past a whole row is never fun, and bathroom breaks are the whole reason intermissions exist (that and to sell people stuff). If you don’t have to before, at least try to figure out where the bathroom is exactly, for quicker intermission pee times.
  • If you can, use cash for drinks and merch, it just speeds things up! 
  • Bring Kleenex. We know this show; you’ll need them.
  • Stage-door! Ask an usher where to go to do this after and you can meet some of the cast! But if you do, respect the cast as humans and know they may not stage-door. If they do, be nice and thankful, as they are in no way obligated to do this and are typically taking time out of going home to say hi and take pictures!! 

Dont’s:

  • SING ALONG. You are 100% okay to mouth the words, or do little chair-dances, but singing is not cool. People didn’t pay hundreds of dollars to hear your version of “Satisfied,” they wanna hear the contracted, Equity performer (Emmy, in all likelihood). 
  • Take pictures/audio recording/video recording. It’s not worth getting caught and kicked out of your first show over. People who bootleg are kind of pros at it, and you should focus wholly on living in that show’s world for the 3 hours you get to. Pictures of the set before the show (WITHOUT FLASH) are cool though! 
  • Rifle through your purse through the show. It’s louder than you think (I’ve been guilty of this before and only recently realized how annoying it is!) 
  • eat a fucking meal. Absolutely take advantage of the concession that most theatres have if you want to, but try to be respectful. If you get candy in a wrapper, unwrap it before the orchestra starts or during intermission, and try to get something quiet. And save the chewing for the louder bits! 
  • Talk. Intermission and post-show are perfect for this, and talking during the show just disrupts the people around you.